black-olives

more batfam/dc tweets

Bruce: Airport security doesn’t let you through with a wine opener, apparently. Even if you tell them, “It’s okay, I’m just a harmless alcoholic.”


Bruce: *orders something on Amazon because he needed a box*


Selina: I am having an affair
Bruce: *handing menu back to waiter* I’ll have the affair as well


*airhorn sound*
*second airhorn sound*
Stephanie: this isn’t deodorant


Dinah: I like to reassure my girlfriend that even though I don’t have big muscles she is always safe with me cause I’m a really loud screamer


Oliver Queen: kinda sucks that there’s only one day a year it’s acceptable to put on a diaper and shoot arrows at people


Alfred: You’re going out with that boy again? He’s no good.
Bruce: Relax, Alfred.
Alfred: *furiously knits a condom*
Bruce: Alfred, that’s not how it works.

Alternatively:

Martha: You’re going out with that boy again? He’s no good.
Clark: Relax, mom.
Martha: *furiously knits a condom*
Clark: Mom, that’s not how it works.


[clark drops bruce at the airport]

clark: have a safe trip!
bruce: I have no say in the matter
Clark, flying off: die then


Tim: *gets a paper cut opening a bill*
Ah, yes, capitalism.


Bruce: Alfred, fetch me my robe.
Alfred: You sold your robe and everything else you own so you could afford a butler.
Bruce: Hold me, Alfred.


Bruce: Being goth is hard. The curse on your enemy is not working. Bats are impossible to train. Deodorant marks on your black clothes. Ugh.



Selina: *holding 6 kittens* YOU TOLD ME YOU WANTED TO ADOPT!
Bruce: Children. I wanted to adopt CHILDREN.
Selina: *defensive* They are our children.

Alternatively:

Bruce: *holding 4 orphans* YOU TOLD ME YOU WANTED TO ADOPT
Selina: ANIMALS. I wanted to adopt ANIMALS
Bruce: *defensive* They’re Robins


Bruce: First day of school and Damian’s teacher has already sent a note home with him: “You dropped your son off at the wrong school.”

Bruce: My kids all went to bed without being asked so I’m interrogating them all to see who did what. Eventually they’ll break.


Bruce: Being a parent is great because you get to start conversations like:
Hey buddy, don’t leave your tooth on the coffee table.


Bruce: I’m not saying I’m a great dad, I’m just saying it’s a holiday weekend and I’m wearing cargo shorts with a Hawaiian shirt…

Listen I have a lot of thoughts about Legolas . I always pictured him a bit differently than how he was portrayed in the films, and while I think they got a lot of parts right, there’s some parts where they lacked and where I like to insert my own ideas to better imagine the character I understood him as since Tolkien added him late.

Here’s my thoughts in no particular order

1. Black hair

2. Olive skin

3. Eyes that are like the cloaks Galadriel gives the Fellowship in that they never seem to be the same hue

4. Always smiling softly like he knows what’s going on

5. MAKE HIM ACTUALLY SING??????!! HIS SONGS BREAK MY HEART

6. Not biased towards dwarves in that UGLY way but like in the kid-raised-in-right wing-home-carefully-unlearning way

7. FUNNY IN THE WAY THE KID WHO RARELY SPEAKS IN CLASS IS FUNNY

8. Helpful without needing to be and like knowing when ppl need help .

9. Young feeling.

10. Tattoos of vines tbh all up on his face and limbs n shit like he literally came from the dense woods in wartime let him blend in he’s the last prince of his people let him be hidden away and forest

11. Does NOT ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND SAURON LIKE HE THINKS HE DOES 12. MAKE HIM ACTIVELY TRY TO NOT BE TEMPTED BY THE RING MAKE IT HARD FOR HIM BC THE POWER OF THE ELVES IS WANING !!! IT WOULD NOT BE EASY FOR HIM !!! OMFG THAT CONFLICT IS NEVER SHOWN !!!!

13. Make him MISS SOME SHOTS WITH HIS ARROWS when he is VISIBLY AFRAID !!! (2 ideas in one , radical I know!!)

14. Have him put his head in his hands at least once .

15. Make him talk to Merry as Pippin even though they aren’t there when he’s actively searching to save them .

16. Make him console people somewhat through humour like he does in the books !

17. WHERE was his friendship with gimli after the war ? WHERE was the scene where they explored each other’s homes and left for the undying lands ?

18. Make Legolas androgynous 2kforever

19. Personally I was so excited to see mhis struggle to comprehend what is going on at the Black Gate when the Mouth of Sauron brings Frodo’s mithril shirt out like….. where’s his raw despair ?

But most importantly :

20.

WHERE IS THE SCENE WHERE HE HEARS THE CALL OF THE SEA FOR THE FIRST TIME??!!!

Send me numbers

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?
2. You talked to an ex today, correct?
3. Have you taken someones virginity?
4. Is trust a big issue for you?
5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?
6. What are you excited for?
7. What happened tonight?
8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?
9. Is confidence cute?
10. What is the last beverage you had?
11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?
13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?
14. What are you going to spend money on next?
15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?
16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?
17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?
18. The last time you felt broken?
19. Have you had sex today?
20. Are you starting to realize anything?
21. Are you in a good mood?
22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?
23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?
24. What do you want right this second?
25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?
26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?
27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?
28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?
29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?
30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?
31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?
32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?
33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?
34. Listening to?
35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?
36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?
37. Do you believe in love at first sight?
38. Who did you last call?
39. Who was the last person you danced with?
40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?
41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?
42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?
43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?
44. Do you tan in the nude?
45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?
46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?
47. Who was the last person to call you?
48. Do you sing in the shower?
49. Do you dance in the car?
50. Ever used a bow and arrow?
51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?
53. Is Christmas stressful?
54. Ever eat a pierogi?
55. Favorite type of fruit pie?
56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
57. Do you believe in ghosts?
58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
59. Take a vitamin daily?
60. Wear slippers?
61. Wear a bath robe?
62. What do you wear to bed?
63. First concert?
64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
65. Nike or Adidas?
66. Cheetos Or Fritos?
67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?
69. Ever take dance lessons?
70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
71. Can you curl your tongue?
72. Ever won a spelling bee?
73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
74. What is your favorite book?
75. Do you study better with or without music?
76. Regularly burn incense?
77. Ever been in love?
78. Who would you like to see in concert?
79. What was the last concert you saw?
80. Hot tea or cold tea?
81. Tea or coffee?
82. Favorite type of cookie?
83. Can you swim well?
84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
85. Are you patient?
86. DJ or band, at a wedding?
87. Ever won a contest?
88. Ever have plastic surgery?
89. Which are better black or green olives?
90. Opinions on sex before marriage?
91. Best room for a fireplace?
92. Do you want to get married