blame moe

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Luke Conards "apology" or whatever the fuck that was.

EDIT 7/29/2015: Looking back on this with some space and clarity, I was so hurt and angry by all of the events that happened during this week in time that I believe that this post was unnecessary wank to add to the treasure trove. I’ve had a lot of space and time to think about this now… well over a year in fact, and I think a lot of my anger had to do with the fact that I felt intensely emotionally invested in the people involved. I had heard many whispers and conversations from some of these men that seemed pretty self congratulatory at the time, but really, my voice didn’t need to be heard. My voice wasn’t important. My voice was fuel for the fire. 

I was never a part of these relationships and while I think what these men did was wrong, I also let my dislike turn me bitter. It felt like someone had broken into my house, and then blamed a friend for leaving the door unlocked. 

Today, I was listening to I Was A Teenage Werewolf, (Which YES, I still do. And YES, I’m still conflicted about my feelings on everything that came out about Alex, and NO, I won’t try and pretend that music and relationships that meant something important to me, never existed.) And I decided that I was going to find The Hunger Games song on youtube and realized that Alex Carpenter has still disappeared from the planet, or at least whatever planet I’m currently on. And then… I cried. 

I have made so many mistakes in my life, I have done so many problematic things that I didn’t realize were horrible behaviors at the time and every single time I had people to support me and teach me how to be better. I’m not saying that we have to support the actions of any of these men, or what they did wasn’t wrong, but how does completely turning on them help them to become better people? How does them disappearing help anyone? 

I hope they learned something, I hope they are better people, I hope that they aren’t followed by this for their whole lives… because I don’t want to live that way and if it was me, and I did/said something horrible, I wouldn’t want to have it follow me forever either. 

I’m just so disheartened today. 

I had such faith in him. 

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