blake's cosplay responses

2

YES, YES I THINK I CAN HELP WITH THIS.

SORRY IF I’M OFF BASE HERE, BUT THIS LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING I SEE IN A LOT OF YOUNG WIGGLERS – YOU’RE LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP, NOT A PERSON.  YOU WANT THE EXHILARATION OF BEING IN THAT SITUATION, THE THRILL OF BEING ABLE TO TOUCH SOMEONE, THE RUSH OF FEELING YOUR BLOOD PUSHER BEAT OUT OF CONTROL.  YOU WANT SOMEONE TO WANT YOU.

WHILE IT SEEMS INNOCENT ENOUGH, THERE ARE TWO MAIN PROBLEMS WITH THIS.

FIRST OFF, YOU’RE RELYING ON SOMEONE ELSE TO GIVE YOU THOSE FEELINGS, WHEN IN FACT, THERE ARE PLENTY OF WAYS TO GET THEM YOURSELF.  GO TO AN AMUSEMENT PARK.  WATCH A HEART-WARMING MOVIE.  GO SEE YOUR FAVORITE BAND PERFORM LIVE.  WRITE A JOURNAL LOG OF YOUR FAVORITE MEMORIES.  EXPLORE YOURSELF.  YOU CAN’T RELY ON OTHER PEOPLE TO MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD OR KEEP YOUR FEELINGS AFLOAT LIKE THAT.  IT’S NOT FAIR TO THEM, AND IT’S STRAIGHT-UP UNHEALTHY FOR YOU.

THE SECOND ISSUE IS, YOU’RE LOOKING FOR THE EXPERIENCE, NOT THE PERSON YOU’D SHARE IT WITH, AND THAT’S BACKWARDS.  EVERY PERSON YOU MEET HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BE A MATESPRIT FOR YOU, IF YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.  THAT’S NOT TO SAY “PLEASE PREY ON EVERY ORIENTATION-SATISFYING POTENTIAL MATE YOU MEET” BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE FLYING OVER THE POINT ON A ROCKET MADE OF FUCK YOU.

THE POINT IS, YOU HAVE TO ENJOY PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY ARE, APPRECIATE THEIR COMPANY FOR HOW IT MAKES THE BOTH OF YOU FEEL.  ONCE YOU MAKE THAT CONNECTION AND REALLY UNDERSTAND IT, WOWIE ZOWIE ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU’RE GONNA FEEL ALL THOSE GOOD VIBES YOU WANT IN A MATESPRITSHIP!

TRY TO APPROACH EVERY FRIENDSHIP IN A PALE SENSE.  IF YOU LEARN TO CARE FOR EVERY PERSON DEEPLY AND WANT TO PROTECT THEM, YOU’LL GET ATTACHED, AND WHO KNOWS, MAYBE YOU’LL GET ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE WHO IS EQUALLY ATTRACTED TO YOU BECAUSE HOT DIGGITY DAMN YOU’RE BEING A DECENT HUMAN JELLYSACK INSTEAD OF A ONE-TRACK-MINDED FUCKMACHINE.

NOT TO SAY THAT YOU ARE.

JUST ADVISING YOU TO NOT BE ONE.

HOPE THAT HELPS.

CG: DAVE. WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU

CG: I’M SERIOUS YOU COLOSSAL DOUCHECANOE

CG: OKAY THAT WAS MEAN

CG: BUT REALLY WHERE THE FUCK

CG: MAYBE YOU’LL MAGICALLY APPEAR IF I USE THE HUSKTOP INSTEAD.

CG: NOPE LOOKS LIKE THAT WAS A STUPID IDEA

CG: ALMOST AS STUPID AS LIFE AND EVERYTHING ELSE

CG: COME ON DUDE WHAT IS KEEPING YOU

CG: MAYBE PSYCHIC BRAINWAVES

CG: KARKAT TO STRIDER. DO YOU READ.

2

WH-

WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT JADE

I DEFINITELY DON’T THINK ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT ME AND JADE

I MEAN YOU’RE ENTITLED TO “SHIP” WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT, I GUESS

NOT LIKE I GIVE A NOOK-WHIFFING LUMPSQUIRT WHAT ANYBODY THINKS ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF ME AND JADE IN ANY QUADRANT

I DON’T CARE

WHY WOULD I CARE

…YEAH

3

SERIOUSLY WHAT IS WITH YOU LUMPSQUIRTS ABOUT ME AND JADE????

SO WHAT IF I LIKE HER, WHICH GUESS WHAT, I [OOPS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!], WOULD I MAKE A MOVE, WHAT KIND OF IDIOTIC QUESTION IS THAT, OF COURSE I– HEY GUESS WHOSE BUSINESS THAT’S STILL NOT, THAT’S RIGHT, YOURS.

IT’S NOT LIKE I’VE TRIED SEVERAL TIMES AND CHOKED ON MY OWN NERVES OR ANYTHING SO CHILDISH AS THAT.  IF SUCH A THING HAPPENED, WHICH NARY A THING HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE HISTORY OF HAPPENING THINGS, THAT WOULD DEFINITELY NOT BE THE THING THAT HAPPENED.