blarghhhhhhhhh

You know what

I fucked up I honestly did I played a prank I thought would be funny but it wasn’t to someone I cared about and I hurt them no matter how many times I say I’m sorry she won’t forgive me I’m going to give them time and not talk to them but it’s getting to the point where they say they where right like no you aren’t it was a misunderstanding I’m going to give you what you want and say you are right because I know what’s going on but it was a misunderstanding and that’s what people do is forgive each other have I told any of you the time my friends who I thought I could care about fucking threw me to the ground like a piece of dirt and I was alone for two and a half years until I met my morail and then I got more friends did it fix me no it didn’t I decided to keep this stuff bottled in until I finally let it go I did and then I would do so every once in a while what happened next I joined tumblr and they helped me and I felt safe for once where no one would hit me and nobody for certain would hate me (because at the time I felt as if everybody did) fast forward past freshman year when u went to a convention I met a whole bunch of people there we called ourselves the dex crew we where happy some of us had a falling out some of us didn’t get fixed then they did and but everybody else tried there best to help along the way some of us would get knocked down and would be helped up I would hide these emotions from everyone but it would be just for me then I started to hear voices of the people I loved/cared about telling me negative stuff and then I started seeing this creature who I later named Dennis then I saw a new one I named that one Kate all of this happening on and off since August(Dennis’ first appearance) and early January (Kate’s first appearance) all of this happening along with homocidial thoughts I have had since I felt alone in the sixth grade suicidial thoughts happened in late 7th grade and self harm thoughts happening in 9th grade fast forward to last weekend I played a prank on someone who I cared about I said in a weird voice In a blocked number “hehehehehehe it’s really quite funny your friend john is playing with a force he can’t beat hahahahahahaha he’s doomed” now this was over the phone so it kind of is distorted she heard me say (keep in mind I didn’t say this) “why are you even here (here being the convention) are we even still friends I’m doomed(which is like her thinking I was going to take the easy way out)” she took it the wrong way and I apologized to her a million times and I was right when my voices said I would hurt someone this weekend so I corned myself off sitting in the snow some guy came along and helped me and when he finished I went inside to do my larp and that’s the last time me and her talked so and so that’s my life story so there you go all my ups and downs