I love science jokes but the difference between biology jokes and chemistry jokes is huge i mean chemistry jokes are all cute like:
“Never trust an atom, they make up everything” and “Oxygen and potassium went on a date, it went OK” but biology jokes are really dirty like “I like sex like endoplasmic reticulum with ribosomes…rough” and “how do you make a hormone? don’t pay her” i mean srsly biology you could try to be less obvious

I like to imagine alien biologists discovering the earth millions of years after human extinction and being so confused by the whole introduced species thing. They will be going back through the fossil record and be like “ok this all makes sense except I cannot for the life of me figure out how the ancestor of this toad dispersed from South America to Australia”.

After the great flood, Noah let all the animals off the ark and told them ’Go forth and multiply!‘ 

A few days later, Noah went around and checked on all of the animals. Most animals were coming along quite well with their respective families, but when Noah came to the snakes, he was shocked to find that it was still only the initial pair. 

He asked them what was wrong and they told him they needed him to cut down some trees. Noah was very rightly confused and said 'Okay I’ll cut down some trees but why would you need me to cut down trees?’ The snakes then replied 'We’re adders. We need logs to multiply.”


science pick up lines

Chem students do it on the table periodically

You’re like an exothermic reaction, you spread your hotness everywhere!

If i was an enzyme, i’d be helicase so i could unzip your genes

I’m attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.

You must be auxin, because your causing me to have rapid stem elongation.

You must be calcium bicarbonate, because if you let me get you wet, then the reaction will be explosive.

Baby, everytime i see you, my cardiovascular system gets all worked up

I wish I were adenine because then I could get paired with U

. Your so cute you make my zygomaticus muscles contract.

 When you and me get together it’s like superposition of 2 waves in phase.

Want to meet up so I can excite your natural frequency?

Why don’t we measure the coefficient of static friction between me and you?

You know.. it’s not the length of the vector that counts… it’s how you apply the force

If i was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me: smooth or rough?

I wish I was an Ion so I could form an exothermic bond with you.

If my right leg is the cell wall and my left the membrane, do you want to be the cytoplasm?

Lets meet somewhere… you bring your beaker and I’ll bring my stirring rod

Lets get together and test the spring potential of my matress

Let’s discover our coefficient of friction

You be Flourine and I’ll be Francium and maybe later I can give you an electron

My sudden protracted cardiac arrhythmia tells me I love you

You must be chlorine cause you are polarizing my bond!

That dress would look better accelerating towards the floor at 9.8 m/s/s

I wanna stick to u like glue-cose

Baby, I can feel an attraction between you and me, and it’s more than just our universal gravitation…

If I could rearrange the periodic table, I’d put Uranium and Iodine together.

Baby, we’ve got chemistry together… next period.

My psychiatrist sent me for an MRI because she thinks I have a magnetic personality.

How about we make like the change of base law, with you on the bottom, and me on top?

Hey baby if i supply the voltage and you a little resistance, imagine the current we can make together.

Baby stop with diet coke, you’ve got plenty of ASSpertame

it’s a good thing you’ve got evaporative cooling, cause i’m gonna make you sweat

hey baby, lets figure out the torque of your mass on my rod

You’re so hot, you must be the cause for global warming.

Can I be the phasor to your electron and take you to an excited state

? Let’s make like a transcription factor and response element and turn things on.

If I were a Shwann cell, I’d squeeze areound your axon and give you a fast action potential

. Let’s convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.

You’re hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power!

Baby, together U and I make uranium iodide (UI3)

Can I bombard your singularity with my rocket ship until you supernova?

Let’s work out our orbicularis oris muscles together!

The direction fields of my heart all point to you “Are you a carbon sample? Because I want to date you.”

“Hello… I’ve been admiring your bacterial signature”.

Want to be my substrate/enzyme?

baby lets measure the amplitude of our physical wave Baby, you must be a start codon because you are turning me on.

Wanna alkylate my alkoxide?

It’s nucleophilic and ready to backside attack the halogen out of you.

Baby, you must be a pile of dinosaur bones, cause I dig you!

Baby, I’m like an oceanic plate on a gravity slide - I can’t wait to subduct beneath your crust!

You’re so hot you denature my proteins

If you were Anatomy, then I’d be Physiology because they always go together!

Hey, up for some high-energy quantum tunnelling tonight?

If you were a concentration gradient I’d go down on you Girl

whenever I am near you, I undergo anaerobic respiration because you take my breath away

If you were C6, and i were H12, all we would need is the air we breathe to be sweeter than sugar…

You must be a magnetic monopole because all i get from you is attraction

I just bought a molecular model kit, want to play with my stick and balls?

Forget hydrogen you’re my number one element

You are like a proton in my core–without you i could never be the same.

Hey baby, wanna form a synapse with me and exchange neurotransmitters?

Baby, if you were oceanic crust and I was a continent, I’d let you subduct so we can make hot hot magma.

Hey baby, wanna form a zygote?

You’re a moving electric charge, and I’m a moving magnetic charge… Wanna flux?

I don’t need neurons to stimulate your sensory system.

If I could program the universe, I would allocate you and I in contiguous memory blocks.

Are you a non volitaile particle? Because you raise my boiling point.

If you were a laser, you’d be set on stunning.

My love for you is like the universe…never ending!

I’m trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I’m allergic to sex.

Hey baby, can I be your enzyme? because my active site is dying for a chemical reaction.

Baby, if you let me pump my H+ ions into your intermembrane space, it would induce a massive conformational change in my f1 complex.

I’d be the photon to your electron and take you to an excited state.

Baby, if you were oceanic crust and I was a continent, I’d let you subduct so we can make hot hot magma.

What say we slip between my beta-pleated sheets and you get to know my alpha-helix?

Baby, i’m gonna break you like a large non-polar substance breaks a phospholipid bilayer!

How about you Palmitoylate my protein, so i can drive it into your lipid raft.