blind agent

I can just imagine after Kallus joins the Ghost crew but before Ezra fully trusts him he’s complaining about him to Kanan and doesn’t realize Kallus is right behind him and Kanan of course can’t see him and eventually Ezra snaps,

“Why do we have to keep Muttonchops on board with us?”

And in a deadpan voice Kallus just says, “That’s Mr. Muttonchops to you Jabba.”

Bonus: “Kanan why didn’t you tell me he wa-…never mind.”

Headcanon that every time Eggsy has to go on a honeypot mission, he writes an excruciatingly detailed mission report that basically devolves into a smutty novella, just because it makes Merlin so uncomfortable and irritated when he has to read them.

Deadpool’s whipping boy (Weasel), his pet (Bob the Hydra Agent), and his mother figure/roommate/kidnap victim (Blind Al). Or I suppose you could also call them Deadpool’s friends.

Weasel and Bob are adorable when they interact. Bob usually clings to Deadpool when he’s scared, but if Weasel is around Bob never leaves his side, and what makes it extra adorable is that Weasel doesn’t mind. He lets Bob follow him around, cling and hug him when he’s scared without pushing him away or even commenting on it.

Bob is the tallest and buffest of the group, but it’s never mentioned and somehow I’m having a hard time imagining him working out. We’ve seen him in a wifebeater though, so we know it isn’t part of his Hydra uniform.

And finally, I got the distinct impression Blind Al and Weasel were fucking each other behind Deadpool’s back in the movie, and you cannot convince me otherwise.

I’m going to try not to bitch too much about the episode tonight, but I just want to get this out.  I hate what they did with Thomas Ward.

Ward spent his entire childhood protecting Thomas, redirecting all the abuse that Thomas was supposed to receive and putting it on himself.  I really had a problem with what Thomas said about Ward.  Thomas didn’t receive nearly the same amount of abuse that Ward did, on his behalf mind you, and he has the audacity to claim that Ward didn’t have to end up the way that he did?  Ward tried to protect him!  He took it all for Thomas, which likely saved him from the same fate Ward is suffering from, and Thomas can’t even recognize that.  

This fucking show is so beyond disgusting, I can’t do it.  I’m done.

Deadpool’s Friends in Cable & Deadpool

Weasel:
We see Weasel first acting as the information broker for Deadpool, helping Deadpool find the McGuffin pieces needed to stop/help Cable.

And later when Deadpool is working to restore Cable, he again turns to Weasel for his tech and information needs:

Deadpool runs into Weasel while on a mission, and despite lots of evidence to the contrary, Deadpool maintains that Weasel wasn’t the thief who stole the McGuffin files.

[Deadpool]: If Weas says he didn’t do nothing to your computer, then he didn’t do nothing. We’ve been buds for years-he’s saved my life, I’ve saved his, he’s screwed me over, I’ve screwed him over—
[Deadpool]: If there’s one thing I know about Weasel, he doesn’t lie, cheat or steal! Okay, he DOES cheat, and steal— and yeah, okay, he lies, too—But he’s my bud and he wouldn’t lie to ME!

Unfortunately, Weasel DID lie and steal and cheat from Deadpool.

[Deadpool]: You lied to me Weas! I stuck up for you and you lied to me!

So when the fight ends, Cable takes Deadpool back to Providence, Deadpool leaves Weasel to the cops.

[Weasel]: Wade—what about me? You’re not gonna help me get out of this mess?
[Deadpool is still pissed at Weasel for lying to him when he stuck up for him. he points a gun in Weasel’s face]: I can do that, Weas. Your choice. MY way…or their way.

Even when Deadpool is angry at Weasel, he can’t quite forget about his bud:

[Deadpool]: You’re letting me cover your back? Oh, this is so totally cool! Weasel’s gonna fart—oh wait, forgot I’m not friends with him anymore…okay I’ll make friends with him again just to tell him, but then I’ll break up with him again. Not break up like we’re going OUT or anything! I’m ALL MAN I TELLYA! C’mere—you snake chicks and all twenty of you Rives and Makeshifts and I’ll show all of you!

They meet back up again during the revolution in Rumeskitan:

[Deadpool raises up his mask for his tête-à-tête with Weasel]
[Weasel]: I thought—well, after the PROBLEMS we had.
[Deadpool]: What with you stealing the stuff I was trying to steal then lying to me about it when I stuck up for you against the people who were accusing you of stealing it?
[Weasel]: Uhm… yeah… that… Wade, listen. I know you’re in tight with Cable and all now, trying to do things a bit more… on the up-and-up…after what happened a few months back…well, I went through the system all legal-like. I plead a deal that got me spring after four months.
[Deadpool]: You took the stint—Did the time—you did that for ME?
[Weasel]: Pretty much. Also to avoid a life sentence for everything they had on me.
[Deadpool]: Well… just so you know… that whole time… just in case we could square things between us…I tivo’d every episode of Battlestar Galactica for you.
[Domino voice over]: Get a room.

Their friendship renewed, Deadpool turns to Weasel for help to restore his mercenary reputation after his fall out with Cable during the Civil War.

And when one plan fails, he tries more, including setting up an elaborate plan which included shrinking Deadpool to 3 inches tall:

[Weasel]: You’re still trying to prove yourself, right? So…what better way to show what a hot tamale you are than to capture an escaped rampaging super-felon…while trapped at three inches tall?

And eventually he gets dragged along with Deadpool when Deadpool is hired to find and rescue Alex. Unfortunately, in the craziness of rescuing Alex and stealing Bob, the Hydra Agent, Weasel gets forgotten and left behind.

Deadpool forgets about Weasel for a while, but when Wolverine plans to destroy the Hydra base, Deadpool goes in first to try to get Weasel. But just as he finds he pal, Wolverine strikes. When it again looks like he’s been betrayed by Weasel again, Deadpool maintains his faith in his friend.

[Wolverine]: And…?
[Deadpool]: Still doesn’t prove anything.
[Wolverine]: You’re an idiot.
[Deadpool]: Or maybe I just have faith in my FRIENDS, hmmm…?

[Wolverine]: You let your friend ROT here for weeks, some coincidence, you showin’ up when I decided to hit the place…
[Deadpool]: Because believe it or not, even HOMICIDAL MANIACS can have a FRIEND keepin’ an eye out for us…


Blind Al:

Deadpool’s former housemate/prisoner only has a brief cameo in the Cable & Deadpool run. Deadpool turns to her for advice when he’s on the outs with Cable and needs to restore his mercenary reputation.

We do get some fabulous sass from the old lady:
[Blind Al]: You want to find Taskmaster?
[Deadpool]: Are you DEAF now, too?
[Blind Al]: And yet, the name remains simply BLIND AL.

[Blind Al]: So…Taskmaster?
[Deadpool]: My rep is shot, Al.
[Blind Al]: In comparison to what it always was—?

[Deadpool]: Time was, I had the chops, Al…
[Blind Al]: And no purpose.
[Deadpool]: …Did whatever the job required…
[Blind Al]: With no regard to the consequences.
[Deadpool]: YES! Exactly! You always understood me.
[Blind Al]: Which says quite a lot about me.


Alex and Agency X:
Again, after the Civil War when Deadpool and Cable are on the outs, Deadpool hooks back up with his old Agency X friends. It starts when Outlaw and Sandi call on Deadpool to rescue Alex, who had been captured by Hydra. Deadpool succeeds, picking up Bob, Agent of Hydra, and loosing Weasel, along the way. Alex has become morbidly obese and no longer has the mobility required for his mercenary work, so he hires Deadpool (and Bob) to fill in for him, which is a good thing because Outlaw and Sandi are kidnapped by T-Ray in yet another plan to hurt Deadpool.  Deadpool rescues them.

Deadpool is pretty content with Agency X for a while, doing some jobs, playing strip poker:

Until he gets caught up with Cable, Cable’s death, and then T-Ray’s mess.  

But the series ends with Deadpool happy, no longer watching television alone, but surrounded by his new family:

so Paranatural dumped a bunch of mysterious bullshit on us and I’m kinda freaking out

let’s take this from the top

monsters, presumably of a more physical variety than the usual spirits and ghosts - possibly including the dogs from chapter 4

AND THEY USED TO BE HUMAN????

corrupted by what? Three diamonds fusing into one really fucking huge diamond in Earth’s atmosphere and singing really badly? wearing out soul gems and becoming witches? staring into the void until the void stares back????

Then we’ve got Spender’s secrets, which we still don’t have any new info on

Then we’ve got “the disappearance of the Doctors Burger”. Assuming there’s not meant to be an apostrophe there, and that aliens aren’t stealing hamburgers for some weird reason (no matter what Yasuhiro Hagakure says), we have some interesting implications. We know a character with the surname Burger. Who happens to be living in a house owned by a family called the Guerras, despite not sharing their last name. HMMM. 

What I’m getting here is that Ed’s parents were both doctors, and also were both spectral. They disappeared without a trace, so Grandpa Guerra, who probably is the one who trained Dr. Burger and Dr. Burger in the first place, took in Ed and gave him a home to live in and a table to eat at. Isabel gets an adopted little brother out of the deal, too. I think this is all obvious, but I’m writing it down anyways to help myself think.

THEN we have Mayview’s ghost and spirit population. Max has wondered in the past why the Earth isn’t covered in the ghosts of bugs. But even the seemingly small amount of ghosts in Mayview when compared to the living things that once lived there is abnormal. Why? Maybe Mayview is a hotspot for gruesome deaths? Not that that would explain the spirits, just the ghosts…

And finally, we arrive at…”the incident”, which took place 13 years ago. It involved supernatural phenomena, but this phenomena wasn’t your usual supernatural BS. It was something so far out of the ordinary that the Consortium, an organization that literally revolves around knowing supernatural shit, has labeled it “unexplained” and left it like that. Did it involve the Goddess that Doorman worships and that Forge seeks? (Probably.) Was it related to Lucifer fishing a teenage Rick Spender out of a lake, which is stated to have also happened 13 years ago? (Almost definitively.)

And Agent Day is here to investigate the “hidden truth”. And she sees no reason to play I-know-that-you-know-that-I-know mind games with Dr. Zarei, which is a very refreshing frankness.

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinteresting…

6

Inhuman Special #1

There’s not much to dislike about Inhuman Special. It’s got Spider-Man, the Inhumans, the NuHumans, a classic hero-turned-villain, and a pretty heavy hitting storyline. Another one of Marvel’s famous three-part specials, this story continues from Amazing Spider-Man and continues in All-New Captain America, and focuses on a huge conflict in New Attilan, which sits just outside of New York City.  

For those that haven’t been keeping up, a while back, Black Bolt, king of the Inhumans, in order to bring his people into a new age, set off a Terrigen mist bomb that gave powers to a ton of people (including Ms. Marvel, the blind guy from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., and Toro) who didn’t know they had Inhuman ancestors (sound familiar?). Everyone besides him and his crazy brother thought it was a bad idea because it disfigured a bunch of people who didn’t ask for it and created a ton of conflict, but it turns out it also messed up a whole race of people.

Enter Red Raven, a golden age hero who used to team up with Captain America and the rest of the Invaders. He retired, lived, loved, and raised a family with some distant relatives of the Inhumans, but all of that changed when the Terrigen Bomb hit. That society, because of its unique genetic variation, got totally destroyed by the mists, and Red Raven is out for revenge/justice.

The best stories, I think, are ones where the villains’ interests are just as valid as the heroes’. Red Raven has a legitimate right to be upset by what happened, and the list of problems that Black Bolt has caused keeps getting longer. This flub, though, isn’t something that’s easily forgotten or resolved. Tensions continue to built and Black Bolt and the Inhumans are soon going to have to face the consequences of the mistakes they’ve made. With the Inhumans taking such a big role in the Marvel Cinematic I have a feeling that we’ll be feeling the effects of this storyline’s inevitable climax for a long time to come.

[Inhuman Special #1 on comiXology]

Jonah Chuang is a Production Coordinator Assistant at comiXology. He’s got Avengers fever and his prescription can’t be filled until May 1st.