A big thank you to the folks at twitter who gave me great ideas. I tried to put them all in one picture. Ichigo shouldn’t have made Grimmjow any promises he couldn’t keep. Who cares if it’s 3am? He wants his fight!
It’s all canon now. That’s right – the true ending is
Ichigo and Rukia and Renji and Orihime are all married to
each other, in a happy and healthy polyamorous relationship. Kazui is Ichigo
and Orihime’s kid, Ichika is Renji and Rukia’s kid; the other two decide
against having biological children because that would become extremely
complicated due to laws in both worlds, but it doesn’t matter because all four
of them are parents to any kids they have.
Kazui got Ichigo’s last name, Ichika got Renji, and they all
agreed that Rukia’s next kid would have Orihime’s last name because Kuchiki is
a fancy-shmancy super important name and can’t be given to any random person
(Rukia isn’t a Kuchiki by blood, and thus cannot pass on the name). To make up
for it, Orihime agrees to give her
next kid the Kuchiki name, as she’s not bound by Soul Society’s laws and
therefore they can’t do shit to stop her (Byakuya approves of this, but not
Ichika and her sibling are both Shinigami, Kazui gets a mix
of Quincy and Shinigami powers, and Kazui’s sibling gets a mix of Hollow powers
and whatever the hell kind of magic Orihime has.
Orihime runs a bakery called “The Four Corners Bakery”,
known for letting just about anyone in so long as they promise not to kill
people. She gives jobs to anyone temporarily staying in the living world (e.g.,
Shinigami on the job, Arrancars with nothing better to do, the occasional
jobless Quincy, etc.). Riruka buys donuts from her on a daily basis (and is
effectively a full-time employee but won’t admit it), and Urahara builds one of
his crazy underground fight zones for people who need to work off some stress.
Orihime also sells “feel-better treats”, which are custom-made baked
goods that look like whoever the maker doesn’t like. Ironically, Loly buys them
only from Orihime directly, because no one else is willing to make them for
Renji eventually becomes captain of the insert-number-of-your-choice-here
division, Ichigo and Uryuu (who is dating Chad) bicker a lot, and Tatsuki gets
some cool superpower because lord knows she deserves one.
There, I solved all your problems. Y'all can chill now.