Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It’s been, uh…it’s been too long since my last confession. My dad, he used to come to this church back when I was a kid. He was a fighter. Old school. Boxer. Lost more than he won. Had a 24-31 record before he, uh… But he could take a punch. Jesus, he could take a punch.
His mouth felt dry, as if he hadn’t had water in decades. Although, oddly enough, his hands were sweating, and sweat was beading his forehead.
He moved his right hand from his side, moving it up to his forehead, down to his stomach, to his left shoulder, then right.
“Bless me father, for I have sinned. My last confession was sometime ago, maybe a few months” Dean almost didn’t want to continue, fearing that somehow his confession would not stay confidential.
He didn’t want to turn his head towards the screen, to the priest who would have to hear his horrible confession, and his dark secret.
“Continue” the priest said, softly, as if he understood why Dean was hesitating.
Dean coughed, clearing his dry throat, scratching it even more in the process; he would kill for some water.
“I’m here, father, to confess a sin I have yet to commit, but I know I will act out on it” Dean said, vaguely.
The priest’s expression stayed blank, no emotion or anything in his eyes, or anywhere. He was like a statue, and that, for some reason, gave Dean comfort.
“I’ve had disturbing thoughts about another man, who I have found myself falling for, fast” Dean nervously chuckled, playing with his thumbs, his eyes focusing on the dust in the air.
The priest shifted a bit, his body facing towards the screen, his face still the same; maybe he really was a statue.
“What type of disturbing thoughts?” The priest asked, his voice still soft as if he knew what Dean was going through.
Dean wanted to laugh at the priest, ask him if he truly understood where Dean was getting at. Yeah, having ‘disturbing thoughts’ about another man is one thing, but what Dean was getting at was in a whole other ball park.
“Sexual ones, mostly. They started off as us kissing, holding hands, stuff like that” Dean paused, he was no longer playing with his thumbs,”and then they got worse” Dean licked his lips, trying to keep them from becoming cracked.
“How did it get worse?” The Priest asked, his voice slightly cracking.
Dean turned his head, his green eyes focusing on the priest on the other side of the screen. The gentleman was probably not much older then himself.
“I started thinking of him and I having sex in different positions, with so many toys. I began thinking of all the ways I could get him to scream my name, and vice versa. I even though about having sex with in my car, letting people see and hear us, letting them know he was mine” Dean closed his eyes, his dirty thoughts coming back to him.
The Priest face didn’t show any emotion, but Dean could feel that he was slightly uncomfortable with the details he had given.
“Why does this bother you so much?” The Priest asked, a tint of confusion lacing his question.
Dean wanted to laugh at the fact that he had forgotten the one detail that made his sin the worst of all. How could he have forgotten about that?
“You see, the guy I think about isn’t just any guy” Dean’s eyes met with the Priest’s eyes,”this guy is my baby brother”