How to play Mercy
So you think you got what it takes to be a Mercy main? Ok, let’s see, here are the basics:
- Before you start your game, make sure you have at least one bottle of Vodka beause oh my god you are going to need it.
- As soon as you enter your game say ‘Hello’ and wave in an effort to make the team care about you. If they don’t say ‘Hello’ back then ignore them for the rest of the game - they are on your naughty list.
- If there is a friendly Pharah who said ‘Hello’ back then you are basically married. Make sure to keep her alive at all costs. She flies into an ulting Reaper? Follow her. You fly and die together.
- Mercys pistol does a surprising amount of damage! Use it. Be the Battle Mercy you always wanted to be and bathe in the blood of your enemies and of your own team mates that are screaming for healing all over the place.
- Make sure to teabag when your entire team dies and you have your ult ready. Bonus points if you sit on the ground, let the camera linger, spray, resurrect, and then teabag. Everyone will love your POTG especially the Genji whose quintuple kill you just negated.
- As Mercy you are the center of the univese. When someone isn’t close enough for Guardian Angel let them die. You are the ruler over life and death and they have to learn their place. Establish dominance.
- The sooner you accept that people are not going to vote for you even if you heal 62% of the overall damage, the better off you will be. Accept that the Roadhog’s 40% Hook-Accuracy is more important.
- Shove your staff up the tanks ass and let your ult charge on them. Ignore the dying flankers, there are health packs for them. Ignore the Mei that is currently freezing your co-healer, Ressurect has priority over everything.
- You will scream a lot. Prepare in advance and get Ricola^TM for the maximum swiss feel.
- Ignore the Genjis. They have the blood of your sisters on their hands - they don’t deserve healing.