blinding white noise

anonymous asked:

I'm kind of in a bad mental state right now, so can I request nurseydex mental hurt/comfort?

Of course! If you ever need to talk, feel free to message me off of annon!


He knows he should answer his phone. He knows that there are hundreds of missed phone calls and messages sitting unanswered, waiting to explode in a violent flash of light when he plugs his cell into the wall. But for now it’s dead, and he can’t make his body move. He had left his last class of the week fifteen minutes after it had started, only stayed long enough to hand in the homework then bolted out the door, as the panic and spiking fear was clawing its way down the back of his neck and reaching around his fluttering heart. He had heard Bitty at the door at four, sounding terrified and flustered, demanding to know why he had missed practice, then Chowder next to Bitty, who pounded on the door and spoke frantically about a missing person’s report, then finally Ransom who tried to bargain with and comfort him, telling him about all of his mental breakdowns over exams, assignment, existentialism. None of it helped him move.

      He had a routine for when this happened, when the anxiety got out of control. There was a large blanket filled with dried beans and fluff that he would huddle under and allow the weight and darkness to press into him. He turned off all of the lights, shut the blinds, turned on the white noise machine to full volume and didn’t move until his heart stopped hammering. The only problem was that once he was sated by the warm, pressing darkness, it was a struggle to leave. Because the manic anxiety was always followed by an overwhelming depression, so blinding that he can’t find any reason to move, not even if the world was falling apart. He doesn’t move when he hears Dex screaming on the other end of the door, hears Lardo arguing with him, attracting an audience, Dex screaming at the audience, then finally Lardo threatening the RA until the girl reluctantly opens the door for them. He can hear them in the room but can’t feel them, he hears Lardo turning on lights, he hears Dex turning off the blinding noise, pulling the warm, pressing darkness off of him and pulling him up off the ground and onto the bed. He hears Dex telling Lardo that he has it, she should go. Then Dex is pushing apple juice into his hands and disappearing into the bathroom, turning on the shower and when he hasn’t touched the juice Dex is maneuvering the cup to his lips. Then he’s pulling the sweat logged clothes off of Nursey’s skin, pulling off his own and helping him into the shower. There is barely enough room for them both to stand under the spray but Dex is massaging vanilla bubbles into his skin and mumbling about his day, telling Nursey about his newest coding project and the barista at Annie’s who keeps hitting on him even though he is clearly not interested. He stops for a moment after the consciousness starts to spill back into Nursey’s eye, searching his face before whispering, “This is weird right? But we’re best friends and you need me, it’s not that weird.”

Later when they sit side by side, eating grilled cheese and spaghettios and fresh baked cookies, and Nursey is clutching Dex’s hand between them, Nursey whispers, “Thank you.” And Dex is rubbing circles into the back of his hand. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, I l-“

“I know.”

Highschool/University!AU

Mine Now - After Harry is expelled from private school, he joins a secret competition to get back at the boy who made it happen. ~or~ This is the story of how Harry finds himself pouting in Louis’ passenger seat with a raging boner on the way to seduce his ex boyfriend.

No One Ever Falls In Love Gracefully - Louis and Harry sometimes fuck, but it’s casual. Louis definitely isn’t gay or in love with Harry, so.

Fall - Louis fucked up big time. And he knows it. Of course, his father had threatened to send him to boarding school if he didn’t get his act together. Louis didn’t think he would actually follow through with it, though.

oops, i like you - Usually he doesn’t see those guys again. It’s not generally part of the plan. But then Harry tightens his grip on the back of Louis’ neck and Louis ducks his head to taste the sweat beading under Harry’s chin, kissing the ink curling up Harry’s neck, then kissing his way down to get his mouth on the god forsaken nipple piercings. He listens to the way Harry breathes his name, and for the first time silently asks, Can I keep him?

Other Habits (Make Your Pleasure of Your Pains) - Wherein Harry just wanted to have lunch with his older sister, Cal sells ice cream, Gemma has a test, Anne thinks she knows (she really doesn’t) and Fate plays match maker, because no one puts her ship off course. Louis just tries to help out his best friend’s little brother while dealing with a metaphorical butterfly invasion.

put your head on my shoulder - Niall gives Harry until the end of marching season to either a) make a move on Louis Tomlinson or b) get the fuck over him. Either is easier said than done. Basically, your High School AU with a drum beat.

a virgin to that money - Harry and Louis are broke university students who hate each other and make a sex tape. (In which Louis gets fucked a lot, Harry can’t find the camera, and the road to falling in love is different for everyone.)

We’re Afire, Love - Louis sees Harry on his motorbike and is instantly smitten. He does the only thing he can think of; he follows him.

Twist A Little Closer, Now - The one where Harry signs up for a dance class that Louis teaches. Incidentally, the class is for six year olds.  

égoïste - Louis has problems at home and Harry is his saving grace. Only when it’s convenient for him, though

a cage for every ugly spirit - First-year uni student Harry gives up orgasms for Lent, featuring a cock cage and weekly prostate milkings on Sundays

you’re stumbling like the nazarene - sequel to ‘a cage for every ugly spirit’. Harry hasn’t had an orgasm in six weeks since he gave them up for Lent. On Easter Day, he has five.

head over heels in the moment - Valentine’s Day fic where Harry shoves valentine cards into Louis’ locker. They may or may not be sexual.

Couldn’t Say No - Where Harry has a curse of obedience and can’t say no. Neither of them are gay. Obviously.

What Made You Strong And What Makes You Weak? - Harry likes getting his hair played with. No, scratch that-Harry loves getting his hair played with. And it’s perfectly convenient that Louis loves playing with Harry’s hair.

*Cough* *Cough* - “Cough if you can read minds.”

the one with the phone - What’s worse than being woken by a call from your mum the morning after a big night? The answer, as Harry is about to learn, is ‘being woken by a call from someone else’s mum the morning after a big night.’ or, the one where Harry ‘accidentally’ takes Louis’s phone home after a party and then there’s sex.

Are You Open Minded? - College AU where Louis is dared to make a phone call and Harry takes the bait.

Sometimes Things Don’t Go According To Plan - Louis is a senior in high school and the school football star. Harry is a junior and the best photographer there is. Maybe they both have a little bit of a crush on each other.

Monsters At Home - High School!AU. Everyone’s eyes are on Harry, the beautiful, charming new student. Harry’s only got eyes for the school golden boy: football captain Louis Tomlinson, whose homophobic father complicates matters a bit.

kiss me just once for luck (these are desperate measures) - 18 year old Drama student, Louis Tomlinson and 18 year old English major, Harry Styles meet at University. Happening to be living in the same dorm building, their paths collide with an “oops!” and a “hi!” Featuring an unholy amount of masturbation, blue eyes, public shower blowjobs, and fetus fringes.

These Four Walls - Harry and Louis are both curious about their sexuality. So they try things out on each other. No strings attached. Well supposedly.

through the brightest part of this town - In which Louis and Harry get the same bus to college every day and Louis definitely doesn’t have a crush on him. Featuring Zayn as the best and worst friend in the world, Liam as the accidental hero and Niall as, well, Niall.

colours of the rainbow (shine so bright) - Louis’ a popular skateboarder who’s out to ruin Harry’s life, and sometimes Harry just likes to wear nail polish and panties. Or alternatively, the one where Harry absolutely does not have a diary.

i’ve got you on my mind - sequel to colours of the rainbow (shine so bright)

in that bright white noise - Blind dates are usually destined to go terribly, so Louis doesn’t exactly trust his friends when they say they’ve set him up with Gemma’s younger brother, Harry, at an evening bonfire they’re attending. Luckily, Harry’s much hotter and kinder than Louis thought he’d be, which is a relief. He’s also really fucking good at sex, which is just a wonderful bonus.

Crash - Louis likes to skateboard through empty walk ways. Harry likes to keep a first aid kit in his bag. Their worlds collide, literally.

You’ll Never Know - Louis is the overachiever who’s too shy to approach the boy he likes. Harry is the popular athlete who tries to help him get the attention of said boy. Little does Harry know that he’s the one Louis is crushing on.

Underdog - Due to an incident at his old school, sixteen-year-old Louis is sent away by his parents to live with his cousin Liam. Glad to escape his past, Louis accepts the prospect of spending his summer holidays and near future with his overly perfect cousin. Things get complicated however when he meets infamous Harry Styles, captain of the local football team, who just so happens to be Liam’s archnemesis.

Have You Coming Back Again - It’s five o’clock in the morning. Louis has a lecture at half eight. He could be using this time to study or to do his readings or to go to the gym, but - well. He doesn’t have any exams coming up, he’s not going to his seminar today anyway and he hates the gym. Instead he’s using this time to fuck with Harry Styles’ poor little brain. Louis jogs across the street and jabs the key into the car door. It opens easily, not that he was expecting anything else. He copied the key for a reason, after all. He’s got Harry’s schedule memorized, more because the guy keeps following him around than anything, so he doesn’t bother looking around before climbing behind the wheel and setting his bag on the passenger seat. It’s a Monday, which means that Harry doesn’t even get out of bed before noon unless he’s planning on harassing Louis.

I Met You When I Was A Teen - They meet as kids, fall in love as adults (sort of), and they’re both extremely stupid (about each other).

The Signs by A Personality-Color Synesthete

Aries: the color of an icy lake under the sun, magnetic bright purple that catches your eye on a neon sign

Taurus: the deep green of a forest, the brown of the tree bark, and the red of sign on the way home

Gemini: a velvety light blue that doesn’t feel like home, the blue of the horizon while looking out at the sea

Cancer: sickly yellow that seems happy at first glance, your sister’s first pink blanket that she throws out before going to college

Leo: orange of a melted mango popsicle, the sandy yellow of the desert

Virgo: bottled green of dark leaves, a fresh light yellow that feels almost like air, terracotta potted plants

Libra: purple in a bottle, blinding white like the noise, ebony black like the night

Scorpio: rich deep orange of an ominious setting sun, yellow paint mixed with black

Sagittarius: the color of rust and red flannel shirts

Capricorn: the regal navy blue of an itchy uniform skirt, yellow paint so saturated with white that you can barely detect any hint of color, the gray of a silver lining

Aquarius: dark amethyst and a vibrant blue, bright red and day-glo orange

Pisces: the light yellow of the duck on a baby blanket, the deepest blackest blue you will ever find

youtube

Order 66 - Skyharbor

youtube

Skyharbor - Catharsis

youtube

The man with the Midas touch, Dan Tompkins