bleu cheese burger

Now available for pre-order on Amazon! (But it’s not coming out till next year, so, it’s more like a pre-pre-order.)

The Bob’s Burgers Burger Book gives hungry fans their best chance to eat one of Bob Belcher’s beloved specialty Burgers of the Day in seventy-five original, practical recipes. With its warm, edgy humor, outstanding vocal cast, and signature musical numbers, Bob’s Burgers has become one of the most acclaimed and popular animated series on television, winning the 2014 Emmy Award for Outstanding Animated Program and inspiring a hit ongoing comic book and original sound track album. Now fans can get the ultimate Bob’s Burgers experience at home with seventy-five straight from the show but actually edible Burgers of the Day.Recipes include the “Bleu is the Warmest Cheese Burger,” the “Bruschetta-Bout-It Burger,” and the “Shoot-Out at the OK-ra Corral Burger (comes with Fried Okra).” Serve the “Sweaty Palms Burger (comes with Hearts of Palm)” to your ultimate crush, just like Tina Belcher, or ponder modern American literature with the “I Know Why the Cajun Burger Sings Burger.” Fully illustrated with all-new art in the series’s signature style, The Bob’s Burgers Burger Book showcases the entire Belcher family as well as beloved characters including Teddy, Jimmy Pesto Jr., and Aunt Gayle. All recipes come from the fan-created and heavily followed blog “The Bob’s Burger Experiment.”

The Signs As A Burger

Aries: jalapeño burger with monterrey jack cheese and bacon

Taurus: bleu cheese crumble burger with mushrooms

Cancer: peanut butter burger with bacon crumbles

Gemini: egg burger

Leo: peanut butter burger with bananas

Virgo: classic cheeseburger with all the greens

Scorpio: hamburger, no cheese, just ketchup and some french fries

Libra: kid burger with a toy please

Sagittarius: donut burger

Capricorn: bacon bbq cheeseburger

Aquarius: swiss cheeseburger with tomato and mayo only

Pisces: mac n cheese burger

4 Days of Training: The Trilogy

Highlights of my training.

Day 1

Alcohol Training

We will fire your ass if you over serve or serve a minor.

Company policy and state law protect you for refusing service to a minor or shutting somebody off.

You have to take a test.

You have taken the test.

You have crashed the computer. Good job, numbnuts.

You have to take the test again.

You have taken the test. Again.

You have passed the test. Don’t fuck it up because now it’s documented that you know the rules.

Day 2

You have more paperwork to do.

No, you can’t quit to get out of doing the paperwork.

Yes, we know it’s boring. JESUS CHRIST JOHN JUST DO IT!

Yes you can get a drink for while you do the paperwork.

John, is that a shot glass? WTF! YOU CAN’T DO THAT!

Did you write “Tastes like ass” for our bleu cheese burger?

Here’s your new paperwork. IS THAT ANOTHER SHOT GLASS? (I didn’t really have any alcohol, just Coke in a shot glass. It’s fun to troll management.)

You have two more days of paperwork to do. Get used to it. STOP WISHING FOR DEATH IN FRONT OF THE GUESTS!

Day 3

Time for following another server around. Whee. OH I GET TO LEARN THE STEPS OF SERVICE? HOW WILL I CONTAIN THIS ERECTION?

What do you mean you got refills for table 3 already and took the order for table 4? You’re a trainee…WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU PUT THE ORDER IN? I DIDN’T GIVE YOU MY LOGIN NUMBER!

Why is your name tag upside down? Your apron is backwards too…what is wrong with you?

John, why can’t you appreciate that Halloween is a day for people to bring their kids out to eat? NO YOU CANNOT OFFER JACK DANIELS TO THE PARENTS OR THE CHILDREN!

NO YOU CANNOT OFFER JACK DANIELS TO YOURSELF!

You want to just take tables? Fine. Go ahead.

Day 4

You have to do paperwork on our beer selection. Yes you can have samples! You have to know how to describe them to guests. No you cannot have a pint of each beer. NO BUD AMERICAN ALE IS NOT POISON. DO NOT TELL GUESTS IT’S POISON.  NO BUD LIGHT IS NOT DILUTED REAL BEER.

Did you just say Hodor to that table?

You did the right thing getting a manager for that guest complaint. (no shit)

How long have you been serving, exactly?

Your trainer says she hasn’t seen you in nearly an hour. Where have you been? HOLY SHIT THAT’S A LOT OF ROLLED SILVERWARE WE NEED THAT NOW JFC GOOD TIMING!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOBODY HAS BEEN WASHING THEIR HANDS? (seriously, this grossed me the fuck out - I threatened to notify corporate about this if it wasn’t fixed immediately because well…ew.)

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR TRAINER WENT “OUT BACK” AND YOU’RE WATCHING HER TABLES? 

Can you handle tables on your own? We’re sending your trainer and a few other people home (somebody was getting high.)

You’re a pain in the ass John, but we think you’re going to fit right in here.

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I hate training. Hate it so much. Also, I know a trilogy is three, but it’s my blog and I’ll make no sense if I want to.