bleach and ink


Insanity fills your cup, so please darling

have a Sip


Companion piece to Amaryllis Belladonna. Both will be avaiable on RedBubble when I open shop there in not too distant future :D

Please do not edit or repost


Lying in my bed
I wallow and dwell
In melancholy of this
Bleak day.

I try to push it out
But I’m too weak
I struggle and weep
But in the end I give in.

It consumes me
Poisons my will
My gut feeling
Makes me cold
My personality odd
My soul old.

Day starts to feel
Like a written thought
Heavy but light
Filled with meaning
But meaningless.

Does it even matter if this
This is the last of all the days?

I do not worry.
Do you?

— M. N. Lowery

I am sorry I write poetry to make me feel like I deserve you.
Like the time you spend on the tip of my pen makes me more worthy to love you.
When in truth, I will never be.
There is no great Galaxy in my little eyes.
I am misery. I am cruelty.
I am messed up. I made mess just to tell people I am hurting.
I have no words to convince you of how real this is.
And lately my skin feels like broken promises and the light is way too bright.
I make metaphors to mimic my silence. This is the most I can offer. I am sorry.
My heart is a guillotine that is crashing down and cutting off my sanity.
I know I hurt you. I know I will never be enough or maybe I am too much.
I am not a different universe. Saying that would be an insult to space because I am not that beautiful.
There are aches in my bones and the raindrops fill my bed with tears.
I lie with my back arched and my bullet hands clutching my heavy head in a desperate attempt to stop the sounds. The silence. The cold. The heat. The pounding. The nothing.
I am trying to make you understand that I do not understand myself but I do love you.
If I could take the stars and paint you a night so bright it would chase out all the darkness you’ve ever felt, I would do it without a second thought.
I am not that strong.
I am only a dim light that tries to shine too bright when you are the sun and I flicker beside you.
But I would stand in your shadows if it meant I could be close to you.
My breathing is so often forced and my words are more like suicide notes.
I am not a soft bed or a light day and
I am sorry.
I am sorry.
I am sorry.
—  An apology of sorts.
Penguin Knees

Group: BTS

Pairing: JHope x Reader

Summary:SoulmateAu!BTS. You were always were forgetful, but maybe this time something good could come of it.


“…it was something that was close to impossible to understanding. Hence the saying, ‘Love works in weird ways.’“

“Now… what was this about penguin knees?

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1K

He watched in amusement as ink started appearing in light strokes on his forearm. The ticklish sensation no longer spooking him out, or really affecting him. He wondered what it was today. Every day, seemingly like clockwork, at least one set of words appeared drawn on. Whether it was a chores or names or even numbers, something was always written. And through lists such as these, he got to know his soulmate.

He supposed the person responsible for the scrawling was a bit forgetful, but the random doodling and lists were cute to him. They were always decorated in some way, underlined or starred, highlighted or color-coded. His soulmate always had a way to unknowingly showcase her writing. Yes, he knew it was his soulmate.

Soulmates, a topic science had yet to fully understand. And personally, he doubted science would ever completely understand. Sure, they could study the increase in pheromones and hook up electrodes to people meeting their soulmate. But all it was, was love. And love could never be a science. Or at least, that was his opinion. But that never stopped scientists, and he supposed as long as they were happy with their seemingly pointless research, who was he to raise a fuss?

But he did want to ask them at times, how is science going to explain the doodling and ticklish sensation the drabbles always brought? The way a soulmate could be realized varied for everyone, he got lists, other got watches, or first words, and it was nothing precise. How is science going to explain people born with clocks, times, and words inked onto their skin? The explanation of Soulmates and a soulmates’ effect on a person wasn’t black and white, it was so far into the gray in between that not many bothered to try and comprehend it. In fact, trying to understand it was like trying to master dance in a day, or learn a language without ever studying it.

In essence, it was something that was close to impossible to understanding. Hence the saying, “Love works in weird ways.”

And that’s what he loved so much about it. In a way, the lists always reminded him that he wasn’t alone. And that alone could brighten his days.

So he waited, anticipating what it would be today, and watched in suspense as the nonsense lines gradually faded in words.

Penguin Knees

He read in disbelief, letting the ink bleach itself back to his natural skin tone. He was used to reading about homework and important deadlines, even seeing band logos. But this? This was new. And at times such as these, he really wanted to get an opportunity to try and talk to his soulmate.

He cocked his head to the side, a thought striking him. If the other person’s doodles could shine through after writing on their skin, would his do the same?

Regardless, he was willing to try it. Taking his pen from his notebook, he scribbled.

I’ve seen a lot, but Penguin Knees?? This one ya gotta explain.



You were always forgetful, an unfortunate and annoying habit. Your friend, Eunbi, joked you’d forget your own head if it wasn’t screwed on. And as much as you’d love to deny that, you knew she was right.

So you started to write reminders on your hands and forearm. That way even if you forgot, the minute you looked at your arm, you’d remember. Or so your personal theory went. Eunbi often laughed at you for your theory, teasing your frequent writing.

But in response you’d simply reply, “At least I don’t have to find a soulmate whose first words to me is, ‘I’d like a side of rice with that, ’.”

She’d pout a fair amount at that, but you also knew that you probably would forget your own soulmate’s face.

But the day that you finally had a form of contact with your soulmate, it was biology class.

The resident Smart Alec was fulfilling his daily duty of roasting the teacher, finding a witty comeback to everything. It was a sight to see, as the smart alec, Jeongguk, was actually raised by the teacher due to moving away from his family at a young age. The teacher would always end up pulling the, “I’ve fed you and given you a place to stay since you were 13, and this is what I get!” card.

But it was always fun to listen to the banter as the teacher was quite young himself, and still managed to prepare the students for their exams.

Knowing all the kids eagerly awaited the banter sessions, in his arguments with the younger boy, he included random Biology facts since he knew the students were truly listening.

Today’s fact actually interested you: Penguins have knees.  

You really wanted to look it up, as you had a slightly unhealthy obsession with the cuties. But currently, you were stuck in school, and knowing yourself, by next bell it was guaranteed you’d have forgotten. So taking out your pen, you quickly scrawled the memo: Penguin Knees.

A few moments later, you felt a slight ticklish sensation flow through your forearm. Confused, you stretched your sweater out, checking your sweater sleeve for any irritant. But you came up empty. Your eyebrows furrowed, but nonetheless you went to turn back to the unfolding banter in class. But the new ink unfurling on your arm caught your attention.

I’ve seen a lot, but Penguin Knees?? This one ya gotta explain

You read quickly, as the ink was already disappearing. Your heart stopped, this was your soulmate. They were talking to you, via forearm’s which was brilliant and strange at the same time.

How else would you have this ink showing up? Taking a deep breath you placed the tip to your arm.

B4 I explain… can I ask for a name of who I’m talking to?

She didn’t wait long for the reply.

Jung Hoseok. Please to meet ya Love (Literally lol). And ditto… what’s ur name


Now… what was this about penguin knees?

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