I have swam naked across the Arctic sea
I have withstood the stinging pain of a hundred bees
I looked at a deadly tornado directly in its eye
In fact I have survived death at least a dozen times

I beat up the lion who is king of the jungle
And dove into a snake pit ready to rumble
I have dodged the lightning, hail, and the rain
I once jumped directly through a hoop of vibrant flames

I have stolen the holy grail while dodging boulders
I once grazed an oncoming train with my shoulder
I have multiple times withstood sharp bullet wounds
In fact I once subdued bank robbers to their very doom

I wrestled a bear once down to his knees
While drinking tea under the trees if you could believe
I have solved every riddle that perplexes man
I can say I have the brightest ideas in the palm of my hand

I have climbed the highest skyscrapers that touch the sky
I have hit the bulls eye on a dartboard on my first try
I have flown without wings while singing a song
While coaxing the townspeople below to hum along

With just a pail I once sailed and new lands I discovered
Hovering over unfamiliar territory my map I had covered
I once teleported into the moon’s largest crater
That threw off the earth’s rotation and its fragile equator

I have gone twenty nights without needing sleep
I have survived temperatures up to nine thousand degrees
I punched a shark in its mouth once just for fun
I have won plenty of marathons before they were done

In fact I once moved so fast I went further in time
And I saw my own fate as it took shape in front of my eyes
I am strong enough to pick up cars and throw them far
And see perfectly in the dark like the brightest of stars

I have destroyed the machines that try to rule our world
All with a simple stab and a twist and a hurl
I have bludgeoned the pirates and their one eyed skipper
And blew up the sun and replaced it with dipper

I have destroyed the mummy and its king
I have crushed the evil hand of that evil thing
I have greeted the aliens and directed them home
I have drank at the bars in the elusive Twilight zone
I have conquered the highest mountain and its peak
I have survived situations that always looked bleak
I have been past the horizon and further and above
And now I finally know the feeling of being in love