You have the BEST stories! Can you tell me a bedtime story?
i will tell you a story friends, and probably you will regret asking me to do so, because its not really a very restful story. i….dont really have any of those.
this is the story of how steve and a horse almost gave me a heart attack.
back when i was a kid, cars were a thing that existed but were mostly really really expensive, so horses were still a common sight on the streets of brooklyn. most of these horses were exceedingly large, calm animals; they hauled around big carts of stuff on crowded streets. back then, milk was delivered to your doorstep by a milkman. the milkman who worked our block was mr. davies, and he was this very nice older black gentleman. i mention that he’s black because racism was Very Much A Thing (oh how times have changed). but mr davies always had peppermint candies in his pockets to give to thunderhead, his horse, and he would always give one to stevie and i if he saw us. so stevie loved mr davies, and if anyone was being disrespectful towards him because he was black, stevie would pretty much blow his top. mr davies loved steve for it, of course. but since mr daives didnt want to get steve in trouble, he’d usually whistle me over (if i wasnt already there) to haul steve off before he did something drastic. mr davies was great like that.
anyway, mr davies was around every morning dropping off milk with thunderhead. thunderhead was this huge dapple grey horse, i think a percheron?? a big draft horse, with hooves about the size of a dinner plate. aside from her size, her name was probably the most intimidating thing about her, because she was the most mild-mannered horse ive ever met. she would let all the little neighborhood kids climb all over her, and mr davies would usually let two or three of us ride on her back down the street. she never really noticed the extra weight. i think that if mr davies ever slept in, thunderhead would go walk his route without him. she loved stevie too–but for very different reasons. steve’s hair apparently looked exactly like hay to her, so she’d wander over and start lipping the top of his head. she never nipped or anything, but steve always got amusingly flaily when she did it, and i always suspected she thought it was funny.
one boiling hot summer morning, steve and i were sitting on the front steps of our building, just wasting time. it was early, but already awfully hot out, so when mr davies rounded the corner, steve decided to go meet him, but i stayed on the steps. it was hot. i didnt wanna move.
anyway, steve went trotting down the block, said hi to old mrs mckinnon, who was on her way to get groceries, and was about a hundred feet away from mr davies and thunderhead when the wind picked up. it was a very nice refreshingly cool breeze, which picked up some of the debris–old newspapers and leaves and such–hanging around and tossed it across the road.
now, if you know horses, you know that sometimes they get terrified by utterly ridiculous things. im told many horses nowadays think plastic bags are the minions of evil, and horses back then were much the same. id never seen thunderhead scared before, but i guess a bit of newspaper whipped in front of her and was the spitting image of Pony Satan himself, because her eyes went white around the edges and she took off running. mr davies was around back of the cart, getting milk out, so there was nobody at the reins to stop her. she went tearing down the block, the cart bouncing along behind, like there was a pack of slavering borzoi chasing after. and of course she was headed right at steve and old mrs mckinnon.
steve, being the brave little idiot he was, didnt run; old mrs mckinnon wouldnt be able to get out of the way in time, so he stood his ground, flung his arms out, and waited to get trampled by a rogue milk cart. all of us there thought we were gonna be scraping tiny blonde guy off the pavement, because thunderhead just kept going.
but about ten feet away from steve, thunderhead must have recognized him, because she went to a screeching stop. four feet down, all her knees locked, skiddin on the cobblestones. normally, she’d probably have been able to stop in that distance, but she was still harnessed to that heavy milk cart, so instead she plowed right into stevie, chest first.
he went flying. he mustve gone about six feet through the air, and he hit the ground and just laid there like a sack of really dead potatoes. i thought he must have broken his little toothpick spine. poor thunderhead looked just as scared as i was, because she got her feet back under her and crept up on him like the cart wasnt jangling right behind her. she dropped her nose down and started whuffing and lipping at his hair, and he popped up like a damn weasel. little moron was fine. he nearly gave me and mr davies and old mrs mckinnon and thunderhead all a heart attack, but he was fine.
and mr davies gave him his whole bag of peppermints, and mrs mckinnon gave him a chocolate, so he didnt even learn to not do stupid shit like that.
At the grocery store I haven’t worked at for 12 years, I’d brought my mom along to help with the shopping. Several things had already gone wrong that day so I was a bit short tempered. I went to take my mom’s walker back to the car while we used one of the scooter carts (because expecting the store to be liable for it while we shopped was just unreasonable). There was an empty cart blocking the walkway which, because it was empty and near the entrance, I assumed had just been left there, so I moved it while muttering about people “not being able to keep shit out of the way.”
When I came back in from putting the walker away, some old white man starts swearing for moving his cart and saying “Hey, you have a boss and you’re already on thin ice as it is you little asshole!” When I came back with “What the fuck are you talking about?” and turned around to ignore him and help my mom with the scooter cart, this guy gets up, yells “Hey, you little shit, learn to respect your customers!” and rammed his cart into my hip and leg before he walked away.
I kinda broke down crying at that point because 1- I was now in horrific pain (because of genetic issues, my joints are made of tissue paper and I bruise if you look at me too hard), and 2- after an already long and shitty day, I really didn’t expect someone to assault me for ignoring their bullshit. One of the store’s managers came over to see why there was a dude in tears by the front door yelling “I could press charges for that you asshole.” So I gave her a description of the dude that attacked me and mentioned several times that I didn’t blame the store for it (and wasn’t going to sue).
I really hope he went to a manager to complain about the “horrible employee that grabbed his cart” so he gets his ass banned for committing literal criminal assault against another customer because he was annoyed. Seriously, fuck that customer. I hope he bangs his shins on every sharp-edged piece of furniture he encounters for the rest of his life.
Killian Jones is going to lose his mind. He’s never going to sleep again. Because there is an alien living in the apartment above his. And maybe he’s ok with it. Yeah, definitely losing his mind.
Or: Trope-a-palooza for CS AU Week 2k17
AN: I have no explanation for this other than some kind of weird, self-competitive streak where I was like don’t write this and my brain was like haha, just kidding, write it. So, here we are, 8K later and, at last count, I think I’ve managed to shoehorn in five different tropes into those eight-thousand words.
He’s going to murder whoever moved in above him – it’ll be awful and Killian will enjoy every second of it because if he murders whoever just moved into the apartment above his he might be able to actually get a few seconds of sleep.
So my moron customer of the day is a real doozy. Skinny bitch with a pinched face, asshole son driving one of our electric carts around and around the front of the store while wearing one of our hats with the tag torn off. When I got there she had the electric’s basket full and was working on filling a THIRD full size cart with random crap from the 1-5 dollar area known as [redacted]. [Which is my area to zone.]
Security is watching her, the front line manager is watching her, two upper managers are watching her, I’m watching her and we’re all waiting for her to put something in her giant ass fake Gucci purse where one of us can see it.
So I suggest to security that we tell her kid to get off the cart because, you know, someone disabled might want it? We get the okay and she takes 15 minutes to slowly unload the fucking electric while security stares at her.
I see that she’s got two full carts lined up at the lanes and security says there was a guy who came in sort of checking her out. We think he’s the getaway driver. Basically push-out is a type of shoplifting. You just fill a cart and scoot outside with it. Once you’re outside you can stand there loading your car and all we can do is call for the police and hope they get there in time. So I drive a line of carts in the way to block the two full carts behind the checkout lanes. We know there’s no chance in hell she’s gonna pay for this stuff and we’re all tense watching to see what goes down.
She’s crouched down below the [redacted] display just loading shit up by the handful and finally, finally, our HR manager, goes up and says something to her. And this bitch got shrill. The guy comes sliding over and the two of them start arguing. Apparently he ‘broke down on the highway’ and she came in here with the kid for some reason. We think maybe she wanted to push out and he refused to do it?
And as they’re storming off, HR goes “so are you going to pay for the food you ate?” [Boom bitch] So I’m like “I can take you over here at the service desk”. And she had nothing. She made the guy pay for the ten dollars worth of food and stomped off back into the store for a few minutes while he flailed. And I asked if he was going to pay for the hat. He refused but I can’t do anything. [The kid had greasy hair and he’d been wearing it for at least two, maybe three hours.] She comes back with a bag and wants to do a return. [Hoo boy. Return fraud is common, steal a thing and then return it with no reciept for store credit. But guess what? I get to refuse if it’s shady.]
She’s got three things. Two of them I find on her card and do the return and she’s crying. I tell her I’m not taking back the clutch cause she has no proof of purchase. I didn’t even give a reason. She was incredulous as fuck but too damn bad. She says it’s not fair and I just shrugged. Too bad. You’re just mad cause you didn’t get to steal as much from us as you wanted too. [We think she may have gotten away with a fitbit.] But when they were done doing the recovery recipt it was over $3000 worth of random accessories and dollar item stuff. It took me FOUR hours to put it all back with a bit of help and minimal inturruption. Fuck your tears. That shit comes out of our hours for the whole store.
Hiya! May I request an nsfw where shinsou and his s/o are playing video games together and then it goes from there. Thank you!
So I’ve been super busy and I am so sorry so to make it up to y’all here is literally 5 pages of smut featuring a submissive Shinsou and more video game description than was technically necessary. If anyone wants to know yes they’re playing overwatch and yes Shinsou is a D.va main.
“Bullshit I was just about to use my ult!” Your boyfriend practically shouted as DEFEAT flashed across the tv screen in red. You glanced up from your laptop grinning at the sight of Shinsou holding his controller over his head without even realizing while his face was scrunched in anger.
“Sounds like someone’s a sore loser.” you couldn’t help but brag slightly, while Shinsou glared at you playfully.
“(Y/N) you just got lucky, if I’d had a few more seconds I would’ve cleared the point completely and you know it.”
“Prove it in the next game, Hitoshi, and then maybe I’ll believe you.” You laughed.
“Oh I will, and then I think we should play a different game.” it was an innocent enough sentence, but the tone of his voice and the slight smirk on his face changed the meaning drastically.
“Well, if I win, then you have to do everything I say for the rest of the afternoon.” you certainly weren’t one to back down from a challenge. The two of you chose characters and waited until the 30 second countdown finished and the doors opened for both teams.
Feyre and Nesta have an intriguing conversation leading Nesta to wonder more about what she is feeling for Cassian. Meanwhile Cassian is planning a trip to the mountains where the cabin is. This is a trip that the inner circle makes, but Cassian wonders if someone else would be willing to join.
“So are you dating yet or not?”
Feyre asked while sipping her tea in the coffee shop.
rolled her eyes. Of course her sister would jump to that question.
hear you denying it,” Feyre leaned closer with a grin.
didn’t hear me confirm anything
either,” Nesta paused. “Perhaps what you heard was a thing I like to call mind your own business.”
Feyre laughed. “Come on Nesta! It’s
been weeks since the dance and I swear the tension between you and Cassian has
been growing by the minute!” Feyre set her cup down. “You even went over to his
house to learn how to bake those brownies that all of us love. He never would
even give us the recipe yet you got to have your own little baking session with
Nesta took a long drink of her tall
coffee. She needed it at this rate. “As I recall you and the rest of the inner
circle go to Cassian’s apartment for meals too. I don’t see you hounding Azriel
asking him if he’s Cassian’s boyfriend. In fact Mor mentioned that Azriel is
the only one that Cassian lets handle the meat in the kitchen.”
Feyre choked on her drink and
coughed roughly as she swallowed her hot tea.
Meanwhile Nesta smirked knowing the
full effect her words intended.
“I’ll give you points for that,”
Feyre rubbed her eyes at the forming tears. Whether those tears came from
coughing or the urge of holding in laughter was unclear to Nesta.
“Maybe I should call Cassian and
ask if he is already taken?” Nesta reached for her phone, but Feyre waved her
“No need,” Feyre said with a hint
of a smile. “We already know that there is only one person that Cassian wants
to handle his meat and it’s not
Azriel.” Feyre waggled her brows and Nesta couldn’t bite back the chuckle that
escaped her lips.
“Okay fine, but seriously Mor
mentioned something about-,” Nesta’s voice trailed off before she whispered the
final words. “Male appendages and how Azriel’s is the biggest of Rhysand and
“We all know that,” Feyre shrugged.
“What?!” Nesta’s eyes widened and
dropped her voice back down at the stares she received. “You mean that the guys
told you or…? I know Mor would have an idea about Cassian’s, but I doubt she
has seen Rhysand or Azriel in that state of…undress to make a comparison.”
“You can tell by their arm span,”
Feyre spread her arms wide as if they were wings. “The larger the arm span, the
larger other…parts are.”
“You’re joking,” Nesta said
deadpanned. When Feyre didn’t say anything Nesta shook her head in disbelief.
“So since Azriel has the
biggest…arm span,” Nesta rolled her eyes at the ridiculousness of the words.
“Who has the smallest?”
Feyre sipped her tea, but the coy
smile was visible enough.
-I entered the store to find a child barely old enough to speak demanding coffee from their parents, and I understand.
-I witnessed a man in his eighties with a very long yet well-maintained beard, an all-over print shirt of a grizzly bear, and a hat that read, “Happy! Happy! Happy!” The amount of respect I hold for him cannot be put into words, but I will try: lots.
-A young child sprinted ahead of his family towards my register, Christmas cookie cutters held victoriously above his head, shouting, “CHECK OUT! CHECK OUT!” I see no fault in any part of this.
-An older woman and her thirty-something daughter came through my lane with separate purchases. The elder remarked that the younger was free to pay for her purchase. This seemed to have sparked an idea in her mind, as the mother set off on a lecture directed at me to remind me to take care of my parents. In a moment of panic, not wishing to be on the receiving end of the lecture anymore, I informed her that I was actually an orphan. I am not proud of this, but I knew that it would be worse were I to inform her that I was not serious and that she had just been pranked. She was taken aback, but only missed a beat. Still searching for a target for her lecture, she told me that all good parents should also take care of their children. I began to feel bad for my hypothetical parents, being attacked like this for having done nothing, so I did the only logical thing to shift the blame off of them. I informed the woman that my parents had actually been killed, so that was not really on them. I was in too deep to turn back now. I had to commit to this tortured past that I had stolen from the likes of Bruce Wayne and Harry Potter. The conversation dwindled after that, but I could see the feelings of guilt behind her face, and I could sense the feelings of bewilderment at myself behind mine.
-I heard a woman ask, “Do you need me to make it sticky?” I do not know the context, but I know that no circumstances exist that would warrant someone to say yes to this.
-Looking at a sticker I handed her son, a woman remarked, “This dog has bunny ears,” in the same tone of voice one would say, “This sinful atrocity is a zoological nightmare!”
-I handed a woman an automatically-printed coupon for menstrual pads. She looked it at, then looked me in the eyes, forcefully handed it back to me, and told me, “I will never, ever use that.” I felt that I offended her deeply and found myself apologizing on behalf of the printer.
-I thought that a girl was returning a cart properly. I appreciated this. She then simply barricaded a lane with the cart, blocking all traffic, and fled the scene. I somehow appreciated this even more.
-A man became very upset with me, after finding out that while his son had purchased two bags full of items at the next lane for $40, I had rang up his daughter at mine for one bag and charged her $70. He insisted that it was unfair that I charged more per bag than my coworker. When one of his children said that he did not need to be giving me trouble like this, the man loudly stated that someone had to. My knee-jerk reaction was to inform him that I would be just fine without it and that no one had to bother giving me trouble. This seemed to work, and the reasonable man with the unique outlook on how items are purchased left the store calmly without another word.
-A young girl rhythmically chanted the phrase “chubby puppies” with various inflections, which I thought was great. I then found out that it was actually the name of an entire franchise of toys, which I thought was amazing.
-Upon being asked if she had found everything alright, an elderly woman remarked that she was not planning on buying anything, but then saw her purchase on the shelf and simply had to have it. Before I could respond and offer solidarity in that experience, I saw what she was buying. I have never found myself in a position where I felt an intense need to own four cans of chicken stock, but now I hope I one day do so.
-In the last several weeks, several separate men have used the same leather wallet covered in the logo of The Flash. I do not know what has caused this sudden rise in popularity of the fastest man alive among middle-class white males in southwestern Virginia, but I will investigate.
-Cat Lady passed me on her way out with an empty cart and informed me that she would be back. She did indeed return a few hours later, but she left once again with nothing in hand. Regardless, I was happy to find she was a woman of her word.
-A white man bought a large stack of Tyler Perry’s Madea films, seeming to be fully unaware that he may not be the target audience for this.
-Two young women came through my lane, corrupting a youth by teaching the young child accompanying them to chant the name Trump. As soon as this infant was not receiving attention anymore, he began to scream and cry until someone looked at him. Clearly this baby had tapped into chaos magick and invoked the spirit of Donald Trump, as his impression was spot-on.
-The man who walks laps through our doors and leaves struck the store again tonight. I hope to one day learn more of his motivations.
-I served a white man with greasy dreadlocks who reeked of weed, stereotypes, and ignorant racism.
-Upon exiting a restroom stall after unloading the trucks, so to speak, I found two men at the urinals, hands against the wall as if being arrested, whizzing into the wind as if being free, passionately discussing the pros and cons of Call of Duty: Black Ops II. I hope to one day have a friend this close.
-As the store closed, a young woman came through my lane, accompanied by a man who seemed to be looking for any excuse to verbally abuse her. He went out to their car, at which point she seemed to nearly break into tears. I gently asked if she was alright, and she told me how he was her former boss and, after giving her a small loan, felt entitled to treat her this way. We bonded over how terrible men can be, how those who treat women this way are compensating for plenty of faults of their own, and how no one deserved to be treated this way. She thanked me at the end of our conversation, nearly ten minutes past close, telling me that I was able to help keep her from crying and helped her recover her night. I hope that she knows that she does not need to put up with this, that he is a horrible man, and that she has every right to swing a brick towards his Nether Realm at any time at her own discretion.
Ahhh it was so good!
I love protective Vinnie to bits.
Does Orton not have security around his house to keep out the crazies?
I’m not complaining about Block being carted off in a potted plant. Orton could make a nice decoration out that.
Scott tricking Savannah and Brick was awesome. It’s nice to see them prone to failure as well.
I like how the selfie actually had a purpose in revealing the humans location.
We can add Daddy Pistachion to the kids AU!!! He’s the best plant daddy in the world!!!
Personally I would’ve just dual wielded the broken hedge trimmers.
The design on the Transporter is different in this episode. Did they have to get a new one?
Diogee is a good boy.
Melissa would probably run her own insurance company that deals with specifically Murphy’s Law.
I’ll have to talk about the plot points later once I get a chance to rewatch the episode.
Scenario: My friend just put me in a shopping cart and wheeled me around the store but they lost control so now I’m covered in dairy products and my back hurts and the cute store assistant looks really concerned and I’m covered in cheese Genre: Fluff Word Count: 2,621
“Hoseok, I don’t think this a good idea…”
“Of course it is, (Y/N)-ah! It’ll be fun. Trust me. Have I ever let you down before?”
“Actually, yes, and I think I still have that bruise on my knee that says otherwise—!”
“Okay, in you go!”
“Hoseok!” You protest loudly, but it’s no use, because Hoseok has already lifted you up by the waist, proceeding to dump you rather unceremoniously into the grocery cart. It wouldn’t have mattered how much you fought against his hold, because the end fact remains that Hoseok is and will always be much stronger than you, and trying to fight him is like trying to fight a bull. “We’re going to get in trouble!”
“Nonsense!” Hoseok retorts boldly, readying himself behind the cart, hands moving up to grip the handles. “If you lived life the safe way, where exactly do you think you’d be?”
“Uh, at home without that bruise on my knee?” You counter sarcastically, gripping the sides of the shopping cart for extra measures.
Hoseok pretends not to hear you as he prepares the cart at the end of the aisleway.”Okay, ready to go (Y/N)?”
I was playing in a casual tf2 server on a payload map and it was a pretty fun game. I was playing scout and my team was pretty competent and we all worked together, but there was this one heavy who was just the nicest dude ever. He was really understanding when shit went wrong and he was also really good at heavy.
At one point of the payload round we’re starting to get our asses kicked but we manage to hold them the last point on goldrush, and near the end of the round as we’re about to win the enemy team comes in with an ubered heavy, ubered soldier and a full fucking shitstorm of demospam and our defense just collapses. Nearly every single person on our team (including me) gets wiped out.
BUT THIS FUCKIN GAMER
HE GETS TO THE CART AND HE JUST SITS BESIDE IT AND BODYBLOCKS IT AGAINST FUCKIN 8 GUYS SHOOTING AT HIM
AND WHEN HE’S NEARLY DEAD HE HIDES BEHIND THE CART AND MANAGES TO EAT HIS SANDWICH AND COMES BACK AT FULL HEALTH
AND HE BLOCKS THE CART INTO OVERTIME AND OUR TEAM RESPAWNS AND WE PUSH THEM BACK AND WE WIN.
DA REAL MVP
I added him on steam and made this poster commemorating his epic stand.
I’m coining a new term: “cart blocked.” When the blue lines of a handicapped parking spot are filled with carts, they make the spot useless to anyone who needs the lines to get out a wheelchair, walker, rollator, or their own disabled human body. I would not be able to get my wheelchair out. This Kroger store is a “super” Kroger, and yet only has about six handicapped parking spots, meaning one blocked spot is a serious problem. Everyone buys groceries, including cripples. Every I time I go I pass people in chairs, with canes, using the scooters. Most of us need the spots.
The issue is two-fold. Ablebodied people often shove their carts in the blue lines rather than walk the longer way to the cart corral or into the store. And some disabled people are forced to leave their carts there because it’s too difficult to make the trek to the corral or store; the issue here being that the staff are always too slow in clearing the spaces. I’ve gone into this metro Detroit Kroger, shopped for forty minutes or more, and come out to see lines still filled. This picture is from summer, but this is a frequent occurrence.
How can ableds help? Don’t be a cart blocker. You can help by stopping by the customer service desk and letting them know there are carts filling a handicapped spot if you see it, and if you see someone trying to stash their cart there, call them out. Explain to the store or the cart blocker why it’s a problem. If you see a disabled person putting groceries in their car, you can very politely offer to take the cart back for them. Do remember, though, not to get pushy, invasive, or offended if they say “no.” They might be able to do it themselves. If you’re feeling spritely, and see a cart in a spot alone, you can run it to the corral or store yourself. Keep in mind, it’s the store’s job to do this, so also keep on the customer service desk if you see carts languishing frequently. Be polite but pushy when it comes to people violating disabled people’s spaces. This is not acceptable shit.
i’m definitely getting a cold and just thinking about having to work for the next few days makes me want to jump in front of a car
anyway here’s a list of stuff that would really, really make my day if customers could consider when visiting any kind of retail or service establishment
1) please have your shit together before you come up to the register
this includes having all of your items with you that you intend to purchase, your wallet with your cash/card, your store card if applicable (or the correct information to look you up), ALL of your coupons that you want to use.
If you’re using coupons, read them BEFORE HAND. check the dates, check the restrictions. For my sake and for the sake of all the customers behind you, don’t be one of those people who dumps an unorganized envelope of coupons on the counter and spends 15 minutes going through it to find the one(s) you might be able to use. If you’re gonna do the coupon thing, you need to establish your game plan before you even get on line. Because…
2) there are a finite number of employees in the store and it’s less than you would like
My favorite question is the huffy “isn’t there anyone on the floor that can help me?” The answer is “no.” In my store there is me, who can’t go more than 10 feet from the counter before someone needs me up there again, and a manager, who has a big list of stuff to do which frequently takes them off the floor. Why are there 4 registers (5 if you count the photo department one) and only 1 employee? Good fucking question. I don’t know! maybe there was a time when they all got used but even on major Holidays we can only get 3 registers running.
I can and will call the manager to help out, but when it’s busy i’m gonna need you to understand that I can’t stop mid-transaction to help you, I can’t abandon the line to help you, and the manager is currently already helping someone so please bear with us and one of us will help you as soon as we can.
3) please do not assume you know how the store runs if you haven’t worked in retail at any point in the last like, 5 years maybe
I guess, at some point in history, corporations were actually kinda sorta efficient. maybe they had multiple employees and overnight hours to get things done. I wouldn’t fucking know but that’s the impression i get from people who spout bewildered comments about how understaffed we are, or complain that the deliveries aren’t being unpacked in a timely manner and that we should be doing that unpacking after the store closes because it looks messy.
bitch, we go HOME when the store closes. they (the great corporate overlords, I assume) don’t want to fucking pay us to stay late. Even if they DID, who’s gonna stay? we have like, 5 total employees, and 4 of them need to be available the next day to work during store hours. the 5th probably just got finished with a 9 hour shift and legally cannot stay overnight because you think the stacks of totes are unsightly.
the ubiquitous they, their motto is probably “do more with less (’or you’re fired’ is implied)”
4a) my counter is not a dumping ground, please take a hand basket or cart
i don’t sit at the register with my thumb up my ass all day. i have a list of tasks i need to at least try and accomplish, and it involves scurrying out from behind the counter as fast as i can before someone needs me again.
if you come up to the register and dump all your stuff there and say “haha i didn’t think i’d need a basket, can i just leave this here? thanks, I just need to grab a few more things,” i want you to know that i hate you. you’re locking me in place at the counter now, because i don’t know WHEN you’re actually ready. I especially hate you if you make multiple trips to just keep dumping stuff on the counter.
it’s inconsiderate to me, and it’s also wildly inconsiderate to other customers when they’re ready to pay while you’re still rummaging around for shit, because you’ve taken over their space.
Even if you’re just getting a few things, TAKE A HAND BASKET. there’s a mountain of them, and I’d rather you have it and not need it.
4b) please but the hand basket or cart away, oh my god, don’t just leave it in front of the register are you 12???
my job is to provide you with a pleasant shopping experience, and clean up the occasional accidental mess. it is not, however, to be your nanny.
our particular store has a cart corral and hand basket stack right inside the door. You come in, you grab one. You leave, YOU PUT IT BACK. It’S RIGHT ALONG THE WAY. People, grown-ass adults, will literally finish at the register, take their bags, and leave the cart in the GOD DAMN WAY of the next person. and it’s not a rare occurrence! it’s constant! every day! multiple times a day! there’ll just be 5 carts practically blocking the whole door and register area when there’s a line, like, what the fuck people
5) Do Not Remove Anything From The Shelf Unless You Intend To Buy It
piggybacking off of “i’m not your nanny,” if you take something off of the shelf, please try not to mess up everything in a 5 foot radius of that item. if you knock some things askew, please fix them. please. because imagine what you just did, multiply it by 500. we have to clean that up every day, on top of a billion other tasks. it would seriously help all of us out so much if you’d just fix stuff that you knock out of place. I’m not saying you need to clean up the whole shelf; just like i’m not your nanny, you are not an employee. We’ll take care of general wear-and-tear. just, you know, don’t use the cereal boxes as makeshift dodgeballs.
but there’s more to “don’t remove things unless you’re buying them.” Everything you bring up to the register and decide you don’t want, we have to put back. And you might be like “duh that’s your job” but again, multiply that seemingly small request by 500. 3 hours in and an empty Returns basket is a literal mountain of stuff, because people will pick shit up, carry it all around the store, then get to me and be like “nah i don’t want it.”
So do me and everyone else a favor, and when you’re about to pick up something you don’t absolutely intend to buy, just stop and look at it for a few minutes. Make the decision THERE. Not 30 minutes and 10 aisles later.
6) Your Selective Reading Is Not Cute
look i get it. corporate designed the sale signs and coupons the way they did, fine print and all, because they’re BANKING on you being too lazy to read. but if I have to say “the sign says you HAVE to buy 2″ or “the coupon says it excludes sale items right here” one more time I’m gonna scream. please read. double check. if there are price check machines anywhere, use them.
Also don’t bitch at me about how ridiculous it is because you got played. I don’t get paid enough and it’s not my fault. I didn’t design them.
7) Please do not cut me off when I’m saying Hello, I am not a robot
maybe i should have led with this because it may be hard to believe after all this, but I am RIDICULOUSLY NICE at work. customers fucking love me. I say Hi and Bye and fake my way through charming conversations while I ring up customers to cover the constant state of anxiety i live in.
The first thing I do is say “Hi, how are you?” as people approach the register
and nothing is quite as shitty as someone cutting me off halfway to start rattling off their fucking phone number (our way of looking up store cardholders who don’t have their physical card with them) without so much as acknowledging me
it completely takes the wind out of my sails. i get it, i’m no better than furniture here, or maybe you’re having a bad day, and i can deal with it on occasion, but it really starts to rub me the wrong way after the 20th time that day.
at some point, i think, there was a shift in customer attitude. i think, if i had to guess, it’s a combination of a critical misunderstanding of how a store actually functions (ignorant but not intentionally malevolent), and entitlement from viewing these kinds of jobs as ‘lesser,’ which led to a sort of Mass Laziness. This feels compounded by the fact that many stores are understaffed and just kind of treading water, maintaining the same level of high-strung mess, rather than thriving
so like maybe don’t knock over a row of cracker boxes on the shelf and leave it there, because it may take several days for one of us to actually straighten it out
If you’re at a store that sells handheld mirrors and they have carts, put it in the seat mirror facing up. Angle it to how you want/need. Sometimes the mirrors are huge and can be found in the hair/beauty sections.
Fill the cart up with decoys.
Push it around the store as you scope and glance at the mirror while you “browse” so you’re not looking directly up at cameras. It’ll just look like you’re shopping. It’s also a nice way for you to check your back while having the cart block you.
I usually hang my bag in the crook of my elbows and push my cart around. Sometimes if there’s an opportunity I slip an item from the seat into my bag and the cart covers me. I can look into the mirror and check my back and look forward to see if anyone watching.
Seventeen’s Reaction to Seeing You for the First Time
(Yay my first one! So I did this in the context that they like go out to buy groceries or something and he sees you)
S.coups/Seungchol: He would be the type to look at you and just come over and start a conversation with you. I can really see him leading with a horrible pick up line in an attempt to make you laugh. He’d be casually flirty; i think he would just try to make friends with you first, not wanting to scare you off by asking you out right off the bat. If he was with some of the other members, he’d definitely try to get your attention by doing something. You’d be like in the dairy section trying to decide whether you wanted strawberry and vanilla yogurt and he would see you looking at the yogurt and turn to the other member and just be like “Are you yogurt? Because i want to spoon you” just loud enough that you can hear, and then casually check to see whether you cracked a smile or not. I can see the other member giving him a look so if you smiled, he would absolutely grin at you and you two would share a moment, the first of many i reckon.
Junghan: When he first sees you, his pupils will definitely dilate, and he’d catch himself staring, before looking away quickly. I feel like he’d just be stealing glances at you, smiling if you guys made eye contact, and just so confident. Would probably be the kind of guy to grab something on the top shelf for you when he sees you struggling and then just smiling warmly and handing it to you; that would be his opening. I can see it now, you on your tippy toes, cursing the store under your breath for putting the only cereal you needed on the highest rack. You would think you were alone in the aisle, it was like 7 in the morning after all, but suddenly a bigger hand would reach over yours and grab the cereal, surprising you. You’d turn around and find yourself face to face with a guy’s chest and he’d hand it to you with a smile and strike up a conversation.
Joshua/Jisoo: Church oppa would be so painfully shy oh my god, but you wouldn’t have the slightest idea he was into you. Joshua seems like the type of guy that completely ignores someone whenever he likes them because he’s scared they’ll find out about his crush. So he’ll probably like have a similar grocery list to yours (because there’s a pretty standard list of what one needs from the grocery store) and he’ll like be so scared you think he’s following you or something. But he would pretend he didn’t see you whenever you glanced at him. Honestly he would not talk to you if you didn’t engage him, like the most he would say to you might be sorry if you’re trying to get through and his shopping cart is blocking yours.
Jun/Junhui: Okay we all know homeboy is low-key greasy so 0/10 would be surprised if he just came at you with a pick up line. And he’d like shamelessly flirt, not enough to make you uncomfortable, but definitely not having any inhibitions either. Like he’d open with the cheesiest pick up line ever with this adorable smirk and you would just laugh, unable to help yourself because oh my god that was terrible and he’d be like “see sometimes they’re so bad that they’re good” and introduce himself and start up a conversation. Jun would be a little flustered by how attractive you were but that would just make him try harder and probably make it easier for him to charm you.
Hoshi/Soonyoung: Let’s be honest, you would probably see him before he saw you, he seems the type to make shopping a proper adventure. You’d probably catch him doing something silly like making fruit boobs or something and accidentally show a lot of fond when you smile. I think for the store’s sake it’s better if he doesn’t see that because if he does his ego will go through the roof and he’ll just try to keep topping himself in order to get you to laugh, looking at you and smiling every time so you knew he was doing it for you. Hoshi would be such a charmer too like he’s going home with your number, don’t you deny it; no one is resisting the charm of the cute jokester.
Wonwoo: He would be a bit like Joshua in that he probably wouldn’t talk to you or try to hit on you. I think Wonwoo would be scared that he might say something stupid if he tried to talk to you so he would just send you small smiles if he made eye contact with you. He would probably also help you get something from the top shelf if you needed it but he would just hand it to you and walk away, leaving you just staring at his back. Gosh that’s cheesy in it’s own way, it’s actually a strategy i’ve realized. You’d like totally notice him if he did something but then didn’t talk to you. Dang he liked flipped the script, Wonwoo is now officially part of the charmers squad, although i’m not 100% sure that he knows he’s doing it. This is actually a PSA to tell the world that Wonwoo is the human personification of tall, dark and handsome.
Woozi: This was admittedly my favorite to do because Woozi seems so blunt and serious that he would just not know what to do when he saw you because wow you’re so pretty, wow he can’t look away, wow his ears are so red (just imagine like that scene at the end of inside out when she meets that boy at the hockey game and in his head there are just sirens and panic). I can see him also trying to not bring attention to the fact that he finds you cute so he might high key ignore you. But like Woozi is handsome so you obviously see this cute boy staring intensely at the selection of pasta sauces and kind of stare; meanwhile he’s terrified that you know he’s into you and knows that he’s been stealing glances for a while now and oh my god you’re looking in his direction. God his ears would be so red, that’s all i can think about right now.
DK/Seokmin: This kid is an actual ball of sunshine so i can assure you that like Hoshi, you will probably see him first. Like how can you miss that smile, it just lights up the whole room. He seems like the type of guy that just gives a soft smile to everyone that he passes, but when he sees you he doesn’t just smile and look away, he keeps staring, looking a little surprised, when in reality his heart was just taken aback by a cute girl suddenly in his line of vision. You’d look confused too because why was this random kid looking at you like he’s seen you somewhere. But DK has better tact that to open with that so he wouldn’t say anything, just straightening out his facial expression. He’d try to run into you again in an aisle (i can almost assure you he would plan this out) and like just casually be like “you know bread looks so harmless, but honestly, it’s so dangerous” and like launch into a story about how bread almost killed him this one time. But he’d just be so casual that this would not seem weird at all and besides, he’s cute and you really don’t care how stupid his story is.
Mingyu: His name autocorrected to mangy with made me think of a dog which is honestly exactly his approach to cute girls in my opinion. Like he’s going to see you and want to talk to you so like he will. Really it’s as simple as that. I can see him approaching you with some random compliment or something, really just an excuse to get you to talk to him before launching into a proper conversation. I just don’t see him being shy at all but also really polite. Like he wouldn’t be openly flirting, it would be very friendly other than the occasional hint that he thinks you’re pretty. And oh my god he would totally try to be cute. I don’t know why i just imagine that even if you’re younger than him, he’d still act like an adorable puppy and you’re just gonna be totally charmed.
Minghao/The8: Also a very straightforward person in my opinion. But he also seems a little shy sometimes so I don’t know how he would talk to you. Because he knows that he wants to talk to you, i mean it’s weird to think ‘wow so pretty’ when someone is lugging a giant water bottle pack (what are those called? like the 20 packs of disposable water bottles?). He probably should help you but poor kid doesn’t realize this until after you’ve already managed to get it onto your cart and by now he’s just been staring for way too long so you make eye contact with him and he turns into inside out boy too. “Y-you looked like you were struggling with that” He would rush to correct himself, and hopefully you’d react (because he was already mortified that he had winced as he said it) so he could strike up a proper conversation. I don’t know why i imagine him to be such an awkward cookie.
Seungkwan: So confident, he would definitely do something funny to get your attention like Hoshi but he would try a lot harder to be cool. Like S.coups, he might crack a joke while you were nearby but i think he would say it directly to you (because we all know boo diva can make a joke out of even the most mundane things, he’s a variety king). He wouldn’t be fazed if you didn’t react right away though, until he saw that you didn’t want him there, he would just keep trying, pretty sure you were just shy. Making friends just comes so easy to him that he would just draw on instincts to get you to like him and you would because he’s funny and cute and looking at you like you were the only thing he could see right now. He may be young, but he’s got this.
Vernon: The reigning King of being awkward, I don’t even know what he would do. Stare a lot? Terrified smiles would be sent your way whenever you made eye contact. I can like see him making up some dumb excuse to explain why he was staring which may low-key offend you and then he would rush to correct himself. Gosh he’s just going to be so awkward that you’ll find it endearing and end up being attracted. Because everyone like the kind of awkward trope on hot guys that could justifiably be cocky. I don’t imagine he could start a conversation properly though, too nervous, so hopefully fate reunites you guys and gives him a chance to redeem himself.
Dino: He’s young sure, but he’s not that young. Dino looks pretty self-assured in my opinion. Like he’s not super confident yet because he’s still only 16 but he’s got this guys, he can go up to a pretty girl and strike up a conversation. He’d probably see you and like take a few minutes to convince himself to talk to you and look up to see that you’re gone and panic. And then he’d come up with this whole script of situations that he could use to talk to you but then he’d actually see you and just freeze up and say something so stupid and on impulse like “I have a hyung who has really pretty hair like you” and like yes Junghan has beautiful hair but how are you supposed to know that, good god Dino. And you’re not sure what he means by this, and also low-key offended because did he just say your hair looks like a guy’s? And he would freak out and realize what he said and then explain but he would definitely keep the conversation going and probably go home with a new contact in his phone.