body flight

What is autism?

Autism is a natural variation of human neurology which is categorized as a developmental disability. About 1% of the worlds population is autistic. Autism is a lifelong condition meaning that autistic people are born autistic and that they will die autistic. You cannot “catch autism” or “become autistic” like you can risk becoming mentally or physically ill - neither vaccines or heavy metals or gluten will make you autistic if you aren’t born with it. You also can’t cure autism or recover from it - but all autistic people can live fulfilling, happy lives with the right accommodations so an autism diagnosis isn’t the death sentence that many people make it out to be. Autism isn’t a diagnosis which can be clearly separated from who you are and how you see the world - it affects every aspect about of how you think about, experience and interact with the world around you. There are many different aspects of being autistic which makes it hard to summarize the condition, but I’ll do my best to introduce you to some of the common autistic traits and experiences in this post.

  • Sensory processing. Autistic people’s sensory processing is different from most people’s sensory processing. This means that autistic people may be over- or undersensitive to different sensory input. This means that we may have trouble with sounds, touches, smells, tastes, etc that most people can easily tolerate or block out or that we may seek out loud music, blinking lights, bright colors, spicy food, strong smells and activities which provide physical activity and deep pressure. Many autistic people lack the filter that most people have which makes them able to block out background sounds, meaning that the ticking of a clock, the buzzing from a lamp or two people having a conversation nearby might make us unable to focus on what we’re supposed to be focusing on. This means that many autistic people will have trouble focusing in situations with lots of sensory input, for example situations where many people are gathered together, and that we are more easily overwhelmed and stressed out by different sensory input than allistic (non-autistc) people. 
  • Stimming. Stimming is short for self-stimulatory behavior, meaning a behavior which is meant to stimulate one of your senses. Some common stims are rocking back and forth, bouncing your legs or feet, hand flapping, hand wringing and repeating words and sentences, but a stim can be any kind of repeated movement or action which stimulates one of your senses. Stimming can thus be many different things - you can stim by smelling, touching, watching, moving, tasting and listening. The reason why autistic people stim is tied up in the fact that autistic people’s sensory processing tend to be atypical - when there’s a lot of overwhelming, stressing sensory input, providing your own repeated sensory input by listening to a song on repeat or rocking back or forth or smelling something you like the smell of may help you focus and calm down. Autistic people also stim to express emotions - it’s a natural part of our body language just like smiling or frowning is a natural part of most people’s body language. We may jump up and down and flap our hands when excited where most people would simply smile, or we may rock back and forth and press our hands against our faces where other people would cry. That being said, an autistic person doesn’t need a certain, deep reason for stimming - we often do it simply because it’s fun and because it feels good. 
  • Shutdowns and meltdowns. Shutdowns and meltdowns are both responses to extreme distress - they’re often caused by unpleasant, overwhelming sensory input that the autistic person in question is unable to escape, but they can also be caused by strong negative emotions. A meltdown is an outward reaction to said distress where a shutdown is an inwards reaction. An autistic person having a meltdown is a person who has reached a point where they are no longer in control of their own body - they’re experiencing an flight or fight response, so to say. An autistic person may scream, lash out, cry, smash things and run away during a meltdown. Shutdowns are another possible response to a similar situation - during those, the autistic person may become unresponsive, locked in place, unable to talk, etc. You should never get mad at autistic people or hold them responsible for having meltdowns and shutdowns - they’ve reached a place where they’re so distressed that they’re losing control of themselves and instead of distressing them further, you should help them escape or resolve what’s causing the distress - after you have given them plenty of time to calm down and recover, that is.
  • Trouble with non-verbal communication such as body language, facial expressions and tone of voice. Autism is a disability which affects communication and the ability to socialize, meaning that autistic people may have trouble reading, using and comprehending body language, facial expressions and tone of voice just like they may have trouble learning, conforming to and applying social rules. We may not be able to take a hint that someone’s not interested in talking to us just like we may not notice when someone’s interested in us romantically or sexually. We have trouble noticing when other people are bored or tired or sad or angry and we might thus often come across as uncaring or annoying in social situations. Our trouble with reading other people and seeing the nuance in their body language, facial expressions and tone of voice also means that many autistic people have trouble grasping sarcasm, irony and metaphors. 
  • Trouble with words and speech. Most autistic people have some degree of trouble with expressing their thoughts and opinions through spoken words.This is because most of us don’t naturally think in words - we may experience, think about and process the world around us in pictures or sensory experiences and we may thus have trouble transforming those input and experiences into words. We may also have trouble with the process of speaking, not because there’s something physically wrong with us but because we can have trouble with making our throats and mouths pronounce the words or because we may have trouble with going from thinking a word to succeeding with the process of actually saying it out loud. It’s common for autistic people to have periods where they aren’t able to speak - we call it going nonverbal - and some autistic people can’t speak at all. That doesn’t mean that they can’t think or communicate, though - they may instead communicate via written words, text to speech apps, facilitated typing, sign language, picture boards, etc.
  • Executive dysfunction. Executive functioning is what allows us to go from thinking about or wanting to do something to actually doing it, it’s what makes us able to keep the different steps required to complete a task straight in our heads and it’s what makes us able to plan and focus on different tasks. Autistic people often have trouble with executive functioning which makes many everyday tasks that most people can just do without thinking twice about it really hard. Imagine that you want to do laundry but your brain doesn’t automatically come up with the steps required to complete the task - take the laundry basket to the washing machine, open the washing machine, put clothes into the washing machine, add soap, etc - instead you’re just standing there, knowing that you somehow have to go from dirty laundry to clean clothes without knowing how to go about it. This is a problem for many autistic people which makes many everyday tasks hard or impossible to do without help. We may need someone to prompt us to do what we need to do or we may need someone to talk us through the steps or we may need visual or written instructions which illustrate the steps required to complete a certain task. Executive dysfunction is the main reason why many autistic people have trouble with basic, everyday tasks that most people their age can easily do without help.
  • Special interests. Many autistic people have a topic or a thing that they’re deeply, passionately interested in. Some autistic people compare having a special interest to being in love - it’s what your mind drifts to when there’s nothing else to occupy it, it’s the only thing you want to talk about, it’s the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning and it’s the last thing you think of before you fall asleep. This intense level of interest and passion often allows autistic people to excel in their areas of interest even when they may have trouble with basic everyday tasks. Some autistic people have special interests that lasts a life time, other people experience that their special interests change every couple years or maybe every couple months - or in some cases, every couple weeks. Some autistic people have one special interest at a time, other autistic people have many special interests. 
  • Routines. Since the world is often very chaotic and confusing for autistic people due to our atypical sensory processing and our struggles with executive dysfunction and social interaction, many autistic people rely on routines to create a sense of order in a confusing and chaotic world. We usually like to do the same things in the exact same way every day and if something breaks our routine or if something unexpected happens - or if somebody suggests an impulsive trip to the beach on a day where we hadn’t expected to do anything but the usual - it may result in shutdowns or meltdowns. If you want an autistic person to break or change their routine it’s recommended that you warn them in good time and that you give them plenty of time to prepare and adjust.
  • Unique points of view and different ways of thinking. Due to the fact that autistic people experience the world so differently from how most people experience it, we see the world from a different angle - often allowing us to come up with ideas or thoughts or input or solutions that you wouldn’t get anywhere else. Autistic people often have unique points of view and unusual ways or thinking and learning and this is often a strength - as we say in the autistic community, we are different, not less. 

I’ve now summarized some of the more common autistic traits and I hope that this post gave you a better understanding of what autism is and what it means to be autistic. Feel free to reblog and share this post far and wide if you found it helpful or educational.

Astral Projection Warnings

  • Only astrally project if you are in a stable mood (if you are clouded by negative thoughts and feelings, you will attract negative entities). 
  • Do not astrally project if you are on drugs - this will take you to a lower plane of disorientation and will be less vibrant. 
  • Just in case, ask your guides to protect you (as there can be malevolent beings). 
  • Ideally, only do it if you believe it will be spiritually benefiting (it is not a necessary part of spirituality) rather than a source of entertainment. 
  • If you do it incorrectly, it could lead to sleep paralysis
  • You cannot get possessed by malevolent entities, but they can get attached to you.
  • Always surround yourself with nurturing and higher vibrational energy, and avoid beings with darker/clouded auras as they tend to be less benevolent (but not always - it is just a precaution if you are new to astral projection). 
  • Avoid fear - do not worry that you can die while astrally projecting (as you will not), if your astral body senses danger it will immediately return to your physical body. 
6

Did Someone ask for Pride Flag Cerdae? No? Well, here they are anyways. 

Free to Use / No Need to Credit / Just don’t claim as your own please! 

6

I have a theory. Hating someone feels disturbingly similar to being in love with them. I’ve had a lot of time to compare love and hate, and these are my observations. Love and hate are visceral. Your stomach twists at the thought of that person. The heart in your chest beats heavy and bright, nearly visible through your flesh and clothes. Your appetite and sleep are shredded. every interaction spikes your blood with adrenaline, and you’re in the brink of fight or flight. Your body is barely under your control. You’re consumed, and it scares you. Both love and hate are mirror versions of the same game - and you have to win. Why? Your heart and your ego. Trust me, I should know.

Flight 512

For some reason, I like this. It isn’t really anything special or great, but it’s something. I hope you enjoy it, and thank you for being so patient. I know it’s been a while

“Flight 512 to Toronto, Canada has been delayed..”

My eyes threaten to close and I have to keep drumming my fingers against the steel bench in order to keep awake. It’s as though every part of my body - my legs, my arms, my neck - all have the same intention of aching until I cry. I sigh for the hundredth time and attempt to find a comfortable position but to no avail. 

There’s a cool breeze coming from somewhere unknown to me, but I realise that the chill down my back is another thing keeping me awake so I don’t complain, despite the mountains of goosebumps that have spread across my arms.

I watch the clock’s hand move round and round its face. It’s as though one minute it was close to midnight and now, as I’m sat on the exact same bench, it’s coming up to three o’clock.

Looking to my left and then to my right, there doesn’t seem to be many people around, only the odd man or woman dragging their suitcase across the floor. I somehow feel as though I’m the only one waiting for the delayed flight. I wrap my arms around my stomach and lean my head against the back of the steel chair, it sends shocks through my neck. 

Behind me, far at the other side of the airport, there’s a glass window that fits the length of the room. Every now and then, there’ll be minute flashes of light from the awakening of a plane. Orange would cloud every inch of it’s vicinity.

“Flight 512 to Toronto, Canada has been delayed, we apologise for..”

I refrain from cursing the woman’s voice and sit up for the first time in a long period of time. My legs no longer feel a part of my body and I have to bounce them up and down to begin to feel the familiar static feeling running through them. I wipe my eyes with the palms of my hands. 

“Excuse me.” A voice rings through the space I thought was empty and causes me to jump slightly due to the sudden sound. 

I look up to see a figure towering over me. It takes me a few seconds to take in their appearance due to the fact that I’m currently seeing stars after having pressed the palms of my hands into my eye sockets so hard.

“Uh, hi,” I mutter, and my voice cracks.

“Anyone sitting here?” The boy points to the seat beside me where my bag lays open, its contents almost spilling out. I think it’s his way of asking me to move it.

“Um, no,” I reply, already grabbing my bag and pulling it onto my lap. I subtly look around the room and see the rest of the benches completely empty. 

“Thanks.” He smiles and I’m hesitant to return it, but I do. 

We sit in silence, apart from the occasional announcements over the loudspeaker. 

When I get chance, I can watch the boy out of the corner of my eye. His dyed-blonde hair is cut short but it seems to be growing steadily, and his skin is tanned perfectly. Every now and then he’ll reach to his right before raising his hand to his lips. 

I run a hand through my hair and it’s as though he’d forgotten I’m here and my movement startled him. He turns to me and I can hear a soft crinkling sound.
“Grape?” he asks and offers a tub of grapes to me. At this point, I’m beyond confused and shake my head. “It’s cool, I haven’t done anything to them, like poisoned them or anything.” He grins menacingly. 

“Saying that makes me think you have,” I say and raise an eyebrow at him. To this, his grin seems to deepen. 

“Suit yourself.” He drops another between the barrier of his lips before chewing. I look away and sigh. “Your flight been delayed too?” 

I’m confused as to why he’s sat so close to me that I can feel the warmth of his thigh against mine, I’m confused as to why he’s offering me grapes, and I’m startled at the fact that he’s still trying to make small talk.

“Unfortunately.”

“I’m Justin, by the way,” he says and offers his hand for me to shake. I suddenly feel my own become clammy.  

“[Y/N],” I reluctantly shake his hand and feel the softness of his skin. I appreciate how pleasantly warm it is. 

“That’s a nice name,” he says before popping another grape into his mouth. 

“Thanks-“

“Are you travelling alone?” he interrupts me, but the calm and inviting look on his face tells me he didn’t mean anything by it. 

“Yeah, I’m going to see my family in Canada. Are you?” 

“My family’s up here, I’m heading home. To Canada, actually.”

I nod. “Did you have a nice time?”

He looks over at me and smiles. I can see his eyes moving around the features of my face and I suddenly feel self-conscious.

“I had a pleasant time, yeah.” 

“Flight 512 to Toronto, Canada has been delayed, we apologise for the inconvenience..”

“Drives you insane, doesn’t it?” he says and looks up towards the ceiling. I can see the veins working in his neck, I can see the beginning of a tattoo on the back of his neck and curiosity fills my body.

“Tell me about it.” 

Another silence falls over us but for the first time it doesn’t seem to be uncomfortable. Every now and then, he’ll raise his hand to his lips while I sit motionless. 

“Sure you don’t want one?” 

I shake my head as politely as I can and I see him shrug. 

There’s another hour before anything changes. My conversation with Justin escalates and it’s evident we’ve both become accustomed to each other, even Justin - who dripped with confidence from the beginning - has seemingly opened up even more. 

“There’s a restaurant in Toronto that do the best pancakes in the world, I swear, I could eat them for every meal of the day,”

“I’ve never been a huge fan of pancakes,” I say, crossing my legs and facing him. Justin does the same. 

“Try these and your opinion’ll change. Give me your number and I’ll take you whenever you’re free.” He grins. 

The grapes are long gone and I regret not taking up his multiple offers because I can hear a monster growling in my stomach.

“It’s a deal,” I smile and he imitates me. 

There’s subtle dark marks under his eyes and his eyes look heavy, but his face seems to light up when he smiles and I enjoy watching it happen. It’s like the darkness before the sun comes up from behind the trees and it makes the world seems so much brighter. 

“I’ll see you there,” he grins proudly.

“Promise?”

“Scouts honour.”

I laugh and I can see he’s watching me. His brown eyes are burning into my skin and a flush trickles through my body like boiling water.

“Flight 512 to Toronto, Canada is due at 17:55. Please be ready for departure..”

Justin releases a long breath and sits up straight. “That’s us.”

“Finally,” I say and pick my bag up as it sits on the floor with a swift movement. I feel a strange reluctance to have to leave, despite having spent long enough here.

It’s quiet while we collect our things. Justin is the first to stand and he watches and waits for me while I click the handle of the suitcase into place. He smiles when I stand, he’s taller than me so I still have to lean my head back to be able to see the light in his eyes.

My legs feel as though they’ve been replaced with steel, and I’m struggling to walk beside Justin without feeling aching pains shoot through them.  I clutch the strap of my bag tighter in the palm of my hand.

To my left I can see a cafe with a sign saying ’24 Hour’ and it’s as though my stomach knows; it lets out a howl that lasts a good few seconds before dying down again. I chew my bottom lip and speed up when I smell fresh coffee and baking cookies.

“So,” Justin starts. “Were you serious? Would you be willing to give me your number?” He looks down at me and I can feel the warm look he’s giving me.

I shrug. “Why not? You’ve had plenty of time to kidnap me and you’re yet to do so. I think you’re safe enough,” I chuckle and he laughs. His teeth are blindingly bright and I’m only just acknowledging this. They contrast with his tanned skin.

He gives me his phone to which I take carefully and type my number in. He’s watching me and it causes me to have to delete my mistakes with shaking hands.

“I’ll call you,” he says and I nod.

“I’ll be waiting.”

It sounds like a goodbye, even though we’re still walking to the boarding station together, not to mention, getting on the same plane. I can see the dots in the distance beginning to look like actual figures, and as we get closer, I can see that every one of them looks as exhausted as Justin and I. We stick close together and join the group.

It takes another twenty minutes or so before a steward arrives. Justin has taken a packet out of his backpack and I notice it’s filled with cookies. He takes one and I listen as he crunches contently, trying not to let my mouth water too much.

He moves the packet towards me and I smile while taking one at a steady pace, not wanting to seem too eager.

“Thank you.”

“No problem. I’ve been hearing your stomach growl for the past three hours, I figured I’d help you out,” he says casually. “Here. Take them.” He shoves the packet to my chest and I’m forced to grab them so they don’t fall to the floor.

I blush and say nothing. The group seems to have formed into a queue and the steward is now checking people’s tickets; everyone practically throws the tickets towards the poor man.

I stand beside Justin and munch on a few more of the cookies to rid myself of the empty feeling in my stomach. There’s noise and commotion around us but we stand quietly. Justin’s hand brushes against mine and it’s soft and warm against my own. My heart beats a little faster.

FUTURE HEARTS | PT.5

pt1 | pt2 | pt3 | pt4 | pt5聽| pt6 | (ongoing)

pairing:jimin x reader, jungkook x reader

genre:聽angst聽+ punk!jikook

word count:聽15,203

description: It was everything, from his tattoos, to his touches, to the way sweat rolled down his neck as he strummed into his guitar on stage; everything about him had completely enthralled you. So why are you now, two and a half years later, on a train to Seoul, telling a complete stranger the recollection of how you became fated to forever have scars on all of your future hearts, due to the happiness, but most of all the pain, that came along with falling in love with Jeon Jungkook.

note: inspired by the anime/manga 鈥淣ana鈥澛

cr.


a year and a half earlier.

Jungkook collapsed against the seat of the train, a heavy weight filling his chest as he buried his face into the palms of his hands. He could feel the incessant sting at the back of his eyes as tears continued to fall down his flushed skin. He just couldn鈥檛 believe that this was happening, this wasn鈥檛 how it was supposed to end 鈥 it was never supposed to end between the two of you.

He couldn鈥檛 help but think to himself, was this really the right thing to do? Leaving the girl he loves behind so he could pursue this opportunity. He knew that music was the only thing he wanted to do with his life, working a normal job, doing the same things day to day, it just wasn鈥檛 for him. So when Seoyeon asked him to be in her band after she got offered her record deal, he knew he had to take it, but then he quickly realized what that actually meant.

It meant no more late night drives out to the lake, it meant no more looking out into the crowd of his shows and seeing your face, it meant no more waking up in the middle of the night to find you curled against his chest, but most importantly 鈥 it meant no more you and him, and just that single thought alone was enough to tear him apart at the seams. 聽

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June 10, 2017 Full Moon in Sagittarius

The Sun is in Gemini which makes this month’s Sagittarius moon cycle a Full Moon. This is because Sagittarius is the duality of Gemini.

This is a mentally oriented axis so it illuminates the
mind and touches a wealth of ideas and mental rituals that must be
cleansed and rinsed away by healing moon water. With the Moon in Sagittarius the feeling of wanderlust sets in as we long to escape to exotic
locations, and we can walk the tightrope of oppositions and do this in the splendorous Gemini mind, filled with rollercoasters and cerebral delight. 

The mind is alive tonight. Wisdom from the coalescing of the lower (Gemini) and higher (Sagittarius) mind as they become one, like the wholeness of the full moon. Everything about this opposition longs for unity and relationship. We hear that it’s all too easy to lose your bearings under the hypnosis Full Moons, this may be especially accelerated by the manner in which this axis touches the mind. 

The inner light is switched on here, especially in the mind, as soul and body take flight into the lilac cleanse of the moon. Emotions
are satiated by learning and laughter. Because the wise come to realise everything in life has a comedic light, and God is laughing
because look at our own life, it is all such a joke. Hermes and Zeus are reunited. They are shapeshifting and flying through stormy and sunny skies together, across horizons, and through to the gentle bliss of Venus in Taurus. We could dissociate, the lines between the unconscious, conscious and subconscious are blurred as we drift in and out of reverie and thought dancing with the divine.
The lure to drink and dance in hallucination calls, and under the Full Moon the dissolution between worlds seems a most splendid
lunar celebration. Sagittarius will shoot for the heavens, and land on the sun, and divine faith and thought can shatter the laws of physics all together.

Remember to cleanse your crystals <3

C.