blue-cars

starstruck

billy hargrove

summary: billy wants to prove that he can get the new girl, but rather than using her, he falls for her

disclaimer: me writing this is not me excusing his abusive, impulsive and racist behavior.

an: i know a lot of you guys like me writing marvel, which won’t stop, feel free to request it, but I also want to write for other shows so.. feel free to leave requests for shows too! also I can make this a series if you want me to? i don’t like the ending of this, but i didn’t want to make them kiss bc i felt like it was unrealistic, sooo just shoot me an ask if you want more parts 

words: 1240+


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August 24, 2017

To the boy with the green eyes,

Remember the last time we saw each other? 
In your little blue car….
We poured our hearts out to one another. 
We cried on each other’s shoulders.
I confessed my love to you. 
You confessed your love to me. 
But you didn’t confess that this night was going to be your last.  

You stopped by to pick up your (very) late Christmas present. 
You knew how bad I had been, and asked what was wrong. 
We walked to your little blue car, put the windows down on that cold chilly moonlit night, and talked. 
I told you everything that was happening to me: 
My ex-boyfriend and his new guy. 
A friend that I thought I could trust. 
And a lover that broke my heart. 
I also told you I was in a very dark place. 
Do you remember what I said to you?
I’m too ashamed to confess what I did to myself. 
Please don’t make me say it. 
I don’t want to see you cry again. 
Your beautiful emerald looking eyes don’t deserve to have tears in them. 
They need to keep sparkling and smiling. 

After we cried together, I confessed my love to you. 
I didn’t expect you to say anything. 
I didn’t expect you to feel the same way. 
I just wanted you to listen. 
I remember looking into those dazzling green eyes, holding your hand, and telling you: 
“I know this sounds cheesy. And I know that it may not seem true. But this is the truth. I promise. I love you. I love you so much. And I want to let you know that I will always love you. No matter what. I don’t care if you’re with someone new. I don’t care if I’m with someone new. I don’t even care if I haven’t talked to you in months, or even years. I will always love you.”
You didn’t say anything. 
You just nodded as tears fell down your cheek from your watery green eyes. 

Then, I asked you what you wanted from me. 
You said:
“I honestly don’t know. I don’t know what I want. I never know what the right choice is. I never know what the right thing to do is. I always hurt you. I don’t want to keep hurting you. We had a lot of fun. And that’s all I wanted at first. And that’s what happened. I liked you. I really did. A lot. Then things changed. I wanted to hang out with you every day and be with you every day. And we did that. I wanted to be closer to you. And we did that too. Then stuff happened, and I got scared. I don’t know. I was scared to be happy. I didn’t want to be in a relationship. I wasn’t prepared at all for how I felt about you. I didn’t know how to take it to the next level. I didn’t know how to be your boyfriend.” 

These words still bring tears to my eyes.  
It’s as if we are star-crossed lovers; forever living different paths in our lives that don’t have any connection in the end, denying us of any chance of living a life together. 
But how can that be when we are existing at the same time?
You’re alive. 
I’m alive. 
And I have never felt more alive with anyone else than when I’m with you. 
Just the way you look at me with those alluring eyes is what convinces me that you are in love with me too. 
So why aren’t we together? 
Why are you with someone else? 
Why are you with her?
Is it because she can give you a family?
Is it because you want to believe she’s the one for you?
Not just you though, for your whole family. 
She’s someone they will accept. 
Nobody would accept me into your family. 
I think we both know that for sure. 

Two hundred and twenty-one days have passed since that night happened. 
I’ve gone through many stages of:
Hating you. 
Worrying about you. 
Wondering if you’re dead.
Wondering if you’re alive. 
Pretending you’re dead. 
Wishing for your presence. 
All while still loving you. 
It’s torture. 

I don’t know if I should give up. 
Or if I should keep waiting for you. 
Because a part of me feels that I will never find anybody like you. 

Nobody’s going to look at me the way you did. 
Nobody’s going to touch me the way you did. 
Nobody’s going to care about me the way you did. 
And nobody’s going to understand me the way you do.

Every time I talk to someone new, I compare them to you. 
I know that’s wrong, but it’s true and I can’t help it. 
That’s when I start to believe that they’re not good enough for me. 
Because I need to find somebody that’s so good that they make me forget about you…
I know that’s not fair and I think that’s what keeps me from letting people in. 
I put this steel cage around my heart when you left me, and you’re the only one with the key to open it. 
I just wish you would talk to me. 
I wish you would tell me to move on, but your silence speaks louder than words. 
It drives me crazy; leads me to believe that I did something wrong, but I didn’t. 
Maybe it’s your way of keeping me in the sidelines when things get bad with you and her. 
I don’t see how that’s fair, but I love you so much that I don’t care. 
I’ll take any excuse you give me to come back, so long as I get to see your face again. 

I’m sorry. 
I’m sorry for getting close to you. 
I’m sorry for burdening you with my problems. 
I’m sorry for loving you. 
I’m sorry for all of this. 
Maybe things would’ve been simpler if we just didn’t meet. 
But as people say, “Two souls don’t just meet by simple coincidence.”
I start to wonder why you came into my life. 
Or was it I that came into yours?
I wonder if you’ll ever come back to me, even as a friend. 
I miss you. 
I miss you so dearly. 
Please stay alive while I exist. 
Whether it’s a year or ten, I will wait for you. 
Because I love you, and I want to believe that we are meant to be together. 
I want to wake up every morning to those lovely green eyes of yours. 

I forgive you.
I forgive you for pretending that I don’t exist.
I forgive you for leaving me with no explanation.
I forgive you for choosing her over me.
I forgive you  for falling for me.
I get it now.
We are just simply not meant to be.
But that doesn’t mean I’m okay with that. 

You know me…
You know I always have so much to say to you.
You know I could write books about my love for you. 
But I have one more important thing to say….

Happy birthday. 

Love always and forever, 
The boy with the brown eyes 

8

My dad made it sound so easy. He’s really good at camping, and how to make fire from rocks and stuff. He used to come to all my Sweatlodge meetings. And afterwards we’d go get ice cream at Fentons. I always get chocolate and he gets butter-brickle. Then we’d sit on this one curb, right outside, and I’ll count all the blue cars and he counts all the red ones, and whoever gets the most, wins. I like that curb. That might sound boring, but I think the boring stuff is the stuff I remember the most.

Favorite Adam moments

It’s Adam Parrish’s birthday and since he’s a character that has made me bite my fingernails and yell at the page and grin like an idiot and maybe even get a moist eye or two (this despite being spoiled to his ending), here are some of my favorite Adam moments in (I think) chronological order:

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little things that can help you if you have bpd (part 2)

Here is the link for part one.

  • Learn how to tolerate the distress; Usually, people with BPD suffer from suffocating situations on their daily life, due to mood swings, constant anxiety, dissociation symptoms, etc. If you want to get help with that, self-soothing techquines are commonly used on DBT. Okay, but how can I learn how to self-soothe?
  1. First, control your breath; If you look into the part one, I gave some tips about it, but here are some new things: breathe through your nose for three seconds. Hold your breath for five seconds and let the air out of your nose for three seconds. Take the air out of your diaphragm (stomach region) and not just out of your chest. After controlling your breath, release the tension on your shoulders, slowly rotating them to the back for three/four times. Then, rotate them forward. Repeat as necessary. After all of this, if you can, please take a rest, just close your eyes and lay in your bed or in a comfortable place.
  2. Look for something that distracts you; I talked about having a list about what makes you happy in the part one, so if you could use it for this, that would be great, but if you can’t, that’s okay too, there are other distraction options. Please remember that you need HEALTHY distractions, so please stay away from junk food, drugs, self-harm and others. For some people, it helps to count numbers till 100, but not everyone has patience or can really get distracted when they do it, so here are some activities that may help you: cleaning your house (a suggestion by a lot of therapists to people who suffer from anxiety or depression, it’s not just some “neurotypical useless advice”, it really helps and some studies and people can prove it). Read a book or write something; usually, we get distracted in our daily life by daydreaming about things, so when you actually need to stop paying too much attention to the world around you, it’s great to bring your creative part if you can. Reading a book and writing can help you to create images in your head, you can even write or draw about what is bothering you, so your violent thoughts will be on a paper, not on your actions. (also, there is nothing wrong about having violent thoughts, since you don’t act like them, you can’t control your feelings or your mind and that’s okay). Look at what is around you and challenge yourself to small games; sometimes when I go out, I like to count how many red/blue/green cars I can see, or what combinations I can create with their plates, for example, a plate with letters and numbers: what word can I remember with every letter? or call a friend or someone in your family and try to talk with them, if you think it will distract you.
  3. Accept the reality and your current problem; Even unconsciously, people with BPD tend to escape the reality during a stressful situation, specially by dissociating, that’s okay if you do it sometimes to distract, but doing it often can affect your everyday life. Instead of freaking about a problem, sit down and try to think about it rationally, for example, if your friend is not replying you, you can stop for a moment and think “Okay. They’re not replying right now, but maybe x thing is happening and I can deal with it.”. When you accept the reality, in that case, that your friend is not replying to you, you avoid paranoid thoughts. “Okay, my friend told me to meet them right now, they’re a little bit late. That’s it and it’s okay, I’ll deal with it.”. Encourage yourself by your thoughts telling yourself you will deal with the situation, it will give you more confidence. Also, accept that not everything is perfect, I know that’s VERY hard, because people with BPD tend to overeact to every minor incovinience, but it doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Study your current situation and see the negative points, talk to other people about it, research about people that went through the same things. Everything has negative and positive points.
  • Practice mindfullness; There are some videos online, but it’s better if you look for a professional. It makes it easy to develop a wise mind, but you have big problems with dissociation, please research about it, because I’ve seen that it may cause problems.
  • Pay attention to your relationships; People with BPD have a lot of troubles with relationships, which is something that affects our mental health. The fact is that relationships are very important to everyone, since we are social animals and if you pay attention on how you act with people and how they act with you, you can have a better regulation on your emotions. First, identify what are your triggers, for example, self-harm, when someone ignores you, abuse… Tell the other person about it, so they’ll avoid these things. ALWAYS talk about something the other person did that hurt you, don’t keep things to yourself, it’s more likely to create problems if you don’t talk than if you talk. If the person really cares about you, they will cope. In the end, you will have a better knowledge about what makes you happy and what makes you feel bad.
  • Try to find a hobby; I know that is one of the main things someone you will tell if you say you have a disorder, but this is really important, specially for people with BPD and I’ll tell you why. This is something I’ve been discussing with my therapist and the thing is: if you don’t keep your mind busy during a time (not all the time, that’s not healthy) it will create a sensation of void and BPD makes us feel empty sometimes. BPD never let us feel things slightly, so a simply feeling of boredom can become a sensation of completely void. Keeping your mind busy will help you to entertain you and avoid those empty feelings. If you don’t like anything, please try new things, there are a billion of things out there to try.

please leave a comment if it was helpful, check the part one and i’m sorry if my grammar wasn’t very correct, english is not my native language.

remember that everything here is theoretical and it’s hard to apply these tips in your life, things will not suddenly change. but i believe in you and things take time, so don’t give up on getting better.

By Heart [ II ]

Genre [Rating] : Angst

Length: 7.7k

Pairing: Kyungsoo x Reader

Summary: Getting over him was the most impossible thing in the world because part of you couldn’t believe it was really over.

By Heart Masterlist

Originally posted by kyungsuhos

The rain dripped across the glass windshield of the baby blue car parked in the middle of the street. It created tiny puddles on the dark concrete, pools of the liquid spilling along the curb, surging towards your feet. The headlights were illuminating the space in front of the car, the raindrops speeding by in the lit beams. Kyungsoo’s eyes were hard as he rolled down the window of the car, hair covered by a baseball cap as he stared off into the distance around you, tongue poking out to lick his lips once as he exhaled. His hand extended from the window, the water spotting his palms and turning the skin slick as his eyes floated shut, chest deflating.

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ya’ll know that technically it was illegal for gansey to drive the pig to cabeswater with ronan, adam, noah and blue in the car with him? in the state of virginia you’re only allowed to have one (1) non-relative in the car with you if you’re a driver under eighteen. 

also, you know ronan’s door with photocopies of his speeding tickets? if there were more than three within a year he had to re-take drivers ed to be allowed to continue driving. also there’s no way someone wouldn’t have reported him for keeping a pet raven if he took it everywhere with him.

basically? trc was really illegal even without the hit men and the blackmail. 

Caught in Your Eyes (Part One) — Billy Hargrove

Written by @rune-of-a-writer

Request: Hi. I love your work. I was wondering if you could do a billy imagine where the female reader is new to town and she’s a bad girl and billy instantly falls for her and tries to get with her. Thank you!!

Author’s Note: I’ve decided to make this into a series because of how long it got and because of how much I love it. If you guys like that idea please let us know, feedback would mean a lot with this!

Warnings: Cursing.

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x female!reader

Summary: You were new to town and the last thing you wanted was this blonde haired git and his blue car bothering you. But we can’t all get what we want.

Word Count: 2,414

Listen To: HeartBreaker Marina and the Diamonds

Gif Cred: @allaboutthatbillyhargrove

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