Things I can’t deal with: “aces aren’t oppressed because not being sexual is considered pure and good”
Yeah, if you’re a white woman. I am sick and tired of people dismissing the complicated relationships POC have to sexuality (in the “being sexual” sense, not the orientation sense, though that’s it’s own maze of complexity). And when we do talk about, it’s solely about hypersexualization, which is only half of the puzzle.
Brown and black people of all genders are also desexualized. That’s true overall, but I can only speak in detail about the experience of being a south asian brown woman. Me being non-sexual is NOT seen as pure and good. It’s seen as my default state. Even more so because I am not thin by any definition (fat people, and fat POC in particular, have that extra layer of desexualization to deal with). I am not “pure” when I don’t have sex and “dirty” when I do. Non-sexual is seen as my “natural” state of being. Having sexual desire/being sexual, for a brown fat girl, speeds right on past “dirty” and into “repulsive”. It’s not naughty or scandalous, it’s unnatural, gross, the abject.
Asexuality as an identity is already so much to try to grapple with when you have this history of colonialism and white supremacy defining what it means to be sexual. I don’t fucking need white lgbt people preaching to me about how society ~values~ lack of sexuality/sexual desire, when imposing that lack upon us has been one of the historical tools of white supremacy.
On a separate but related note - it also smacks very much to me of the whole “society’s ideal woman is bisexual”! Which again a) completely misunderstands the definition of the identity and b) imposes a ridiculously narrow white-centric understanding of sexuality onto the whole goddamn world.
So I was emailing a friend last night from work where I volunteer. And she had a story to tell me. I texted her a few questions afterwards just to clear things up a bit. She is giving me permission to post, and the friend who told her what happened also said it was okay, and that she didn’t mention the year just in case but you can assume when it was by “four years”. Also, she uses my birth name here, because I’m not out to everyone, just keep in mind. The blacked out parts in the second pic (third and fourth email) are about work so I didn’t want to include it. Names are protected for reasons, as I know both person A and B to some extent. *ignore any spelling errors. It was very late last night*
ok I just want to make something clear, if I take ages to answer to you or don’t at all, it doesn’t mean I don’t care abt you, pls I try my best but I’m mentaly ill and sometimes I can’t even find motivation to feed myself much less to talk to people, so pls if you feel hurt tell me about it sometime later when I’m feeling better or something, but don’t act petty towards me or call me bad names, it really makes me feel bad and I really don’t need that kinda toxicity in my life