the daughter of an immigrant who assimilated too much. he’s so angry at his mother, so ashamed
of his mother, that he married a white woman, and then another one. he
rejected his parents’ history, culture, religion and traditions.
i’m the daughter of a man who tried so hard to be white, who tried so
hard to be French. so many times France was ungrateful and rejected him, made him feel he would never be French enough, white enough. but in the end France finally embraced him and took him in. what an achievement. fully assimilated, integrated, and disintegrated. fully colonized. he erased all traces of his family, all traces of his childhood, all traces of his country. all chewed up and regurgitated : clean.
relationship with my father is strained, so i tried to reach to the
previous generation, to my grandma. unfortunately it feels like it’s too
late. she is 91 and losing her memory, all her sisters are gone,
my grandfather also gone, almost none of us North African Jews are left
in Tunisia and Algeria, they all came to France. she doesn’t like to speak about it anyway, she doesn’t like to think about it. i’m trying to dig into whatever i can find but
it feels like a lost fight, because my people’s culture has been stolen,
destroyed by colonization and exile. sometimes i say my homeland is