“Everything we do, every thought we’ve ever had, is produced by the human brain. But exactly how it operates remains one of the biggest unsolved mysteries, and it seems the more we probe its secrets, the more surprises we find.” - Neil deGrasse Tyson
“Here’s the thing-” Lily said,
marching into the pub and pulling out a stool.
“We’re closed.” James interrupted
without looking up from wiping down the bar.
“I want a dog.” Lily barrelled on without
hearing him. “But my landlord doesn’t allow pets so I was wondering-“
“I’m not getting a fucking dog for
you.” James said firmly.
Lily blinked at him. “I was going to
ask if you thought it was morally wrong to raise it in my air-vent.” There was
a silence. James was caught between hoping she wasn’t serious and knowing that
she was. “Your idea seems better.” Lily admitted.
“Really. Talk me through that, is it
because there is no animal abuse involved?”
“I was thinking more along the lines
of then you’d have to clean up the poo, but the no animal abuse is also good.”
“Y’know” Sirius was lying on top of
the bar, waving around a beer and staring at the ceiling. Nobody looked up. “I
always thought once we owned a bar we would spend a solid 60% percent of our
time drunk, and that hasn’t happened.”
Remus, still wiping down tables,
said “I shudder to think what you’d be like on your own.”
“Since we bought the bar we spend
more time drunk than we used to?” Peter consoled, baffled.
Sirius sat up. “I would say we spent
about 15% percent of our time drunk before
the bar, and after the bar we
spend about 25%. That is an increase of only ten percent.”
“Where are you pulling these numbers
from?” Lily asked while holding the ladder for James, who was avoiding the
dishwasher by pretending to fix the squeaky window.
“On top of being an excellent barman
I double as a statistician.”
“You are neither of those things.”
Remus said. Sirius glared.
“Fuck you Moony. At school you were
always saying I didn’t do enough math, and here I am, doing math, and you’re abusing me.”
Remus threw a dishtowel at him and
gestured to the kitchen. “Go unstack the dishwasher.”
“Fantastic.” Sirius said, throwing
his hands in the air. “This is what I get for my brief foray into math.
Insulted and unloading dishes.” He jumped off the bar and mockingly gave Remus’
back the finger. James laughed.