The Signs as Things I've Heard People Say in Ireland

Aries: I play the bodhrán. It’s a great instrument whose name comes from the Irish verb ‘to deafen’.

Taurus: Bring on the termites!

Gemini: I have two daughters, both in their twenties. Jill’s an excellent, hard-working girl, wants to do well for herself. The other one’s a lazy cow.

Cancer: Something about an octopus in a thick Dublin accent???

Leo: [in response to how are they feeling after last night] Good. But that’s bad 'cos it means I’m a functioning alcoholic.

Virgo: Are they sheep or dogs? I don’t know. They’re dog-sheep. They go baa-rk… Wait, sheepdogs are a thing.

Libra: I am going to do some eejiting on the bodhrán, if you don’t mind.

Scorpio: Wow that milk is just the fastest thing I’ve ever seen.

Sagittarius: [a little girl about 4yo] Mammy, am I a midget?

Capricorn: [in response to whether they want a beer] Does a bear shit in the woods?

Aquarius: He ran over the feckin’ banjo!

Pisces: I’m not accident prone I’m just unfortunate.