blonde tom

@ Hollywood, hire me. I fixed the new Mummy movie without even watching a trailer

Tom Cruise and Young Hot Blonde™ enter the crypt, Tom in the lead because he is the manly protector. Their flashlight beams eventually illuminate a sarcophagus carved in the likeness of a beautiful Princess. 

Tom Cruise approaches the sarcophagus, moves to open it. 

Young Hot Blonde™: Don’t do the thing.

Tom Cruise: I’m going to do the thing. *Shoves sarcophagus open*

They cough as dust fills the air. Just as it begins to clear, Brendan Frasier shoots upright, drawing his gun and immediately shooting Tom Cruise in the head.

“I thought I told Evy not to put me down for mummification,” he mutters as he looks at his surroundings. He is inexplicably not decomposed or mummified, just vaguely wrapped in Charmin. Glances at a now very dead Tom Cruise. “Oops.”

Young Hot Blonde™: How… how did this happen?

Brendan Frasier: Well, it’s a long story, I’ll have to start at the beginning.

Then they just replay the entirety of ‘The Mummy’ (1999).

After credits scene:

Young Hot Blonde™: That still doesn’t explain how you ended up alive in a sarcophagus in the year 2017.

Brendan Frasier: Oh, yeah, no fucking clue. 

Sofia Boutella photographed by Jean-Baptiste Mondino for Numéro, February 2013.

List of people who should have played Grindelwald

-Colin Farell
- the guy who played him in deathly hallows
- a mop
- tom hiddleson
- daniel Radcliffe in a blonde wig
- tom Felton
- matt smith
- David Tennant
- the kid from home alone
- a snake
- a shadow from a subway sub
- Judy Dench
- the ghost of Shakespeare
- me in a blonde wig