biteme slytherin

Who is Who Wizarding World Special Report Column of Witch Weekly:Draco Malfoy is a Father

by Lee Jordan 

Sorry, ladies. (And gentleman, but I don’t think he’d be interested in you,anyway.) Those of you who fancy pureblood, wealthy,blonde, bad boys, will be saddened to hear the Draco Malfoy is taken, but that of course is old news. And old news is not news. No, what’s interesting is Malfoy was in row with a tall, beautiful, blonde last week. There have been rumors and speculation, but fortunately for Witch Weekly I happened to witness said row.

I can confirm Malfoy sat the blonde (who shall not be named for her privacy) back down and that the word ‘pregnant’ was mentioned and judging by his very vocal outbursts the baby is his. I would like to congratulate Mr. Malfoy. Congratulations on finally having the pureblood heir he’s always wanted. 

I would also like to say tsk, tsk, tsk. I wonder how his girlfriend is going to feel about this. I,for one, am not pleased with his inability to practice restraint especially when said flaw ends up hurting one of my friends. I’m also disappointed. I was almost starting to think he was close to being tolerable. Alas and alack, I have been proved wrong.