bioshock: the promised land

anonymous asked:

Jensen's package. Oops I'm going there. What you got?

anon pulling out the big guns tonight, I see. I guess as long as we’re objectifying him in every which way, I suppose we might as well,,,,go there

[x] first of all, lemme just establish right away that I like to refer to this particular area of jensen’s body as The Promised Land™, and I have an actual tag for it so don’t ever fucking doubt me and my dedication okay

[x] look at he big hand right there so very near 👀👀👀👀

[x] look at he jeans do The Thing when he move he leggy 👀👀👀👀

[x] I need to understand why a very strong theme throughout the gag reels is jensen displaying his crotch

[x] like I’m not kidding (bonus sneak of the tum tum!!)

[x] he just,,,,he does this and idk why but he wants me dead

[x] and not to mention his obsession with pelvic thrusting like he’s gotdamn spongebob bringin’ it around town or some shit

[x] jensen,,,,,,,pls

[x] fetus!jensen kickin’ it in sweatpants hOoOoOo boiiiii  👀👀👀👀 👀👀👀👀

[x] and this is,,,,pretty Iconic right here *clears throat* 👀👀👀👀 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 👀👀👀

[x] this??? right here?!?!?? this is one of my favorite fucking photos of him that exists. he so tHICC!!!!!!!!! thicc thighs, thicc arms, thicc shoulders, thicc chest, thicc promised land on display hhHh *quickened breaths*

[x] and not to mention he definitely enjoys showing off his crotch not only on set around his friends but also on stage in front of a shitton of strangers (or at least nesnej does anyway, but I’ll fucking take what I can get)

[x] and last but not least ofc, we have The Underbear™. can’t believe we got to live thru Promised Land history, y’all 👀👀👀👀 it’ll be in all the textbooks. our grandchildren will ask where we were that day. it’ll be like our very own ‘nam flashbacks but with more dicks.


I can’t tell if Fiver is so used to seeing death from his visions that he’s calm in the face of danger, his pessimistic side is showing, or if he’s simply in his element at times like these, but he certainly has a flair for accepting his demise laying down when there’s other rabbits around.

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The Promised Land.

No more shall I look to the far skies
for my Father’s loving aid;
Since here upon earth His treasure lies,
and here is His kingdom laid.
No more through the mist of things unknown
I’ll search for the Promised Land;
For time is the footstool of His throne,
and I am within His hand.
The wealth that is more than finest gold is here,
if I shall but ask;
And wisdom unguessed and power untold
are here for every task.
The gates of heaven are before my eyes;
Their key is within my hand;
No more shall I look to the far skies;
For here is the Promised Land.

—  Alva Romanes

My favourite scene from a classic Polish film, The Promised Land (Ziemia Obiecana), a story of three friends and ambitious entrepreneurs - a Pole, a German, and a Jew - trying to set up a new factory in the industrial city of Łódź. Below you have my quick translation of the dialogue:

Max: For a funeral like this you’d have to convert, though. And you don’t like Protestantism.

Moritz: Of course I don’t! And I’d never convert.

Max: But why?

Moritz: Ah, you see, I am a man who loves and needs beautiful things. I want to have… A better funeral than Bucholz. After a week of working myself to death, I need to rest! I want to go to a pretty hall with pretty paintings and sculptures… Pretty architecture… Pretty ceremonials… And a piece of a pretty concert to boot.

Borowiecki: He likes those ceremonies of ours. Those colours, those smells, those bells, those chants, my God! (M: Yes!) And if there must be a sermon, it cannot be boring. (M: Of course!) You want to hear the delicate talk on higher matters and that’s nobel (M: Yes, yes, yes.) Gives the man joy, lust for life…

Moritz: And what do I get in a Kirche? Four bare walls and all’s as empty, as if they’re about to go bankrupt! The pastor rants about Hell, some unplesantries… And do I go to a church to get myself worked up? I have my nerves, I’m not a boor, and besides, I don’t like tormenting myself with boring talk. And besides, I like to know what I’m dealing with. What is this business, ‘Protestantism’? Huh? Huh?

Max: Wait a min…

Moritz: The pope, now - that’s a proper business!


Hilarious that Rufus calls Hojo out on his extremely ironic distaste for mysticism, but Hojo is probably right. This is the Promised Land that Shinra was searching for, sure, but all they wanted was a land rich with Mako energy. Even if there were a physical, geographical Promised Land as designed by the Ancients, I highly doubt it was the planet’s wound from the genocidal alien being that destroyed them - plus, they call this area the Knowlespole, anyway.

The other point of evidence is that Sephiroth talks about seeking the Promised Land and, of course, winds up here. I don’t know that’s much of an argument in favour considering how frequently he’s full of shit. The Northern Cave, ground zero for Jenova’s arrival and his own plans, may very well be the Promised Land to him, however.

Either way, it’s the last we’ll hear about the entire concept for a while.