bobby flay's

i unironically really like gordon ramsay as a person like, he only gets pissed when people are being legitimately shitty or are hurting their customers and the dude’s real fuckin good with children like, you’ll never see gordon ramsay being a dick to a child doesnt matter if they give him play doh on a fuckin platter and act like its a rata god damn touille hes nice and only mean to people that are fucking shit and basically gordon ramsay being seen as an angry shitty chef whos mean for no reason is bullshit and he does shit like fight really hard against slaughtering endangered species for frivolous bullshit like shark fin soup. basically gordon ramsay is the best tv chef and if i see anyone say bobby flay is better, whoever the fuck that is, i will blow a god damn gasket thank you for reading

Food Network Gothic

• You must beat Bobby Flay. He could be anywhere. Under your bed, in your car, standing right behind your door. He’s biding his time. But when he reveals himself, you Must. Beat. Him.
• The Wontons, long forgotten, haunt your every waking moment. Sometimes you wake up at night to the faint sound of bubbling oil.
• Nobody really leaves Flavor Town.
• Iron Chef. Titanium Chef. Diamond Chef. Carbon Fiber Chef.
• In every dark space, you see the glowing outline of Alton Brown’s grin. You can’t tell what his intentions are.
• The Chairman somersaults through your dreams, cackling.

on the set of Beat Bobby Flay

blobber looks at me and asks, “chef, what’s your signature dish?”

i take a deep breath and holler, “knucklesandwich!” and i just deck him in the mouth. he goes down hard. the studio audience screams in celebration. alex guarnaschelli stands and shakes my hand.

i look into the camera and kiss my knuckles. “i just beat bobby flay.”

Food network gothic

You’re watching a show on the foodnetwork. Giada is showing you how to make a recipe. Her whole instructional turns into italian, and you understand her. You’ve been following along the whole time, but you just don’t know what the recipe is and you forgot what protein you put in. You dont worry and keep adding ingredients. It feels like it’s been hours before it ends. The judges deliberate. You swear you’ve watched this episode before… was this even a competition show when you started watching? It doesn’t matter. Its midnight and you’ve unconsciously made 5 different dishes. Geoffrey zakarian is eating one. They’re all 5 star. Scott Conant bursts into your home, crying. When you look in the mirror, your reflection has been replaced with bobby flay.