bmw 750il

Pop Quiz: @Dril or Patrick Bateman?

How to play: read the quotes below, and figure out which ones are from Twitter sensation @Dril (A) and which ones come from the controversial, now inexplicably-high-lit novel/approximately eight hours of my life I will never get back American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis (B). To make it less obvious, I’ve corrected Dril’s grammar, punctuation and spelling. Good luck, and no cheating!

1).“I just looked up the stats, and the number of meaningful relationships I’ve formed is less than the number of public restrooms I’ve screamed in.”
2). “I grab him by the neck and croak out, my breath reeking, ‘The best engine is in the BMW 750iL,’”
3).“How about we worry about human rights … after we’ve fixed all the human wrongs?”
4).“I’m beginning to despise my friends and loved ones for pushing valuable branded content off of my feed as I struggle to comprehend this world.”
5).“The Patty Winters Show this morning was about a new sport called Dwarf Tossing.”
6).“The Grinch wants a car stereo anyway.”
7)."My entire face turns purple as I try to enjoy my cup of Monday coffee, while all my coworkers rush into my office to watch me fail once again.”
8). “All young men must be fitted for a good Italian suit, ideally by age 4. I will not fucking apologize or back down from this.”
9). “I’m still way fuckin’ muscled, despite the economy, despite life.”
10).“There are four antlers on my fucking head. I mutter, 'Oh Jesus, whoa!’ and tear them off.“
11)."I’m fresh. The freshest, y’know … like, uh, def … the deffest.”
12)."I will tell you this right now: I’m from hell. I’m highly fucked up. I’ve been known to say rude things and watch the carnage unfold brutally.”
13).“There’s no use in denying it: this has been a bad week. I’ve started drinking my own urine.”
14). “I’m an exhausting person to be around, but once you get to know me, I’m actually a giant shithead with an irredeemable mouth.”

ANSWER KEY: 1: A; 2: B; 3: A; 4: A; 5: B; 6: B; 7: A; 8: A; 9: A; 10: B; 11: B; 12: A; 13: B; 14: A.