Or, more precisely, a few hours ago marked the end of my 32nd birthday.
Huh. I haven’t been dreading this day, per se, but I haven’t been looking forward to it either. And I’m not sure the reason why I’m happy or sad or neutral about it. Part of it stems from simply disliking my own birthday in general; the whole celebrating me thing is just really awkward and not my thing. And then, because lol honesty is the best policy, I think I dislike this day so much because I’m single. How easy is it to just go for a nice dinner with your person and then home to bed? Bada bing bada boom, what a wonderful evening.
And nope, I haven’t been dating or looking or caring about men that much either. I am putting zero effort into the whole thing, and yet here I am, typing all this out, so obviously I do care about it.
And I know I need to feel ok with turning 31 32 and being single. And I am ok, I swear. I embrace (actually most times even love) being single. I appreciate being on my own and deciding my every move. When the Detroit opportunity came up I consulted nobody but myself. I love my career and work place. I’ve lived in five (soon to be six!) countries around the world. I’ve run away from police in Bangkok, sat in a guy’s arms in Nepal as the clouds parted to reveal Mt. Everest, run four full marathons (howww?!), I’ve gone skinny dipping in Malaysia, seen (in my personal opinion) the most beautiful spot in the world in New Zealand, laughed and cried a million times with friends and family, and pursued things that are interesting and wonderful and meaningful in this world. I love my life and who I am, and yet here I write, at 2:22am on my 32nd birthday.
I don’t even know where I’m going with this, or why I’m typing this all out. Perhaps I’m just feeling lonely and nervous and keep having flash forwards to being 43 and in this exact, same, spot. Because that’s my fear, I suppose. That I’m the girl who slips through the cracks. The girl that just never meets someone on an app or through work or through friends or that-evening-I-wasn’t-thinking-of-going-out-but-did! night.
Time will tell, I guess.
In other news, way more exciting news than birthdays and singleness… my visa was approved!! And this Tuesday I am heading to Detroit for the first time ever. Ohmygosh. Crazy, eh? I’ll work there for two weeks before heading home for Christmas, and then return the first week In January for good(ish). It’s exciting and scary and I am looking forward to something new. I will know approximately nobody, and am sort of nervous of the whole isn’t-Detroit-dangerous thing, but I’m also ready to live a quiet life and work hard and do crossfit and read and eat healthy and sleep eight hours (hallelujah) a night. I’m actually going to try to blog a lot more when I move. Use you, dear blog, as my friend. Lord knows I’ll need it. So yup, that’s my news. It’s my bday and hi-I’m-still-single and heading to Detroit! Woot!
Hello 32nd year, let’s see what you have in store for me.
Believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.
Letters to a Young Poet, Rainer Maria Rilke (born in this day in 1875)
“Haven’t decided yet… I think what intrigues me more is what you see in him.”
お誕生日おめでとう (Happy birthday to)
Yûko Miyamura (born December 4th, 1972), she is the Japanese voice actress for Larxene in Kingdom Hearts Re:Chain of Memories and in Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days! She turns 44 today! #BDayKH www.kh13.com