boat rave

The signs as wild shit I’ve done in 2017 (krystal) NSFW

Aries: Got punched in the throat at one of the poshest bars in London

Taurus: Stalked my boyfriend and his friend all the way down the street, and when they sat down on a bench in a field I popped out a bush and pretended to just bump into them (I was dressed incognito too)

Gemini: Fucked with a wig on, it was the best sex I’ve ever had

Cancer: Legit got dumped the day before Valentine’s Day, turned up at his house and gave him everything I bought him, cried, then fucked

Leo: Almost went on a one night stand on Election night with a University teacher from Tinder but got lost on the way there and decided that because it’s raining its not meant to be

Virgo: Broke down and got stranded on a high up viewpoint (dogging area) because we accidentally drained the car battery at two in the morning and didn’t know what to do 

Libra: Drunkenly spat a drink over my best friend four times in McDonalds over a chicken nugget 

Scorpio: Broke up with my long term boyfriend and then sucked his best friend’s dick on a field at night

Sagittarius: Took speed at a warehouse rave from a girl in the bathroom, put it in my mouth and then said “Btw what is this?”

Capricorn: Had to do DIY and fix a garden chair with a thin piece of wire because UNICEF scared the crap out of my friend and she broke it (and it actually worked)

Aquarius: Did shots and slammed into a hot tub in front of everybody, tried to get back up but just kept falling and ended up crawling inside to escape even more humiliation

Pisces: Went on a boat rave and got into a fight with someone about a giant inflatable dinosaur that I named Terry (and lost, so I took a giant banana home instead)