The discord was chatting and the idea of an SOA film noir au was brought up and, me being the absolute sucker for gritty detective stuff that i am, had to contribute.Kate is the no nonsense PI and Keith is her laid-back crime fighting partner who likes to break her concentration while she works (but is excellent at his job)
When you call me European, I say yes. When you call me Arab, I say yes. When you call me black, I say yes. When you call me white, I say yes. Because I am in you and you are in me. We have to inter-be with everything in the cosmos.
What concerns me about the new BLM pride flag is that it disincludes mixed race POC (especially Asians, possibly also Native Americans?), indigenous POC in general who don't match their racist "all indigenous are black/brown" shit and, yes, Jewish people. Because Jewish people are soooo white even though Jewish DNA is unique to Jewish people?? But no we LOOK white so we MUST be white. Also multiracial Jewish people don't exist either. It's just so frustrating and sad how we're not recognized.
It’s ridiculous. It’s a Pride flag, not a race flag. Being LGBT has nothing to do with race or ethnicity.
Because, well, when someone says something mean, it doesn’t take me all day to get over it anymore.
And when I do something clumsy, or say something stupid, I laugh because I know I’ll never be defined by a single action, a single mistake. I laugh because sometimes it’s healthy to laugh at yourself.
I want to say yes, I do love myself.
Because, well, when I look in the mirror I no longer have the urge to cry.
Because sometimes - most of the time, when I have negative thoughts, I am able to counteract them.
I want to say yes. I really do.
But then I remember last Friday, when I wasn’t so kind to myself. I remember the things I said. I remember the way I was deliberately cruel.
I want to say yes.
But then I remember the fact that I still have this thought at the back of my mind that I will never be intelligent enough to achieve everything that I want to achieve, that I will never fulfil my purpose in life, that I will never be enough of this or I will always be too much of that. I remember and then I feel a little sick.
If you asked me for a black and white answer on whether I loved myself, I’d say yes. Because I do love myself a whole lot more than I did a year ago.
But that doesn’t mean I always like the way I am. And yes, okay, I love myself, but that doesn’t mean I always treat myself right.
And yes, yes of course I love myself, but sometimes we do destructive things in the name of love, and sometimes we don’t treat our loved ones well and sometimes we hurt them because we are only human and here’s the only certain part of this whole reply: I am only human. I am only human.
Listening to your Dad and Uncle on the phone with Cas was fine. You waited patiently, taking in every word and processing any necessary information. Then another voice appeared. And English one at that. “Maybe not.” You challenged Cas’ theory, hoping the unknown man would ask you who you were and save you a job. Fortunately, he was as nosey as any other Brit. “The.bloody hell are you?” He asked. “The bloody hell are you?” You echoed back.
“Thank you.” You sipped your hot chocolate and waited to see what he’d say next. A sigh could just about be heard followed by “Crowley. King of Hell.” “ ‘Course. Who else?” You rolled your eyes. “Crowley, this is my daughter Y/N.” Your Dad frowned as though unwilling to tell too many people. For safety or for shame- who knew which. “You kept that one quiet.” The man chuckled. “Yeah well we haven’t known for long, mind your own business.” Uncle Dean tried to steer the topic away from you but this Crowley fellow was having none of it. “Do you hunt?” He seemed to dislike the word ‘hunt’. “Yep.” You answered confidently. “Impressive.” “Not really. Besides, what do you do all day? Must be hard sitting around on a throne all day.” You remarked, smirking. Uncle Dean scoffed but your Dad stepped in “Okay maybe we should continue on the matter at hand.” “She’s undermining me!” Crowley protested, you say there smiling but not saying anything. “I don’t care! Look we need to talk about Lucifer.”
“If your English how come you’re in the US?” You asked, ignoring your Dad. “Firstly, I’m not I’m Scottish, and secondly, being a demon in England isn’t exactly a wise idea.” You chuckled “True. I’ll give you that one.”
For some reason the car journey seemed slightly tense. At first you wondered if you’d annoyed your Dad by talking to Crowley. But then you realised.
“Y/N?” Your Dad’s voice made you look up. “Who is it?” You took in a deep breath, his expression thick with concern.
“Don’t answer it.” Uncle Dean piped up, warning you through the rear-view mirror. Hesitantly, your thumb hovered over ‘answer’. “Y/N.” Your Dad spoke more softly and calm, but the stern glare was just as prominent. “I have to.” You whispered shamefully. “Y/N!” Your Dad’s voice was far more urgent this time. Before you’d fully committed to the idea you were holding the phone up to your ear.
“What’re you listening to?” Uncle Dean asked. At first, you thought he was talking to you, but then you noticed he was talking to your Dad. Curious, you took out an earbud and sat back. “Podcast.” Your Dad spoke quickly- keen to get back to it. “Well that’s better than nothing.” Uncle Dean declared, reaching for the headphone jack. Your Dad’s hand shot out “No it’s uh, probably boring.” You switched off when he rambled on about something to do with the thesis of Martin Luther King.
Uncle Dean squinted suspiciously but didn’t seem to push. That was, until, he tugged the jack out and the sound of some sort of rock filled the car. “Really?!” Uncle Dean looked both amused and ashamed. “Wha- it’s not that bad okay!” Your Dad protested. As they were arguing, you plugged your phone into the speaker and switched out the cable so your music was playing. They stopped at the sudden change of genre and turned to you. “What?” You shrugged. “This better be good.” Uncle Dean pointed. You rolled your eyes and sat back, happy to have your familiar music with you still.
You arrived at the hospital where Lucifer’s supposed girlfriend had carved into her own skin. As grotesque as it sounded, it was just the start of what Lucifer was capable of. Truth be told, you were pretty bloody terrified at this moment. You’d barely hunted demons, let alone the demon. “We need to treat this with care.” Your Dad said softly, warning Uncle Dea and you as you stepped into the warmth. Inside was two men. One was Castiel, the angel who’d healed your foot. The other was shorter and had darker clothes. He had a slight beard and looked more than disappointed with life. That had to be Crowley.
“Morning.” The man nodded “Sam, Dean, and…Y/N I believe.” He smiled at you. It was nice to hear a familiar English accent, even if he was the King Of Hell. “Crowley.” You nodded, shivering slightly from the cold.
“I just said but we need to take this slow. She’s going to be in shock and have a lot going on in her mind right now-” Your Dad began but Crowley began to walk off. “I’ll go talk to her.” He declared, only to have you grab his arm and drag him back to the group. “I don’t exactly know you but when a woman’s been abused by Lucifer I doubt she’d be that keen to see The King Of Hell. Whether she knows it or not.” You glared at him. “Right.” Your Dad nodded.
“We’ll go talk to her. Cas, Y/N, make sure Crowley doesn’t run off.” Uncle Dean assigned your roles and followed after his brother.
The three of you watched in silence as they turned the corner
“Well then.” Crowley sighed. “This is going to be thrilling.”
You stayed silent and waited to see if Mick would speak first. “Hello?” Came a quiet voice. It was more than a whisper, it was a desperate attempt to stay as quiet as possible. “Hey…” You replied blankly. “I don’t have much time.” He took in a deep breath. “Okay…” You listened carefully, intrigued with what he had to say. “I wanted to warn you.” “About?” “Who do you think?”
“So what’s the deal huh?” Crowley turned to you. It didn’t take him long, then. “Eh?” “Is there a reason you suddenly found out Moose was your old man?” “Moose?” You couldn’t help but smile as you questioned the nickname. “Moose and Squirrel.” You giggled when he paused “This is Giraffe.” He nodded up at Cas who was frowning in thought. “You’ll need one too I suppose.” “Oh boy.” You prepared yourself. He stayed quiet for a while, looking you up and down as though it was such an important decision. You folded your arms over your chest and tilted your head. “Mouse.” “Mouse?” You echoed, trying it out on your own tongue. “Moose’s Mouse.” He chuckled before adding “Besides, you’re practically a quarter of his size.”. “Mouse it is.” You laughed. Crowley looked away, but the corner of his mouth was smirking.
“Cas, you alright?” You nudged the Angel, looking into his frown. “Mmm.” He hummed, as if struggling to escape his thought process. “You sure?” You leaned on him slightly in attempt to knock him out of it slightly. “This is my fault. I let Lucifer out and therefore it’s my responsibility to put him back in, yes?” he looked at you like a lost puppy and obviously wanted some sort of reassurance. “If you’re looking at life in a black and white way then yes. But you can’t do that. just because something might be your fault doesn’t mean it’s up to you to fix it. We’d be awful friends…awful family…if we expected that of you. You can’t think like that, Cas.” You reassure him. Cas seemed to consider this “You…really think so?” “I know so.” You sighed.
‘family’ the word replayed in your mind. What sort if person leaves their family to go to another? Were they even your family to begin with? Was Mick?
Maybe you could trust no one.
Slumping down on the armchair away from your Dad and Uncle you got them a defeated smile. “Nothing?” Your Dad asked. “Nothing.” “This is dumb. Someone’s gotta have leaked it by now.” Uncle Dean sighed. “Not on Twitter, Facebook or Tumblr at least.” You mumbled, scrolling through your dashes for any signs. “Great.” Your Dad frowned.
He’s coming isn’t he.“ You sighed. “Yeah.” “Can you at least ask him to try and he nice?” “I’m afraid he’s already on his way.” “Bollocks.”
“Got it.” Cas’ gruff voice made you look back up. “Follow me.” The four of you follow after the Angel in a curious rush to know. As you head towards the “secret” location you made sure to stay behind them. Respect maybe. After Mick called you…well. Finally looking up from your feet, you noticed your Dad had purposely fallen behind with you. He offered you a tight smile and put his arm on your shoulder. “How’re you?” He asked a vague question, however, you knew what he was talking about. “Tired.” You answered, not sure what else to say. “You uh, still don’t wanna talk about it?” He was obviously curious to know. He had a right to be. He was your Father. But still you were reluctant. “Not yet.” You mumbled, shaking your head. “Sure?” Your Dad wasn’t forcefully pushing you to talk but he was clearly worried about you. You take in a deep breath, hesitant to say. He had to know. “Someone’s coming.” Your.Dad almost stopped in his tracks. His shock was prominent considering you’d actually told him something. “Who?” “You’ll see.” You mumbled, speeding up to.get away but his hand landed on your shoulder and held you back. “Y/N.” Stern and serious, his voice made you turn back round. “Yeah.” You swallowed. “Who’s coming?” You shook your head, not wanting to think about the Chapter House or any of it’s inhabitants anymore. You didn’t want your Mum to be dead. “Please.” You whispered “Not now.” Instantly, your Dad’s expression softened. Still worried, but willing to stop he nodded.
“Here.” Cas declared, pointing towards a big building, it red doors up front and black boarded doors at the back.“How the hell are we supposed to get in there?” Uncle Dean screwed up his face in thought. “Well…there’s a window.” Cas nodded towards a small opening above the back doors. “We’d need someone small to climb in that,” Crowley began “someone the size of…say, a mouse.” He looked at you expectantly. Sighing you nodded “Alright then. Someone gimme a boost.” Striding towards the window, your Dad looked insanely worried. “Y/N!” You stopped and turned back to see his wide eyes. “Yeah?” “You should stay back. We’ll find another way in.” He spoke so hastily you didn’t know what to say back. “…why?” You risked questioning him. He glares at you before walking off “Well try the front first.”
You eyes Uncle Dean who was looking at his bother sympathetically. “Uncle Dean?” “He uh…he was possessed by Lucifer. And stuck in hell with him in a cage for quite a while. He’s protecting you, sweetheart.” Uncle Dean stood with you as you both watched your Dad walk ahead with Cas and Crowley.
“I thought Angels couldn’t possess you without permission?” If anything you were afraid to ask. “Yeah you do.” “He said yes?” “Kid, it’s a long story. He’ll tell you someday I know he will. For now, listen to your Dad. Stay outside.” He squeezed your shoulder comfortingly. “Ok.” You nodded, as if confirming the orders.
About ten minutes into waiting around outside the building you’d reached a point where you were too worried and too cold to wait any longer. You creep in through the slightly opened back door and stay close to the outside of the concert crowd. A crazed ringing filled the room- someone’d found the fire alarm- only, it stopped as instantly as it had started. Fans continued to watch and listen. You spied Uncle Dean and your Father who were thankfully distracted enough to not notice you. You rushed into what you originally thought was a utility cupboard, only it branched out into a backstage area. Two bodies lay dead on the floor. You stared at them for a moment, wishing you’d gone in sooner “I’m so sorry.” You whispered to them as you clamber over the limp limbs. “Y/N…?” A questioning voice sounded. “Y/N!” “Cas?” You questioned the voice. “Yes.” He grunted, trying to stand up. Rushing over, you examined his wound son his face. “Cas, I’m sorry, I should have come in sooner I should have-” “Why did you come? Sam told you to stay put.” Cas’ voice wasn’t necessarily angry, however.
“I couldn’t leave you guys to take him alone.” You smirked, helping him up. “I’ll find Crowley.”
Cas left the room, hobbling slightly as he went. You looked up to see Crowley half dead on the floor. “Hey, bud.” You chuckled sadly. “Don’t go soppy on me, Winchester.” He remarked. “You alright?” You both greeted and asked at the same time. “Get off me.” He grumbled like an old man when you tried to help. “Alright, grandad.” You rolled your eyes. He rose to his feet and wiped his hands on his suit. “Hey, Assbutt!” The phrase seemed to come from the main stage.
You shot Crowley a look, only, he wasn’t there. Running into the main room, you realised your mistake when you walked straight in on the party. Or the lack of the party. The “rockstar” stopped and his head inclined towards you. “Y/N!” Your Dad warned you but it was too late. “Another Winchester,” Lucifer grinned through his vessal, which was beginning to fall apart. “There’s a Brooks on the end of my surname.” You glared, determined not to forget your Mum. “Aha, half a Winchester,” He turned to your Dad “So can I kill this one?” “You stay away from her!” Dad warned, his voice was shaking.
“Sammy, I’ll do what I like.” He laughed, stepping closer to you. He clicked his fingers and immense pain shot through your leg, making you collapse. “Y/N!” “Don’t move!” Lucifer warned them, holding up his hand as if to show what little effort it took for him to have any amount of power. “See, I could break her leg.” He smiled. Your leg felt like it was on fire, only parts were going numb whilst others internally bled. You cried out in pain when he turned his wrist, increasing the dosage. “Stop it!” Your Dad practically screamed. You felt your heart race insanely fast. Desperate to keep your breaths even, you didn’t move. “Boys, there’s something you might wanna ask this one” Lucifer asked, numbing the pain enough for you to form words. At first,you were immensely confused, but then you realised. How could he possibly- “The hell are you talking about?” Uncle Dean spat. “Oh, I don’t wanna spoil the surprise…” Lucifer began, as if weighing up his options. “You won’t have to.” You managed, watching his face fall apart. His vessel couldn’t handle this for much longer. The torture began to leave and your leg healed itself over. You watched as flesh and muscle disintegrated to nothing, leaving only a skeleton. The bones fell to the floor, the Angel himself now long gone. Your Dad ran over to you and held your face between his hands, forcing you to look at him. “You okay?” He asked, his eyes slightly glossy from fright.
You nodded, looking him in the eye. “Yeah.” You managed “It healed itself.” You altered your position to get back up from the ground, but your Dad placed his arms around you and almost lifted you off the floor in order to get you back on your feet. Once you’d made it up he hugged you. There and then. His arms snaked round your shoulders, pulling you into his embrace. Hesitant at first, you hugged back. He sighed against you before saying “I told you to stay outside.” “I did…just not for long.” You answered, not completely sure whether it was appropriate to be joking or not. “Everyone okay?” Uncle Dean called out. “We’re okay.” Your Dad replied, nodding against you.
“No Dean!” Your Dad protested “We’re not winning we’re just loosing slow!” “We’ll stop him, okay? We will. It’s what we do.” He glanced at you “All of us.”
After they’d calmed down enough from the happenings of the day, the inevitable question came up: “What did you mean when you said…’someone’s coming’” Your Dad asked, looking at you with a worried face, as though he’d only just remembered to ask. “From the Chapter House…Mr Ketch.” You sighed “He’s a posh bastard, but he’s alright.” You shrugged. “Who told you he was coming?” Uncle Dean interrogated. “..Mick.” “So that’s what he wanted.” You nodded. “And that’s all he wanted?” You nodded again, more slowly this time. “Why the hell do you trust this Mick-guy so much?” “I owe him a lot. I probably wouldn’t be here without him.” Your eyes move so you’re staring down at your feet. “Y/N…what aren’t you telling us?” “Nothing.”
“Y/N, I swear. You might be my niece but if you’re hiding something important don’t think that I won’t force you to tell. Because believe me I will.” Uncle Dean threatened, earning a stern look from your Dad. You glared at him “I don’t have to tell you anything if I don’t want to. NOT that I’m hiding anything in the first place!” You protested, trying to sound more offended than you were. Uncle Dean’s expression changed “Okay.” He nodded “Just making sure.”
What were you supposed to say? ‘Oh yeah by the way, here’s some worrying information!’ Mental note to self- they can’t find out.
“Okay then, who wants pie?” Uncle Dean shot you a wink and you giggled. “Pie sounds good.”
Oh my god this was a new theme on the 3DS. I had to get this because Black and White is my favorite Pokemon version, AND AND BECAUSE OF FERRISWHEEL SHIPPING. YES, MY LOVE FOR N AND HILDA/TOUKO. Omg and they are standing next to each other *ohh* my babies. It’s so canon.
Normal is an ideal. But it’s not reality. Reality is brutal, it’s beautiful, it’s every shade between black and white, and it’s magical. Yes, magical. Because every now and then, it turns nothing into something.