blaming-the-victim

In case anyone wants to read what abuser tvshows-addict had to say about this situation; I saw this post of hers a while ago about the situation. This tells a completely different story as to what we’ve heard of the victim. (Since she said in her post that she wanted to remain anonymous, I put something over her name that is mentioned in this post and I won’t link the post either.)

But yeah, seems like the abuser is twisting the story and blaming the victim.

anonymous asked:

Why gorgeous so problematic?

1. “Making fun of the way you talk” could be misinterpreted

2. “You you think about the consequences of your magnetic field being a little too strong” I know what she means but isn’t that a little victim blaming 

3. “I got a boyfriend” Which means the entire song is about her wanting to cheat on him.

4. “ Unless you wanna come along?” She’s literally ready to cheat.

I’m going to get so much hate because “YOU DONT GET THE SONG OMG YOURE SO DUMB” I get the song but I can also see how a normal fan/the media is going to see this if she ever releases it as a single

the people who ask why women wait 20 years to come forward about sexual harrassment/assault are the same people to victim blame them the second they do smh

One of the most important posts I’ve seen in the last twenty-four hours was a post that talked about how it’s adults’ responsibility to have good boundaries around children.  I want to echo that and expand a little bit. 

I have seen posts suggesting that the fact that a girl lied about her age somehow absolves adults who have had sexual conversations with her of any responsibility.   Teenagers lie about their ages, we all know that. It is adults’ responsibility to avoid sexual situations with all teenagers, including those who lie about their age.   

I’ve seen a lot of victim-blaming responses across my dash and it makes me so sad to see.  All girls should be able to explore her sexuality without adult interference and pressure, particularly those who lie about their age, particularly those who are mentally unstable.  

Okay, you know, I can sort of understand the fans who define the (Netflix-verse) Matt/Elektra relationship as toxic/abusive.  Now personally, I feel like Matt is responsible for his own damn decisions and that the main problems with their relationship came from external sources, but that’s definitely a YMMV sort of situation.

But I will never understand how the same people who call that relationship “abusive” will then turn around and rant about how Matt is “weak-willed” and needs to “redeem himself.”

IF you believe the Matt/Elektra relationship is abusive, then Matt is the VICTIM here.  So why the fuck are you blaming the victim for being caught in an abusive relationship?!  What kind of disgusting logic is that?!

Either Matt is an equal participant who should be accountable for his own decisions, or he’s a victim and should be treated as such.

And don’t get me started on the idea that he should somehow have to “earn” his daredevil suit back.  (From WHOM exactly?  Who gets to decide when Matt gets to be Daredevil again?!)  Matt built that identity with his own two hands.  No one gave it to him.  Daredevil exists because Matt Murdock couldn’t keep listening to people suffer without doing something about it.  Matt Murdock trained his body, denied himself sleep, suffered at the hands of his enemies.

That particular suit?  Matt Murdock got it because he chose to treat someone with kindness and offer him protection.  (And honestly, if you took it away?  He’d probably just go out in black pajamas again.)

Matt Murdock is a flawed man who probably does have a lot that he needs to answer for, and will probably do more in the future that he’ll need to answer for.

But he’s already earned that identity a thousand times over.

anonymous asked:

Hi, how believable do you think is that report about Gal Gadot victim shaming the article's author? It's strange that the article has already been taken down and the account been suspended.

Hi there,

I think it’s incredibly believable.  I’ve lived it. Too many of us live it every day.

For those who haven’t heard, there was a post on Medium by someone under the name “Ima Survivor”  who allegedly knew Gadot 13 years ago.  The post was removed from the site, but a cached version can be found here. It alleged that Gadot engaged in victim blaming of both a mutual acquaintance and the person who made the post.

I believe survivors.  Honestly, it’s not really strange that the post has been taken down, since so many who try to speak up or speak out are silenced or find it hard to safely use their voices and tell their stories. 

It can be really difficult when the integrity of one of our heroes is called into question.  Many people are learning that the hard way lately, as new allegations come out every day.   But anyone is capable of doing harmful, hurtful things.   We get the feeling that we *know* famous people and that is fostered by their often carefully curated public personas. 

Gadot has done something good in taking a stand against Ratner, but that doesn’t mean she is incapable of doing the things of which she is accused in the post.   

So when I hear allegations like this, no matter who is accused, I believe the survivor.  Because survivors deserve to be believed.  Too many of us know how hard it is to come forward with our truths and how crushing it is to be blamed or not to be believed.  We owe it to ourselves to trust survivors to speak the truth and to help elevate their voices and support them in any way we can.  There is power in telling your story and more being believed and Ima Survivor deserves to have that just as much as any of us.


~Spider~

The way people talk about gnc women, particularly young gnc girls in this instance, is point-blank victim blaming.

Every damn gnc woman I know was bullied for their gender nonconformity when they were a kid, ESPECIALLY with homophobia as the undercurrent. But these self-righteous dingbats writing their cutesy articles about how “masc privilege” oppresses “women and femmes” will look straight at a bunch of feminine girls harassing and degrading a gnc girl and call them Empowered Feminists for fighting off Toxic Masculinity.

You’re telling girls, a great many of which aren’t straight, that they deserve punishment for the way they look and dress. That’s it. There is no way to argue around that. You are telling them their abuse is just a natural result of some inherent flaw, that they earned it for having Internalized Misogyny (not what that means).

What the fuck do you think you’re doing to them and their sense of self by saying that the only way that they can happily present themselves is inherently destructive and threatening? That they’re exactly like the boys who are most certainly threatening and harassing them too? That they’re probably insidious predators for even daring to think that someone could like them while they’re so PROUD of being “unattractive” (to you)?

Stop making excuses for why you condone the abuse of gender nonconforming girls and women. Stop pretending that their abuse is somehow not misogyny in itself. Stop teaching us that the only way for us to exist is to hate ourselves.

Gaslighting

“Why did you stay?”
“Why didn’t you leave?”
“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

These are the questions that are fired at a survivor of gaslighting.

So what is gaslighting?

It is one of the most manipulative form of emotional abuse. It is when the victim blames themselves and has lost the faith in their own abilities. It is when you start to question your own ability to make decisions or even think. It is when someone that you are emotionally attached to becomes the person who causes you immense distress and pain.

The victims stay because they genuinely believe that they may be the cause for the distress. They stay because when it comes to someone you trust, it isn’t someone who you’d give up on that easily. They stay longer than they should because it is painful to watch someone that you love and care about (in any form be it friendship, relationship or otherwise) turn into someone that you hate. They stay out of genuine concern for the abuser’s well being.

As for why they don’t leave, it’s because they believe that they wouldn’t be able to make it without their abuser. To put it dramatically, they think that they wouldn’t be able to live without them. They believe (as they have been made to) that they are incapable of doing anything without the abuser.
Sometimes, they don’t leave out of fear of the abuser spreading false information about them or maybe because he/she has threatened to reveal the victim’s weaknesses.

They don’t tell anyone the full extent of damage being inflicted because isn’t it a human tendency to protect the people that you care about? Regardless of the type of behavior, when it comes to someone you trust, you’d tend to be protective of them and wouldn’t want anything that you say to hurt them.
So they don’t tell anyone about this sick form of demagoguery fearing whether they would even be believed or whether they would in turn be questioned about their willingness to submit to the oppressor’s wishes.

How did you let it get so bad?

What people don’t seem to understand is that the changes are so subtly done and the manipulation is so carefully implemented that the victims don’t even know what they’re falling into.
These are people you trust so at first they believe that maybe they have some hidden agenda which would lead to the betterment of themselves when in reality they are falling face flat into an emotional trap.

Then, the victims start questioning the very facts that have been presented to them because the oppressor would have made slight changes to the version of the truth which in turn would result everything being the fault of the victim.

They cut off the attachment with them only when it reaches a point where they have been hurt so badly or the abuser does something so morally wrong that no amount of excuses could pardon their behavior and they run out of instances to defend the manipulator.

This isn’t something that the survivor can “move on” from or just “get over”. It takes time to heal the wounds that have been cast on their minds.
They have been through a mental trauma, an emotional rollercoaster and a psychological assault on their very mind and these aren’t the type of scars that can be healed very soon.

It is a battle with themselves and their mind that follows in their path to recovery.

It is enough to drive anyone to the point of insanity and requires and immense amount of grit and emotional strength on their part to overcome such an ordeal.

These abusers may actually be someone who may have cared for them, or someone who may have been dealing with their own issues in such negative way or just a manipulative piece of shit who cares only themselves and don’t give a damn about how their words and actions have destroyed someone that they may have claimed to care for.

The process of healing is slow and painful. There may or may not be any physical injuries but the degree of hurt that has been cast on their minds takes a different duration for different people depending on the extent of trauma, the support from genuine well-wishers and their own strength.

Everything wrong with society

Society raises robots 

Boys are taught that they can’t cry nor show emotion, taught that they can’t be human.

Girls are taught to hide their emotions, lest they be asked “are you on your period”, taught that it’s shows that you are weak.

Society is huge on double standards

‘Boys must be over 6ft, and have muscles"

‘Why are girls so self conscious?’

If you hate yourself, you must be fishing for compliments.

If you love yourself, you must be narcissistic.

Society has an obsession with victim blaming and ignoring the true problem

'Boys can’t be the victim of rape because they always want sex’

'All men are trash’

'She was obviously asking for it’

'Well what were you wearing?’

As if you could blame an entire gender on the actions of a few

As if the amount of skin you show determines your ability to consent and say NO

We are supposed to be able to think, we are not savages and should be able to understand that an absent of a YES means NO.

What was the point of this mini rant? 

To call society out on it’s bullshit! and to rant because of frustrations  

The point is we are not robots and have the right to emotions, we have the right to love ourselves because a bit of body positivity never hurt nobody, and IT IS NEVER THE VICTIMS FAULT why is it so hard to understand that?

Sangwoo got everything he wanted…. and everyone else paid the price

Let’s review…

Bum keeping quite about Sangwoo upsets Seungbae so much he just starts whoopin Sangwoo’s ass in the parking lot. Sangwoo knows better than to retaliate. Officer Kwak sees this and gives Seungbae a smack across the face, him in front of everyone.

Inside the station tending to Sangwoo’s wounds the police knowing they’re in hot water for police brutality. Sangwoo makes the situation even worse claiming it was a hate crime for his sexuality. He demands 30 million won which is around 2,6182 in US dollars oooooh bitch we rich! Right?…


Nope! Sangwoo gave that outrageous demand so his real demand of Seungbae to be fired seemed more reasonable.

Bonus points too since he drops the money deal just so he could go home with Bum and Seungbae never harass them again making everyone in that room believe that he is an innocent loving person. (Even Bum believes it)

As they arrive home Bum still believes he will have a happy ending with Sangwoo living in his house that this is where he’s meant to be…

But where is Sangwoo looking? This sumbitch is looking to see if the cop is far enough gone so he could “punish” Bum for putting him through that whole experience. That whole time Sangwoo was masking his annoyance, he felt no fear of going to prison just anger if he would be betrayed…. to lose!

He gets Bum to turn using endearing words like “Honey” then just smacks him. Bum is confused, he did everything right he keep Sangwoo from being convicted. Sangwoo was affectionate to him at the station. But as I said before that’s why Sangwoo was a tape recorder in that special chapter. His affections are lies that lead to dead ends. His beautiful words are meaningless.

Blames Bum for Seungbae hitting him. A tactic narcissistic people or abusers use where they blame their victim for things they had no control over so feel guilty and whatever punishment follows after they feel they deserve it.

Bum doesn’t even try to stop Sangwoo from hurting him anymore he instead wants to help him hide his abuse to protect Sangwoo.

Seriously dude…. SERIOUSLY?! I’m not shocked I swear but I fucking swear man, this mofo.

As he makes Bum endure his “treat” Bum expressing to Sangwoo he’s in pain Sangwoo always makes Bum feel like he’s ungrateful. He uses Bum’s words against him, “you said we were dating” the same words Sangwoo wanted Bum to say to they could leave the station. But when the cops felt Bum sounded too robotic and not real Sangwoo was the one who caused a scene and kissed him.

So so all in all it was a pretty good chapter for Sangwoo, I didn’t for one second think neither was going to prison. Season 2 was great. I can’t wait for the next season. How the dynamic will change.

Sangwoo is free range now with the police off his back, and Bum no longer looking for freedom will all this go to Sangwoo’s head and be his downfall? Bum doesn’t fear Sangwoo’s abuse, he would take a sock to the stomach as long as 10 or so minutes later he’s met with affection… that’s just sad 😦.

Will Sangwoo continue killing women like Jieun or is his next target Seungbae?

In the Justice League Action episode Harley Goes Ape, it turns out that prior to becoming a psychiatrist Harley actually worked at STAR Labs, where she studied behaviourial zoology. Interestingly, this seem to cover a part of her academic career we don’t often see, what with her seemingly going straight from college to working in Arkham Asylum in a lot of stories.

Heck, in a bunch of stories (such as the original Mad Love comic) they implied that she wasn’t even qualified as a psychologist prior to getting the job. Which leads to an uncomfortable victim-blaming thing when you consider the whole domestic abuse angle of most versions of the character.

Poor Harley, woman talks and acts a certain way and everyone, even Poison Ivy, thinks she’s stupid. Heck, even Batman cracks a joke about she “never was that smart“ in the Arkham video games.

So, I’ve been thinking a lot about the allegation made against George Takei. And it’s been…hard to process emotionally. I, like many people, really look up to Takei, really admire him. So I’m going to ramble for a minute about my feelings about the whole thing. 

And in the wake of this allegation, I found myself gut reacting in all the predictable ways- doubt, being incredulous, maybe the accuser is lying or making it up, waiting for Takei’s well measured denial, wanting to believe it. All the typical, run of the mill hand waving, victim blaming responses. 

And as I sit back, I know that I am far, far less willing to accept this allegation than I was when Spacey or Louis CK were accused, not because of any real inherent difference between the accusations, but only because I personally like Takei more.

But me liking a celebrity isn’t any kind of measure of truth. 

I don’t want this accusations to be true. Of course I don’t. I think everyone would be happy if there were less sexual assault in the world, and if the celebrities we admire were better people. 

But I know that to be fair, to be honest, we have to work from a place of believing the victims first. So I will not say “If Takei did this.” I will take those initial doubts and set them aside. 

anonymous asked:

I'm glad to see you haven't updated in nearly a year. Mr "male rape victims should walk away" I'm still amazed you're such a piece of shit that you thought you were in the right.

Even if you are paraphrasing, I don’t think that is what I said. If I remember correctly, someone was getting harassed at their job and I suggested maybe they could find another job. I said that women often cannot find ways to escape harassment. It tends to follow them wherever they go. I thought that seemed logical as I typed it, however, I soon realized I was victim blaming and I regretted saying it. In a moment of panic, I tried to delete what I said. Which made things worse and was another error in judgment. I do not try to hide what I did. I didn’t think it through. I do not believe in victim blaming, no matter which gender is involved. 

What I did was wrong. 

Soon after, I said I was wrong and I apologized. You have no way of knowing this, but I assure you I was sincere. I don’t believe making an error automatically makes me a “piece of shit.” If the individual I said that to wants to continue believing I am a bad person, I can understand that. That seems a fair punishment for what I said. 

But I try very hard to learn from my mistakes and do better going forward. Your inability to let things go, even years later, is troubling. Why do you even still follow me here if you hate me that much? Is there even anything I can say to show that I have true remorse and regret and that I won’t make that mistake again? Do you prefer that people remain “pieces of shit” so you can continue hating them? Or would it maybe be better if people did change and try to be better people, and that we encourage that sort of thing? 

I admit, there are some inexcusable actions in this world, but I’m not sure this is one of them. I’m going to continue trying to be better. To speak up for those who need a voice. I may make mistakes in the future. And I’m sure you’ll let me know when I do. 

taylor swift is a child. 

Look What You Made Me Do? Honey, how, did you forget you’re a whole adult and responsible for your own actions? No one? Can make you do? Anything? You got caught sis, you made yourself do that shit? You should’ve said from jump ‘yeah we talked but I’m not comfortable being referred to by derogatory terms such as ‘bitch’ INSTEAD you claimed to never heard it at all. AND IT HONESTLY WASN’T EVEN A BIG DEAL UNTIL YOU RESPONDED. cause we all already knew yo ass was lying like cmon.

Also can we talk about how that specific phrase is common in emotional manipulation/abuse as a way to shift blame onto the VICTIM and keep them under their abuser? GIRLFRIEND I know you’re oblivious half the time but you are literally exhibiting unhealthy levels of control i’m concerned. 

The 80s synth pop was cool but I just wasted 3:31 minutes of my life. And now I can’t remember why teenaged me ever liked her. don’t at me. don’t come in my inbox i’m done with this topic.

TCC

I’M APART OF THE TRUE CRIME COMMUNITY AND I DO NOT CONDONE THE FOLLOWING

🌼ACTS OF MURDER

🌼RAPE

🌼SEXUAL ABUSE

🌼VERBAL ABUSE

🌼KIDNAPPING

🌼NECROPHILIA

🌼CHILD ABDUCTIONS OR CHILD PORN

🌼 CHILD RAPE

🌼HOSTAGE SITUATIONS

🌼 SCHOOL SHOOTING

🌼MASS SHOOTINGS

🌼VICTIM BLAMING


JUST BECAUSE WE’RE APART OF THE TRUE CRIM COMMUNITY DOES NOT MEAN WE CONDONE THESE ACTS. IT IS NOT WHO WE ARE. IT IS NOT WHAT WE DO ! PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU DO NOT CONDONE THESE ACTS OF VIOLENCE OR ABUSE TO RAISE AWARENESS !!

Dear Jon,

The good news is that our siblings are alive. The bad news is that they have both lost their personalities. Bran is calling himself the Three-Eyed Raven. He won’t explain what that means, but he did make some very uncomfortable comments about how pretty I looked the night Ramsay raped me. Arya says that she trained to be a Faceless Man. I’m not exactly sure what that is either, but she has a bag full of skins, and I think she threatened to cut off my face. Petyr is creepy, the Northern Lords are unreliable, and I may have snapped at Brienne from the stress and then sent her to King’s Landing. I understand that you are very busy mutilating your character by inexplicably falling for the Dragon Queen despite no visible development taking place. I also understand that you, for some reason, have agreed to bend the knee because… Well, I’m not sure why. The point is, you need to come home, because the rest of our family apparently have “blame the victim” philosophies, and I am losing it.

Sincerely,

Sansa

PS: I feel the need to mention that we have far more chemistry together. Just putting all the options on the table.

the fact that mayim bialik’s response to 39 women opening up about being sexually abused and/or harassed by powerful men in hollywood is to write a self-congratulatory, victim blaming op-ed is disturbing. victim blaming perpetuates rape culture. it’s not at all surprising seeing how she’s on the big bang theory and probably sees herself as “not one of those girls”, but it’s disgusting all the same and she needs to apologize and invest some time in educating herself on what being a feminist actually means because she’s got it all wrong.