sometimes i’m not okay. today’s that day for me. and that's okay. i’m exhausted. there’s nothing wrong with that. i’m tired of giving away my heart constantly and receiving things in return that are conditional. i’m tired of being a victim. i’m tired of never being loved the same in return. everyday is a process for me. i’m trying to be more understanding. i’m trying to be more open to the reality that not everyone is going to love me back. and that’s okay. it’s nothing personal. some people just don’t know any better. some people just don’t even know what it means to love with no boundaries. with no limitations. with no expectations. with no requirements. everyday i wonder.. do i require too much? do i expect too much? everyday i’m still learning what it means to “love”.
sometimes your heart will hurt. sometimes your smile will ache. sometimes your light will dim. sometimes your spirit will break. sometimes your entire world will come crashing down with no warning, and no signs.. but no matter how destroyed you feel - you have to be willing to dig deep inside of yourself to find some ambition to get you back right. you have to look out for you. you have to let go. you have to place your focus primarily on YOU. nothing about losing what’s familiar feels good.. but uncomfortable places can be beautiful. growth is beautiful. you are beautiful. you shouldn’t have to wait around and pray for someone to love you. you should love you. you should let go - because nothing worth holding onto will ever destroy you. and holding on is destroying you. trying to love someone into loving you - is destroying you. let go because you have to get a hold of you. you have to retrace your steps and figure out where you let YOU go. you have to take time to yourself to reflect on when and where you lost yourself. you have to let go of what no longer is - and accept what may have never been.. then you have to pick yourself back up. you have to release any negativity clouding your mind and you have to rid yourself of hopeful feelings. cleanse your soul. listen to your intuition. learn yourself. let go of any bad habits you’ve picked up along your journey. and start over. no matter how bad or how much it hurts.. let go and start over. holding on is destroying you.
It’s so sad to me that this generations idea of romance is centered around texts. I don’t want you to just text me. I want you be curious about me, I want you to watch me and discover all of my little quirky details. I want you to sit with me in my car in the middle of the night while I yell about the bad day I had. I want to hold hands in the movies. I want little kisses between sentences. I want you to fall for me– but not for my words that appear on your phone screen. I want you to discover me.