blotu

long post, sorry.

Okay, so my dad really hates Stephen Colbert. Like a lot. When I was first watching him back when I was like 12-13 I had to hide the fact that I watched The Colbert Report and The Daily Show. It wasn’t exactly ban in the house, but my dad sure didn’t like it and always said very mean things about Jon and Stephen and the fact that I was watching it. (which has feed into a lot of problems for me in general but this isn’t about that but boy I could go on about that.)

Anyways, a few minutes ago my dad was asking if I wanted to find something to watch on TV. I said sure but “my show” (because saying Stephen’s name in his house is a mortal sin) would be on soon at 10:35. My dad of course scoffed and rolled his eyes. I shrugged it off because that’s all I can do. Then an idea popped into my head and I was like…

“You know Anthony Scaramucci is going to be on the show Monday.” and explained a bit about ‘front stabbing’ and the fact that The Mooch is bringing Stephen a knife. Then I went on, “do you wanna watch that one with me?” He shook his head. “No, thanks.” sarcastically. I said, “is it because you think Scaramucci will be saying Anti-Trump things?” He responded by saying: “it’s not that. I just can’t stand Colbert.” So this started the argument. 

I can’t pull too many direct quotes, and I was kinda antagonizing him. But basically he was talking about the “hateful rhetoric” and how it’s “a wonder no one has been hurt” because of it and stuff. Which just…struck me so hard. Because my dad thinks that Stephen Colbert, a comedian, saying something like “POTUS; you’re the ‘BLOTUS.” and all the following insults is hateful rhetoric but that what Trump says isn’t hateful rhetoric. 

How? Just how? How? How????? How is it that Trump’s remarks aren’t considered hateful? I do not understand how Stephen saying “I love your presidency. I call it ‘Disgrace the Nation,‘” is worse and more hurtful than Trump mocking a disabled reporter at a rally or the fact that he said he would ban transgender people from military service or that his racism is more acceptable than Stephen saying. “only thing your mouth is good for is being Vladimir Putin’s cock holster.” (which as a bisexual man, I had no problem with that joke). 

Then he went on to be like “these people need to respect the office of the president. If people said the things like this about Obama it wouldn’t have been allowed!” and all that conservative bullshit. PEOPLE DID SAY TERRIBLE, AWFUL THINGS ABOUT OBAMA YET OBAMA DIDN’T MAKE A FAKE NEWS OUTLET TO PUSH HIS PROPAGANDA. What’s even more is that they often tried to de-legitimize Obama. On top of that a lot of the jokes/comments/rhetoric against Obama were driven by hate and racism while what is said against Trump is shit like “The only thing smaller than your hands are your tax returns.” 

How can people compare making a joke about Tiny Hands having tiny hands to people lynching fake Obama dolls in their yards and stuff? I don’t understand how people can stick by such a hateful man. A hateful man that spouts hateful rhetoric that HAS ALREADY GOTTEN PEOPLE HURT. 

A satirical joke is not equal to hate speech. All presidents get people making jokes about them. What’s different here is that people can’t respect the office because the man in the office is disrespectful. 

So like 12 thousand years before the OT the Republic voted a guy named Contispex I into the office of Supreme Chancellor who was part of a then-prominent, popular religious order called Pius Dea. Both he and the religious order he adhered to were super xenophobic, and through him the Republic started a series of crusades against a wide variety of non-Humans and non-Human sympathizers, initially beginning by an invasion into Hutt Space (which was easily fueled by a popular hatred towards the species). After he stepped down, his successors continued the crusades for, oh, nearly a thousand fucking years. 

It took the Jedi Order 32 years after the start of these crusades to decide they didn’t want to have anything to do with this (good job guys), so they decided to retreat to Ossus. (Side note: Ossus is the strategically-important world that, earlier in galactic history, the Jedi used as a fortress and base for launching reconnaissance/attacks into the Tion Cluster and Hutt Space. Interesting.)

They stayed on Ossus for the remainder of that thousand-ish years while the Republic continued to wage its xenophobic wars and conduct purges over the course of nineteen Supreme Chancellors’ terms. It took the Caamasi coming to the Jedi and asking them to intervene before they decided to get involved yet again in galactic affairs (of course it had to be a long-time closely-associated culture like the Caamasi to get their attention, lol). 

So the Jedi spent the next few years in planning their coup. They recruited the Bureau of Ships and Services, who implanted a rogue code into the Republic’s fleet so that when the Jedi gathered their forces and the Republic ships jumped into hyperspace to engage them, it scrambled their trajectory and spat them out into deep space with blank navicomputers and useless hyperdrives, leaving them to drift between the stars and starve to death. (This seems to be a recurring Jedi trick, doesn’t it?) 

So anyway, the Jedi formed a strike team, forcibly removed the Supreme Chancellor from power, suspended the Galactic Senate, and just for good measure also rooted out every single adherent to the Pius Dea religious order from any political office

They installed one of their own, Jedi Master Biel Ductavis, as Supreme Chancellor who, totally coincidentally right guys, also ended up being the Grand Master of the entire Jedi Order. 

We have zero information on how long he was in power and what his rule was like, which has me raising eyebrows because you’d think that since the Jedi Order has such influence on how Republic history is recorded, they’d be all “and his tenure was a time of peace and prosperity, etc etc” but there’s nothing.

Which is particularly odd because the next Supreme Chancellor we have any information on is one of my favourites, and he definitely has that “ushered in a time of renowned peace and prosperity across the whole galaxy” thing down. To the point where the GFFA historians go ape-shit over him in the praise department. 

So with all that previous fuckery said, can we just take a moment to appreciate that one of the greatest figures in Old Republic history wasn’t the self-installed Jedi Master, but instead was (actually voted in like his predecessor should have been) Supreme Chancellor Blotus the Hutt. He served in that capacity for 275 years, was beloved by Senate and citizen alike, and ushered in an era of largely-unparalleled peace and prosperity - even the Jedi and the Sith didn’t have any quarrels while he was in power. 

…I honestly forgot why I decided to write about this. It isn’t really even meta so much as a history lesson. I’m totally tagging it as meta though because it’s my blog and I’ll post if I want to. ||D

I have also come up with a name so I don’t have to utter the phrase “President-Elect” before Trump. His name will now be BLOTUS: Blowhard Loser of the United States, or Twitler. What do you think?