binksyeahhhhh

My dream last night.

I was on set doing some extra work, but then got talking to the director, and he gave me a speaking role, hurrah! Despite him saying he didn’t think I was that good, he was going to take a chance on me because I fit the part. So that was good. I got my own dressing room instead of a communal extra’s dressing room and all sorts.

Then it was the next day and I was back doing extra work. Was given a bikini to wear, and was changing into it in the toilets when I realised I hadn’t shaved. Shock horror, how was this happened?! Got in trouble for that.

Then I was modelling, god know’s how I got that job given my height, and was modelling a fur coat and the photographer kept getting annoyed at how short my legs were.

Then I’m in Concrete, and I’m in the corridor-y bit where the benches are, and was running down it, got to the end and saw Big G kissing a girl, then ran in the opposite direction, but there were people either side of me throwing confetti and streamers and stuff over me as I ran away, and it turned out they had set up, and filmed it, for a short movie thing that they needed to make? Bizarre.

Preparing like it's a military operation.

So far today I have  - 

  • Checked, double checked, and triple checked train times.
  • Wrote an itinerary of what time I have to leave the house, what time I have to be at the station for, what time my train leaves, what time my train gets in, how long it will take me to walk to the theatre, what time I have to arrive there for in time for my interview.
  • Planned my route from the station to the theatre.
  • Planned my outfit, possibly the most stressful thing yet, smart casual is very difficult.
  • Packed my bag.
  • Prepared answers to questions they could possibly ask.
  • Am now in the process of painting my nails.

All in preparation for a 10 to 15 minute interview tomorrow.

Stress.

No plans for today.

My sister is coming down though, which I really can’t be arsed with, as she is in a really happy, excited mood and I just find that the worst kind of mood to be around when I’m down.

I’m getting really nervous for my interview, which I don’t like, because I never used to get nervous for interviews, and the woman said it’s just really an informal chat going into my application in a bit more detail, so I’m worried being nervous for such an informal thing is going to ruin my chances, and also the fact I don’t have a copy of my application to read over to remind myself of what I said is going to make it hard for me to go into it in more detail.

I’m trying not to worry about it until at least Monday but bllleeeaarrghhh.

Dream Diary.

Right, I can’t remember the order of last night’s at all really, and there was quite a lot in it, so of course it will be an incredibly non linear timeline but here it goes - 

 My mum had cancer. She was really ill with it and so had to move into a sort of residential hospital unit, where they charged her rent! So she said she would just rather be in regular hospital because she couldn’t afford the rent, and they said the regular hospital was full so she’d have to stay in the residential unit, and she said well in that case she shouldn’t have to pay the rent, because it wasn’t her choice, but they weren’t having any of it. They then told her she would also have to pay for the operation she needed, which was going to be £8,000. So that combined with the rent she was paying meant she couldn’t afford the surgery and died. Cheery.

 Then my sister’s puppies also got cancer. They were put on a waiting list to have an operation. For some reason though, dogs with lesser illnesses were getting their operations before them, despite them not being life threatening. I presume the puppies did get their surgery in the end because they feature again a bit later on.

 The next bit (I think) we were going shopping to buy things for New York. We went to this Netto and stocked up on loads of cheap, bulk items, like tampons and shampoo, even though we were only going for 4 nights. There was a gang of biker’s hanging around in Netto that I befriended, as I was wearing my leather jacket, which they liked.

 Next thing, we’re on the plane to New York. We somehow had the puppies with us, and my sister had put one of their hair in bunches, and put sunglasses on it. They are the yappiest, most hyper puppies you can imagine, so sitting on a plane with them, trying to keep them calm was a joy. The flight went really quick, but for some reason we were flying really low, so much so that at one point we though the plane was just driving along the motorway. We also nearly hit another plane, which turned out not to be a plane, but nobody knew what it actually was.

 We landed in New York and I was holding a toddler, which I handed over to it’s mum. The toddler then took off with my dummy (why I had a dummy, I have no idea) and I was really upset about this. We went to pick up our car that we had rented, but it only had 6 seats, when there was 9 of us. I don’t know who the other 5 people were because there is actually just 4 of us going. A guy who worked at the car place came over and manoeuvred the seats so 9 of us could fit in, but it was a squeeze.

 Then we’re going shopping in New York and my mum, who seems to have risen from the dead, is looking for an inflatable handbag that you pump up?! We can’t find one anywhere and my best friend is like “do they even exist?” and I wasn’t convinced. I no longer had my iPhone because my contract had ran out, so was lost without it, and couldn’t google it or work out any routes or anything. 

 Next thing, we’re at the MTV studios, and Lady Gaga, Rob Pattinson and Noel Fielding are there so I’m buzzing off my tits. Gaga turned to the side and I saw her side boob, just about fainted, and proclaimed it as the best moment of my life.

 Suddenly, I’m at some festival back in England now. I’m with Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt and seem to be part of the crew for whatever they’re filming. They’re in fancy dress, Julian as the Mad Hatter and Noel as Alice from Wonderland. Someone comes over and says that we’re going to have to vacate the area, as it’s a cross point for three schools that are coming out soon and a fight is going to break out so we don’t want to be in the middle of it. One guy hops in his lorry , but drives it sitting facing away from the windscreen, with his arms stretched behind him steering! A bit like that boy who plays the piano backwards, or the glitch you sometimes get on Sims 3. 

 I went and jumped in my helicopter that I somehow know how to pilot. As I’m flying away, I see this old man stranded on a beach with his dog. I can’t decide whether to stop and rescue him and put myself in danger or save myself and leave him. I also can’t decide whether dog’s can fly in helicopters. I figured that if my sister’s puppies could manage the flight to New York, this dog would be fine, so stopped to rescue them both.

 Suddenly changes again, and I’m at home. I’m getting ready for something and am washing my hair, but in my bed, which is a bath, however I’m still wearing pyjama’s (my sisters spongebob squarepants pi’s) so they’re soaked, and watching Mighty Boosh on telly whilst bathing in my bed. 

That’s it. Phew.

Dream.

First of all, there was a big area in the town centre cordoned off with big black boards, with The Lion King musical posters all over the outside of it, and a girl was standing with a megaphone announcing that it would be on at The Sands Centre this year. I was really excited at the prospect of this. She then announced it would be an interactive audience experience, which put me off the idea, because I had no idea how that would work in the Sands.

 Next thing I was at home, and the cordoned off area was now next door to my house, and they said they were building a special venue there for the production as they had realised it wouldn’t work at The Sands. I could spy into the secret area from my bathroom window and it looked exciting. 

 Then, all of a sudden, instead of them building a venue for the play, they were building a Seaworld park, and I could see from my bathroom window that they were keeping whale’s in pop up swimming pools which were far too small enclosure’s for them, and every time anyone came to investigate they hid the animals underground?!

 Next bit is completely different. I’m at a puppy party with my sister and brother in law and their puppies, but all the other puppies kept attacking me! Like they were just zooming onto every part of me like magnets! I was batting them away and then everyone was annoyed with me for hurting the dogs despite the fact they were mauling every part of me!

 Finally, I was trapped in this bizarre, alternate universe, where these bizarre creature things lived. One part of it was like the estate I live on, but all new like it was when it was first built, but there were petrol pumps outside every house, and the whole neighbourhood was inhabited by chinese people who all seemed to be growing rice in their gardens. There was another bit that was a big building that was all blue and cushiony inside. I eventually managed to escape the universe by clinging onto one of the creatures that was leaving, or something like that. Can’t fully remember that bit.

 Oh, there was also a part where I was driving a car and was stuck in traffic at the bottom of a hill and then Fearne Cotton was there telling me there had been an accident at the top of the hill, and I needed to come and help the injured but to brace myself because they were missing limbs and all sorts but when I got to the top of hill everyone was fine. 

 And that was it.

Today has been very productive for a Sunday!

I went to the library and got some scripts, did the food shop with my parents, decided which speeches to do for my audition, worked out an audition schedule, wrote a cover letter for a job, printed off a cover letter for another job and read some more of my book.

Very proud of myself.

Feel knackered now like. Been up since 5.48am as was woken up by my cat having a scrap and couldn’t fall back asleep.

Dreading tomorrow.

Friday was horrible. Although, not as bad as I thought it would be, but I think that’s because I didn’t do it right.

 I have to relive the trauma, by closing my eyes and going through it likes it happening again now and telling her as it’s happening.

 She said there were points where I was hesitant and wasn’t allowing myself to fully commit to it, because I feel like the threat is current again. That is part of the reason, but also I just feel really awkward and uncomfortable talking to anyone about it, and don’t know how to put certain aspects of into words.

 She says that we’re gonna keep doing it until I can do it fully and then my brain can process it properly and file it away, so I’m really not looking forward to this. 

 Bleugh.