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Gather around babs, let me tell you a story that just caused my family to cry from laughter.

The story starts with me in Rock n Coke in 2009. And everything was fucking awesome, I was about to see Linkin Park live, I was with my awesome friends, good vibes errywhere….

and then my period started. Like a goddamn flood. It was the red version of Niagra Falls. And man, my underwear was a mess. So what did I do? I purchased a bikini and used it as underwear. Slapped a pad. Done. Saved.

Keep in mind, mid July, Turkey is fucking hot as hell. And after a rush of meeting Mike Shinoda for real, and then, Linkin Park live, moshpits, I’m sweating like a pig. But hey, everything is awesome. Since it’s hot, my ovaries are not cramping at all.

So then I get home, head to the pathroom, pull my pants down… and the pad is fucking gone.

IT FUCKING SLIPPED TO FREEDOME. ALL THE SWEAT AND THE BIKINI FABRIC COULDNT CONTAIN IT AND APPARENTLY IT SLIPPED RIGHT OUT OF MY SHORTS AND I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO IT.

SOMEONE PROBABLY STEPPED ON IT?

PEOPLE WHO CLEAN UP AFTERWARDS HATED ME THATS FOR SURE

And that’s the story of how my pad flew to freedome. Thank.

2

So I was cooking something that required bouillon. It smelled off so just to be safe I checked the expiration date. Lo and behold it expired November 6th 2005. And bouillon normally keeps for around 2 years, so we may have acquired it as early as 2003, when I was 7 fucking years old. 

This bouillon is older than my dog. 

This bouillon has moved houses with us.

It may have moved across the ENTIRE COUNTRY with us.