body by onions

6

Portal + The Onion headlines, part 1

I’m sure this has been done before, but I’m new here and these are so much fun, so here you go. Unless I’m stealing someone else’s thunder, there’s more where these come from. :)

UPDATE: [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4: PS:M Edition] [Part 5: Rattmann Week Edition]

4

Supergirl // Zootopia

No matter what type of animal you are… I implore you: Try. Try to make the world a better place. Look inside yourself and recognize that change starts with you.

What we learned from “The New Lars”


-Steven can basically possess people like he can with his melon children
-Lars is a piece of garbage and I love him so much
-Steven ships lars and sadie so hard man, and thinks he will be the uncle to their future child(ren)
-Lars suppresses his emotions, which is relatable man
-Lars sleeps naked
-Steven wanted to protect Lars’ privacy and just put on clothes as soon as he woke up, which is something not a lot of people would do if they swapped bodies with someone
-Lars lives in the attic of his parents house, at his request
-His real name is Laramie and he is a very bad student since he puts in little to no effort
-His dad’s name is Dante, his moms is Martha, and also his parents are so sheepish and cute like I feel lars just pushes them around
-Steven doesn’t understand the public school grading system
-His parents keep all of his childhood art in picture frames on their wall
-His mom got him plugs with hearts in them thats so cute man
-Lars likes to swear
-Lars is so god damn lanky
-Steven in lars body freaked onion out man thats the first time I saw him uncomfortable
-The cool kids genuinely like steven and are more like sleeping tigers
-Steven being nice as lars is really out of character
-Lars is 100% a tsundere
-The cool kids saying “maybe lars is actually a good guy who likes making people feel good”, so they basically see actual lars as the inverse of that
-Buck Dewey has a dance crew
-Steven/lars got some sick dance moves
-”Well if it aint the human boomerang, always coming back to me”
-Sadie lounges around in a robe and bunny slippers
-Honestly sadie you could do better than lars, thats a fact
-Sadie uses a pile of stuffed animals as a bean bag chair
-Sadie likes horror/slasher fics
-”And you love me? Even like this?”, Oh my god this is crying breakfast friends all over again huh
-Omg sadie, the feels man you’re so good dont let lars tell u otherwise
-Steven is really messing things up man, like boy
-”Lars would never apologize to me” Sadie girl thats hella sad like I know you really like Lars, but come on sadie
-The cool kids literally don’t even know Sadie’s name, they call her “donut girl”, which like I can understand because they’re not really in the same friend group, but come on you guys live in a city with a population of like 20
-Lars’ parents are okay with stalking him
-SADIE CAN BUST A DOOR IN HALF WITH HER FOOT
-Lars’ parents are basically just waiting for their trash son to be a terrible person, gotta set those expectations low man
-Wow so many humans are in the temple house omg
-Steven’s powers are only a one way street, so he literally just possessed lars
-Okay but Lars has every right to be angry tho? Like I know steven was just trying to help, but like boy you cant just cross a line like that??
-The cool kids trying to protect Steven was really nice, but like I feel steven kinda just destroyed whatever friendship them and lars had
-Buck’s dance crew came home with a silver trophy
-Lars has actual feelings for sadie, and even though he is still a trash boy, I really hope that relationship can work because I fell sadie can bring out the best in him
-Lars and Sadie’s relationship and friendship is very complex and sort of messed up, but if Steven ships it then so do I tbh

3

On 20 January 2009 19 years old Maxim Glavatskih (first picture) and Yuri Mozhnov (second picture) drowned in a bath 16 years old Karina Buduchyan who was in love with Maxim. After killing the girl Glavatskih and Mozhnov dismembered her body, cooked some of the body parts with onion and potatoes and ate them. Maxim Glavatskih and Yuri Mozhnov considered themselves to be Goths and believed that every true Goth should eat human flesh. They planned the crime for a long time. Yuri Mozhnov was sentenced to 18 years of imprisonment, Maxim Glavatskih received 19 years sentence.

A proper diet is very important in times of plague. Here is a list of foods that should be avoided at all costs:

  • Fruit (expect for pomegranates, prunes, sour cherries, quinces and pears)
  • Rye Bread (generates “great moisture”)
  • Any bread that isn’t pure wheat and 1-2 days old
  • Eggs (“in the Summer not good, but in Winter tolerable”)
  • Milk
  • “Beef, Pork, Venison, Hare and Goats flesh is to be refused, and so are all water fowls, as Duck, Swan, Goose, Widgen, Teal, and such like, because they are hard to digest, and do increase ill blood, and naughtie juyce in the bodie.”
  • Garlic, onions, leeks, pepper and mustard (“over-heat the body, and cause fumes to ascend into the head.”)
  • Fresh Beer (Stale beer is of course very healthy and should be drunk at all times.)
Seventeen As Vegetables

co-written by @plaidsvt

S.Coups: squash bc he’s that kind of guy lol

Jeonghan: eggplant

Joshua: broccoli bc good for the body and soul

Jun: onion bc he makes u cry

Hoshi: cauliflower

Wonwoo: arugula bc mildly bitter

Woozi: pepper u don’t think is gonna be spicy but is

DK: green bean bc tall and thin

Mingyu: spinach

The8: cucumber bc cool B)

Seungkwan: cabbage bc he can be a cabbitch

Vernon: carrot bc those are for nerds

Dino: peas bc smol