blah blah blah this is new for me

Finding out Jerome came back from the dead would include:

Originally posted by ajanaomisqueen

Warning: Swearing.

A/N: Since Jerome’s comeback I started to be super trash.


  • Him breaking into your house at night, waking you up with his laughter. 
  • You screaming and swinging a bat at him, hitting him a few times before realising it’s Jerome. 
    • “Oh shit, I’m sorry.”
    • Realising he should be dead. 
    • Swearing and hitting him with the bat again. 
    • More screaming. 
  • Jerome taking the bat away and him being super salty, pointing it at you.
    • “And I thought you would hug me or give me a welcome home blowjob or something.”
    • You punching him in the face. “What in the hell is wrong with this city!”
  • After you calmed down you both sit down on your couch, staring at each other uncomfortably. 
    • “What happened to your face?” 
    • “Ya know, some ass cut it off and wore it as a mask. I had to staple my face back.” 
    • “How are you alive?”
    • “Same guy. Tried to bring me back and because it took too long, he cut off this beautiful face to face my cult, blah blah blah.” 
    • “This shit only happens in this bloody town!” 
  • Jerome telling you everything he remembers before and after his death and awakening, and you explaining what happened to you over the year. 
    • “So… you have a boyfriend/girlfriend I need to kill?” 
    • “You died before my eyes, Jerome. Do you really thing I would look for a new partner? I mourned you, you idiot.”
    • Jerome grinning and putting an arm around you, kissing playfully your cheek. “I’m glad I got a loyal gal/pal on my site.”  
  • Having a break down after your emotions settled down and Jerome trying to comfort you, patting awkwardly your back and not trying to knock you out.
Arguing with the Mercury/Moon Signs

LOOK AT BOTH MERCURY AND MOON - moon applies more when you’re particularly passionate about the subject, but everyone shows a combination of the two

Aries mercury/moon: lol you’re wrong, I’m right, and if I raise my voice it makes me even more right…bye

Taurus mercury/moon: no

Gemini mercury/moon: actually you could look at that from another angle and you could get a whole new perspective. I read about this once and actually blah blah blah blah *gives all of their knowledge of the subject, even if it’s unnecessary and gets them on a tangent*

Cancer mercury/moon: well from the way I know this and have experienced it I feel like you might be wrong…I remember from when we talked about it before…this subject just gives me bad vibes

Leo mercury/moon: I’m right because I’m the one saying I’m right, duh

Virgo mercury/moon: everything about what you said is wrong in 20837408327 ways *lists all 20837408327 ways in a categorical fashion*

Libra mercury/moon: I don’t know what to think!!!! forget what I said before, you’re right, I’m sorry for the conflict :///

Scorpio mercury/moon: *stares and tries to will the other person to admit they’re wrong*

Sagittarius mercury/moon: I’m right but whatever!!!! it’s fun that you’re wrong because now we can debate it haha

Capricorn mercury/moon: actually you’re wrong because you didn’t think about the practical side and it works out logistically to show that I’m right, see?

Aquarius mercury/moon: no no regardless of who’s wrong think about how this issue will impact society!!!! *rambles about something remotely related instead*

Pisces mercury/moon: if no one’s right it’s okay, it’s good to have different opinions and we can just dream about it together

8

David & Clementine supporting Javi while Jesus is jesusing

First words [One-shot]

THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW BEFORE YOU READ!

First!

This little one-shot was inspired on two things:

-My relationship with my sister

-The manga “Shugo Chara”. For those who know the manga, it’s based from the chapter when the guardians go to Yaya’s house.

Second!

I tried to adjust Blueprint’s story to PaperJam’s story. So, since (according to his description) he lived with Ink until a certain age, he met Blueprint before the others. I also tried to make him the most canonically possible, but adjusting his personality to the story.

Third!

As you may know, English is not my first language. I deeply apologise if there are any Errors in the story. I checked it lots of times and hope there’s not a single Error ovo

 

DISCLAIMER:

*Ink!Sans belongs to @comyet

*PaperJam/PJ belongs to @7goodangel (I’m sorry if I didn’t make PJ’s personality too well. I tried to stick the “a jerk on the outside but a big child inside” part and this was what I got. Sorry ;u;)

Secondary characters

*Gradient belongs to @askcomboclub

*Moku belongs to  @6agentgg9

*Palette belongs to  @angexci 

And last, but not least

*Blueprint belongs to, well, me! 

Hope you guys like it!

****************

This will be narrated from PaperJam’s perspective.

 

I never was good with new people. And I wasn’t very happy when you came.


One day, Ink just came “home” with a baby, claiming that it was my “new brother”. I didn’t understand what was he saying with that, and then he showed you to me, my new little brother.

I wasn’t happy with this. I didn’t want a brother. I mean, Ink couldn’t even take care of me, why would he want to have another one? To let them here alone and forgotten with me? Wow, good plan, dad. However, he told me that you only would be staying with us for a day so I could get to know you, since bonding with brothers was very important and blah blah blah…

We spend a few hours talking about you and how you came to life. Apparently, you were just an accident, but not a bad one. And since he created you, you were my brother. Well, step-brother, because Blueberry was the other one that created you. I couldn’t help but feel a little bit jealous… you were going to have caring parents and a better life than mine. What if Ink actually forgot entirely about me?

Yeah, the idea of having a brother was becoming less and less “exciting” to me.

But then, just before I started to think more things like that (which I thought was very rare for me), Ink suddenly had to go (I wasn’t surprised, with his work of protecting AUs and all; he barely had time to be here), cutting our conversation just when I actually started to enjoy it. Ink stood from the sofa and was about to open a portal when he realised something important:

Who was going to take care of you?

He told me that Blueberry and… Honey… I think, were with the other versions of them and he couldn’t take you to wherever they were. So, he had only one option… that I didn’t like, at all.


Why I had to take care of you?! I didn’t ask him for a brother and I didn’t know how to take care of a baby. I was five years old! I was starting to learn how to write and read! I remember arguing with him for a while, until I had to accept.

But not without asking something in return, of course.

In the end, he went to do whatever he needed and I was left alone with you. An awkward atmosphere formed where we were, since you found my face very interesting and kept your eyes on me for a really long time. I tried my best to ignore you, but you were too much persisting and even threw me some mini bones at me to gain my attention.

What a smart baby, huh? Well, we were magic skeleton monsters after all. But it was becoming annoying.

“What do you want?” I asked you and you only looked at me and babbled something. I instantly felt stupid, remembering that Ink told me you haven’t said your first word yet. how would you even tell me what you needed? You kept looking at me and then, surprisingly, your stomach made a noise.

Right… now I had to feed you.

Making something for you was horrible. I mean, we were in the Anti-Void and only had some snacks since we didn’t really need to eat, but being you a recently made creation, obviously needed to consume something, even if you had your HP full. Eventually, I found some milk and gave it to you, ending getting milk on my face and shirt because you apparently didn’t know how to drink it.

That was enough for me.

Usually, I’m not a person that gets mad easily. However, I did get mad that time. I stood abruptly from my seat and went to clean my face, leaving you alone on the sofa. Ink told me to not leave you, but I didn’t care. I wanted to be alone and so I did. I went to my bedroom (well, it’s not a real bedroom… just a bed that Ink made for me) and stayed here for a few hours. Maybe three or four…

It wasn’t until I heard a soft sound that I didn’t get up from my bed. And when I did, I instantly paled: You were lying on the floor crying softly. Your soft cries barely reaching my non-existent ears. And it wasn’t the worst. No, no.

You were blushing and sweating a lot. Were you sick? In that moment I didn’t know.

Quickly, I went to your side and picked you up, checking if you had hurt yourself from the fall. Luckily you didn’t have any bruises, but your skull was very hot. Now you were sick? And I was alone.

Great!

How you could get sick so easily and fast? I didn’t understand that at all! Was that the real reason of why Ink brought you here? So he could watch over you while Blueberry and Honey were busy? If that was the reason, he was very irresponsibly by leaving you with me: a child, taking care of another child!

I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t use magic to help you, I couldn’t ask Ink for help, I couldn’t open a portal and find Blueberry… I couldn’t do anything. And I was scared.

What if something happened? What if you started to feel worse? What if…

What if you died?

Those thoughts were swirling in my head, making me fell worst and worst. I didn’t want you to die.

Come on! You had a great life ahead! You would have a caring family and friends and maybe… maybe we would have been friends! I should have watched you. Maybe if I haven’t left you alone…

I couldn’t help to feel guilty, even knowing that it wasn’t my fault that got sick. In that moment, I didn´t cared about anything, just you.

It was in that moment when Ink decided that he should go home, and so he did. He came to the Anti-Void and found me on the sofa, hugging you like it was the last time I’d see you and honestly, that’s what I thought. He rushed to my side, worryingly asking what was wrong. I wasted no time and explained him what happened, apologising for being a bad brother and almost crying

Almost, ok?

What I wasn’t expecting was that Ink just took you and, with a quick spell, healed you. I mean, I knew magic were fast and efficient but, that was just too fast. When I asked him why, he explained that you were having some problems with your soul.

You see, brother (and also you, reader), Ink told me you were created without a soul, since you were just a magic drawing. So, he made an artificial one for you with the same paint he used to create you. Apparently, he didn’t want you to become like some “evil flower”.

Your soul was like your eyes: a blue diamond. And that soul was filled with Prussian blue paint that could give you the emotions you needed. It seemed like your body wasn’t used to having it yet and would make you sick from time to time. I didn’t quite understand that, but I was relieved when he said you would be fine.

The rest of the day was peaceful. Ink and I talked about random things while you slept. It was… nice, being with them like we were a family. That’s what we are, right? Yeah, right.

Eventually it was time to bring you back home. Ink said that you won’t be coming anytime soon because he wanted to protect you from dangerous people (aka, Error). It kind of made me sad, not being able to talk you again for a long time, but… it had to be done, hadn’t it? Ink made a portal back to Underswap and gave me time to say goodbye to you. After that, he started to walk to the portal, stopping when you started to squirm under his grasp.

Curious, I walked to the portal. You immediately looked at me and gave me a huge simile, saying (or trying to say) something that made us look at you in surprise:

My name. Yes, my name!

It was kind of babbled and wasn’t my full name but… It was your very first word. And it wasn’t “dad” or “mom”… no, it was “PJ”

You didn’t have idea of how happy you made me that day. The day when I found you, disliked you and then liked you and accepted the idea that we were brothers. And, in the bottom of my soul, I hoped to see you again.

Maybe having a little brother wouldn’t be that bad, right?

————————————–


I hope you liked it! It was an idea I had for while uvu and really needed to make it. We now know more about Print and PJ’s relationship. I won’t say PJ likes him because he’s not my character and don’t want to say incorrect things (since he isn’t one to make friends). So, I only will say that Blueprint’s first words made him very happy.

I’m sorry if it looks rushed, but this isn’t a story. It just PaperJam talking with Blueprint and telling him the story (with some people spying on them(?))

The Pen Men

Matt and I started serving at the Uptown Café a year after we had planned to start college. Of course, as lazy as we are, we never actually got around to applying for classes. You know how it goes. One second you’re graduating high school and moving in with your best friend and then the next 5 years have gone by and all you have to show for it is the double bedroom apartment y’all can barely afford and the half-decent part time job that had, at some point, turned into a less than half-decent full time job. I don’t mind living like this, at least we were having fun, but for some reason Matt really had a problem with everything. He’s a lot like me- he likes to party and shit. We’d go out and have a good time, until it seemed he didn’t want to have one anymore. I guess that’s why he moved in with that other guy- what was his name? Brent? I don’t know, and I don’t really care. It was supposed to be Matt and I against the world… until one day it wasn’t. Out of the blue, all of a sudden, blah blah blah. Yeah, it hurt me. Not as much as I would’ve expected it to, though. He’d been distant for a while, drinking a lot and not really doing much outside of going to work and dropping in on the occasional party. I’d been missing the old Matt, the one who’d do stupid shit with me and never failed to make a room light up with his winning smile and sense of humor. So, when he got down, I really wasn’t surprised that he got picked up by some new guy that easily. Just kinda sucked that I had to move too- there was no way I could afford that apartment on my own. Not to mention that things at work started getting a little weird after that.


Anyway, enough moaning about how Matt’s kinda shitty. I’m not entirely sure it was all his fault, too. After he moved in with that new guy, there were two solid months where things didn’t add up. He stopped answering pretty much all texts, even from our other close friends and coworkers, and dropped shifts left and right at the Uptown Café. And when he did show up to work you could tell that he was getting really, well, fat. Don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t huge or anything. But between the two of us, we’d never weighed more than 320 lbs combined. Working out was never our thing after high school, but both of us still had light abs on our slim frames up until that point. We played some sports in high school, Matt was even better than me at most of them. He’s 5’11 and semi muscular- of course he’d do well. His thick thighs even got him a baseball scholarship that he never used. That’s why I was surprised that day when Matt showed up at the Café carrying a small gut on him. His jeans were tight and his black polo was having trouble staying tucked in. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t insanely turned on. The only reason we were best friends and never anything more is because he was always too skinny for me. Matt knew that too, he’d hit on me a few times throughout the years but I always told him I like some meat on my man’s bones. He definitely wasn’t lacking in the looks department either. Dark and scruffy, handsome features. He got his fair attention from guys around town. So when he showed up carrying a few extra pounds, I was more than excited. I started thinking that the new Brent guy might not be so bad for Matt after all, even if I could tell that I was losing one of my closest friends.

Nobody at work mentioned Matt’s weight gain, despite how apparent it was. He started eating on the clock, stealing food from the kitchen. Not just bites here and there, but taking actual meals off trays and stealing pastries from the bakery. The kitchen got pissed, but Matt never cared. When I talked to him about it he always said he didn’t know what I was talking about and smile, like he was being bashful about it. It was obvious he’d been pigging out, though. As his little gut grew I found him more and more often next to whatever food line he was stealing from, holding his belly and burping to relieve the pressure. Those last two months at the café, he actually seemed happy again. Bloated and happy. It was a nice change to see, I was starting to feel like I had my old friend back personality wise. Best part was that he didn’t even mention Brent once, and I wasn’t about to bring him up. Not when it felt like I finally might have something with the fattening friend.

The day Matt quit was the last day I saw him. It’s been half a year and I still remember it like it just happened. I was taking a table’s order and Matt walked into the Café in uniform, but his clothes didn’t fit at all. We hadn’t seen him in over two weeks, and it looked like all he’d been doing since his last shift was eating. His face looked fuller, like a double chin was starting- his scruff was swelling out around his not-so-sharp jawline. His polo was tight at the top and unbuttoned. His chest looked soft, like you could poke it. His gut bounced with each step, you could really tell because the polo didn’t cover him bellybutton down. I’d seen that happy trail a thousand times around our old apartment, but it never drove me so wild until I saw it stretched out by the new blubber. I wanted to poke his lovehandles so bad, to trace his fresh stretch marks with my narrow fingertips. His biggest pair of jeans couldn’t contain his girth, and neither could his underwear. There was a good two inch gap between the button and the button hole, and a good amount of fat pad spilled over his underwear that he couldn’t pull up all the way. As he walked passed me going to the back office, he winked at me and his softer face folded into a slight smile. I looked down and saw his belly bounce one last time. As he walked away, his slightly sweaty (it was a hot day) ass crack smiled at me too. His ass demanded my attention, straining the seams of his jeans down into his thick thighs. I gave my attention back to the men at my table, who’d barely noticed Matt walking by. A few minutes later I caught a glimpse out of the window of Brent walking Matt back to his car, twirling some kind of pen in his left hand. And that was the last time I saw my now beefy best friend. Rumors soon circulated that he quit that day, and everyone moved on.

That was half a year ago. Not much has changed besides the apartment I live in. I’ve made some new friends, gotten some good tables at work. I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to get up the nerve to go see him. The fact that he ignored my text and calls after smiling at me before leaving the job we got together was confusing, to say the least. But here I am, half a year later and just as confused as I was 6 months ago, at the steps of Brent’s high end apartment that Matt moved into, last I heard. I raise my fist, thinking about how Matt must’ve been at least 200 pounds last time I saw him, and knock a few times. Don’t salivate, you’ve known him since you were little. Don’t be gross.

A few seconds later I hear a deadbolt unlatch and Brent opens the door, shirtless. He’s definitely cute, if you’re in to tall, blond muscular men who wear cotton shorts and no underwear. His dick’s big, in case you’re wondering. God, I don’t even think he’s hard. Instantly I’m a little intimidated.

“Hey,” I start, “I’m an old friend of Matt’s. Is he home?”

He leans on the doorframe, his bicep bulging with the tension. “Yeah! He’s in here man,” Brent confirms in a friendly tone, “you wanna come in? He’s in the shower but it’ll only be a sec. I don’t think we’ve properly met, I’m Brent.” He extends his large hand served with a smile.

I shake his hand, it’s wet. “I’m Matt’s old roommate, coworker, whatever… Hayden.” I wipe my hand on my jeans and Brent gestures for me to come inside.

“Ah, sorry about the wet hand! Just got done helping out with some shower problems.” Brent says and wipes his hand off on his shorts, too. The main hallway is dark, but Brent leads me from the side by placing his huge hand on the small of my back. My cock twitches from the touch- how’d he know that area is basically my second g-spot? I’m hoping him and Matt haven’t talked too much about me. As friendly as Brent’s acting, things could turn at any second. This all seems a little… convenient.

The hallway opens up to an expansive living room that’s piled high with junk food. All around the room, in shoulder high stacks, lay boxes of danishes, snack cakes, chips, ramen, candy and sodas. Brent’s sizable kitchen overlooks the living room and is equipped with two refrigerators and a deep freezer. Everything has a pretty modern look, but the sleek look is slightly tainted by the immense amount of packaged food laying out in the open. Despite that, though, Brent definitely knows how to style a room.

Instantly things are making both more and less sense simultaneously. As confused as I am, I follow Brent into the kitchen.

“Welcome to Chez Moi! Make yourself at home man, no shirts allowed. Go ahead, throw it anywhere.” Brent instructs. I follow his orders and throw my well-fitting black polo onto the granite counter, despite being more uncomfortable every second. It feels like he’s eying me up like I’m some kind of prized pig he’s going to want to bring to the faire.

“So…” I try, tapping my finger on the countertop, “how long do you think Matt’s going to be in the shower?”

“Not much longer man, he was almost done last time I checked. It’s been taking him a little longer than it used to in there, that’s for sure.”

My cock twitches at the thought that Matt might’ve put on even more weight, if that’s what he’s insinuating. I’m glad my jeans are dark, I don’t need Brent seeing the precum stains. I want to probe more. “He always used to take pretty quick showers, what do you think takes him longer?” I ask.

“Probably all the weight he’s put on,” Brent answers with a slight laugh. I shift a bit to adjust my cock in my jeans and Brent looks down at my crotch. “Yeah man I know you like the sound of that, trust me I’m into it too- ya know, big guys and all. It’s a good thing though, you wouldn’t be here right now if we weren’t! Even had an officer influence you to come over.”

“What do you-“ I’m cut off by the sound of a door closing down the hall. Matt’s footsteps sound… heavy. Very heavy. When I see him attempt to walk through the door head on, I’m shocked. He’s huge, absolutely massive. He can’t even fir through the door without turning to the side. Even his side profile is massive, the way his bulbous belly sticks out so far. Matt’s chubby fingers grab a few bags of powered donuts off the top of a pile of junk food and sits naked on the couch, turning on the tv.

“Yeah,” Brent whispers in my ear, “He’s a fat one now. Go ahead, go say hello! Don’t be shy, y’all used to be best friends.” He nudges the small of my back and I stumble forward a little, overcome with lust. I look back at Brent and he reassuringly nods at me with those beautiful green eyes.

“Hey Matt, it’s me.” I say, wandering around the junk food piles over to the couch. Matt’s blubbery face looks over his shoulder, but he can’t see me. Too much lard in the way. I sit on the arm of the couch, right next to his lardy shoulder.

This man, the man I’ve known since we were kids, the skinny man that got basically any guy he wanted, must be over 400 lbs. I can’t believe it’s real, I can’t believe it’s him. But I look into his dark eyes and know that it’s Matt. His face is almost unrecognizable with lard, it’s like he’s been lost. His double chin melds into his full cheeks, and his scruff is untidy. I want to jiggle that chin so bad, but my eyes lead me down. His arms are two giant sausages compared to what the semi muscular biceps he used to have. They push against his moobs, where his pecs used to be. His chest has bloated into two fat cantaloupes connects slightly in the middle, they’re like a shelf over his huge, slightly hairy belly and they blend into his back fat.  His gut sticks way out in front of him and is completely soft, covered in dark red stretchmarks and a more generous happy trail. It’s almost perfectly round, just slightly obscured where his huge lovehandles fold over. As Matt struggles to look at me, his whole torso jiggles slowly. Unfortunately he’s leaning enough to where his lap is covered by his huge belly, but his thighs, stuffed full with lard, are clearly visible. They push against each other as the big boy tries to keep his oversized legs closed. The bottom of his belly wins, though, and his fat legs are forced slightly apart to make room. Even his calves and ankles are fat, completed with blubber filled toes. From head to toe he’s a complete fatty, and I can’t control myself.

Matt bashfully looks at me, like he’s half concerned that he’s naked in front of me. “Hey Hayden, is that you? Long time no see!” I didn’t think he’d be excited to see me, but I’m glad he is.

“Yeah it’s been a minute, a lot’s changed.” I say as I look him up and down to see if he’ll acknowledge his size change. “You’re not exactly easy to get ahold of.”

“Well I lost my phone awhile back and I’ve been too busy to go get a new one…” Matt responds.

“Oh, busy?” I say, watching his chubby fingers reach into a bag of mini donuts and shove one between his plump lips. “Have you gotten a new job since quitting at the Café?”

Brent interjects, walking in shirtless from the kitchen, muscular pecs bouncing. “Matt doesn’t really work anymore. He prefers it here, right Matt?” He asks with a shake of Matt’s fat covered shoulder. His body quakes.

“Oh yeah, I love it here.” Matt says in response. “Brent’s got everything you could need. You should really try it sometime, Hayden. Brent knows his way around a kitchen.”

“Thaaaat’s right Matt, and you know your way around a dining table.” Brent says, poking Matt’s belly and letting the fat bounce back out. Matt doesn’t even pay attention, he’s focused on the donuts. “Ya know, Hayden, I could use a word with you back in the kitchen. I know you must be a little interested in what’s going on!.”

Back in the kitchen, out of Matt’s earshot, Brent gets to explaining. “Sorry man, this whole thing must be weird for you. I was confused too when I was in your position, so I’ll answer any questions in just a minute. First though, let me tell you about the company I work for for. We call ourselves the Pen Men, lame I know. But it makes sense because we operate with these little things.” Brent takes a white ballpoint pen out of his shorts pocket and starts twirling it. “This is where it gets freaky, man. We can limitedly control other people with this shit! All you gotta do is concentrate and then click the pen, and boom they’re under our spell. They’ll eat as much as you want for as long as you want, in a nutshell. Look at what I did to your buddy Matt, he doesn’t even notice he’s fuckin 430 lbs man! This sounds nuts, but I know you’re into it. You wanna give it a go?”

I’m overwhelmed by all of this information at once, he’s about to let me try out this pen that lets me make anyone as fat as I want them to be? “Okay if this is true, then fuck yeah I want to try it.” I say. Brent looks me in the eye and clicks the pen, it emits a flash of light, but I won’t remember that in two seconds.

I’m a little dazed from the click, but jesus christ my stomach hurts like it never has before. “What the hell did you do to me, Brent?”

“Man I just tried the pen out on you, look down you’re huge!” Brent tells me, gesturing to my swollen middle.

“That doesn’t make sense…” I say, holding my swollen tummy. I haven’t put on any weight, it just feels like I’ve eaten more than I ever have in my life. I burp to relieve the press so that I don’t have to stay doubled over. “Did it fill me with food?”

“Nah man, look,” Brent says, grabbing a tablet off the counter. “I put you under for the last hour and this is what you did!” He opens up a video taken on his living room security camera. I see myself in fast forward enter the room and grab a pile of junk food. I sat my skinny ass on the couch and ate 10 bags of chips, half a dozen sodas, and half of a sheet cake. After I ate as much as I could possibly hold, I waddle back to the spot that I started in, right next to Brent. “The damage is all there.” Brent points at the couch, where Matt is greedily leaning back and eating the rest of my cake with his hands. “See? It really works! I knew you thought I was full of bullshit man.”

My eyes grow wide, still confused as to what exactly Brent wants me for. “So you’re gonna hypnotize me and make me as big as Matt??”

“Nooooo dude that was my plan origionally,” Brent tells me, “But the Pen Men want you as one of us, they wouldn’t let me have you. I was pissed at first but maybe one day you’ll end up back in my living room!” He puts his meaty hand on the small of my back and pulls me close. “I couldn’t let you go without trying my pen on you at least once, slim… So what do you say? Do you want to be a Pen Man?”

My response is immediate. “I absolutely do.”


Part two

“Great,” Brent says. “Ya know, I almost wish you would’ve said no. Anyone who says no to the Pen Men ends up just like Matt over there!”

I’m not extremely happy about that, but there’s one thing I can’t get out of my mind. “As fucked as that is, Brent, are we allowed to fuck the fat ones?” I’m more horny than I am embarrassed after asking that.

“Of course we can!” Brent says. “Hey Matt, lube yourself up!”

Matt, like a trained dog, reaches over to the side of the couch and picks up a bottle of lube and stats pouring it all over his fat folds. You can hear them slurping from the kitchen, waiting for my cock. I take off the rest of my clothes and walk over to Matt, my bloated stomach leading me. Matt’s eyes are looking at me like they’ve never looked at me before as he lays back on the couch, done covering himself in lube. I hit my rock hard cock against his gigantic belly and send his hole body quivering. Months ago he was just a basket ball sized gut. He was just a thin man who’d been eating a little too much lately, but now he’s so much more. Leaning over him, I slide my head in between his moob and belly fold and let it slide in and out. God he’s so fucking fat, I can’t handle it. My taut abdomen is jamming into his gigantic soft one, a feeling I’m not used to. I take my dick and jam it into his fat folds and he moans like a fat boy who hasn’t eaten in half an hour. I never thought I’d hear that sound from him, sounds almost like the grunts he’d make when he played baseball. I pulse in and out quickly, not able to control myself. He jiggles more and more as I get more intense before I finally cum a huge load all over his belly. He reaches for a box of pizza he’d been working on earlier, not caring that he’s still lubed up and has my cum all over him.

Matt looks up at me. “Will you finish me off? For old times sake?” He says with those fat guy eyes, looking at me the same way he looks at the box of pizza.

             “Sure, fatass, I’ve got you.” I say and slide my tired, bloated body next to him. I dig under his fat, slippery belly until I feel his now small dick poking straight up. That thing used to be a lot bigger, but now there’s so much more in the way. I give him a half assed handjob, it’s not easy fighting against his 430 lbs man gut. It doesn’t take him long to squirt out, his sex drive definitely not what it used to be. Maybe Brent keeps him overused, I know I would.

             Brent walks into the room, naked and hard, and throws a towel at me. “Aight man, your ride’s here. Dry off and go out to the black SUV outside. I’ve got some biiiiiiig business to take care of,” he says as he sits on Matt’s fat thighs and sticks his dick into Matt’s gut. He looks at me. “ Hopefully one day you’ll end up in my living room.. You know you way out?”

             “Yeah, it’s just down the hall.” I say. “Hey, Brent, thanks for everything… Hopefully one day you’ll end up in my living room too.” I throw the towel down and wink at him, grabbing my clothes and heading out the door. Before I close the door I can hear the squelching of lubed up fat and Brent’s loud moans echoing through the apartment. I really do hope he ends up in my living room, someday. He’d look stunning with a few hundred pounds.

             I quickly hop into the backseat of the black SUV parked right in front of the building, now dressed back in my Uptown Café uniform. It’s an extremely nice interior, but the partition keeps me from seeing the driver’s area of the car. In the other middle seat sits a man with black hair and sharp features wearing sunglasses. He pulls out a white pen, and before I can protest I’m coming-to sitting in what looks like a stainless steel interrogation room.

             “Hello Hayden, welcome to this area’s Pen Men headquarters,” The slender man from the car says to me. “If you’ll follow me we can start our tour. I’m sure you’re full of questions. I’m Officer Halting, by the way.” He seems really friendly, if not explicitly professional.

             I stand up, not even dazed after being under the pen’s spell for god knows how long. Officer Halting takes me through the long white tiled hallways, showing me certain rooms for surveillance, coffee, problem management, recreation, and all that trivial stuff. Finally, we end up in a room that looks like an extremely modern, open windowed, multi level library. Except instead of books, the shelves carry rows and rows of small mahogany boxes, the perfect size for holding pens. You can see on the second floor there’s a wall of screens right up where the elegant stairwell ends.

             “Right this way, Hayden.” Officer Halting leads me straight up to the wall of screens. His black dress shoes click on the tiled floor. “Let me demonstrate the functions of our pens. As I’m sure you’ve figured out by now, clicking the pens will unleash a flash and put your target, or targets, under a spell. But there’s a bit more to these functions that I must explain.

             First thing’s first. If you ever need to come to headquarters- maybe you have a question or maybe you just want to talk to some other agents- just press the button at the bottom and your pen will glow green. A shuttle car will appear for you within half an hour.

Now If you’ll look here, you’ll see a switch that you can slide. This will choose if you want your man, or men, to remember what happens under hypnosis. Slide it white to remember, or black if you want them in a trance. Today you’ve had the black option used on you several times. As you may have noticed, it’s completely painless. For most intents and purposes, our Agents generally stick with keeping the pens on white mode. If you ever choose to let your men out of white hypnosis, they’ll find they’ve come to like being huge and won’t stop their habits. With the black option, they usually form habits with eating that don’t stop. It won’t be a quick weight gain like the post white hypnoisis option, but there should still be weight gain. In addition, the men usually get freaked out that they’ve gained, say, 200 lbs. That’s not so desirable, unless you’re into that. The decision is yours, Hayden.

Unsurprisingly, our agents often make mistakes, and that’s okay. Hypnosis is a funny tool that’s not meant to be learned overnight. But there are ways of correcting these mistakes. If you look at my pen here, you’ll see a button on the side. Now this button is extremely important, and if you use it you will undergo a trial by the Pen Men board here at headquarters.  As for the functionality, you press the button and the whole pen takes on a red hue. If you then click the pen, a red flash will be emitted and will alter everyone who could’ve seen your mistake’s perception of the situation to make more sense. You’ve actually experienced the usage of the red alert function before, believe it or not. Take a look at the screen.”

             The screens join together to make one picture. The video starts with a black background and the words “Agent Brent, Target Matt- 212 lbs, Uptown Café”. A video from the cameras at my job flies onto the huge screen. Immediately I recognize the day. I’m over at a table taking an order when Matt walks in, a lot skinnier than I just saw him. His clothes fit just like how I remember them fitting that day, but he doesn’t march straight to the back office, and he doesn’t even look at me. Matt goes and clocks in as he usually would, and he’s getting a lot of stares from customers. He did not fit in those clothes at all. Matt heads to the back and the video shifts to the kitchen’s cameras. Matt walks into the freezer and picks up a 5 gallon carton of ice cream. He throws the lid on the ground and takes the ice cream to the pastry area, out in front of the customers. He grabs a handful of cookies and starts scooping up ice cream, then shoves the food into his mouth. Ice cream is dripping down his slight double chin and crumbs falling are all over his tight polo. Shit’s landing on his exposed belly, it wouldn’t be pretty for anyone to see, except for people like me. You see me walking over to Matt and saying some stuff to him, but he doesn’t even notice me, he just keeps cramming cookies and ice cream into his mouth. It’s apparent he’s getting stuffed because he’s leaning back and his basket ball sized gut is getting pushed out more and more. You can physically see him grunt as he stuffs more food into himself- the customers are disgusted with the melted ice cream sticking to the hairs on his bloated gut. Within a few minutes our boss comes out and starts yelling what looks like “GET OUT” at Matt and points at the door, but Matt doesn’t seem to notice. Brent comes running in on the madness and his pen glows red. He clicks the pen and a red flash is emitted. My coworkers and I quickly clean up the mess and everything returns to normal. Brent and Matt walk out of the restaurant and I’m back at my table taking their order, like I had never gotten it.

             “Wow,” I express. “I never had any idea all of that happened. That’s really powerful for just a pen.”

             “Yes sir.” Officer Halting confirms. “They’re extremely powerful tools and they will not be misused. If you misuse the pens, consequences will entail.

             I want to reiterate to you, Hayden, that this business is a lot more influential than you may think. Have you noticed anyone going missing over the past few years? Maybe they go on vacation and never return.”

             I think for a second. “Actually one of our managers, Lance Brown, went on vacation to Orlando a few months ago and we heard he ended up getting transferred there. Is that true?”

             “Lance Brown? Let’s see here…” Officer Halting says as he types away into the keyboard in front of the screen. “It looks like he got sucked in to a small town pig farm in Georgia… let’s see if we can get an individual camera on him…” Some more typing. “Aha, here he is.”

             The screens glow up with the live video footage of what looks like a fancy dining hall in some kind of mansion. There are a number of long, sturdy tables lined all the way down with rich and heavy foods, as if all the immense men are having a feast. Every seat is filled with a man stuffing his face, all ranging in size. I only see the full picture for a second but the larger men, who probably can’t fit in the chairs, are laying naked on the ground belly up, food falling into their obese mouths. Several naked muscular men walk the aisles, refilling platters that have been emptied by the fat men sitting around them. Officer Halting zooms in on a group of medium sized guys, all hovering around 300-ish lbs.

             “The one facing us is Lance Brown,” He tells me.

             I take a closer look. “Holy shit, that’s him! What is that place?” I ask as I look at my old manager. He’s wearing black slacks that have ripped down his dark, fat thighs and a very stained white button up that’s missing most of the buttons. The button around his moobs still hangs on, as my old manager shoves another piece of fried chicken into his chubby mouth. It kind of looks like he’s even made friends with the other fat men. He used to be so health conscious, it’s shocking to see him getting so big and pigging out like that.

             “This,” Officer Halting explains, “Is one of our pig farms. It’s a small town, population 3,000, that has been taken over by our agents. You see, our whole goal is to make the world fat. We’ve been in operation since this country was created, but in recent years the US government has hired our agencies to sedate the entire country, and then all others. Right now we already have headquarters in most of the western world, but the US is by far the farthest along. The world leaders need us to help our species come to peace, and this is the route they chose. As for our agents, we only choose men who are into fattening other men beyond all limits. That’s why you’re here, Hayden. We need you to help us.

             In our program, you’ll start off by learning to use your pen on one target. Once you feel you have a handle on it, we’ll allow you to control more and more men as you attempt to rise through the ranks. Be warned, though. Thing can get complicated. There are several agents in every town, and it’s a tad too many. You can choose other agents to be your pig, it’s not uncommon for our agents to be taken over. If you’ll look at our screen here, in this farm you’ll see over in this corner the man who originally owned the farm is currently being fucked by the man who took over the farm.”

The screens zoom into a corner on a very large man with caramel skin. The computer detects his face and shows a picture of what he used to look like. Tall, muscular, piercing eyes and wavy hair that any guy couldn’t say no to. Over the picture are the words ‘Agent Mark, taken over. 170-545 lbs’ The man in the video is being fucked by some pale guy with brown hair who’d actually look really good if someone took him over. Currently old Agent Mark lays on all fours, his huge gut wet and touching the ground. I can almost hear it slapping. All his blubber pulsates every time the other agent pounds another one into him. They both look extremely satisfied, despite the fact that Agent Mark used to be the skinny one fucking huge pigs.

“Anywho,” Officer Halting says, brining our focus back to reality. “You’ll figure all of this out as it goes. Who knows, maybe one day you’ll own a city, maybe even a state if you’re lucky. I think we covered pretty much all of our bases here Hayden, so unless you have any questions we’ll be dropping you off back at your apartment.”

Part 3

I come-to in my bed at my single bedroom apartment. On my nightstand sits a mahogany box that holds an exact replica of the pens Brent and Officer Halting had. A list of instructions lays inside, along with the note that for the first 3 months I’ll only be able to put one man under, and during that time the other agents won’t be able to hypnotize me. Sounds like a good deal to me. The only problem is that I can’t figure out who I should use my pen on. None of my friends particularly pique my interest… There’s always my old basketball coach that’s stayed in pretty good shape if I want more of a daddy, or maybe that cute guy from the supermarket that always offers to carry my groceries to my car for me. Then it hits me- Kyle. He was on my high school swimming team and would always try to start shit with me. He even got a job at the Uptown Café a few years ago, and he’s been a jerk to me lately. Stealing my tables and telling me I should pick them up faster, talking shit about me to our managers, just petty things. But damn that man is good looking. 6’ even and 170 lbs of lean muscle- his black undercut always looks better than mine and his facial features are so strong they could lift weights. He’d be perfect.

Technically the Pen Men pay all of my bills now, but I don’t immediately quit my job. I need this last shift to hook Kyle. A whole day has passed where I haven’t touched my pen, but I know Kyle’s working the morning shift too.

Work’s just like normal, I work my shift and keep an eye on Kyle to make sure he won’t leave without me getting him. I finish up a little bit earlier than normal, so I ask Kyle if he can help me lift some stuff in the back because I’m just too weak. He eats that shit up like how he’s about to eat all the food the Pen Men are delivering today.

“Okay Kyle, the stuff’s right over here.” I say as I take out my pen, making sure the setting’s on white.

“Are you stupid?” Kyle taunts, “There’s nothing here.”

“You’re right,” I tell him. “Let me just…” I click the pen and the flash of light glazes over Kyle’s eyes for a second. He looks at me- I’m not sure what to say. “Ummm here are my keys, go to my car.”

“I’m done early? Or are you just too stupid to finish on time?” Kyle asks me.

“Don’t be rude, you’re my friend Kyle. Now go to my car.” I instruct. I guess this isn’t foolproof.

“Oh, right, okay. Can we get food on the way home?”

//

Back at my apartment the Pen Men have already set my cozy place up with piles of food similar to Brent’s and they even brought in an extra refrigerator. Nothing as fancy as Brent’s place, but maybe they’ll offer me something better in the future.

Kyle walks in and immediately starts eating the food without me telling him to do so. I remember Officer Halting telling me that under the pen, they’ll keep eating until they’ve reached their absolute capacity. It keeps them gaining extremely fast. When they’re not eating, they sleep, unless you tell them to do otherwise. This is working out to being a lot easier than I thought I’d be. I tell Kyle to take off his clothes and I’m glad to see his cock’s a good eight inches hard. He’s got a nice amount of body hair too. More than Matt’s happy trail but not too much either. Too bad I’m not into him yet. He’s done a good job of keeping his muscles in shape since leaving high school. At least that’ll all be gone soon enough.

//

First month with Kyle is over and man has it been insane. Kyle’s like the roommate I always wanted. He eats like a pig all day, constantly stuffed, and never complains about anything. Laying back, burping, then shoving more food into himself. He never says he’s full or doesn’t want to eat. He just always wants to eat and it’s magical.

Kyle’s even kind of nice to talk to when he’s not putting me down all the time. He comes from a messed up family and I think that’s why he can be such an asshole. He’s got a lot of cool opinions about the world, a different outlook that I don’t always get myself. It’s kind of refreshing having him as a roommate. He doesn’t really get off the couch unless he has to use the bathroom, and I’ve been falling asleep in his arms the past two weeks. On average I’d say he gains a little bit more than a pound a day, but his capacity has really grown. At first he could eat one large pizza in a sitting but now he can eat over three if I keep them coming. And his gut! All that not working out and being lazy is really looking good on him. Of course he still has a lot of muscle, but it’s all bloated with over 30 lbs of blubber. It’s hard telling how big he actually is because he’s always stuffed huge. When I come home from going out I always find him sleeping or eating on the couch, belly extended outwards and bigger than ever. His pecs are probably my favorite thing because they’re such a hot ex jock thing. Half muscle and so much fat that they’re like pillows. I can’t wait for them to get way bigger. And that ass is growing so much! It’s so much more jiggly and bouncy than it used to be. He’ll make a great bottom one day.

I still live my life, party with my friends and go out, but my life’s changed a lot. Without having to work, I’m free to have this pig jerk me off all day while he eats donut holes. I could really get used to living like this.

///

Today marks the day that I can now be taken over by another agent- I got an email from the Pen Men warning me to be cautious and on the offensive. I’m honestly not too worried, though. All the friends I’ve made at headquarters are really nice and I can’t really think of anyone who’ll come for me.

As for Kyle? Well he weighed in at a hefty 278 today, having gained more than 100 lbs since he’s been with me. I really do want another man soon, but I want to finish out Kyle first. Watching him blow up is ridiculous. I don’t understand how he doesn’t go insane watching tv all day, but he’s happy as a clam. I can’t see any more of his muscle, which is freaking great. He’s a blubber boy now, back fat and all. When he brings himself to stand up, he his ball belly bounces like crazy. I can’t stop sucking on his baseball sized moobs, if we’re honest. I do wish they were bigger, though. Most of that 100+ lbs has gone to his belly, which is massive. It’s firm but it’s huge! Easily twice the size of a hairy basket ball. Soon it should be getting a lot softer, if I’m right. I don’t even want to talk about his face. If you’re looking neck up it looks like he’s barely gained 10 lbs. He’s handsome… for a skinny guy. That’s okay though. His belly gets me through the night for sure.

////

Shit went down tonight. It’s been over a month since I’ve been able to be taken over and not much has changed, life’s been pretty normal. Kyle weighed in at 315 today (most of that weight has gone to his arms, legs, ass, and face. Thank god.). And he can eat over 5 large pizzas before crashing. If I rub his softer belly and jiggle him until he burps sometimes he can get close to 6 pizzas. He’s just really freaking cute when he arches his back after eating a ton and his belly bows out, huge.

Just as I was falling asleep, using Kyle’s sleeping belly as my pillow, I got shaken awake. Brent’s face was eye to eye with mine and he had me totally pinned down. Fucking Brent, I knew I should’ve tried aligning with him.

He said to me, very nicely, “Do you want black or white, man?”

OPTION 1

I’m defeated, I know it and so does he. There’s no winning here. I moan, “Guess I’ll take black. Not much can be worse.”

“Whatever you say, pig. I’ll see you in 400 lbs.” he tells me as he clicks on the pen and smiles at me, happy that I’m about to become his.

//

I come to and can’t tell how long it’s been, but I feel heavier. I can’t breathe well and every part of me feels, well, fat. I look and see that I’ve been brought to one of the pig farm dining halls. At least it’s a nice one.

I look to my left. “Kyle! Is that you?” I ask this man who looks like a 450 lbs Kyle. Super blubber yand bigger than I ever saw Matt get. He’s naked and covered in stretch marks and has gotten a little harrier, I’m really digging it. His arms and legs have finally gotten some lard on them, I wanna lay my head on them. I stare at his gigantic belly again and I can feel my dick getting hard but there’s something in the way. God, I’ve gotten fat.

“Yeah it’s me, glad you’ve come to.” Says the much bigger Kyle with a mouth full of burger. “Brent’s to your right by the way.”

I move my fat head to the right and see Brent, the jerk looks like he’s gotten even more muscular. Figures. Good news, though. He’s eating like crazy. That must be why I’m no longer under, he got taken over too. Serves the douche bag right.

“Hey Brent” I say, still defeated. “Who got you?”

He looks over at me, not shocked by the size of my body. Maybe I haven’t gained too much weight. Or maybe he’s just used to my size because he saw me eat myself huge. Anyway. Brent puts down his bowl of mashed potatoes and exposes his bloated gut. “Ah man it was that guy over there. He got me good, too.” He points over at a Mediterranean guy who must be 6’6 and hung as hell, walking around shoving his dick into random fat folds. That could’ve been me. The man stops at a guy who must be 600 lbs laying on all fours all greased up. I’d recognize that fat face anywhere, it’s Matt. God that could’ve been me, fucking my old skinny roommate after he’s gained over 450 lbs of blubber. He even looks like he’s ready to be fucked, he’s so plump and not saggy at all. The perfect fat sausage.

             I decide it’s time to look down at myself before I give into the cravings that are hitting me hard. Jesus I must be over 300 lbs, I’m huge for me! I used to have abs, I wore size 28 pants and a medium shirt- I was skinny! And now I have stretch marks, chubby moobs, a double chin and fucking love handles. I play with my the back of my obese ass and my dick grows hard. I can’t jerk off here, though. Maybe if I get fat enough the hot man will fuck me. I grab a loaf of bread and start shoving it down my thick throat.

OPTION 2

             I can’t let Brent win, I need to see Kyle get massive. I need to use my head, Brent’s not smart. I am.

“Kyle!” I yell. “Take my pen and click it when I say go!”

“Man, that’s not going to work,” Brent tells me as hefty Kyle lazily bends over with trouble and grabs my pen out of my pocket. He looks extra full and he can’t breathe well. “I have you pinned, you can’t do anything.”

Brent looks to the side to see if Kyle has the pen; he does. While he’s distracted I slam my face into Brent’s eye and he screams. I yell, “GO” and Kyle clicks the pen while Brent’s looking at me in confusion and pain. His eyes glaze over. I’ve won and I’m smiling in victory “Alright Brent, I’m moving into your place because I think Matt might be too fat to move, so carry me over to your apartment. Kyle, follow us.”

             At Brent’s place I see that Matt has grown to over 500 lbs and is so plump that I can barely control myself. I start dry fucking him and Brent and Kyle start eating on the couch. We might need to expand the furniture in here soon with the way I’m going to be having Brent balloon.

             The next day I get a letter in the mail from the Pen Men saying that Brent’s place is officially mine and that my stuff will be moved in soon. They encourage me to try to make alliances and build relationships with other agents. One person can’t rule the whole world, they remind me.

///

             Over the next few months I start realizing that my town is slowly getting taken over by the Pen Men, and it’s fantastic. I’ve slowly gotten all of my old coworkers working on their new bodies, about 20 men total. I got moved into a sizable house with a nice dining hall that I watch right now.

             Watching Brent balloon has been absolutely greatWhen his gut was the size of Matt’s when Matt quit the Café, I took Brent out of the trance and showed him the video Officer Halting showed me.

             “Brent, your gut’s that size now. Except you’re more bloated. How’s it feel?” I asked him.

             His chubby face looked up at me, “God I wish it were you and not me, but I guess I do look pretty hot right? You wanna fuck my gut? I’m so horny man.” I looked down at his fat and overly full gut, covered in melted ice cream. His dick was standing straight up between his chubby thighs. He had the biggest bubble butt I’d seen that far, so I let him have what he wanted. The poor ex jock was just going to eat himself huge, it was the least I could do.

It’s been almost four months that I’ve had him and he still has some muscle on him, unfortunately. He’s pretty tall but 340 lbs is looking huge on his smooth body. He’s all soft and lard, no hard fat and I love shoving my dick deep into his stretch marks, reminding him how fat he’s getting and how he can’t do shit about it.

             Matt sleeps in my bed with me, I got it reinforced just for him when he passed the half ton mark. My huge, blubbery pig helps me sleep so well. Sleeping on him is like having a water bed of love. A water bed that could fall through the foundation at any second, but a water bed that I really connect with. I sleep so well on his blubber that I almost didn’t notice tonight when this huge Mediterranean agent, he must’ve been at least 6’6, tried pulling a trap on me. He got Matt with his pen first and had Matt roll over on me and said he was going to suffocate me until I opened my eyes. Luckily I sleep with my pen in my hand and pulled it out on my last breath, which the man wasn’t expecting. Right now he’s down in the dining hall inflating his abs with filet mignon and mashed potatoes. He had to take off all of his clothes because he keeps getting off to how big he’s going to get. It’s good to see that some people don’t mind blowing up, I suppose.

             Tomorrow I move into the huge man’s mansion, which will be a lot of fun. I love working with all these huge, fat men. I love watching them grow and seeing how huge they get. I love fucking them, but I’ll soon have to share them. I can’t take care of a house that holds half the town all by myself. I guess my next move will be getting an alliance with the other side, or trying to take them over. Maybe I’ll update, maybe not. Just, wish me luck. I really, really don’t want to get fat.

=========================================

As always feel free to inbox me comments/questions/compliments! I love hearing y’all’s feedback and getting suggestions!

LOL IDK HOW TO PHOTOSHOP SO I USED AN OLD GIF INSTEAD FIGHT ME

HEY MY DUDES SO I wanted to do a give away for my followers but wasn’t sure what I wanted to do, so I decided to just do a mass give away instead! so Instead of 1 or 2 winners I will be doing 10 winners AYE! 

So like this will be just a thing I wanted to do because I love you guys so much ;;; and I feel like it will help the boys out a lot when Unlimited comes out and Help Babyz who won’t be able to buy Unlimited when it comes out and want to support the boys but cannot ;;; So like yay! 

What you will get 

  • 7 winners will get B.A.Ps 2nd Japanese album Unlimited
  • 2 winners will get Unlimited + Rose (version of their choice)
  • 1 winner will get Unlimited + Rose + a lil extra bias gift  

What You gotta do:

  • Must be following me :)
  • Reblog this post with your bias in the tags (if you want the bias gift at least)
  • Over 18 or have parental permission
  • Have to be willing to give me your address 
  • Have your ask box/message box thing open and get back to me within 24 hours
  • Be at least a 70% B.A.P blog 
  • No giveaway blogs please

Little Extra info:

  • I will ship world wide so anyone can enter 
  • Since this is going straight out of my pocket I will be sending 5 off the first of the month and the other 5 off the next few weeks of the first batch! so if it takes a minute to get there thats why :/ 
  • If Unlimited is to release two different versions or member versions I will update this and let the winners choose which versions they would like! 
  • Giveaway ends June 27th, the day before album drops! 

Thats it my babys, my inbox is always open so feel free to message me any questions I might have missed. ♥

Blah blah blah so Tumblr wont delete my blog, This giveaway is not affiliated or related to TS Entertainment or B.A.P alike ^_^

since i’m full of salt and quite frankly have run out of fucks to give at this point, i’m instigating a new blog policy, which is this: anyone who wants to tell me or my friends or anyone else for that matter that we “shouldn’t ship shallura” because “blah blah something teenager blah blah” has to first explain to me, in detail, how exactly they came to the conclusion that “teenager” is synonymous with “legal minor” or “literal child”, when “teenager” covers everyone up to the age of 19, and 18/19 year olds are legal adults in many countries.

I’m also gonna need you to explain to me, in detail, why you think Allura is old enough to:

  • stand next to her father on the flight deck during a deadly battle against Zarkon for the fate of the universe
  • pilot the Castle of Lions
  • lead Voltron and make life-or-death decisions about their missions
  • attack Haggar head-on, risking her life in the process
  • make the decision to sacrifice herself to save Shiro
  • command the respect not only of a group of teenagers but also of the Blade of Marmora commanders

…but is still somehow not old enough to have a romantic and/or sexual relationship with Shiro, should she wish to do so.

Furthermore you also need to explain to me in detail why you think Allura is old enough that Shiro:

  • defers to her authority
  • follows her orders
  • does not see it as his place to tell her she cannot go on missions if she wants to
  • consistently calls her by the deferential title “Princess”, further reinforcing her rank and status…

…but she’s STILL not old enough to actually date him, despite being old enough to boss him around.

Whilst you’re at it, you can explain to me how exactly you think issues about differences in physical development, maturity, and life experience map out when dealing with an alien princess from a race that canonically ages slower than humans - meaning that even if Allura is a ‘teenager’ by Altean standards, in human years she’s probably at least 100 years old - likely older - and we don’t have enough canon knowledge about Altean physiology to draw any meaningful conclusions about physical development.

And you can also go ahead and explain the logic behind dismissing the official material that refers to Shiro as one of “five Earth teens” as “obviously wrong” but still accepting material that refers to Allura as a “teenager” as “obviously right” - even though both Allura and Shiro are drawn and written in a way that indicates they are older than the other characters on the show. You also need to explain to me why you think the argument that “Allura just seems older because she’s been through so much trauma! She has to act mature because she’s a leader! She’s obviously a teen!” is perfectly valid, but “Shiro just seems older because he’s been through so much trauma! He has to act mature because he’s a leader! He’s obviously a teen!” is… somehow… laughable and ridiculous? Hmm why is that?

I’m also gonna need you to explain to me why exactly you think Shiro, who is at most 25-years-old, is “too old” to be shipped with Allura and somehow so over-the-hill he can’t possibly relate to her, even though they’re shown in canon to be on the same wavelength a lot of the time and to both have a serious and a silly side. Bearing in mind I have an entire sideblog dedicated to the fact that Shiro is actually just a huge dork who’s always confused and needs an adultier adult about 80% of the time.

And then you can explain to me where, exactly, in the canon of the show there’s any example of Shiro patronising Allura or talking down to her, or him treating her like a child or subordinate, or anything else that might suggest an unhealthy power imbalance between them. And if you do actually find anything you also need to explain why and how that “power imbalance” overcomes the more obvious power imbalance inherent in Allura being able to physically pick Shiro up and hurl him across the room.

Furthermore you can also explain to me why you think the show has scenes between Shiro and Allura that are transparently and obviously romantic if Allura is “too young” to be shipped with Shiro like… how did those scenes make it through a writers’ room, Dreamworks, and Netflix in order to appear before us if it’s “so gross”? And if you think the writers are gross for “tricking us” into shipping “an adult with a minor” by putting them in romantic scenes together - why are you still watching the show? Why do you have a zero tolerance policy towards “pedophilia apologism” when it comes to policing what people do on tumblr, but you’re perfectly prepared to overlook canon romantic scenes between “an adult and a minor” and continue watching the show?

I’m gonna need you to do all that without either (a) characterising Shiro as a 45-year-old soccer dad who doesn’t know how the internet works or (b) infantilising Allura to the point that you erase her canon strength and maturity in order to paint her as this naive irresponsible little girl who somehow… still gets to lead Voltron? Because reasons?

And no, the answer is not “she’s a princess!” because you know who else is a princess? This adorable 2-year-old:

And I don’t see anyone handing her the keys to an aircraft carrier and sending her off into battle.

The fact is you can’t explain any of these things, although I mean… have fun trying. Because the evidence for shallura being a respectful, equal ship between two people of similar ages who trust and support each other is basically… the entire canon body of Voltron. Meanwhile the evidence for this being “toxic” and “problematic” is “she got referred to as a teenager a couple of times in some spin-off materials”. And if that’s literally all you have to go on… yeah. You got nothing. 

Wip Community Lot (of some sort)

Sometimes the sky is pretty when it’s pink, but not when it makes everything have a pink cast. *Grumble*…..Makes it difficult for color picking. Anyhoo, took a few build elements from Jax Brewery on Decatur St. in NO. Early stages so it’s gonna change especially in the back. Needs to tie in with the other side lot and have at least something for the stairs to go to. 

This is everything so far. Lots and lots more detailing to come. I probably should make a list of what I actually want all this stuff to be with RH rugs and lot types. This is all going to be the town center and everything around it will be houses and maybe parks. 

I'm Too Tired For You To Buy Me Dinner

Just take me home
So I can sleep

I’m too gone to be here
Just tell me your problems
And I’ll say, ‘there, there’

I’m too fragile to be your rock
Sharp and brittle
Unremarkable

I’m too disillusioned to be of use
Playing imaginary hopscotch
On an imaginary playground

I’m too old to be the next new thing
Bitter bitter
Dark and bitter

I’m too repetitive to land a book deal
Blah blah blah
Let’s point out everything wrong with the world using shiny catchphrases

I’m too blue to sing the blues
I’d rather make robot noises
And walk past you without making eye contact

I’m too hurt to take myself seriously
Tar in my lungs
Sarcastically coughing

The monsters under my bed said they need some space

I’m back! Last time I complained about my coworkers and management, and that’s exactly my complaint this time too.
After my toilet hugging stint I got back on my feet and went to work per usual on Wednesday, nothing at all was said about me not being there Tuesday, there was so sit-down with my Chef, nothing. I got introduced to the new night chef who started while I was out sick. Everything was very much a normal midweek and weekend. New chef seemed a decent guy, if a bit wet behind the ears, and I actually got on VERY well with the other pantry cook….until toda [Sunday]. Our station lead texted me this morning that I’m coming in at 3pm on Sundays now, cos we’ve started a new schedule that gives me 2 days off too (the worst 2 days off possible), which is fine. I usually come in at 3 anyway cos it’s a bit hectic once we start breaking down Brunch and setting up for dinner service. All hands on deck makes the kitchen run smoother during the transition, and it gives me a full hour to get my station restocked and ready to rock before service starts again.
So I get there at 3pm, everything is fine, other pantry cook and I are talking, she complimented my new pants and earrings, we’re deciding who is gonna do what tonight cos with the new schedule she leaves at 7pm and I close, since I now have Monday off as well as Tuesday. We settle on her being main station and me being pizza and desserts until she leaves, then I’ll switch to main station and our trainee (who is also my brother) will tap out on dishtank, where he’s basically the head night dishwasher cos he’s trying to train 3 newbies so he can fully switch to pantry, and come take over pizza and we’ll split desserts (we have a really good system where he plates and I decorate cos the owner WAXES POETIC about how I make the desserts look).
All is well. I’m setting pizza station up, making sure my speed rack is fully stocked with trays of rolls and garlic bread sticks, checking the servers salad bin, and clearing backline a bit…. I’m just starting to get everything together to make backups​ so all I have to do at closing is switch pans and clean….and ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE. The other pantry cook starts literally screaming at me cos of how I’ve set up pizza and rearranging everything from how it’s been since I started working here. I just stand there and let her rave, then calmly ask “What is your PROBLEM?” and she screams at the new chef she’s done with me and leaving. And walks out.
New chef comes over and starts yelling at ME. I’ve done nothing wrong at this point, so I defend myself, as there is NO REASON I should be getting a dressing down right now! He storms off, and apparently goes and talks her back onto the line….and tells me I’m done for the day, clock out and go home. What? So I’m trying to talk to him, and figure out how cos someone else had a shit fit all over me and WALKED OUT, it’s ME being sent home, and he drags the FoH manager into the kitchen and wants us to go to the office. Okay, sure, this needs resolved. As we’re walking I’m asking “what is wrong? What did I do? SHE went off on ME!” And they both flip on me about being insubordinate and blah blah blah. So I throw my hands up with a “Fine, whatever, I quit” and clocked out and went outside to call my roommate to pick me back up less than an hour after they dropped me off. I’m sitting there, crying in frustration, and my Work Mom (she’s the best) comes out and asks what’s wrong, so I tell her. And she talks to me for a while, and has good advice to go talk to both chef and FoH manager again. So I do. New chef does nothing but roll his eyes at me and tell me to “learn to adjust”, while also saying he will give ZERO TIME to actually try and get anything figured out and adjusted so we can actually WORK instead of me coming in each day never knowing if today is the day the other pantry cook goes off on me, cos she does at LEAST twice a week, usually in the first 5 minutes. I have to go from AB at 2:59 to YZ at 3pm and just magically be able to do it with no period of adjustment. Whatever, he’s new, he’ll learn that doesn’t work, head chef will deal with it. So I go talk to FoH, we sit down, talking, hash things out, agree to set up a meeting with the owner and head chef to address things, and we’re treating it as exactly what it is, chef sent me home for the day. (She’s literally heard me say “I quit” 15 times, she knows I’m not quitting, I’m just overly frustrated. Work is not the only place I do this, “I quit” is my way of removing myself from a situation before I blow up). New chef is treating it as I quit and walked out without permission…. Which, 1: You sent me home? Is that not permission? 2: I did not quit my job, I’m poor, I can’t afford that. I quit a pointless conversation that was pissing me off.
Yes, I did very seriously think about quitting the job, cos I’m to a point I can’t TAKE THIS anymore. But I talked to Work Mom, and Station Lead, and my roommate, and got calmed down, and decided no. Much as I want to quit, I won’t quit without notice. I owe my Chef and Station Lead that much. And I won’t give notice without having a new job lined up. I have rent to pay, 2 rats to care for, and a car I’m in the middle of buying from my Station Lead. I can’t be between jobs for even a second or my life falls apart.
Now I have to call the owners secretary tomorrow and get an appointment with him and Chef ASAP, FoH said Tuesday is free so hopefully I can get it then. But until that meeting? I’m currently in Employment Limbo. Do I have a job? Am I unemployed? NOBODY KNOWS.
And I am terrified of how this meeting will go and esp how it will end. This has been a week of hell for me in regards to work, and I have no idea what I’ll see once in the owners office. He’s a great guy, funny, sweet, caring….but only when he wants to be and it’ll benefit his business. Cos he started at the bottom, working as a singer/player at piano bars to pay his way through college, and now he’s an extremely good business lawyer who takes no shit.

Long time no see.

I don’t know if any of your readers, especially  new readers remember me? But I’m the girl from the party story time and also the movie story time, well the movie date being the last one I told you all about. I was catching up on my favorite blog, this blog and I was looking through the story time tag all this week, and I was happy to see someone asked about me (thank you sweety) and I would love to give you an update on everything, I can’t believe it’s almost been a year! since I told you all about my personal love life, you all are like sisters, so I don’t mind having girl talk and giving you all the hot tea (I use our fake names so it’s ok).

If you remember I called him ‘Sota’ well unfortunately he and I are no longer together, we dated for a good while, the BEST relationship I’ve ever had,  but don’t be sad ladies because honestly that was the best months of my life AND, AND, We are still friends. We still talk here and there, not as much as before, but we still vent about things and talk time to time. I do miss talking to him every day, But guess whose not going to cry? Me, ok I did, but what ever.

This is when the tea gets hot! I know my life is always full of tea, but girls let me catch you all up on what happened AFTER we broke up. Ok the reason why we broke up is because

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Story time

I have one of the most embarrassing fears. It’s not even one that I can just get over if I truly needed to, its one that I have considered getting tested for a phobia.

I am scared shitless of butterflies.

One summer me and my family went to Moncton, New Brunswick for a family vacation, it was a pretty big deal and an 8 hour drive away.

One of the tourist attractions there was a ‘butterfly house’, which is exactly what it sounds like. A giant tent filled with giant butterflies.

At this time in my life I did not know just how scared I was of butterflies.

So we’re all pretty excited, we get tickets and listen to a tour-guide thing explain that it’s important not to hurt the butterflies, blah blah blah.

We finally get into the place, and I kid you not I nearly passed out on the spot.

The butterflies were fucking huge.

I had then taken extra precautions which included pulling down my sweater sleeves and putting up my hood. I wasn’t about to let one of those things touch me.

My sister and mom were having fun, just holding out oranges and letting the butterflies fall in their hair and generally looking like a Pinterest photo shoot, while I was almost pissing myself cause I was so scared.

Then, my mom took a picture of my sister with butterflies in her hair, and turns to me to ask for a picture. I then held out an orange slice and spent 20 minutes gathering the courage to let a butterfly sit on my hoodie long enough for a picture.

As my mom took the picture, another GIANT butterfly flew over my head. I freaked out and ducked to avoid contact with the scary butterfly.

So now my mom has a picture of me in a butterfly house crying, only my face visible in one corner and a butterfly covering half the screen.

She won’t delete it.

Dead Valentines - Jokers Daughter

Joker!dad x daughter!reader x Harley!mom

Beck X reader

Warnings: death, kinda soft dad joker (if that’s a warning)

Word Count: 2234

Summary: It being valentine’s day and joker tries to cheer up reader, but reader hates valentines day for 2 sad reasons ( read to find out )

Authors Note: Jared Leto as Joker, Margot Robbie as Harley. Dylan o'brien as Beck.

Originally posted by bebhemmo

Originally posted by void-gallavich

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Readers p.o.v.

Valentine’s Day, it’s a day when girls get treated special chocolates, flowers, etc… Don’t get me wrong  I used to love this day. My dad always shower’s me and my mom with gifts, my mom and her puddin (a.k.a my dad)  always look so in love on this holiday. Not that long ago I used to spend this day with my own puddin.  that was still this last year.

My puddin’s  name was Beck. We had a lot in common, murder, left, etc. Needless to say I’m exactly like my mom Harley and my dad Joker to a T.  Me and Beck had a similar relationship to my parents but I was more in charge than he was. He always just wanted me to be happy, and with him I was. But last year we were just out walking around spending time together when one of my dad’s greedy business partners…

~~~~~~~~~~~ past \ flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~


Me and Beck Decided to sit down in a park under a tree. He has his left arm around my shoulders holding my left hand in his. And he is playing with my right hand. I’m currently leaning into him. We just kept cracking jokes and planning our next theft. When we decided to get up and leave because it was around 11 p.m. as we went to exit the park, suddenly a man I recognize from one of my dad’s business meetings/deals started walking towards us, he has a gun in his hand already cocked from what I can tell.

“You know your father really shouldn’t let you out after dark. It’s too much of a great opportunity”  the man said with an evil-looking smirk.

Beck move me behind him, both of us carefully watching the gun.

“ What do you want?”  beck asked. While we link our hands.

“ What do I want? I don’t want your little girlfriend dead. That’s what I want. To send a message to Mr. J, that he can’t mess with everyone rule everyone! That there are consequences. What better consequence than seeing his daughter dead! “ He said laughing like a madman.

I moved in front of Beck.

“Then do it.”  I said. He looked at me shocked. “ Do it. He will tear you to pieces. You think he’s bad now, imagine what his wrath will be like when his princess is dead.”

He started laughing even more and he raised the gun and pointed it at my head.

“ don’t worry this is gonna hurt”  he said with us a sadistic smile .

What happened next when all so fast. I heard the gun go off. But then Beck jumped in front of me. Because he’s taller the bullet hit his chest. His lungs to be exact. He fell to the ground I moved him in my lap and I put my hands over his wound trying to stop the bleeding.

“No, no, no, no, no.”  I say while tears start  to run down my face. “ No I-I can’t lose you. I-I  can’t”.

He reached up stroking my cheeks. Blood running down his mouth. “ Hey, shhh,  it will be okay. Maybe not me…”  he started to cough up blood. “ Not going to make it I know that so I-I   need to tell you something.”

“O-o-k anything” I said trying not to sob.

“ Babydoll, I love you have since the day I met you and I always will, even after I die. Please don’t shut down after this,  please…”

“ H-how Do you know I would shut down” I said, more as a statement than a question.

“ cuz I know you, just as well as your dad does…  babydoll I get if you do shut down for a while but please promise me not for long, okay?”  He asked me.

“I-I  pr-promise “ I said my voice shaky. “ I love you, always remember that, okay”

“ I will, I promise.”  he says then we kiss. When we pull away he smiles then I See the Light leave his eyes.

That’s when I hear the man laugh again. “ I’ll Always Love You, blah blah blah blah.”  he said mockingly I put my knife out of my boot and then throw it at him hitting his heart directly.

I look back down at beck And I start to sob loudly, really glad now that the parks in the middle of nowhere, so no one can hear me. I pulled his body closer and I dropped my head on his chest sobbing.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Joker’s p.o.v.

Me and Harl’s  we’re just getting back from dinner and a heist. We went to our room I changed out of my black and white suit, and Harley got out of her new dress I got her for today.  It was around almost 4 a.m. I decided before I went to bed to go check up on my princess.  As I’m walking to her room I noticed the door open a crack, when she’s asleep she always has it shut, in fact whenever she’s in there she has the door shut.

I pushed the door open I look around and she’s not there. Her curfew is 3 a.m. beck her boyfriend as much as I hate the idea of her having someone other than me and Harley loving her (and Frost caring).  Beck always has her home on time.

“HARLEY!”   I yelled she came into the room and looked around then turn to me and looked confused. “ Track her on the laptop through her phone, text me the location. FROST”  He entered. “ Pull the car around, we’re going searching for my little girl”.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

We were near the outside of Gotham when I finally got the text from Harley said she was in a park a little bit outside of Gotham. Once we knew where to go Frost speed Up.

As we pulled up I jumped out of the car. We walked into the park after a while I saw 1 figure  lying down And a little further there were two figures 1 hunched  over the other. When we got closer I noticed a  business partner one I was going to have killed, he had my daughters  dagger in his chest. I turned to the other two figures and that’s when I noticed that the one hunched over was my daughter and she was hunched over Beck. Oh God, this is going to hit her hard.

“ Frost, have 2 goons take the Traders body and dump it off where his men will see it. Then come over there”  I told him well motioning with my head over to by my daughter.

I walked over to her and I kneel down behind her. “ Sweetheart, princess…  what happened?”  I asked her while putting a hand on her shoulder.

She lifted her head and looks up at me in that moment I swear my heart cracked. The broken look in her eyes with tears stains all down her face, mixed with blood.

“I-I-I tryed, I-I-I t-tr-tryed to stop the bleeding b-but, I couldn’t.” she kept looking back and forth between me, Frost, and Beck.  While new tears came streaming down her face.

I move my hand up and down her back trying to comfort her.

“H-he saved me. He s-saved my l-life. And I c-couldn’t save his.”  she said in between sobs.

“ shhhh… “ I pulled her into my chest rocking her trying to calm her down the best I could. “ shhhh…  It will be okay. Let’s go home and get you cleaned up.”  I started to pick her up but she wiggled away clinging to the boys body.

“ no I-I can’t leave him”  she sobbed into his neck.

I stood up “ Frost, put the boy in the far back of the car. I’ll lay her down in the back and we’ll head home”.

I leaned down again “ princess, we will take him with us, wrap your arms around my neck.”

She did As told and I picked her up Bridal style. As I started to walk back to the car she buried her face in my shoulder. Once we got to the car I laid her down in the back.

On the way back to the house y/n fell asleep.

Once we got home I picked her up and carried her into the house.

“ Hey ya puddin!  Did ya find-”  Harley started the say but once she saw y/n  in my arms. She walked over checking her over.

“Harl’s . stop.”  I said, She looks up at me like I’m crazy. “ it’s not her blood.”

“  Then whose is-”  she started to question but then Frost walked in with the boy’s body.  I could  tell by the look on her face she connected the most visible dots.

“ Put the boy in the garage for now, tomorrow we will get the full story. As for now. Let’s get some sleep…  it’s been a long night.”  I Sighed.

I walked up the stairs  to y/n’s  room, I walked into her room and went to her bathroom set her down a counter after waking her up. I washed the blood off her face and hands\arms. Harley then came in with clean clothes. I left the bathroom and shut the door letting Harley help her change.

All I can think about while waiting was how her face looked when I was cleaning her up. She looks so broken. She hasn’t spoken since the park. I knowing my princess she’s going to shut down and keep everything inside and not let it out. She gets that from me. The door to the bathroom opened y/n kept her eyes Down, Harley comes out behind her. I lean down and scoop y/n  up and walk over to her bed, Harl’s  pulls the sheets back and I place my princess down and pull the sheets over her. She curled into a ball, I leaned down and kissed her forehead.

As me and Harley went to our own room. Once we got in bed. “ Puddin, It’s not ya fault.  I know that’s  what’ya think, But it’s not.” she said  Running her hands up and down my arm.

“ Harl’s Our little girl is heartbroken. She’s only sixteen  she shouldn’t be heartbroken at this age, she shouldn’t be heartbroken ever. Harley she’s not going to forgive herself for this.” I sighed.

“She’s heartbroken, yes. She’s never going to forgive herself because she couldn’t do anything to help her love of her life and he died protecting her. She will never forgive or forget but it will get easier.  She’ll probably shut down for a while ya, but she will be happy again, in time”  Of course Harley knows what to say, she was a chiatrist at one point.

I turned around and flipped off the light “ I hope so Harl’s”.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Readers p.o.v.

I woke up and remembered everything I really hoped it was all a dream but it wasn’t.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (end of)  past \ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Yeah that’s how it went I told Mom and Dad everything that happened. I shut down for about 2 months. Then me and my dad went on  ‘many’ killing sprees.  And anyway I’ve been helping my dad a lot. (oh and after that night we did give Beck a nice funeral).

Anyway back to, today it’s valentine’s day again, the first one since Beck’s death. I was in my room designing my next tattoo and my door open, “Daddy,  what’s up?”  I asked him. He came over to my been sat down next to me, he kissed my head.

“ Princess I was wondering what you want to do today?”  he asked.

“ Dad, no offense but I hate today, so I don’t really want to do anything.”  I told him and went back to shadowing.

Then he grabbed my pencil.

“HEY!”

“ Look. Princess. I know last year’s Valentine’s day was good and then horribly  terrible. But I want to do something with you.”  He told me an in a voice that if  anyone else used towards me I would kill.

“ Okay, like what?”  I asked giving my full attention but had a sarcastic smile on my face.

 Once he got a look at the smile on my face he did his signature laugh. He then pointed his finger at me “ You, my sweet darling daughter are so much like me. And to answer your question we can shoot up some stores, kill people, anything.”

“ Can we get soda and other junk and just hang out at Ace Chemicals? You and Mom can redo her vow like you do every Valentine’s Day.”  I asked looking up at him he looks a little shocked that I knew what him and Mom do every Valentine’s Day.

“ Of course we can, and if you want I will teach you new ways to kill.”  He said.

“Let’s do it”  I said and we both did his laugh. Needless to say I actually had a good day considering the situation.

obsessiveshayme  asked:

I have a prompt! How about Barista Sid and super flirty customer Geno with SWid writing something cute on his cup?

This one…kinda got away from me, and 1. Sorry this took so long, and 2. I kinda veered from the prompt? A lot? And I think I was kinda projecting a little about how I feel about flirty strangers?  But I hope you enjoy it regardless. 


“It’s Tuesday,” Flower says, with the kind of resignation the day always evokes. He doesn’t have to explain further, Sid knows what he means. Tuesday means the Russians are coming. Well, Sid is pretty sure the quiet blonde guy is Scandinavian, but mostly, the noisy group that takes up, bare minimum, three tables at 412 Coffee is Russian. Holding court among them most days is Alex, whom Sid privately just labels “Loud Motherfucker.” 

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Best You’ve Ever Had**

Request


SMUT WARNING**

Hanging out with the boys was great don’t get me wrong, but sometimes it can be a bit annoying. It can also get really awkward at times and none of the boys really seems to care, which only made it more awkward. 

Today’s conversation was about orgasms because someone had a new girl and blah blah blah. I was sat in Joe’s kitchen trying to get the some work done and to distance myself from the conversation because I didn’t want to be roped in and have to explain that contrary to popular belief apparently I haven’t had a lot of sex, and of the sex that I have had, it wasn’t that great. 

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The Mountains Are Shaking

I can feel it in my feet
In my gut
The sky’s empty
Completely clear
I can almost make out infinity from here
Maybe I should work seven days a week to save up for an expensive telescope so I can make out infinity

The trees are shaking
Stupidly slapping their arms back and forth
They have to be tired
I don’t know
I’m tired
But the birds are singing
Their nests are falling
Weeds are growing
The wind’s howling

The waves are shaking
Crashing onto themselves
Turning water white
Reflecting golden-pink-purple sunsets
Shaking
Swallowing men alive
While toddlers hum on the shore killing sand crabs

The babies are shaking
Self-inflicting shaken baby syndrome
Dancing in the streets
Screaming at the night
Alone
Together
On performance-enhancing drugs
Painting
Singing
Writing
Fishing
Hiking
Dancing

The stars are shaking
Well
I might be drunk
But it seems like the stars are definitely shaking
Taunting me
Seducing me
Freaking me out
When did any of this become normal?
When did we decide to accept far away giant fire planets as a part of everyday life?

My hands are shaking
Been shaking since I was little
Trembling like cold teeth
Not sure why
Nothing’s wrong with me
Or
Nothing’s really that wrong with me
Whatever
Blah Blah Blah

The mountains are shaking
Their shadows shaking
Your Ma’ and Pa’ shaking
Their dog shaking from the thunder
Your head shaking from the pressure
Golden light shaking
Soft
Violent
Forever and ever
Keeping you on your toes

Ok yes Harry Hart blah blah blah…

Merlin in the rain in the hat.

Merlin in a Kingsman suit

Merlin with new gadgets.

Merlin with his knife.

Someone talk Merlin with me?

(also everyone talking about Eggsy’s face when he sees Harry but Merlin has a wealth of emotion there to)