This might be the wrong place, but I struggle with a lot of body image issues (I'm over 400lbs) and was recently a virgin up until thanksgiving (I'm 31, lol); and the guy I'm sleeping with doesn't touch my body - we have sex, but it's very mechanical, and there's no foreplay. So I'm wondering if any of your followers have a good way to suggest communication about this? Basically how do I tell him I want him to eat my pussy and manhandle my fat.
Communication about sex AND during sex is very important. Maybe they don’t know how fat bodies work? Maybe they are shy to ask?
Many people, especially cis males expect to receive oral sex but refuse to give it to people with a vagina. It is a common thing of sexism and male entitlement.
It is critical that you both talk about all this stuff. And ultimately it is important to know the question everyone is afraid of: do they like my body or not?
Because if they don’t you need to get them out of your life asap. If they do then there are many things to work out in there.
Foreplay is not just important. Foreplay IS what human sex is about. It is what makes human sex so enjoyable for everyone involved and not just for the one getting a quick gratification from it.
- mod Guillermo
So it’s 2am and probably no one is going to see this, but here we go.
I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m a guy with pretty bad body image issues. It’s pretty much a constant internal roast sesh about myself. If I’m not wearing something baggy, I can’t stop thinking about how people might be judging me for my body. If I wear something baggy, I think I am being judged for my outfits. I pretty much go back and forth between overeating and starving myself. And it fucking sucks.
I am constantly sucking in my gut, even though no one has commented on my gut once in YEARS. But beyond that, I keep thinking about how I need more muscles or to fix my stance or the way I sit or basically any aspect of how I present my body.
I don’t feel like enough attention is being paid to male body image issues and eating disorders in guys. While definitely more common in girls, the fact that these issues affect a sizable number of guys too is always a footnote in these discussions and that is inadequate.
Also, a lot of my friends are straight girls, and a lot of the time when we hang out they start to talk to each other about hot guys and share pics of guys… not a one of them ever looks like me, and it feels bad. Straight guys do this to their female friends too, not trying to disregard that. Just saying that it’s a behavior that everyone should be aware of.
And I feel whiny talking about this, even though I shouldn’t. And I don’t think I have a point. I guess my point is twofold.
Guys with body image issues, you are a cutie and I’m sorry no one ever compliments boys.
And to everyone: don’t promote body image if you aren’t willing to promote it for guys too. And compliment your male friends sometimes. Guys need to start complimenting each other too.
I was thinking about Yuri’s weight issues in the first couple of episodes of Yuri on Ice. When I was watching the show with @cassandrexx she commented with surprise on how quickly Yuri lost the weight and it’s true. Given what we see in the first episode, one would expect it to take a lot longer to get down to what Victor deems acceptable (and weight loss that fast would be seriously unhealthy).
But the thing is, Yuri’s appearance alters dramatically, sometimes from shot to shot. For example, there’s a shot of Yuri exercising in episode 1:
A few seconds later, the angle changes and we see him from the back.
He looks considerably thinner in the second shot. Now this could be put down to inconsistencies in the animation (there’s a moment in the airport scene in a later episode when Yuri’s coat changes colour, so the show doesn’t always get it perfectly right), but the thing is, we know Yuri is an unreliable narrator with a heap of self-esteem issues. What if his perception of his weight - and subsequently his appearance in the animation, fluctuates based on his mood?
For example, when Minako first brings up Yuri’s weight, his stomach is bulging out of his shirt:
He’s feeling really self-conscious and when his weight is brought up, he feels huge and his perception of himself changes.
A few minutes later, when he’s discussing other subjects with his sister, the weight isn’t nearly so obvious: He’s still got a bulge to his stomach, but it’s nothing like the picture above.
When he goes to skate, he’s focusing on the program and there’s no stomach bulge:
Even when we see him from the side:
Then, a few minutes later, Takeshi shows up and comments on Yuri’s weight, and we get this:
Either that t-shirt was really holding in his stomach, or the comments made him feel fat again, and thus it translated onto the screen.
Similarly, when Victor talks about Yuri’s weight in episode 2, Yuri’s stomach instantly shoots out when Victor mentions his weight. It’s possible that Yuri was trying to hold in his gut and couldn’t manage it anymore, but I like the interpretation that Yuri’s image on screen is based on his perception of himself.
I have no idea if this was the intention of the creators, but as someone who’s had serious weight-related issues for more than half my life, I like the idea that the show is presenting us with Yuri’s body dysmorphia.
Submit your questions for a new Issue Time on transgender body positivity!
You can submit questions here until Wednesday 2/22. Answers will be posted on Refinery29′s tumblr Saturday 2/25. Anyone is welcome to participate, but we especially want to help transgender and nonbinary people of all genders.
And now, meet our panelists…
Rylan Jay Testa, Ph.D., Psychology Professor
Dr. Rylan Jay Testa is an Assistant Professor in the Psychology Department at Rhodes College and the Director of the Health Behavior and Disparities Lab. Dr. Testa is a clinical psychologist and transgender man whose research focuses on understanding and preventing self-destructive health-related behaviors, such as suicide, eating disorders, and substance abuse in marginalized communities.
Daniel Friedman, Founder of Bindle & Keep
Daniel Friedman is founder of Bindle & Keep, a NYC-based custom suit company serving all gender identities. He also costars in the HBO film SUITED which follows the stories of five gender nonconforming people in their journey to wear clothes that accurately reflect the way they feel.
Justice Roe Williams, Executive Director of BodyImage4Justice & Fitness Coach for JusticeBodies
Justice Roe Williams is a published poet originally from Atlantic City, New Jersey. He is a founding Director of BodyImage4Justice (BI4J), an holistic wellness and fitness program for the LGBTQ community that primarily focuses on Trans Bodies. Prior to his work at BI4J, Justice organized to free political prisoners for low income communities and young people in the South End, Dorchester, Jamaica Plain and Roxbury areas of Boston.
Aydian Dowling, CEO of Point5cc and Point of Pride
Aydian Dowling is a Transgender Activist and Entrepreneur, owner of Point5cc Clothing and President/Founder of Point of Pride, Non Profit. Aydian has documented his transition since 2009 via his Youtube Channel, ALionsFears, and is most commonly known to be the first Transgender Man on the cover of the worlds biggest mens magazine, Men’s Health.
Precious Davis, Diversity & Inclusion at Columbia College Chicago and LGBTQ Activist
Precious Davis is lauded nationally as an award winning diversity professional, social justice facilitator, and educator. She currently is the Assistant Director of Diversity Recruitment Initiatives at Columbia College Chicago, her alma mater from which she received a BA in Liberal Arts. Precious currently implements and oversees the Campus Wide Diversity Initiative and is the first woman of color to hold this position.
Davis finds deep meaning in engaging individuals in conversations surrounding bias, bigotry, and prejudice in their communities on the basis and belief that humans can coexist with one another positively through the embracing of each other’s differences and the celebrating of each others human diversity. With over 15 years of diversity training, leadership development, and social justice education experience Precious is a highly demanded speaker and panelist who has been featured at: The University of Chicago, Northwestern University, The Museum of Contemporary Art Chicago, The University of Michigan, The Chicago Community Trust, Reed College, Hampshire College, and Loyola University Chicago.
It seemed fitting to pull out my old Fanders Army shirt after @thatsthat24 ‘s latest vlog (so fitting to the point whee the moment I got out of class I was running to my car to grab my selfie stick and taking these pictures on the field like a weirdo). And I’ve decided to open up about my own struggles with my body image.
I’ve been overweight for a good portion of my life. I’m still learning how to love my body for what it is. There had been days where I full on broke down because I hated what I saw in the mirror. I’d cry at least twice a week alone in my room because I didn’t think I was beautiful or could ever actually be loved. I was hardly ever content with the way my face looked or my hair length/style. Admittedly, there were some pretty dark thoughts because of these views, but that’s a different story.
It’s been a process, but it’s getting easier to accept myself for who I am. I take a lot of selfies (some would joke I take too many) to force myself to really look at my face and find features that I like (like my eyes look good with this color shirt or that smile looks cute in this photo, etc). I have fun changing my hair color every few months (right now I’m in the Nymphadora Tonks stage of my hair adventure), I do my makeup a different color scheme each day so I can feel like I’m some sort of new painting everyday. I’ve been taking more photos that include my stomach, even though that’s where the majority of my body fat is. I now have three tattoos, two of which are reminders to myself that no matter what my brain tries to tell me: it’s worth it to love myself and to enjoy the life I have, and that the only sharp objects that should ever touch my skin are the ones used to make permanent works of art.
There’s still some bad days, don’t get me wrong. But I’ve come to realize that the people I choose to surround myself with love me for who I am, and that’s what truly matters.
So thank you, Thomas, for speaking out about a very important topic, and for constantly bringing a smile to my face even when I’m at my lowest.
I was way older than I should have been before I realized I shouldn’t be embarrassed by or try to hide the tampons in my shopping cart. I didn’t want others to be uncomfortable. But no one would consider hiding their deodorant. Their shampoo. Or most other body care items.
I’m a woman and I can’t help this body function any more than anyone can help having a normal body function. I shouldn’t be ashamed by it.