How do you find a relationship outside of your race without being seen solely as an object?
This is something I’ve been thinking about for some time. I was just curious as to what other people have to say about it/share their experiences and give me some advice. Anyway, I am tired of being ridiculed because I don’t fit the stereotype of the African American female and because I happen to be attracted to guys outside of my race. It’s not only that, it’s simply that I wasn’t brought up in a way that necessarily matches all the stereotypes about black people. I’m simply not like a lot of other black people I’ve known or come into contact with. That being said, I’ve just always been more attracted to guys outside of my race; white, Asian, Native American, etc. And it’s not like I’ve never seen a black man that I thought was attractive or conducted himself in a manner that’s compliant with my personality but it just tends to be white guys that I’m drawn to, due to various factors. I’ve been on a few dates with white guys or talked to some and more often than not when I’ve done so, they were not interested in a concrete relationship or seriously dating me. I’ve actually been trying to ignore a guy I’ve been talking to for about half a year now because we’ve had a lot of arguments (not necessarily arguments per se, but disagreements) about what we both want. He wants to be friends with benefits and that’s something I never want because it’s just not how I go about those kinds of things. And I always make sure to make myself clear from the start, regardless of who I’m dating, that I don’t want to be fuck buddies. I told him I want love and I want a boyfriend but because I know that’s something he can’t or won’t give me, I’ve stopped talking to him. However he keeps trying to talk to me at random and I’m not sure what he’s trying to do at this point. But I wondered how as a black female can you go about dating outside of your race and find a guy that wants the same things; I’m interested in a loving relationship, a significant other, someone to care for and talk to me the way I want to care for and talk to him. How do you find a guy who doesn’t just see black girls as a sexual fetish and is someone who will honestly date you and enter a relationship with you? And it’s not as if I dress in a provocative manner or something so I don’t know why I’m often approached by white guys who only have the intensions of wanting to be sexual partners and nothing else. I’ve been told tons of times by a guy that he thinks I’m gorgeous and all of that jazz, but he’s always the guy that doesn’t want to be in a serious relationship the way I do. I’m not the type to judge every guy based off of a few small experiences, but I need other people’s perspectives on it, particularly black women who are in real and successful interracial relationships. I’ve seen interracial couples around campus where I go to school; black male and white female, white and Asian, and I have seen black females with white males and I just wonder how you really go about approaching the right guys to find a relationship. I see interracial couples where it’s obvious that the guy cares for the girl and she means something to him beyond a stereotypical and hypersexual connotation—she’s his girlfriend.
Is there just a kind of magic trick that some women have that makes men see them as relationship material? I’m starting to wonder.