bob the bard

So Friday’s DnD session was interesting

Only three of my players showed up

The guy playing the tiefling wizard painted along to a Bob Ross video and cried at his many failures

The halfling bard kept trying to drink everything

And also wanted to fuck one of my NPCs, who the non-present cleric had already fucked

The druid kept passing out

Then the wizard stopped the video and started painting over it with black paint to represent his internal turmoil while crying and shouting “WHY AM I NOT AS GOOD AS BOB ROSS???”

Everyone but the bard got their asses handed to them by a pack of rats

Said bard was completely plastered yet managed to take out ¾ of the pack (i.e., the entire remaining pack) in one hit

The bard and druid realize a whole fucking two hours after the rat encounter that they both have healing spells

The bard drinks from a glowing pool and gets poisoned

We stole coffee from the school and then went home

Wizard, now crying and drinking his pumpkin spice latte, still isn’t as good as Bob Ross

dnd highlights
  • We got a dlc party member! Bob the human bard turned into a bear barbarian
  • We came across Arriette again and. her giant monster fish is loose and eating everything in the river, as well as hopping onto land and eating land animals.
  • One of which was a dead deer and orchard took it’s skull and is wearing it now. Step two of the nature protector outfit is looking good
  • Squirrels