It's been hard...
My aunt is so, so sick and the worldly part of me is saying, “she’s not going to make it, just face it” but the faithful part of me says,“God is good no matter what the outcome. hold onto hope”.
I’m too anxious in hospitals as it is, and she’s the first person, I’m actually close to, who’s been this sick. I visited her a few weeks ago and she was only hooked up to a breathing machine, and my hands shook and my breathing was shallow and my voice cracked. I just don’t want her to be scared. I don’t want her to feel alone. I just want her to be happy and get better, now.
Also. In much less important news–actually important to me news–I’ve been battling with body image issues. I’ve never been good with weight loss, but I want to be healthy. I’m just feeling so uncomfortable in my skin lately. I want to hide my not-even-close-to-being-toned tummy and I cringe when I see the excess flab on my thighs. The other day I stupidly asked my mom if she thought I was losing weight to which she replied, “do you want my honest opinion?” No. “I think you’ve put on weight.” Ugh. Of course. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror today without saying to myself, “I hate my body”. And the scary thing was, I meant it with my whole being.
I’ve been going to the gym, although admittedly not as often as earlier in the year. I go to two yoga classes a month, and try to throw in at least one day of cardio (which I despise…kinda). I know it’s not much, especially to get results, but it’s just been a lot to go to work and sit through an hour of traffic (one hour there and one hour back) and then do a session of cardio when I don’t even know what the hell I’m doing.
Anyway, long story short–I’ve been in a bit of a funk. Please pray for my auntie Leila. And if you have it in you, please pray for me too.