black-wrights

Gangsters in Love: Honest Trailer

I really love watching Honest Trailers on YouTube so I thought what if I made a series of Honest Trailers for Voltage Games…?


(The following is for humorous purposes only! Enjoy!)


Narrator: From the money hungry company that brought you Astoria Fates Kiss and Castaway Loves Adventure, comes another game about love that will cost you half of your entire paycheck you worked so hard to earn for your rent, school fees, or better yet, Japanese Voltage games where you can spent up to 4$ plus tax for 13 chapters instead of spending 9$ total plus tax for 6 separate chapters for ONE story arc…

Aurora: “It’s all just business.😉"

Narrator: Gangsters in Love!

(Beat)

Meet the MC!

An MC that made the Voltage fandom jump for joy only because she’s a blonde but is also frowned upon because she’s a 23 year old woman that dresses like a 5 year going to Sunday school.

MC: “There’s nothing wrong with my clothes!😠"

Irving: “Except for the fact that you dress like a middle schooler.😒"

Narrator: Her boring life in Southern California quickly changes when she is attacked by gangsters, and rescued by…gangsters?

Chance: “We’re offering you protection.😑"

Narrator: The MCs parents are revealed to be wanted criminals that managed to piss off all of California who finally decide to go to the MCs house at last minute instead of kidnapping the parents and killing them then.

The Valentine Gang infiltrates the MCs home and takes her away in hope to get info from her parents even though they know the MC makes it clear that she knows nothing, with the MC clearly going along with them because these gangsters are…hot!

MC: “They’re dangerous…but…😍"

Narrator: Man, they really made this MC a thirsty bimbo in this franchise. Way to go America!😒

(Beat)

Narrator: MC first meets Chance Valentine: an all American, Eisuke Ichinomiya who broke away from his fathers gang, acts like a cold hearted prick, and thinks he’s cool because he owns a bike and is the boss.

Chance: “Oh who cares…I’m the boss.😏"

Narrator: But is really a cello playing dork, who is so rich, yet can’t even buy his own house without mooching off his rich black friend.

Chance: “It’s my house!😠”

Irving: “Since WHEN? It’s MY house!😡”

(Beat)

Narrator: Yoshimitsu Valentine!

Narrator: Chance’s happy go lucky hot, Japanese older step brother who’s hair will instantly remind you of the chili pepper emoji or the hair tip of a chicken.

He’s a yakuza who never kills anyone with his katana.

Yoshimitsu: “I’m not killing you. It would be a waste of my sword.😒”

Narrator: And became the WORST leader no one but Chance asks for in season 2 out of pity for his brother.

Chance: “It seemed like a good idea at the time…😔”

Narrator: And who was seemingly popular enough to be the thumbnail of the app instead of the first main love interest himself.

Yoshimitsu: “Isn’t this an exciting way to end the party?😆”

Narrator: He’s a fuckboy who frequently fucks the MC in his route even though he tells her they are not official.

Yoshimitsu: “This–mm–doesn’t mean we’re together.😌”

MC: “I didn’t say anything about that. How about we just have a good time?😉"

Narrator: Man is this MC thirsty! But at least she’s more confident than her Japanese counterparts!😒

(Beat)

Ash Winters!

The mysterious badass hitman who would have been a better character in Metal Gear Solid, GTA V, or even Assassins Creed, with his expert skills in weaponry, stealth, and arson, instead of a romance option in some cheesy, girly, young woman’s romance sim.

WELL, that’s a lot better than a cool character like him becoming a sissy singer like Bieber!

Ash: “I was once scouted to be a K Pop idol.😁"

Narrator: Scandal in the Spotlight, anyone?🎤

(Beat)


Irving Monroe!

A celebrity lawyer and frequent guest on Ellen who is as sensitive as Wyatt from 6teen as he cries over puppy movies.

Yoshimitsu: “Are you…crying?😧”

Irving: *Sniffling* “What? No way man…😭”

Narrator: And even though he is called the ‘CHARISMATIC Justice’, he isn’t popular enough to be featured in any of the Amemix crossovers for OBVIOUS reasons!👦🏿

Aurora: “C'mon, this is Irving we’re talking about! 😏”

Irving:😠

(Beat)

Narrator: Aurora James,

The Gang’s sexiest, kickass lesbian hustler, and the reason for the games existence and occurrences. She’s a combination of Nami from One Piece with her love for money and Cana from Fairy Tail with her love for liquor and your stereotypical queer Latina all rolled into one.

And is determined to sleep with every woman in LA and their mother!

Aurora: “Oh another time I went home with this girl, but the next day I realized that I actually slept with her mo-😆”

Yoshimitsu: “TMI RORY! T.M.I.!😳”

(Beat)

Narrator: And Mateo Estrada!

A dirty old fed and the 6th brand new love interest introduced in the gang, as well as being a disappointment to all lesbians and bisexuals playing this game who all begged Voltage for Skylar to have her own route because they loved her ass.

Skylar: “Yeah I know you love my ass! 😏”

(Beat)

Narrator: Just like every other Voltage game since 1999, you are forced to choose who you date, have sex with, and eventually marry and have kids with.

You’ll live your days running from the cops, getting in car chases, playing poker, appearing on Ellen, negotiating with yakuza, fighting your own parents, almost getting killed but not getting kidnapped as much as the Japanese MC, actually FENDING for yourself comparing to the Japanese MC who thinks closing her eyes when her life is being threatened will make everything better.

All this while the thirsty, gold digging MC who turns out to have had no job or no friends prior to being kidnapped is able to seduce the pants off of any of the 6 gangsters and spends countless times with them fucking in almost EVERY chapter at inappropriate times!

MC: “I’m pregnant? How is this even possible? We’ve always been super careful! 😰”

Narrator: Yeah, I doubt it you used a condom when you was looking forward to that D, you hoe…😒

(Cue Aurora’s sexy CG) …Oh! Or…that V! Cause’ y'know…lesbian option…? And…yeah you get the idea…😅


(Beat)


STARRING:

“Not my Valentine!”(Chance)💔

“Human Shinra!”(Yoshimitsu)👹

“Black Phoenix Wright!”(Irving)☝🏿

“Ash Catch Em!”(Ash)🔫

“CASH Me Outside Drinking, How Bout Dat?!”(Aurora)🍷

“Mark Jefferson!”(Mateo)👓

“Kylie Jenner!”(Skylar)👄

“Bastard Valentine!”(Franco)👨🏻

“1 of 101 Dalmatians!”(Seymour)🐶

AND

“I’m a Barbie Girl, in a Gangster Worrrld!”(MC)💁🏼


“GTA 6: Barbie Joins a Gang!”



Narrator: Okay seriously! If Skylar doesn’t get her own route in 2017, I’m starting my own gang so we can go to California and confront Voltage Amemix ourselves adding an old man in his mid thirties and not some bad chick who’s hot as hell is absolute bullshit!


Follow and comment if you want more Voltage Honest Trailers!

Bowie’s Top 100

The legend, David Bowie, passed away at the age of 69 after an eighteen-month battle with cancer. He will be greatly missed. To celebrate his life, listed below are his top 100 books. 

-Interviews with Francis Bacon by David Sylvester

-Billy Liar by Keith Waterhouse

-Room At The Top by John Braine

-On Having No Head by Douglas Harding

-Kafka Was The Rage by Anatole Broyard

-A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess

-City of Night by John Rechy

-The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz

-Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert

-Iliad by Homer

-As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner

-Tadanori Yokoo by Tadanori Yokoo

-Berlin Alexanderplatz by Alfred Döblin

-Inside The Whale And Other Essays by George Orwell

-Mr. Norris Changes Trains by Christopher Isherwood

-Halls Dictionary of Subjects And Symbols In Art by James A. Hall

-David Bomberg by Richard Cork

-Blast by Wyndham Lewis

-Passing by Nella Larson

-Beyond The Brillo Box by Arthur C. Danto

-The Origin of Consciousness In The Breakdown Of The Bicameral Mind by Julian Jaynes

-In Bluebird’s Castle by George Steiner

-Hawksmoor by Peter Ackroyd

-The Divided Self by R.D. Laing

-The Stranger by Albert Camus

-Infants Of The Spring by Wallace Thurman

-The Quest For Christa T by Christa Wolf

-The Songlines by Bruce Chatwin

-Nights At The Circus by Angela Carter

-The Master And Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov

-The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie by Muriel Spark

-Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov

-Herzog by Saul Bellow

-Puckoon by Spike Milligan

-Black Boy by Richard Wright

-The Great Gatsby by F.Scott Fitzgerald

-The Sailor Who Fell From Grace With The Sea by Yukio Mishima

-Darkness At Noon by Arthur Koestler

-The Waste Land by T.S. Elliot

-McTeague by Frank Norris

-Money by Martin Amis

-The Outsider by Colin Wilson

-Strange People by Frank Edwards

-English Journey by J.B. Priestley

-A Confederacy Of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole

-The Day Of The Locust by Nathanael West

-1984 by George Orwell

-The Life And Times Of Little Richard by Charles White

-Aopbopaloobop Alopbamboom: The Golden Age of Rock by Nik Cohn

-Mystery Train by Greil Marcus

-Beano (comics, 1950s)

-Raw (comics, 1980s)

-White Noise by Don DeLillo

-Sweat Soul Music: Rhythm and Blues and the Southern Dream of Freedom by Peter Guralnick

-Silence: Lectures and Writing by John Cage

-Writers At Work: The Paris Review Interviews edited by Malcolm Cowley

-The Sound of the City: The Rise of Rock and Roll by Charlie Gillete

-Octobriana and the Russian Underground by Peter Sadecky

-The Street by Ann Petry

-Wonder Boys by Michael Chabon

-Last Exit to Brooklyn by Hubert Selby, Jr.

-A People’s History of the United States by Howard Zinn

-The Age of American Unreason by Susan Jacoby

-Metropolitan Life by Fran Lebowitz

-The Coast of Utopia by Tom Stoppard

-The Bridge by Hart Crane

-All The Emperor’s Horses by David Kidd

-Fingersmith by Sarah Waters

-Earthly Powers by Anthony Burgess

-The 42nd Parallel by John Dos Passos

-Tales of Beatnik Glory by Ed Saunders

-The Bird Artist by Howard Norman

-Nowhere To Run: The Story of Soul Music by Gerri Hirshey

-Before the Deluge by Otto Friedrich

-Sexual Personae: Art and Decadence From Nefertiti to Emily Dickinson by Camille Paglia

-The American Way of Death by Jessica Mitford

-In Cold Blood by Truman Capote

-Lady Chatterly’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence

-Teenage by Jon Savage

-Vile Bodies by Evelyn Waugh

-The Hidden Persuaders by Vance Packard

-The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin

-Viz (comics, early 1980s)

-Private Eye (satirical magazine, 1960s-1980s)

-Selected Poems by Frank O’Hara

-The Trial of Henry Kissinger by Christopher Hitchens

-Flaubert’s Parrot by Julian Barnes

-Maldodor by Comte de Lautréamont

-On The Road by Jack Kerouac

-Mr. Wilson’s Cabinet of Wonders by Lawrence Weschler

-Zanoni by Edward Bulwer-Lytton

-Transcendental Magic, Its Doctrine and Ritual by Eliphas Lévi

-The Gnostic Gospels by Elaine Pagels

-The Leopard by Giusseppe Di Lampedusa

-Inferno by Dante Alighieri

-A Grave For A Dolphin by Alberto Denti di Pirajno

-The Insult by Rupert Thomson

-In Between The Sheets by Ian McEwan

-A People’s Tragedy by Orlando Figes

-Journey Into The Whirlwind by Eugenia Ginzburg


“The truth is of course is that there is no journey. We are arriving and departing all at the same time.” -David Bowie

6

My Marauders fan cast

Asa Butterfield - James Potter
Sophie Turner - Lily Evans
Isaac Hempstead Wright - Sirius Black
Chloe Grace Moretz - Marlene McKinnon
Tom Holland - Remus Lupin
Maisie Williams - Mary MacDonald

(Still haven’t found a good Peter or Severus yet)