body inked

dear tired & worn body;

i am sorry i hate you

i hope to love you more than just a shell
i hope you become something i cherish
i hope you forgive me for hurting you

i am sorry for taking blades to you
& shredding you into worthlessness
i am sorry for smoking cigarettes
& inhaling my misery with tar
i am sorry for not eating healthy or correctly
& smothering you in fatty foods & lazy days
i am sorry for not strengthening you
& leaving you limp & useless
i am sorry for wanting to tear you apart
& to throw you away with the rest of my mind
i am sorry for confusing you
& wishing you were something you’re not

i am sorry i hate you

i promise someday i’ll take care of you
i promise to stop crying every time i look in the mirror
i promise to forgive you for the scars on my face
i promise to let go of the hateful words i’ve heard all my life
i promise to love you more than just a shell

twelve step program / making amends / letter ten

ENG: The more I make Nina look like a  “swag is for boys, class is for men” bro, the prouder I get.

[Description: an inked drawing of Nina, from Theurgy comic. She’s wearing a button up shirt, suspenders, pants, and her classical bow and brooch. Her hair is ruffled. She’s seen from the hips up, arms crossed, holding a cigarette. ]

ESP: Cuanto más hago parecer a Nina un chabóncete de esos que se hacen los elegantes, mayor mi orgullo.

[Descripción: un dibujo en tinta de Nina, del comic Teurgia. Está usando una camisa, tiradores, pantalones, y su clásico moño con broche. Su cabello está revuelto. Se la ve de la cadera para arriba, con los brazos cruzados, fumando un cigarrillo.] 

you’ve stopped saying i love you to me every night, like you used to before. should i be worried that you don’t love me anymore or is it once again my fear talking. its ironical how i used to tell my friends to believe in actions and not words but i find myself wondering why you have stopped saying those words. i find myself wondering what could i have done wrong. i know what i could have done wrong. but how can three words have the power to make someone feel miserable about themselves in seconds, but how can three words have power to make someone feel alive in seconds. but how can these three words change someone’s life in seconds.
—  i l y// nikitagupta