bless-me-father-for-i-have-sinned

  • Bill:From now on, we'll be using code names. You will address me as Eagle Number One.
  • Bill:Sixer, code name: Been There, Done That.
  • Bill:Pinetree is Currently Doing That.
  • Bill:Shooting Star is It Happened Once in A Dream.
  • Dipper:But you're a dream demon. You literally go into people's dreams and can interact with them.
  • Bill:Exactly.
Shh. If you listen closely, you can hear Leliana screaming in frustration.
—  Me describing Dalish footwear in my trash modern AU.

ok but imagine all the different characters from various vocaloid vids comparing their “sword sizes” they’d all be chilling at niconico pub and then portrait-of-the-pirate!Len/Peter-Pan!Len would be like PP!Len: hey guys!! look at my knife. It’s nice and long and sharp. not too bad eh?“ Then Portrait-of-Pirate!Kaito/Pirate! Kaito would go: P!Kaito: Psch, you think that’s big?? It’s merely a pocket-knife. Take a look at this! *brandishes an average-sized sword* Karakuri Burst!Len: Mine’s bigger. Gammon Octo: Mine’s pretty big as well. -sword that’s longer than everyone elses- THEN SATERIASIS JUST WALKS IN LIKE WHAT-UP I GOT A BIG DI–I MEAN SWORD THEN HE TAKES OUT THE VENOM SWORD WHICH IS LIKE HUUUGE … holy guatemala look at my sins insert degdeg because swords as a phallic symbol ;^)

First turn to me after a shower,
you come inside me sideways as always

in the morning you ask me to be on top of you,  
then we take a nap, we’re late for school

you arrive at night inspired and drunk,  
there is no reason for our clothes

we take a bath and lie down facing each other,  
then later we turn over, finally you come

we face each other and talk about childhood
as soon as I touch your penis I wind up coming

you stop by in the morning to say hello
we sit on the bed indian fashion not touching

in the middle of the night you come home  
from a nightclub, we don’t get past the bureau

next day it’s the table, and after that the chair
because I want so much to sit you down & suck your cock

you ask me to hold your wrists, but then when I  
touch your neck with both my hands you come

it’s early morning and you decide to very quietly  
come on my knee because of the children

you’ve been away at school for centuries, your girlfriend  
has left you, you come four times before morning

you tell me you masturbated in the hotel before you came by  
I don’t believe it, I serve the lentil soup naked

I massage your feet to seduce you, you are reluctant,  
my feet wind up at your neck and ankles

you try not to come too quickly  
also, you dont want to have a baby

I stand up from the bath, you say turn around  
and kiss the backs of my legs and my ass

you suck my cunt for a thousand years, you are weary  
at last I remember my father’s anger and I come

you have no patience and come right away
I get revenge and won’t let you sleep all night

we make out for so long we can’t remember how  
we wound up hitting our heads against the wall

I lie on my stomach, you put one hand under me  
and one hand over me and that way can love me

you appear without notice and with flowers  
I fall for it and we become missionaries

you say you can only fuck me up the ass when you are drunk  
so we try it sober in a room at the farm

we lie together one night, exhausted couplets
and don’t make love. does this mean we’ve had enough?

watching t.v. we wonder if each other wants to  
interrupt the plot; later I beg you to read to me

like the Chinese we count 81 thrusts  
then 9 more out loud till we both come

I come three times before you do
and then it seems you’re mad and never will

it’s only fair for a woman to come more  
think of all the times they didn’t care


by Bernadette Mayer