bitter queers

I'm about to take the "Bi"out of BioWare since that's what they keep doing to their characters.


anonymous asked:

tips on writing a bi character? things like stereotypes to avoid and stuff? Also, would it be considered offensive/opressive if I had the character end up in a boyxgirl relationship even though she's bi? Also, any ideas on how to let the reader know that she's bi without being like "This is A, she is bi."? You seem like really patient and helpful so I thought I would come to you first. Thank you sm!

No problem. I always have a lot to say on LGBT+ topics, So, Let’s get started and hope this doesn’t turn into a rant. 

Also, before I continue I want to make sure it is clear that I am not straight. I am a member of the community, and everything I say here is either from first or second hand experience. All my notes here are things that I have personally experienced, or have watched close friends experience. I can not speak for the preferences of every person who is LGBT+, but I can tell you my own personal pet peeves, and the things that make me uncomfortable when it comes to writing  LGBT+, and in this case specifically, Bi characters: 

Things to avoid: 

  • “Its only a phase”  One of the most common stereotypes or rumors about Bisexuality is that it is only a phase.  A time of experimenting sexually for a person that is chalked up to confusion, curiosity, or overly high sex drives(aka not being easily satisfied and wanting multiple sexual encounters, regardless of who it is with).  While it is okay and normal to experiment, and to want to explore your sexuality, please do not refer to Bisexuality, or people who are Bisexual as such. If you or your character is experimenting with their sexuality, and exploring their options, please do not call it Bisexual. Please refer to it as curious or experimenting or unsure. Bisexuality gets passed off as a phase far to often because of people mixing up curiosity or bi-curious, as their confirmed sexuality or Bisexual. If your character isn't sure if they actual are Bi or not, then state that. There is nothing wrong with not knowing the sexuality, or chalking it up to being not straight. If you’re character genuinely thinks(aka they are unsure and are leaning towards Bisexuality being their confirmed answer), or knows that they are Bi, then it is okay.  Just, Please do not make Bisexuality to be nothing more than a phase of curiosity or experimentation.

  • “They are only saying they are Bi for attention”  This one irritates me to no end, okay. When I was in middle school, being out was super rare. Like we had one person who was openly gay, and only like two people who were openly bisexual. (No, I was not among these people. At this time, I still thought I was straight.) After those three were out to the whole school, many other people started to come out as well. However, people started saying that those who were now coming out were only there to jump on the bang wagon, and were simply seeking attention. This followed into the early years of high school. Now the difficult thing about this is that some people at my school actually were just saying it so they could say it. I know this sounds bad, but honest to gods at my school, being Bi was a legitimate trend. I know many people that I heard (not through rumor, no, straight from the horses mouth) only said they were Bi because everyone else was, or because they thought it made them more attractive. Bisexuality was as much of a trend at my middle school as beaded bracelets and silly bands were. Because of this, people started to dismiss anyone who said they were Bi, even those who actually were Bi, and were long before the trend, and only came out then because of the confidence and somewhat normalcy it provided for leaving the closet. For years after that, many people around me bashed Bisexuality, claiming it wasn’t an actual sexuality, and was only a ploy for attention. Please do not pull this card anywhere in your stories, and if you do, only do it to slap down the idea. Being Bi isn’t a means of gaining attention, it’s a legitimate sexuality that many people identify as. Making it about attention seeking undermines the actual thing, and causes Bi-erasure. 

  • “Kink or over sexualizing”  Holy crap does this one bug me, and gross me out. No sexuality, including bisexual, is a kink. I know too many people, straight people, who only support LGBT+ people in the form of porn. I legitimately know people who watch Lesbian, bisexual, Gay, or Trans porn all the time, but be disgusted by the actual thing. I know straight men, who watch Lesbian porn, and think it’s super hot to watch two women get it out, but the second it’s an actual lesbian couple just innocently holding hands, or a mlm couple, it’s no longer okay. Like wise, I also know straight girls who love and fetishize mlm couples (usually only in terms of fictional characters) but don’t actually care about the Gay Rights Movement, or flf relationships. This disgusts me greatly. Also, I myself, or someone I closely know has been told how “hot” our sexuality is, and told that it would be “sexy” to watch us get it on with someone of the same gender, or engage in a three-way. Look, I know some people actually have kinks that include watching other people, or engaging in sexual activities with more than one person at a time, but do not sum up legitimate sexuality’s as kinks, and do not use our sexuality’s for your own kinks and then turn around and not support us in all aspects. Our sexuality’s do not exist for anyone other then ourselves(and our partners) and it most certainly does not exist to entertain other people. We don’t exist to fulfill your sexual fantasies.

  • “You always end up Gay or Straight in the end, therefor Bisexuality doesn't really exist.”  This is not how sexuality works!! If you are Bi and you get married or start dating someone of the opposite gender, you are not suddenly heterosexual! Just because you are in love, and have devoted yourself to one person, does not mean you no longer find other people attractive. You can still appreciate other peoples looks. You are still Bisexual. The same obviously goes for if you are Bi and start dating or get married to someone of the same sex. Just because you choose to be exclusive with someone does not mean other people stop being attracted to other people. Your sexuality does not go away when you date someone. Your sexuality only goes away if you suddenly discover something new about yourself, and learn something different that makes you think you actually are not that sexuality. There is more on the spectrum then just Gay or Straight. 

  • “Horn-Dog stereotype”  So there is this stereotype about Bisexuality that basically says that people that are BI (this stereotype also usually extends to pan-sexuality) are basically just sexual deviants. People who are just so horny that they will have sex with anyone, regardless of gender. This is basically just a side affect of people over sexualizing bisexuality, as I previously mentioned. People usually equate Bisexuality with terms like (I really hate these terms but I am going to use them so you fully understand what I am talking about) “slutty” or “whorish” , and while you can be highly sexually active and bisexual at the same time, the two are not attached.  People who are highly sexually active are not so only because of their sexuality. You can be Biromantic and Asexual or Demisexual or anything anything. Likewise, you can be Aromantic and Bisexual or Demiromantic and Bisexual or any other pairing. Your romantic and sexual attraction do not equate to, or fuel your sexual drive. Please avoid the “promiscuous bisexual” stereotypes. 

  • “If you're bi then you most like everyone”  (This is a stereotype that also extends to Pan-sexuality and actually most non-straight sexuality’s) Many people believe that someone who is bi is automatically attracted to anyone/everyone. I have met many people who thought that if you were attracted to their gender, then you must also be attracted to them specifically. So many times have I had to explain that I do not just automatically like everyone I see. People who are bi(or any sexuality really) still have a type. How loose or strict that type is depends on the person but it still usually exists. There are still preferences. Liking more then one gender does not equal liking every single person we meet. 

How to introduce Bi-Characters:  Most people don’t include their sexuality in their introduction, and if they do, it’s for specific reasons(usually to flirt). The best way to present a sexuality is to see it: 

  • The way your character notices other characters. A character taking extra notice of other characters, or acting in a specific manner around certain characters is a clear way to point out their interest in said characters. This is also how you can point out a characters sexuality. If your character takes special notice of characters of both gender, it will become evident that they like both genders.If your bi-character is describing others,  use romantic descriptions. “Beautiful” “Cute” “Pretty” “Gorgeous” are all things you can add on to a characters description to make romantic or sexual interest more obvious. “Brown eyes” is plain and simple, but if you add on “Gorgeous brown eyes” that obviously shows more appreciation, and if you show that appreciation for both genders, your reader will eventually get the hint that your character swings both ways. Seriously, just have your bi-character (if you are writing from their view point, or in their third person) describe their attraction to people of both sex. Easy. 

  • Your character being caught, or obviously checking out, hitting on, flirting with, or being romantic/sexual with people of more then one gender is another very obvious way to say that they like both genders. Show your readers ‘proof’ that they actually like both genders. It’s upfront and straight to the point. No baiting, no tip-toeing around the sexuality. Let your characters actually interact with and be attracted to people of both sexes. Be up-front about your characters sexuality, don’t hide it. 

  • Ask! Seriously, have someone simply ask. It’s not unrealistic to have another character ask what sexuality your other character is. I get it all the time in real life. People are curious, use that to your advantage. If another character sees them maybe hit on or flirt with someone,  and it surprises them, that’s fair grounds for the character to ask what the others sexuality is. They can also ask on behalf of themselves or someone else. If someone has interest in your character, it is reasonable to check their sexuality to see if they have a chance. If you like someone of the same sex, it would be normal to want to know if they also also liked members of the same sex. 

  • Gay Jokes. If someone is open and very comfortable with their sexuality, they will usually make casual comments or jokes about their own sexuality. Not everyone does this, obviously not, but I know a large majority of people who are not straight, and will very frequently make jokes, remarks or puns about their sexuality(myself included). I cant tell you how many times I have made a joke about my sexuality, only for someone in near by to automatically go “your not straight???” (Closet jokes are how my high-school theater teacher realized both me and my best friend were not straight.) Just don’t over do it or force them. Make sure the jokes or puns come naturally. 

  • Describing past or current relationships/attractions to people of both sex. If you can find a reasonable spot to naturally have your character describe an ex(s) of the same/opposite gender, that’s a very clear way of saying your character is bi. If your character is currently attracted to or dating someone one sex, simply mentioning someone of the other sex in the same context also shows your characters sexuality. It’s as easy as “Oh man, I used to have a huge crush on them.” or “My ex-partner was totally-” including a background of liking or  being with people of both sex is an obvious tip. 

Writing Relationships with Bi-characters:  As I mentioned earlier, being exclusive with someone does not make their sexuality suddenly disappear.  Your character is bi-sexual. If they are in a same sex relationship that does not change. If they are in a relationship with the opposite sex. That does not change. Make that very clear in your writing. You can still find other people attractive if you are in a relationship. If your female character is bisexual, you can put her in a m/f relationship if that’s what naturally happens in the story. It is only offensive/bi-phobic if you: 

  • Only say your character is Bi so you can claim you have ‘representation’ and then put that character in a ‘straight relationship’ so you don’t have to deal with writing a ‘gay relationship’ , thats Queer-baiting, and it’s also homo and bi phobic. 

  • Completely forget that your character is Bi once they are in a relationship. As I have stated multiple times, your sexuality does not go away just because you choose to be monogamous.  Your character can still admire and check out people of either sex while being with someone else. Stop erasing bi-sexual people just because of their relationship.  

  • Describe their attraction to the gender other then the one they are currently with/interested in as curiosity. As I explained earlier, that is bi-erasure. It’s okay to be curious and experiment, but don’t equate it to bisexuality. 

  • Say it just to say it. If you say your character is bisexual somehow, but then continue to write them as straight (or possibly, but not as commonly; as gay)  in every other aspect, you are most likely queer-baiting, and doing it simply to have a token character. If you want representation of bisexuality in your story, then have representation of bisexuality in your story. Don’t half ass it. Don’t fake it. All that will get you is a lot of complaints. Don’t just say your character is bi, actually make them bi. 

  • Dont make them a token! As I just stated, don’t do token characters. Don’t make your bi-character bi just for the sake of having a bi character. A person is not defined by their sexuality, stop writing characters as such. Don’t make characters just for the ‘sake of representation’ because that is not actual representation! They are bi because they happen to be bi, don’t make it their entire purpose or personality! I also guarantee you that they are not the only non-straight person in your story. If your story only has 5 or less characters then I could maybe, maybe buy the idea of only one person their being not straight. The spectrum of human sexuality is endless and flexible. If you try to tell me that your story only has one person that isn’t straight, then something is wrong.  

This came out way longer then I expected because yes, I did end up ranting a bit. But hey, I can’t help it. LGBT+ topics are personal for me, So, I always have a lot to say on the matter. I really hope this is helpful, and if you have any other questions, please feel free to ask. I wish you luck with your writing! 

And if anyone else from the LGBT+ Community has things they want to add, you are more then welcome to do so! I spoke with my own personal experience, and I can’t speak for everyone in the community. So if you think I missed something, or want to add some of your own personal experience, please do! 

Anyway, "just because it's a gay movie."

Fuck yes, that is the number one reason I’m reading the book and watching the movie. Because the love story is a “gay” (actually bisexual) one.

And like… I’m excited that the script of your life did not unfold in a way that you don’t understand how powerful it is to be that hungry for representation. It sucks to be here, honestly, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

So yeah, I’m here “just because it’s a gay movie.” 

But there are other reasons? Like, it is a beautiful story told by creators of a multitude of sexualities, and honestly, it is sincere in a way that love stories do not feel to me. I love good love stories, and I want more queer ones. I’m never going to apologize for that, and anyone who thinks I should just becuase whatever “gay” movie I’m watching doesn’t tick all of their required little boxes of perfect representation … can kiss my ass.

also, I watch a lot of really SHITTY movies “just because they’re superhero movies,” and nobody is coming for me about that? Nobody is like “bitch, I can’t believe you watched AGe of Ultron just because it’s a superhero movie,” which is something I’m ACTUALLY ashamed of.

So there’s that.

What I’m trying to say is that your homphobia/biphobia/bierasure is STRONG and gross. 

i still get so mad when i think about how much these really abstract and unrealistic ideas about queerness contributed to my abuse. like, if you ever wanna know why i’m so bitter towards post-modern queer theory (aside from the more surface level stuff, like…fuckin’ ace discourse and who’s allowed at the pride parade or whatever) this is it. it’s real and it’s common and it’s happening to more women than anyone wants to admit.

you have these predatory, pseudo-leftist, pseudo-feminist men finding ways to claim queer identity, and then using this self-ascribed status to more effectively prey on women. and let’s be real here, they’re usually lesbians. but because “queer” has become this ambiguous term that can literally mean anything, we’re taking away women’s agency to name their own abuse and we’re pretending that these inherent power structures no longer exist as soon as a man finds a way to identify into queerness.

my abuser literally changed nothing about himself. he still used male pronouns, still dressed the same way he’d always dressed, still only dated other women, and still functioned as a man in the world at large. but because he told me that he was queer and non-binary, and because i was so fucking entrenched in these immaterial and abstract ideas about queerness, he abused the shit out of me for a year and i wasn’t allowed to talk about it or confront him about it or stand up for myself, because he wasn’t *really* a man and i wasn’t *really* a woman. 

he convinced me that, because i have masculine features, i wasn’t actually a woman, so if anything, i was posited as the bad guy for being the one who was actively displaying and embracing masculinity, whereas he supposedly didn’t possess any masculinity. 

but let’s be real here. i was a woman, he was a man, and i was being abused in the same way that men have been abusing women since the beginning of fucking time. and i know i’m just being an evil, gatekeeping dyke or whatever, but it’s so fucking frustrating to feel like i’m the bad guy for wanting us to be cautious in our use of the word “queer” so as to avoid this really ambiguous term that allows for the concealment of abuse and manipulation. 

i still feel like i’m not even allowed to talk about this, because i’m doing something wrong by questioning his identity or whatever. but i know what i experienced, i know what other women have experienced, and it’s so fucking immaterial to keep acting like this isn’t something that can and does happen.

How to Tell if You're in a M/M Contemporary Romance

You seem like a pleasant, well adjusted adult man but you have no friends or close family and few acquaintances. This is fine, it gives you plenty of time to get to know the strange yet magnetic man you have met in the woods.

Someone has just said something astonishingly racist but it’s fine because it was the only black man in the world saying it about himself.

It’s the second decade of the 21st century and yet no one seems familiar with the concept of bisexuality.

You claim to have no money and no interest in fashion but there are a lot of descriptions of your designer clothing.

There is a woman who is deeply invested in your life and relationships. You loath her.

Anal sex is the most important sex two men can have. No other sex act is as important or meaningful as anal sex. Your relationship is not final or complete until you consummate it with anal sex. 

You live in urban California and only know two gay men. The first is your secretive, closeted ex. The other has just insulted you in some way.  

There are only three women in the entire world and each of them has a single personality trait.

What kind of sex you like is determined entirely by your height and build.

You do not have a single problem that cannot be solved with a handsome boyfriend to have anal sex with.

You have had one previous relationship. Every time you discuss the details of this relationship it sounds more and more abusive. You do not acknowledge this and neither does anyone else.

Bitter Feels: A Non-Binary Femme Affirmation Zine

In Bitter Feels, Billy address their mixed emotions related to expressing their gender identity, being misgendered and other complexities related to femmeness. This zine is a rant and overall a way for Billy to affirm their gender identity.

The zine is handwritten and illustrated.

[Image description: 5 copies of Bitter Fields are arrayed on a pink cloth with a unicorn design. Each copy is a different pastel color. The cover shows a person with hair past their shoulders, a bow in their hair and big round glasses, surrounded by stars. The tagline says “A non-binary femme affirmation zine.”]

Available for $2.49 from Femme Crimes Distro here!


Dragged my bitter queer ass out to the Yes Vote celebration at Rumpus Room, West End on Wednesday night.

The atmosphere was A++. My everything hurts from dancing and the hangover lasted a day and a half but I’m so glad I went. It was just the epic show of queer solidarity I needed after this shit show of a postal survey.


Lumberjanes: friendship, love and acceptance to the max !

From the wonderful world of Noelle Stevenson (an established creator with the book Nimona also in OCO exhibit ) Grace Ellis, and artist Brooke Allen comes Lumberjanes  

Produced by Boom! Studios, Lumberjanes follows the story of five girls (Mal, Molly, April, Ripley and Jo ) as they spend the summer in Miss Quinzella Thiskwin Penniquiqul Thistle Crumpet’s Camp for Hardcore Lady Types. (think Girl Scouts but way more hardcore) With a diverse group of characters and baddies ranging from greek gods, mermaids, seal people and boy scout like rivals the lumberjanes are always challenged to earning their badges and saving the camp from utter doom. I’m not going to talk about the comic but rather i’m planning on discussing some of the key characters and just how awesome they are and how they fit into the structures of OCO. So grab your patches and hold on as we are going to dive into some amazing characters tonight and how they change the comic from campy adventure type of comic to subtly talking about feminist, gender and queer stereotypes especially within the scouting culture

Mal- despite her punk appearance, she is the most cautious and sensitive of the group. She sometimes acts as the leader, specializing in crafting elaborate plans. She is often paranoid about the dangers facing them at the camp, and is watched over and protected by Molly (the one with the raccoon for at hat), whom she likes romantically. They often hold hands or share storyboards together as a couple. I am enjoying the arc of how Mal and Molly started crushing on each other and I am under the opinion that with majority of the readers that this paring is their OTP just because of how realistic and cute their interaction are.

Rosie- Rosie is the kind of person that I want to be if I ever decide to become a scoutmaster and decide to spend my summers running a scout camp.  She is an easy-going, muscled tattooed woman who enjoys woodcarving  and being a all around awesome person. Rosies characteristics is definitely playing into the trope of “Hardcore Lady Types” and feminist empowerment). So i’m not going to spoil any of the twists and turns that are involved with Rosie’s character development  but there is something that has really bothered me in her development that i’m going to do a small rant about. In issue 16 there is definitely some subtle queer baiting as rosie interacts with an old friend from her days as a LumberJane scout. Now i’m not too bitter about the queer baiting but I think that it was a low blow and I expected a more engaging character dynamic between two leadership models for the younger characters to interact and engage with.

Barney- Barney is an amazing character and has changed so much from the original introduction of themselves.Introduced in Issue #16 of Lumberjanes. Initially, they are a member of the Scouting Lads (think boy scouts), but decide to become a Lumberjane around mid-summer. They become very good friends with the main cast and decides to become a Lumberjane, after showing much more interest in the mostly female-centred camp, rather than the tight regieme of the male-centric Scouting Lads. They feel as if they would be much more comfortable as a Lumberjane than a Scouting Lad. At first, talking to the camp elders, they believe that the elders will not accept them, as they were born male, but instead it is the fact that it is the middle of the summer (an odd time for application) that most throws them. This continues the theme of equality and seeing people for who they really are! Barney makes their Lumberjane’s Pledge, and then is invited into the Zodiac Cabin. It is revealed here that they have started using the ‘they’ and 'them’ pronouns, rather than the previous 'he’, 'his’ and 'him’. Barney is given a lot more freedom at the Lumberjanes camp, and is able to express themselves as being neither strictly female or male.

So if you want to check out more on these awesome characters and their amazing camp check out Lumberjanes at you local comic book store !