blue my brains out

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anonymous asked:


sorry if this isnt good, my brain’s kinda disconnected from me rn n i dont even know what i wanted to say here there’ll probably be bad grammar because honestly my brain is deceased

One night out of the blue Neil Josten starts talking in his sleep. Well, more than talking it’s actually mumbling and he isn’t saying anything that Andrew can use against him but it’s actually cute. He sounds relaxed though nothing makes sense and sometimes he speaks in French which makes it worse. 

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Through the Night (밤편지)

Hello guys! this is a long fic ever I’ve written in my second language. After I finised with 1837 word counts, I was like omg, what lawlu fandom did to me, how did I write it?

Again, without the big help for them, this fic wouldn’t be completed @lululawlawlu and @haigidal  THEY BOTH ARE COOL! DON’T FORGET TO CHECK OUT THEIR TUMBLR! 

By the way, plese enjoy it! 

SUMMARY:: I asked him how can we know when we love someone, and this is how Torao answered.

“Why don’t you wake up at 2 AM.  Go to the deck. Watch the stars and the moon, to appreciate how amazing the night sky can be even though they are unreachable.”

“I know the sky with the moon and the shining stars are beautiful, but how does that answer my question, stupid Torao!”

“Because.” Torao said calmly, “When you love someone, you are going to feel like you’re gazing at a distant star when you look in his eyes. So bright that you don’t know if the stars exist anymore, because every goddamn star is in his eyes, more real to you than anything you’ve ever seen.”

                                    Through the Night (밤편지) 


I’m hungry.

Even though we had just finished a party in the evening, and because today gave me a feeling that we should hold a party for whatever reason, I didn’t care but I am a captain so everyone had to do what I said. I ate and (tried to) steal my friend’s food a lot, drank Torao’s beer because that man was sick so he couldn’t join the party. Instead, he had to sleep in the infirmary room. I felt sad for him that he missed the party- our party with meat! If I were him, I would never skip it. Torao is a serious man who believes that the only thing I do is making trouble or do some-funny-stupid-things. I disagreed- because what is the point to enjoy your life if you’re always serious with everything?

Life is a mixed-meat buffet and we won’t know which kind of meat is good or worse, so that’s the reason why we shouldn’t use our heads too much. In the end, we still have to eat it, because to throw the meat away is a crime. I can’t forgive anyone who would do that! (Except for if they give it to me, which only Torao would do. No way in hell Nami, Zoro or Sanji would give meat to me, they always complained about how I ate too much!)

Before I went to the party. I had been trying to convince Torao to stay with me on the deck so I could have looked after him because who the hell knows if Torao would behave well, stay in his bed or eat pills that Chopper ordered him to eat. Nevertheless, Robin told me that Torao was a doctor so I had no need to worry about him, and yes, stupid Torao had to agree with her, offering his meal to me because he didn’t want to eat anything. Yeah, it should have been like that but I couldn’t help myself from worrying about him.

Why couldn’t the smart ones like Robin and Torao see my point?  Yet, they considered themselves the smart ones- especially Torao whom I could easily recall was making his face for when he looked at me like I’m an idiot. No, mister, sometimes you were as stupid as me.Plus, with his over thinking habit, he was destroying himself to the point that his smile was rarer than gold. Rarely did I see his smile. I knew for the first time that his smile was the best!

Oh god, I was thinking about Torao too much. I needed to stop now before I got lost in Toraoland again. I decided to ignore his grumpy face that showed up in my mind and walked on tiptoes to the kitchen. After that, I pulled the refrigerator handle to open it, but it was locked! How!? That surprised me because I had hidden the lock in the gym so confidently that Sanji had no chance to find it. If I remembered right, Sanji had only one lock. Then how could he find it? Did Zoro help him? I was going to ask him tomorrow. Zoro should know better, that we can’t live without food, so why the hell did he do this to me!  

Fuck you, Zoro. I swore by tomorrow every sake bottle would be gone.

I was really pissed off now that I wanted to kick Zoro’s ass but my stomach was growling hard. I didn’t have enough energy. I was dying of hunger.

“Oh my god,” I mumbled to myself, “why doesn’t Torao wake up now so he can use his power to open this damn refrigerator! I’m so hungry…”

I did the math in my head. What should I do next with empty stomach? A moment passed to the conclusion that maybe, I should watch the night sky so I could forget the hunger.

I had walked to the front deck before I froze. My body couldn’t do anything. Even breathing became so hard and my eyes couldn’t look any other way except at that wonderful thing - the thing I didn’t expect to see.

 In the night sky that should make us apart, there existed the moon which was shining through by its light, covering the surface of the endless sea. But only the showing path isn’t enough to confront us. We need a little more hope to tell us that tomorrow will come. There they were, the countless stars which embraced the lonely moon.

He was standing there under the moonlight which was sharpening the features of his body. His wide shoulders in the long white t-shirt, his dark hair color that has a hint of blue, and his tall body. Despite the fact that I could see only his back, my heart was racing so fast that I was afraid he could notice me because of the heart’s beating sound. Well, I didn’t know how someone could look as good as if he had just walked out of the fairy tale book I’d seen one, but now he was there, on my ship, watching the night sky alone.

One memory popped up in my brain out of the blue. It was the day before yesterday. Torao read a drama fiction to me due to his reason that he couldn’t ignore my stubborn ‘play with me Torao’ mode so he had decided to read for me. It was quite a surprise that I found his fiction book was more interesting than I had thought, however, there was one thing I couldn’t understand clearly so I asked him -

“Why do they (the main characters) kiss so much? It’s going to piss me off!”

Torao stared at me, then his lips curved a bit into a small smile.

A deep thought inside me wanted to make him smile more, every time, with me, me alone. Never did I know how selfish I could become until Torao had walked into my life and I had no idea why.

“Because they love each other, and kissing is one of many ways to show how much you love someone, but sometimes you don’t have to love someone enough to kiss him.”

“It sounds complicated… Does it mean Zoro and Sanji are a couple because I’ve seen them kiss one time before.”

Torao’s face became red as if somebody had painted his cheeks with tomato juice while his golden eyes turned the other way.

“I don’t know, but I think there is something going on between them. Maybe there is, maybe there isn’t. You should ask them by yourself. I’m sure they will tell you.”

“Then how do you know when you love someone, Torao?”

“Why do you ask me, Straw Hat-ya? Go to ask Blackleg-ya!”

I bit my lip. Something told me this question must be resolved by his answer, not Sanji who is the love professional. I stared into his eyes and he did the same. We stared at each other a while until he was the first one to break it. Torao sighed heavily, looking at me like he didn’t know what to do with me anymore. He didn’t have to think about it. It was stupid, just do it! I don’t mind as long as Torao was the one who did!

“Why don’t you wake up at 2 AM.  Go to the deck. Watch the stars and the moon, to appreciate how amazing the night sky can be even though they are unreachable.”

“I know the sky with moon and shining stars are beautiful, but how does it answer my question, stupid Torao!”

“Because.” Torao said calmly, “When you love someone, you are going to feel like you’re gazing at a distant star in his eyes. So bright that you don’t know if the stars exist because every goddamn star is in his eyes, more real to you than anything you’ve ever seen.”



I asked. Then he turned his back to face me. It was Torao, but why? Shouldn’t he have been sleeping now? He was sick! He should have been asleep now, absolutely not to standing here, alone, at 2 AM.

"What’re you doing here?”

I walked faster to him than I meant to because my legs wouldn’t listen to my brain then, stopping automatically in front of the other. When I saw him clearly, I couldn’t breathe for a moment. I knew Torao was a handsome looking man with his tall body, the rebellion earrings, the black ink tattoos, and also that I’m cool and I don’t give a fuck about you face. But the problem was this: to be too god-damn good in this thin shirt was too much, I couldn’t accept it! I didn’t want him to wear the white t-shirt again, and please don’t look at me with those dangerous eyes. I could have screamed out, waking everybody out of the blue because of it!

His golden eyes were shining like his piercing earrings.

"The stars.”

I blurted out.


“The stars…”

I could see the sparkling stars in his eyes, it was too bright and so fantastic. It took me a lot of effort to take my eyes off of him. So hard, it was so hard to look somewhere else except his eyes but I needed to prove one thing. Then I watched the stars in the night sky, wondering why they weren’t as bright as those I saw in Torao’s eyes.

Nami told me once the stars were real, no faking one. If we were lost, we should look for the brightest star in the north. I tried to look for the brightest star in the enormous sky but it was nowhere.

Then I looked into Torao’s eyes again.

Oh, I found it.

It was there.

The brightest star was there in his golden eyes.

“Straw Hat-ya?”

Because of his voice, every single piece that had been up in the air was putting itself back together into the picture that I never knew it was before.

The stars were too bright and unreachable. I didn’t know what was real anymore.

I pulled him to me, then kissed him.

Kissing was neither as hard nor as bad as I thought. Instead, it was like cotton candy, coffee, a winter kiss, a sea wind, being mixed up into a drug.

When I used my tongue in his mouth. I knew instantly that everything I’d been looking for was lying here.

Was it real?

Am I real?

Is he real?

Did he kiss me back?

I don’t want to know anymore.

I pulled him away then pushed him hard onto his back, kissing him over and over again until I found out where the real stars existed.

So I think after 6 long years, Lorde has supplanted Florence + the Machine as my favorite artist. I still love Florence, but like… Lorde has been hitting a feeling I can’t explain recently. Ceremonials is one of my favorite albums, but I couldn’t even settle enough to listen to it today. Whereas Pure Heroine and Melodrama have been really soothing lately? 

candlesticksanddaggers  asked:

(Blue is hot when he speaks like that. Just saying. Sometimes his age showing isn’t a bad thing.)

“I certainly have not the talent which some possess of conversing easily with those unknown. I cannot catch their tone or feign interest as I oft see done…

I should indefinitely prefer a book.”

//It takes a lot of time for me to get in an old headspace like that. Can’t do it for quick responses. Terribly sorry old chap.

The hardest part of moving on was reorienting my life without you at its center. It took a while for me to stop considering your favorite foods when I cooked dinner. My apartment has too much blue in it because I know you loved blue and I just couldn’t get the thought out of my brain.

The hardest part of moving on is separating myself from the pieces of you that I’ve adopted. I kept some of them. After all these years I still keep buying blue duvets.

—  Excerpt of a book I’ll never write #090

I walk down this street, my head in my hands.
The glow of the lights flickers and fades.
The sky is a deep blue, and everything shines with its color.
I was born here.
I grew up here.
I fell in love here.
And now, after all these years,
I feel stuck here.

I want to leave;
To just pack my bags and run away.
Far, far away, where these memories will never find me.
But as I walk, my feet on the ground and my head in the clouds,
I can’t help but find myself wondering…

Will I ever leave this neighbourhood, or will I remain until my dying day?
Will things always be stained this tragic, beautiful color?
Painted this dark, nostalgic blue?

—  Someone get me out of this blue neighbourhood (inspired by @troyesivan)

Somebody can tell me how much they hate me, or that I suck, that I’m not funny and that I’m fat, that I was the worst experience they’ve ever had; and I’m okay with that. I know how to accept and live with other people’s criticism. What I can’t handle is being suddenly ignored out of the blue, because then my brain does this thing where it tries to figure out what’s wrong with me, so I start itemizing all the things I fucking hate about myself, with bullet points that have references to real life events with citations and everything.

anonymous asked:

Have you watched American Dragon: Jake Long?

sometimes I’ll just be minding my own business & living my own life when out of the blue my brain will be like: “FROM THE ‘J’ TO THE 'A’ TO THE 'K’ TO THE 'E’ I’M THE MACKDADDY DRAGON OF THE NYC, YA HEARD?”

anonymous asked:

Omg why were you in the hospital??????

Might as well say this now so people understand why I might be snappy (its not because I hate any of you).
Basically we found out that out of the blue my little brother has a brain tumour. He’s in a hospital far away so Im travelling every weekend to see him. My mum is stay with him (obviously). He can’t have chemo as it won’t do anything. He can’t be operated on because he’ll probably die. He can only have radiotherapy for the next 6 weeks.

My brother is my absolute best friend and always has been. I’m so fucking scared about loosing him as he is my absolute world

Can you do a one shot where you ran away from home and you get hurt by the hunters and isaac finds you and takes care of you and is super protective of you? - Anon

I had no recollection of what had happened, why it had happened or where I was. All I knew is something really, really hurt. I pulled back the covers to find I was in a pair of boxers, which were way too big for me and a dismal grey t-shirt. As I swung my legs over the side of the bed, I realised where I was hurting, this was signalled by a shooting pain up the side of my back. I stood up, despite the pain and walked over to a mirror in the corner of the room. Turning around and lifting up the back of my shirt, peering over at a large bandage wrapped around my side. “Ah shit, that must of hurt.” I whispered to myself. 

“Oh you woke up.” A voice said from the other side of the room, I turned around causing a cry of pain to escape my lips. “Careful, your wound is pretty deep.” it was a boy, he looked around my age, I recognised him vaguely, maybe we went to the same school. “Wh-who are you?” I stuttered, backing off into a corner. “Oh, yeah i’m Isaac.” He walked towards me as I backed into a corner. “I’m not gonna hurt you, i’m the one who brought you here, you were hurt, rather badly. But I think you already know that.” He smiled warmly at me, making my heart pound, not out of feelings of fright, but feelings of unknown sources.

“I think I should go, I’m a hazard to be around.” I whispered, walking over to the bed, to try and find my clothes. “I know what you are.” Isaac said out of the blue. “What do you mean?” my brain was going through a million things on what he could mean by that. “I mean, I know, you don’t have to lie about your true form around me. I’m like you.” He came closer to me, not in a scary way though, I kind of enjoyed his presence. “What?” I mumbled, sitting down on the crumpled white sheets. “I know what you are” his voice was sincere and his eyes. “How can you know? You shouldn’t know. I better go, where are my clothes?” I frantically fumbled around trying to find my clothes, his hands came out to hold my shoulders in place, “its ok, we’re the same, you and me. We’re werewolves.” My eyes opened in shock and my lips hung apart.

“Close your mouth you’ll catch flies.” He smiled. “You’re like me.” My brain was a little behind. “Yeah and you’re normal, just like all of us and being normal means not having blood all over you, shall we go change your bandage?” he asked, his hand offering to clutch mine. I nodded, accepting his hand so he could take me wherever we would go. “Isaac.” He looked at me, and nodded “I’m Y/N” “That’s a pretty name, for a pretty girl.” My cheeks did not coordinate with my brain and blushed like crazy.  “Thank you” I muttered, not making eye contact with him. We went to the bathroom where he sat me down on the side of the bath and started to get some new bandages out of the cupboard. “You’re gonna have to, you know.” He gestured to my t-shirt, to tell me I needed to take it off. “Oh, yeah, okay.” He turned around to as if give me some privacy, which was stupid as he would see it any second. “Done.” I said, my shirt was on the bath next to me, and my hands covered my chest. Isaac turned back around to face me. My face was blushing and I couldn’t make eye contact. He bent down to be level with my wound and peeled off the bandage slowly. “It isn’t heeling as fast, the hunters make sure of that.” “Oh yeah, Hunters.” He slowly wiped away the dry blood and put a new bandage on.  

“Done, you can put your t-shirt back on now.” His toothy grin appeared again and my heart fluttered. I pulled my t-shirt over my head and stood up, getting on my tip-toes to reach Isaacs cheek and planting a kiss on it. “Thank you Isaac.” His cheeks flushed a crimson red and he smiled. “Anytime.” He smiled back at me. “What do you want to do?” I asked. “I want to find out why you were running, I want to learn about you.” I gave a small nod as if to say okay, then he took my hand and took me back to where I began. We sat down on the bed facing each other, “So…” he smiled, looking at me expecting an answer. “I was scared. All I knew is that I couldn’t stay around my family being the way I am. I’m a monster, I can’t control it, I can’t control anything.All I remeber was running, really really fast ” I looked down at my hands, nerves got the better of me, but before I knew it Isaac’s lips were on mine and together we were working like clockwork.

He pulled me closer to him, so I was sat on his lap and just kissed me. Our lips moved in sync, as I pulled the back of his head closer to me, his hands playing with my hair.

His lips disconnected from mine and he took a breath. “Wow.”…