I don’t recall what I dreamt about. I’ve woken feeling sick to my stomach and hungry at the same time. My face itching and my nails clawing at it is, I’m pretty sure, what actually woke me up. I lay on bed and wonder if my happiness will be worth all the hate, wonder, curiosity, and attention it’ll bring me. My hair is half done, so there’s not really any going back anyway.

I reflect on the strangeness of my yesterday. How my Craigslist post, made in desperation, got flagged and removed within minutes each time I posted it. In three minutes my presence, as I asked for a cute date life partner I won’t have sex with or ever love, was so unwanted 25-40 strangers actively hated me and drove me out. I posted the same thing six times before cl wouldn’t allow me to post at all.

All I can really figure is that I was so beautiful and genuine that all the fake hater bitches could not fuckin deal.

As if fake hater bitch is just a station the female mind collectively attuned to Un order to eradicate my unikorn vibe.

I also read Lullaby, by Chuck Palahniuk, out loud yesterday. And I feel like I have the perfect voice for reading Chuck Palahniuk out loud. I feel like he’s an aspect of me. My there but for the grace alternate face reflection peeking through grime on a broken mirror. If I were a writer… if I were anything.

It’s friggin ludicrous ; let’s all laugh. For anyone to see me as a threat? I’m hardly even a person. Less than, less than, every day. Every day my mental anguish summons demons. Without and within ; this has always been my go to coping mechanism.

When all that holds me back from visiting doom upon the head of the disgustingly ignorant is fear of the inevitable retaliatory fallout how *could* I possibly be an actually good, real, human?

The Signs as Types of Bitches

Pretends to be your friend but talks about you behind your back kind of bitch: Libra, GEMINI, Leo, Taurus

Shows you that you’re worthless to your face kind of bitch ARIES, Sagittarius, Cancer

The bitch no one would expect to be a bitch, but will totally turn around and steal your bf/gf: Capricorn, Pisces, Virgo

Seems like a bitch and will show you they are by doing all the above: SCORPIO, Aquarius