tomorrow i am going to fail my first uni exam due to poor timing- too many facts, too little time. it’s my fault but that’s alright, i’ll pass eventually.
i feel like i will never live up to my full potential if i can’t let go of some things, if i just keep half-assing my way through life. it’s always been this way- trying to keep the flame alive while struggling to breathe never left much room for real devotion.
i don’t want to quit academia because quitting just isn’t my style- but i may have to for some time, to do what my heart’s beating for..i don’t want to worry anyone, i want to be good and grounded but i need fresh air and time to play.
all of this seems bizarre- being able to make real decisions for myself is liberating but frightening for someone who is such a baby at heart
good at surviving but so vulnerable?
idk it’s just all so unclear