All Star: Net Neutrality Edition

Somebody once told me

The world is gonna roll me

I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed

It was lookin’ pretty bleak

I was feelin’ pretty weak

So I looked at myself and I said:


The fights start coming and they don’t stop comin’

We will fight till they lose and they hit the ground runnin’

Didn’t make sense not to save to net

‘Cause so many people rely on it

So much to do

So much to see

Will we keep the net on the 14th?

If you haven’t tried, it’s time to go

Go out there and make your voices known


We will all fight

We know what’s right

So, say,

Hey there,

Don’t you go tear

Up our software

I say

“The net is glittering gold

But only those who fight

Can break

The mold.”



I have swam naked across the Arctic sea
I have withstood the stinging pain of a hundred bees
I looked at a deadly tornado directly in its eye
In fact I have survived death at least a dozen times

I beat up the lion who is king of the jungle
And dove into a snake pit ready to rumble
I have dodged the lightning, hail, and the rain
I once jumped directly through a hoop of vibrant flames

I have stolen the holy grail while dodging boulders
I once grazed an oncoming train with my shoulder
I have multiple times withstood sharp bullet wounds
In fact I once subdued bank robbers to their very doom

I wrestled a bear once down to his knees
While drinking tea under the trees if you could believe
I have solved every riddle that perplexes man
I can say I have the brightest ideas in the palm of my hand

I have climbed the highest skyscrapers that touch the sky
I have hit the bulls eye on a dartboard on my first try
I have flown without wings while singing a song
While coaxing the townspeople below to hum along

With just a pail I once sailed and new lands I discovered
Hovering over unfamiliar territory my map I had covered
I once teleported into the moon’s largest crater
That threw off the earth’s rotation and its fragile equator

I have gone twenty nights without needing sleep
I have survived temperatures up to nine thousand degrees
I punched a shark in its mouth once just for fun
I have won plenty of marathons before they were done

In fact I once moved so fast I went further in time
And I saw my own fate as it took shape in front of my eyes
I am strong enough to pick up cars and throw them far
And see perfectly in the dark like the brightest of stars

I have destroyed the machines that try to rule our world
All with a simple stab and a twist and a hurl
I have bludgeoned the pirates and their one eyed skipper
And blew up the sun and replaced it with dipper

I have destroyed the mummy and its king
I have crushed the evil hand of that evil thing
I have greeted the aliens and directed them home
I have drank at the bars in the elusive Twilight zone
I have conquered the highest mountain and its peak
I have survived situations that always looked bleak
I have been past the horizon and further and above
And now I finally know the feeling of being in love