Pairing: steve x reader, avengers x reader
Summary: you have always been the strong one. You hide your emotions, your insecurities so well no one can tell when you are breaking apart.
Author’s Note: it is a short one I wrote. I wrote this one shot based on how these things affect me and how my panic attacks are like. It’s sad and gloomy in the beginning but is fluffy in the end. Hope you like it!
Warnings: self-depreciation, self-loathing, anxiety, body image issues
Trigger Warnings: anxiety, bad body image, mentions of bullying, panic attack.
Word Count: 1278
You were an avenger, one among earth’s mightiest heroes. You may have become a hero now but you were only human after all. Other than the villains you fought every now and then you had your own demons to keep locked up for you could never defeat them. You were taught from the beginning that you weren’t beautiful. They told you that you were ugly, fat and unworthy. You still had it engraved on your mind. those kids, your father after drinking and your relatives called you those beautiful things that have forever stayed in your heart like nails and knives. These memories weren’t something you would come across every day; it was how they taught you that nothing in this world could make you good enough. You had accepted it. You smiled every day and carried on; showed that their words didn’t affect you in any manner even when they would hurt like hell.
You had not had these thoughts after joining the avengers. They thought of you as a person who was good with every weapon and fighting move and who made everyone laugh by making fun of herself and never being mean. You had a hairline fracture in your leg and were advised to rest. You were all alone in the tower sitting in your room thinking. ‘it was my mistake the mission didn’t go well.’ You thought.
It wasn’t true. You had estimated the number of hydra agents wrong and they had attacked you at once.
‘those innocent people died because of me.’ Breathing becoming uneasy and your heart beat racing. Every single demon of yours was loose now. Every word of theirs attacked you once again. You were caught in that loop again. It was like being in the swamp you couldn’t help but struggle to get out; but it only worsened the situation. Tears were threatening to spill; the dam was getting weaker.
‘I will never be as good as them.’ Your mind screamed ‘I won’t ever be as attractive, as powerful or as worthy.’ With that you broke ‘the warrior’s code’ to never cry. You could not help it, all the tears you had ever held were now flowing the dam had broken. Maybe that’s what crying a river meant. You still wouldn’t scream or make any noise. You just clutched your hair and bawled your eyes out.Then your door flew open.
‘hey (y/n)! we finished our mission early and I wanted surprise you-‘Steve stopped mid-sentence when he saw your condition. Your eyes were red and your cheeks tear stained. Your hair messy and your face red due to excessive crying. The scene of you, out of all people crying, crumbled his heart. Before he could say anything, you stood in front of him, pain written on your face and reflecting in his eyes. You shed another tear and hugged him tightly. He raised his hands to hug you back but you stopped him.
‘don’t hug back. Please. I don’t deserve it.’ You said with a pained, weak voice. He held his arms from you for a while but hugged you tightly and rubbed your back. ‘you deserve everything this world can offer.’ He said in soothing voice and closed the door behind him.
You pulled back and he cupped your face, wiping the tears with the pads of his thumbs. ‘you wanna talk about it? Even if you don’t want to I’ll respect that.’ He said sitting down with you. ‘I am not good enough, steve. Nor am I that strong. I am worthless. I am weak.’ You spat the word out like it was poison on your tongue. ‘You are the strongest, kindest most beautiful person I know.’ He held your hands. ‘who told you all that?’ he asked. You gave him a pained smiled. ‘everyone’ your voice barely above a whisper. That broke his heart. He blamed himself for never sensing your pain, for not understanding why you always made fun of yourself or why you laughed so much even on little things.
‘it doesn’t matter who called you what in the past. Its what people think of you today that counts.’ he looked in your eyes. ‘we all love you, okay?’ he said and you looked at him. ‘I love you.’ he said and you were caught by surprise. ‘are you lying to comfort me?’ you said in a dead panned tone. ‘no! I even brought you flowers they are lying outside, i am telling you what’s true.’ His eyes seemed like he was telling the truth. You blinked and looked at him, you were in a loss of words. ‘wait’ he said and exited your room. He came back with a red rose bouquet with a note on it. ‘now do you believe me?’ he asked. You smiled and nodded. He gave you the bouquet and grinned. ‘now, come with me. I want to prove something.’ He grabbed your hand and took you to the common room where everyone was.
‘hey guys! Leave everything! Its important!’ he tried getting the tired heroes’ attention. ‘did you finally tell her?’ wanda asked. Everyone looked in your direction. Their expression changed when they saw your face.
‘are you alright (y/n)?’ peitro stood by your side and asked with concern. You nodded. ‘no, she is not.’ Steve declared. ‘okay, now you are scaring us, cap.’ Natasha got up from her chair. ‘yeah, you look like you’ve been crying.’ Clint looked at you. ‘alright, what do you love about (y/n) natasha?’ steve looked at her. She thought for a while.
‘she is very determined and brave and gets what she wants.’ She smiled at you. ‘what about you clint?’ steve looked at him.
‘she is always willing to help no matter what.’ He replied.
‘ooh, my turn,’ tony got up faced and you. ‘she is very thoughtful! She even got me this ring just because it reminded her of me.’ He showed everyone the ring proudly. ‘and she has very beautiful eyes.’ He winked and grinned which made you smile.
‘I got one!’ Pietro jumped. ‘she is very talented and her smile makes the whole room bright!’ he said with a proud look.
‘she can make anyone laugh even if they don’t want to.’ Sam put an arm around your shoulder and smiled.
‘lady (y/n) is a warrior. She is sweet with the worthy and no one can save the one she is bitter with.’ Thor understood what was going on and chimed in, you were now grinning ear to ear.
‘she is cute but dangerous.’ Bruce gave you a small smile. everyone including you chuckled. ‘she is also very humble.’ He finished.
‘she has great hair and always spoils us by giving us something or the other. No matter how big or small.’ Wanda stood next to you and faced everyone. ‘agreed’ everyone said in unison.
‘she is very kind.’ Bucky smiled. ‘she treats me like everyone and… has one hell of an aim!’ He said.
Wanda whispered something in vision’s ears and nudged him. ‘she explains me things I do not understand.’ He said.
‘well that’s … something.’ Clint said. ‘look how he has grown!’ tony wipped a fake tear and everyone laughed.
‘what about you steve?’ bucky said keeping a hand on steve’s shoulder.
‘she is amazing and no words can explain how much I adore her.’ He locked his eyes with you. ‘you’re beautiful.’ He said and hugged you.
‘group hug!’ someone shouted and all the avengers eloped you in a big hug.
‘I am not hugging bird brain.’ Bucky muttered. ‘you had to ruin it.’ steve lightly punched him on the shoulder.
‘I love you guys.’ You said for the first time. ‘so do we.’ Tony said and everyone nodded
I hope you liked it!