bitten and smitten

Matador
Arctic Monkeys
Matador

“She was marrying a matador and he was with the weather girl,
a very clever girl who stood out amongst several once
a terrible dilemma and forever he’ll regret this day he didn’t make the rescue from the bull ring.

Sulking won’t get you nowhere son, there’s blood on your chin
where you’ve bitten your tongue, smitten but might not be smitten
for long if you’re still sitting she’ll soon be smitten and gone." 

Hollstein: Development

Alright, I’ve been seeing a lot of posts in the Creampuff world about how Laura is “mythologizing” Carmilla (Carmilla’s words, s2e4) and Carmilla is concerned that that’s the only reason Laura likes her, so I went back to season one and took several screencaps to show the development of their relationship for several reasons:

1) show how Laura came to like Carmilla

2) show what Carmilla does that has an effect on Laura

3) see their positive chemistry building

4) showcase Carmilla’s worthiness of love

5) CHARACTER / RELATIONSHIP DEVELOPMENT

6) explain why Carmilla’s low self-esteem is so devastating 

7) I really enjoy any excuse to analyze things

There are more reasons, but here we go. I’m starting with s1e20 - the one with the sock puppets. Also, I apologize - this is obscenely long. So, without further ado:

I like the above moment. Laura is really excited that she gets to do a flashback (and play with sock puppets), and Carmilla’s face is just like “dafuq is wrong with this kid why do I like her?” and it’s just beautiful.

Then Carmilla’s telling her story, and look at Laura’s face - this is the first time she’s really getting to see Carmilla’s soft, human side, and she’s devastated for Carmilla. It’s in Laura’s nature to see the good in people anyways (”We all deserve better. Even you.”), and here she’s seeing just why Carmilla acts the way she does. The intimacy of this moment is really important - by hearing Carmilla’s story, we see Carmilla trusting Laura. We see Laura realizing that Carmilla has emotions - really deep, rooted in horror, painful emotions. This is Laura realizing “of course she acts so callously and pretends not to care. This is what happened when she cared. She lost the only person who ever meant something to her.”

here, she’s a little disgusted but you can still see the pain on her face. She’s hurting for Carmilla - empathizing. Not just sympathy, empathy. Laura does this again later, with LaF after they and Perry fight, and it clearly shows that Laura is developing an understanding of Carmilla and why she is the way she is. 

Okay, look at the bottom left of the picture. Do you see that? 

That is Laura’s hand on Carmilla’s knee (the hand in the sock puppet). Why would Laura put her hand there? Sympathy. Knowing that Carmilla is hurting and that she can’t stop that, she still puts her hand on Carmilla’s knee. It only lasts a few milliseconds, but that moment is super important. Laura is seeing Carmilla’s humanity. 

Next video! Carmilla punches Will when he threatens to bite Laura. Carmilla, once again, has saved Laura. Granted, Carmilla then bites Laura (for an understandable if not good reason, and she didn’t kill Laura). This is important because it’s the first time we see Carmilla actively fighting for Laura, and against her mother. The other times Carmilla has done something like this, it’s passive. The charm is passive, though helpful, and Carmilla’s never actually fought any of her mother’s minions (I assume - she didn’t directly mention this). This moment is the first suggestion we really get that Carmilla is choosing to be on Laura’s side. And of course, right after this, Laura jumps behind Carmilla because now she knows that Carmilla is going to protect her (biting notwithstanding - personally, I figure that if biting doesn’t turn Laura into a vampire, then it would be a good backup plan if they find themselves without any blood for her. But that’s just me).

And then there’s Danny. Ah, poor, sweet, freakishly tall Danny. Danny is protective and righteous and willing to fight against evil. Unfortunately, she also tries telling Laura to stop doing something she is extremely passionate about (the vlogging) and to let big strong Danny protect her. We see Laura beginning to freak out about this here…

… and then Laura literally stands up and moves into the middle of Danny and Carmilla. She’s literally stuck between them here, but then we see it: Laura tells Danny to leave her alone, that she doesn’t need a Dad… she’s already got one of those. Carmilla, meanwhile, is watching with her usual smug grin, because she likes it when Laura stands up for herself. Carmilla admires it - maybe because she’s always had a hard time doing it herself. Seeing Laura so passionate can only increase Carmilla’s crush on her. 

Moving on, we see here Carmilla casually drinking blood out of a glass while handing Laura her TARDIS mug full of (presumably) hot cocoa. I know her face looks odd in the screenshot, but it’s because she’s giving an update on the giant mushrooms while she’s taking the mug from Carmilla. Their relationship has moved from Laura-trying-to-capture-and-possibly-kill-Carmilla to Laura-and-Carmilla-are-getting-along. 

Just look at that useless vampire. That face that says “oh god sweetie I could just eat you up except not the way I usually eat people.” Carmilla is chilling to the side, watching Laura make her vlog, and even - dare I say it - helping Laura with her vlog, taking part in it and admiring her for it. 

“crushes-on-vampires” -LaFontaine

“No!! well… she’s cute.. and sexy… and smart.. has a tragic backstory.. made me cocoa… saved my life… cares about what I do… is now trying to help us… is standing up against her mother… there’s something there that wasn’t there before. new, and a bit alarming… but there’s something in her that I simply didn’t see…” #beautyandthebeast

Laura wakes up after falling asleep watching movies with LaF and having a nightmare, and who’s there to help her? Car-fucking-milla. Carmilla being there for Laura right when she needs it. If that’s not a good trait to have, idk what is. 

And again, Laura’s doing something heroic and stupid, and Carmilla’s just like “I’m gonna play the knife game and pretend I’m not listening to every single word you’re saying.” But you can see how proud Carmilla is that Laura’s standing up for what she believes in. Carmilla has had a front-row ticket to Laura being a good person all semester. And although at first she was against it because she thought Laura was also going to bring her down with her, she realizes that Laura is actually maybe capable of doing it, and wants to help. Carmilla is officially a good guy - BEFORE she risks her life to save Laura and the campus, BEFORE the blad of Hostur. 

And then they exchange this look where Carmilla’s like “this is gonna be awesome” and Laura’s like “this is going to hell” but then they get the book and we continue. I just really like this little moment. 

Cue Carmilla being helpful and reading the book written in the Sumerian she just casually learned by reading Gilgamesh or whatever. Carmilla is helping Laura, again. They’re working together. 

Look at Laura’s face here: Laura is, again, seeing Carmilla on the side of good (which also apparently involves a really sexy messy bun on top of her head - not complaining, just making sure everybody notices this important point). Laura knows that Carmilla is good. Carmilla will deny it til the cows come home, but she’s on the good side now. She’s on Laura’s side. 

This is right after Laura is saying that it’s her fault that LaF got taken, that she’s brought this on her friends, and Carmilla is immediately like “LAURA STOP YOU ARE GOOD HAVENT YOU NOTICED?” Carmilla knows Laura’s got a tendency to doubt herself, and she’s firm here when she contradicts Laura - she calls Laura out on her self-blame and reminds her that she is fighting to save these people, and if that’s not good, what is? And Laura hears that - Laura hears Carmilla, once again, being right there when she needs it. 

Laura asks questions about Carmilla’s past - about the happier parts of Carmilla’s past. They’ve gotten to know each other more and more, and now they get a chance to laugh together - something they haven’t had much chance to thus far. But Laura’s crush is getting more and more obvious, and so is Carmilla’s. The thing here is this: when you spend time with somebody, and especially if you enjoy spending that time with somebody, you’re going to develop some sort of feelings for them. In this case, it’s romantic, and we see that beginning to bloom next:

They dance, they laugh, and there’s a sex joke. 

Laura watching Carmilla go to the bathroom after telling Laura to sleep in her bed: ALL ABOARD! Including Laura - she’s shipping it too, even though her next line is “Worst Crush Ever.” 

Reading the book together, working together, spending more time together, discussing what is in the book… Who hasn’t fallen in love by sharing a favorite book with somebody? We all know where this is going. 

BUT WAIT! The necklace. The necklace Laura thought was a gift from Carmilla - that’s why she puts the cursed thing on. She knows Carmilla has a thing for her, and that she has a thing for Carmilla, and that Carmilla is not vocal about feelings, like, ever, and assumes this is from her as a gift. And look how happy Laura is! Laura is falling so hard for Carmilla. She’s bitten and smitten. Carmilla’s different now - now she’s sweet, and so unsure… I wonder how she didn’t see it there before. #beautyandthebeast

And then - disaster strikes. 

Laura sees the video of Carmilla talking to her mother when she’s possessing Laura. She sees Carmilla make a deal to keep her safe - but at the cost of Kirsch and LaF. We know that Carmilla just wanted to keep Laura safe - Laura’s the first person she’s truly cared about and enjoyed spending time with since Elle, so of course she’ll do anything she can to save Laura. Laura cares about her, Laura sees her as more than just a vampire - Laura has seen the value that she has. Laura knows that Carmilla can be good, and Carmilla needed somebody to believe in her. When Carmilla betrayed Kirsch and LaF, Laura was devastated because she was already in love with Carmilla. She had faith in Carmilla. When Carmilla realized that she had let Laura down, that’s when she decided that she would risk her life. 

Carmilla and Laura were in love before Carmilla risked her life for Laura/the school, and nothing else matters. When Laura, in season 2, reminds everybody that Carmilla saved the campus, not anybody else, Carmilla is scared because she forgot - or never realized - that Laura loved her before. Carmilla is forgetting that she IS good, that she DOES have human emotions, that their relationship, unofficial as it may have been, IS important to Laura. She doesn’t even see how devastated Laura is after Carmilla dies: 

Between those two very sad faces, I’d classify the latter as “more sad.” Laura didn’t want Carmilla to die, or risk her life, or even expect her to. She’s just as surprised as everybody else, but she’s so in love with Carmilla that it doesn’t even matter. They won, but Carmilla died, and she didn’t even get the chance to tell Carmilla how she really felt. The betrayal that happened before the batter with the Dean and anglerfishgod shows us that Laura cared about Carmilla, and was really just disappointed in herself for thinking Carmilla was the superhero type. But then she realizes “oh my god, she really is all of those good things I knew her to be and I just completely let that go what have I done?” So in Season 2, Laura is trying to remind Carmilla how good she is, that Laura knows she’s a good person, and reminding Carmilla of her great heroism is her way of doing it (I personally think Carmilla would be more in favor of other methods of showing Carmilla how much she thinks of her, but hey). 

What I’m trying to say is this:

Laura really does love Carmilla, and it’s not just because of Carmilla risking her life to save Laura. It’s because Carmilla cares about Laura, supports her, reminds her that she’s the greatest good out there, helped Laura stop her mother, and because they spent time together getting to know each other and Laura liked what she discovered in Carmilla. Laura believes in Carmilla because Laura saw Carmilla change for the better - not because Laura told her to, but because Carmilla realized she could. All of this - every bit of it - is important. 

So Carmilla, please don’t doubt that your cupcake loves you back.

(sorry for how obscenely long this got)