blaming-the-victim

To Ward haters

You probably shouldn’t read this if you know you are right about that Nazi douchebag who got what he deserved.

But if you want to hear why someone (in this case: me) might like him, relate to him and be still hurt over his death eight months later (disclaimer: not excusing), feel free to read.

To everyone else:

DO NOT READ THIS, PLEASE, IF YOU ARE IN A GOOD MOOD OR DO NOT WANT ANY UNNECESSARY DRAMA IN YOUR LIFE.


This is personal and was brought on by that Anti Ward post.


Do you ever scream in complete hopelesness and helplesness because you kind of wish you never watched this f*cking d*mn show - because then I could have stayed that naive and blisfully ignorant still?

Ten months ago I didn’t know a thing about victim blaming, rape apologists and double standards. Ten months ago I didn’t know a thing about “social justice” and “social justice warriors”. Ten months ago I didn’t know what “white cis male” meant and why it was an unforgivable crime to be born one.

I didn’t know that world was irreparably divided between “white” and “POC” - and Heaven forbid you dare to think otherwise. I didn’t know that world was even more irreparably divided between “men” and “women” - and Heaven forbid you dare to think that equality means, you know, equality.  (And if you think I’ve never been called names for my race, nationality, religion, gender and skin color, you’re wrong - I just never thought that all the people sharing the nation with the ones who offended me were the same. I have never thought in terms of “us” vs. “them” and no pursuit of social justice is going to convince me otherwise. I didn’t learn English language to be lectured about what and how I should believe in.)

In the last ten months I learned more than I wanted to know about abuse, brainwashing, cults, indoctrination and gaslighting.

I found out that humans can be capable of vicious bullying, tormenting and attacking all under the guise of having moral high ground. I found out that humans can be capable of not having even a shred of compassion, mercy or just plain any brains at all.

And no, having compassion is not equal to excusing, understanding is not equal to hand-waving the committed crimes, relating to someone is not equal to whitewashing the ugly and horrible things they do.

And yes. I relate to Grant Ward. No, not because I have suffered abuse or anything of the sort.

No, not because he’s hot and I’m silly fangirl ready to brush off everything bad he did. No, not because he’s a poor mistreated woobie and I’m a sucker for tragic sob stories™ and Freudian excuse™. No, not because he’s so misunderstood and I’m stupid to think that bad boys can be redeemed with Love™.

Have you ever had to admit that you are weak and you were wrong?

Have you ever felt shame and guilt - and known that a “sorry” can’t fix it?

Have you ever been so ashamed of yourself you couldn’t do something as simple as just apologize because the words were stuck in your throat and you wished you never existed?

Have you ever felt regret - and have to live knowing that you will not be forgiven and don’t have even a chance to try and apologize?

Have you ever went along with a peer pressure - and you despised yourself for that cowardice - and you were terrified when you asked yourself “what else am I capable of doing - in just the right circumstances and with just the right persuasion?”

Have you ever thought that 

you weren’t worth anything, that what you said or did didn’t have any meaning?

Have you ever felt hate? Not anger, not rage, not fury, hate? The one where you wanted everyone to suffer just so they would understand? The one where you wanted the whole world indiscriminately to burn? The one that left you unable to breathe, to sleep, to enjoy life because somewhere that person simply is?

Have you ever been despised and had people be disgusted with you? And you did what you could to turn their contempt into hate - because it was more bearable that way?

Have you ever despised yourself - but wished more than anything, wished despite knowing that you don’t deserve it that someone will be able to understand you? Not excuse, not forgive, just say “I understand”?

Have you ever hated yourself - for all of the above? Hated for even having this kind of thoughts, this kind of feelings? Because good people don’t have such thoughts, don’t have such feelings. Good people forgive, good people stay good no matter their hardships, good people always choose good, good people are above such behavior.

Have you ever been told to handle it, get a grip of yourself, you don’t even have an excuse of having trauma to be like that, you think you’ve suffered - don’t be ridiculous, it’s whiny little kid’s complains compared to what other people lived?


Sometimes I think I would have been better off have I not watched this stupid show. And haven’t found out that people can be so blind and self-righteous in their judgment and deciding who gets to be called good upstanding moral heroic people and who gets to be called Nazi apologists, rape apologists and generally horrible people who should be locked away from normal people.

My faith in humanity was destroyed then I’ve first read the anti SWW posts. I’m totally serious. I had a nervous breakdown and spent a month in a haze. Since then I had to rearrange my whole worldview and I’m sure I haven’t exactly succeeded.

*you can start laughing now*

Then again

at least one good thing came out of it. I met Grant.

And SWW. And I found out that I’m actually capable of forgiveness, that I’m capable of letting go of my decade-long grudges, that I’m capable of being who I am, that I’m capable of accepting myself, that I’m capable of forgiving myself for being human.

And it’s all because of him. You know, that Nazi thundercunt who died alone on an alien planet, died slowly and painfully and hated by everyone.

So, if liking Grant Ward makes me a horrible person, Nazi, misogynist, racist and whatever else it was, please, do continue thinking so, be my guest.

But you can’t make me feel ashamed for liking him, finding something worth respect in him, finding something worth in him, period.

I believe in Grant Ward.

And it doesn’t matter that he’s dead.

I’m getting real tired of people saying “well it’s Reading” or “they were all drunk/stoned. He should’ve known” or “he’s famous so of course things will happen when he’s in the crowd” like, stop making excuses! There is no reason NONE that excuses that kind of behavior. You’re saying that the fans being drunk or stoned gives them the right to violate Tyler and to threaten the boys’ safety in the crowd. That’s what you’re saying. If anyone wants to even try and say “but…” with another stupid excuse, unfollow me right now. I do not tolerate this victim blaming at all.

Louie Gohmert- 2016 Update

On this date, in both 2014, as well as in 2015, “Crazy/Stupid Republican of the Day” posted its profile of  Louie Gohmert, who remains our all-time leader in sheer insanity (although Donald Trump is starting to nip at his heels). We honestly have difficulty in keeping up with Gohmert’s antics, because every time he steps in front of a microphone (which is often) he gibbers out the sorts of incomprehensible, illogical statements that we believe can only be explained by him being medically diagnosed with a case of neurosyphilis (and we’re not joking, we think he needs a doctor).

Just SOME of the myriad of deranged things we’ve covered that Gohmert has said in our column about him included the time he blamed the victims of the Aurora, Colorado mass shooting to task for not packing heat and shooting back in a crowded, dark theater with people scrambling for cover, and a shooter clad from head to toe in protective body armor that only a shot to the face would have taken him down, and for not believing in God enough. Or there was the time Gohmert invented the ludicrous “terror babies” conspiracy (including his meltdown when Anderson Cooper fact-checked him for it on CNN), or when he tried linking the overthrow of the Libyan government to Obamacare. We noted his bizarre alliance with Michelle Bachmann and how both made Islamophobic attacks on the State Dept.’s Huma Abedin, even going as far as to call John McCain “numbnuts” for defending her from their attacks. There was the time Gohmert accused President Obama of trying to start up a new Ottoman Empire, or the many times he’s claimed President Obama is in league with the Muslim Brotherhood. We mentioned how Gohmert has claimed Obama’s Jobs plan was to funnel jobs to gays at the cost of traditional marriage, or how he compared homosexuality to beastiality and Hitler on the floor of the House. Gohmert once called to eliminate the bipartisan Congressional Budget Office because the CBO reported that extending the Bush tax cuts would increase the federal deficit, and once lost it in a House hearing and, outraged, screamed at Attorney General Eric Holder to “not cast aspersions on his asparagus” (whatever that means). We mentioned Gohmert claiming our immigration crisis was worse than any “Republican War on Women” because illegal immigrants had snuck across the border and committed six hundred thousand (note: not six, not six hundred, not six thousand… SIX HUNDRED THOUSAND) sexual assaults against American women.

Our 2015 update on Gohmert included the time he went on FOX Business Channel and claimed President Obama sent three thousand troops to Liberia not to help stop the spread of Ebola Virus, but to get infected and bring it home to infect the entire country. Alternatively, Gohmert later claimed terrorists would weaponize Ebola (which is not a plausible bioterror weapon, at all), or try and explain why President Obama is actually a secret Muslim, or how he blackmailed General Petraeus into remaining silent about “what really happened in Benghazi”. He went on WorldNetDaily’s radio program and warned that ISIS was waiting right across the U.S./Mexico border (they’re not). Gohmert spent a lot of time in 2015 panicking about gay people, including their participation in our military citing the failures of ancient Greek armies because their troops would just “sit around giving massages to each other”, that “gays are persecuting Christians all across America”, or lie and say that the Matthew Shephard nd James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes Act “criminalizes the Bible”. Louis Gohmert also admitted to meeting with military leaders to ask them about concerns he had regarding the Jade Helm 15 exercises, as a potential takeover of Texas by the Obama administration (even though Texas is already part of our sovereign nation, so a takeover isn’t needed). But perhaps our favorite sound bite of 2015 from Louis Gohmert was when he called for the impeachment of Supreme Court Justices Kagan and Sotomayor for their rulings on same sex marriage, going on to point out how gay marriage is wrong because he read a study about what happens when you put four heterosexual couples or four gay couples on an island together, and in the latter instance, they die out. The Gohmert “gay island” theory has been something he’s demonstrated as “proof” as to why same sex marriage shouldn’t happen repeatedly, as if it’s irrefutable proof.

The Gohmerting continued in the past calendar year:

Normally, it’s the combined voting record of a politician WITH one or two insane quotes that earns them a place at CSGOPOTD… but Louie Gohmert goes above and beyond, and somehow remains in office, don’t ask us how. He is now up for re-election to his seventh, yes SEVENTH term in office after surviving a primary challenge from in 2016. Texas’ 1st Congressional District has a +24 Republican lean in the Cook Partisan Voting Index so it seems pretty unlikely he’ll be supplanted by Democrat Shirley McKellar (too bad, really)…  meaning it’s almost a guarantee that he’ll remain in Congress and appear on cable news to babble on about conspiracy theories for another two years, while inexplicably running for Speaker of the House like no one else can plainly see how insane he is.

At least he gives us something to write about, and remains our all-time champ of kookiness.

Click Here for Full CSGOPOTD Archive

Amber Heard has done everything that victims of domestic abuse are supposed to do, and people still don't believe her.

She’s given video evidence, picture evidence, text messages, voice recordings. What else does she need to do?

Whereas all Johnny Depp has done to ‘disprove’ these claims is have his ex-partner and daughter (who were not present) say that he wouldn’t do that.

Really.

We need to separate the actor from his characters, and stop ignoring abuse.

Illness is interpreted as, basically, a psychological event, and people are encouraged to believe that they get sick because they (unconsciously) want to, and that they can cure themselves by the mobilization of will; that they can choose not to die of the disease.
—  Susan Sontag on psychological theories of disease in “Illness As Metaphor” (1978)
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Dispositional vs. Environmental Attribution

TOP: We understand this to be the (simplified, obvs) cause of misfortune.

MIDDLE: We usually perceive the causes of our own misfortune this way, usually as a strategy to prevent cognitive distortion (Tavris).

BOTTOM: We usually perceive strangers’ misfortune like this, and it’s what blaming the victim looks like. Blame yourself a lot? Depressed individuals often take this view of their own problems (a view sometimes distorted and sometimes not). (Shiraev and Levy)

Read more how this works in Why Do We Blame The Victim? and differences in non-Western cultures in this post at After Trauma

The problem with victim blaming isn’t just that we’re punishing the wrong person, it’s that it stimulates our obsession with finding someone to punish, because punishment is the only way we know how to solve problems. If you don’t believe me, look at any movie or story ever: it ends in cathartic punishment. The shark in Jaws explodes. The Aliens in Independence Day explode. Humbert Humbert in Lolita explodes. The Death Star in Star Wars explodes.

But that makes no sense, right? The point isn’t to hurt people who hurt someone else, the point should be to stop hurt from happening … right? What does society gain from one individual’s suffering, especially if we discover that it doesn’t stop future suffering? If prisons are any indication, the fact that something is totally useless doesn’t mean we shouldn’t stick with it, forever. Makes me wonder if we’re less interested in stopping crime than we are in getting that heroin-like high that comes from watching other people suffer. We’re just chasing that catharsis of seeing someone pay.

5 Reasons We Will Always Blame the Victim

Safety is a privilege most men take for granted.

It’s my female friend asking me to walk her home at the end of the night so she doesn’t get victim blamed if she’s assaulted.

It’s my teenage sister carrying items for self defense when going out for protection.

It’s my mother phoning me as she walked back from her late shift at work because she was scared something bad might happen to her.

It’s the fact that I have none of these worries because I’m viewed as a man in society and that’s fucked up.

abusers don’t want to carry the guilt for their own abuse you know? they wont do it. they let you know it hurts them and they don’t want to experience any of it, they don’t let you hold them guilty, they say the guilt is on you, they force you to take it, they drown you in the guilt and say it’s all your fault.

so you are the one who feels like a monster. you are the one feeling like you’re toxic and somehow a danger to the others, you are the one carrying the shame and the guilt as if you abused someone that badly, as if you caused for someone to abuse you. you are the one who gets self conscious over all of your actions and words, you feel like you’re the worst human alive, you feel like you deserve to be punished and abused for your crimes, you feel like you’ve done something wrong, like you need to be forgiven but nobody will give you forgiveness, you feel like there’s something inherently wrong and evil inside of you, like it can’t be helped because you are you. you end up feeling like the world would be a better place without you in it. you end up hiding and scared that you’ll be revealed for how horrible you really are. you end up feeling like you don’t deserve to exist.

that is what abuser should have been feeling. that is what they should have been carrying. that was forced on you. you haven’t done anything wrong. you’ve been forced to carry their emotional burden. that is what they should have been going through. forcing the victim to feel the guilt and shame of the abuser, forcing them to carry this burden on themselves, together with the burden of being betrayed and abused, that is actual torture.

and it’s devastating because you never got to be in love with yourself, you never got to experience how it feels to be human, free of guilt, free of thinking about yourself as a monster, free of burden and shame, free of self hatred, free of self consciousness and anxiety, free of fear and paranoia that you’re doing something wrong, free of feeling like you deserve to be punished, free of suicidal feelings, free to feel like you deserve being loved! because that’s what you deserved! you have done nothing wrong! you have done nothing to deserve the burden you’re carrying! it’s abuser who should be carrying it. it’s time for it to be returned to where it truly belongs. and that is not on your shoulders.

It makes me so angry, that people see a video of a man screaming at a woman, smashing cabinets, drinking, and clearly scaring her… and they claim she’s taking advantage of him by “provoking” him. THIS IS VICTIM BLAMING 101.
So when she doesn’t have enough evidence, she’s a lying bitch, and when she brings evidence forward, she’s a manipulative snake. Gotcha. Amber Heard could release a video of Johnny Depp murdering her cat and eating it and people would still claim that she was lying about it.

Feminists insist that men are not animals. Instead, men are rational human beings fully capable of listening to their partners and understanding that sex isn’t about pushing someone to do something they don’t want to do. (…) And women are not empty vessels to be fucked or not fucked; we’re sexual actors who should absolutely have the ability to say yes when we want it, just like men, and should feel safe saying no—even if we’ve been drinking, even if we’ve slept with you before, even if we’re wearing tight jeans, even if we’re naked in bed with you.
— 

Jill Filpovic

This was my favorite quote I used in my paper on blaming the victim. It comes from Jill Filpovic’s article Offensive Feminism: The Conservative Gender Norms That Perpetuate Rape Culture, and How Feminists Can Fight Back, which appeared in Jessica Valenti’s book Yes Means Yes.

I…I can’t believe people are still defending Johnny Depp. There’s video evidence of his behaviour towards her on camera. You people say you aren’t victim blaming but yes, you are, in fact, victim blaming. Abuse doesn’t have to be just physical you know?? My father has been in that exact situation with my mother; she’s been drunk while smashing things and yelling obscenities. She would hurl abusive language towards him. And as a child, I was scared shitless of her when she got like that. I would lock myself in the bathroom and cry because that’s scary as fuck. It’s an intimidating situation that can escalate into something much worse.

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There’s a whole wave of feminists, I feel like it’s mostly second-wave feminists, who write that if you cater to some kind of male gaze then you are the reason why women are being oppressed, and that literally doesn’t make sense. First of all, you can’t blame the victim; you cannot blame a woman for doing what she’s been taught to do — which is cater to a male gaze — for how many years? I think it’s awesome when women are super-interested fashion, because you are almost taking back what was being used against you in so many ways.

Rowan Blanchard for Refinery 29 (19 August 2016,
photographed by Daria Kobayashi Ritch)

Now the Pope is at it

I think one of the most disheartening thing about all the horrors that have been said about Charlie Hebdo and all the victims of the shootings is really all the barrely disguised victim blaming floating around.

Now Pope Francis is doing the same, shamelessly blaming the victims for their own murder, here an extrait: “One cannot react violently, but if [someone] says something bad about my mother, he can expect a punch”

I was not expecting the pope to like Charlie Hebdo, don’t get me wrong (I mean considering everything CH drew about catholicism) but I guess I would have thought someone who go around preaching “you shall not kill” wouldn’t go around acting like anyone can be responsible, even in the slightest, for being murdered.

I just don’t understand this logic, I don’t understand people. I don’t understand why anyone would ever dare to imply that murder is totally an appropriate and understandable reaction to a cartoon.

Abusive relationship in ACOTAR

You know, everyone talks about how in ACOTAR it was amazing that Sarah J Maas made us ‘as blind’ to the situation as Feyre was. But the thing is, I wasn’t completely. In the wall scene, I remember thinking “this isn’t right” and the morning after when Tamlin says it is all Feyre’s fault bc she disobeyed him that it was “vaguely victim-blaming” I remember thinking when he sent her away it was “incredibly possessive” and when he refused to stand up for her in the night court that he was a coward, when he got one moment with her and decided to use it not to escape or to comfort or talk to her, I remember thinking it didn’t ring of true love- he was just using her. And that when she died he didn’t do anything but cry over her bleeding form.
But, they got their happily ever after. And I remember thinking ‘Oh well, they’re cute together.’ Not 'But this is an abusive relationship’ or 'Feyre needs to sort some stuff out with Tamlin,’ but disregarding it. Thinking it was a figment of my imagination.
No, it isn’t that I didn’t notice that scares me, it is that I noticed and turned a blind eye. I noticed and shrugged it off.
To me that is so much more terrifying than simply not knowing it is there.