billion calories

A Sniper, A Soldier, and A Fangirl: Part 7

Prompt: Sometimes life sucked. You’d found that out early in life. An embarrassing incident here, an anxiety attack there, and voila an introvert was born. And to be completely honest you were okay with that fact. Being introverted was not a bad thing, it allowed you time to do the important things like, obsess over fictional characters, or write, or work, or study, or geek out in general. It was a simple life, but it was a good life. THen the impossible happened, you got sucked into a fictional world that wasn’t actually fictional, and found out two of your favorite characters were your soulmates. You weren’t sure if you were lucky, or just crazy.

AN: So for the sake of this plot I’m following the movies not the comics, because it makes my life easier. Also time/ story lines are about to go askew, so prepare yourself! Basically I’m playing puppet master with the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Reader X Clint Barton X Steve Rogers

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6

    Your chosen safe house ends up being a cabin in the middle of nowhere. Both Clint and Steve seem to be familiar with it, and as you step inside Clint explains, “This is one of Fury’s old safe houses. It’s off of SHIELD’s records, and there’s a laser fence around the perimeter.”

    You nod, and follow them inside. It’s cozy, and reminds you of that one vacation your family had been on, when your father had wanted to get back to nature, but a cabin had been as far as your mother was willing to go.

    You explore the inside while Steve and Clint unload the Quinjet. Personally, you’re happy to simply have indoor plumbing, and electricity. You unload the groceries while Clint builds a fire in the fireplace and Steve checks the perimeter. Once everything is settled, you move to the couch and wait. Clint smiles at you from in front of the now roaring fire, and Steve comes back a few minutes later.

    You find yourself at a stand still, neither of you sure of the next move to take. You’d meant it earlier, when you’d suggested that the three of you seal the bond. Neither had said anything in the plane, but you can see the worry now.

    You smile at them before patting the cushions on either side of you. They move to you seamlessly, taking a seat on either side of you. Together the three of you snuggle in together. Quietly Steve asks, “Are you sure about this?”

    Clint adds, “We don’t want to rush you. You’re not familiar with …”

    You interrupt him, “I’ve done plenty of reading, and I’ve talked with Natasha. I know that the bond can fade if we don’t seal it, and something tells me, that with whatever war is coming up, we’ll be spending time apart.”

    Clint and Steve exchange a look before  Steve says, “We don’t want you to seal it because you’re afraid, Y/N. We want to seal it because you want us, forever.”

    You bite your lip and sigh, “If I had been born knowing about it, expecting this mark, how quickly would we have sealed the bond.”

    Clint sighs, “Honestly? Probably within the first twenty-four hours. That’s typically all the time it takes for soulmates to make up their minds.”

    “We’re nearly two weeks out, and I’ll admit I’m scared. I’m scared I’m going to lose the two of you, and I’m terrified that I’m going to lose this bond because it means something to me. It’s a reminder that I’m loved, that I belong, and for the first time ever, that I have two people I can depend on and trust. I want this. I promise you, I want this.”

    You close your eyes as the words leave your mouth. And then you feel the first brush of lips against your neck. Another pair brushes against your lips, and then there are hands roaming your body. Your breath becomes labored, as you open your eyes. Your hear the sound of your zipper sliding down before the dress goes slack, and you allow it to slip down and off your body. You kiss Clint as Steve trails kisses across your soulmark. When you break apart from Clint you turn to Steve, and Clint’s lips attack your neck. Together they guide you back to the bedroom, and as the door closes your whole world changes.

    There aren’t exact words that can describe what happens when the soulmark is sealed. It a rush of feeling and emotions, and when everything’s said and done you’re more than a little out of breath. They curl around you. Clint’s head rests on your breasts, while Steve’s face is nuzzled in the crook of your neck, and that’s when you can feel it; an almost tangible bond. The feelings that flow through it are ones of love, and contentment, and with those feelings surrounding you, you have no problem falling fast asleep.

    You wake up in the middle of an Avenger Sandwich. The bed is more than a little small for three people, and Clint and Steve are wrapped around you. You are effectively trapped, so you focus on the feelings coming through the bond, they’re not overwhelming, but you’re aware that they’re there. They’re warm and fuzzy and as they wash over you, you snuggle a little further into your soulmates’ embraces, and you fall back asleep.

    When you wake up the next time, Clint and Steve are both awake, and talking quietly. You open your eyes slightly and, find light streaming into the room. You turn and bury your head into your pillow. Clint chuckles, before lightly dragging his fingers up and down your back. You lean into his touch as Steve moves hair out of your eyes.

    Quietly he asks, “How are you feeling?”

    For the first time that morning you take stock of what your body is telling you, and you wince, “A little sore, but nothing too bad. Like I worked out after months of not doing so.”

    Clint chuckles, “Best damn workout, I’ve ever had.”

    Steve grins, “I’d have to agree.”

    You say nothing, as you sit up and make sure that the sheet is still covering your breasts, “What time is it?”

    “A little after ten.”

    You hmmm, and after several moments of silence you say, “I don’t want to leave the bed.”

    Clint kisses you, “We don’t have to.”

    You smile into the kiss, “I need food Clint, and Steve has to eat about a billion calories a day to keep up with his metabolism.”

    Clint smiles at Steve over you shoulder, “Just as long as we can get back into bed later.”

    You laugh and say, “Absolutely.”

    Over the next several weeks things fall into a bit of a routine; the three of you go to bed early, wake up late, shower together, before you and Clint cook together, and Steve does the cleaning.

    Your days are filled with innocent touches, bad movies, not so innocent kisses, and board games. It’s a quiet existence, and it allows you time to get to know your soulmates. It allows you time to fall in love with your soulmates.

    And when it ends, it does so abruptly. You’re lying on the couch with Steve behind you, in what can only be described as a spooning situation, when Clint comes in from practice. He’s covered in sweat, and the look on his face is grim. He tosses down a badge onto the table with a set of numbers flashing on it.

You sit up, and Steve pulls you into his lap. You frown, and Steve asks, “Is that the signal?”

“It’s where he wants us to go.”

Your voice goes a bit hoarse, “All of us?”

Clint kneels in front of you, “Just me and Steve. It’s a base. I’ve only been there once, but something tells me that’s where Fury is running things from. If things go as planned we’ll move into strike teams from there.”

    You swallow the lump in your throat, “So I should stay here?”

    His eyes meet Steve’s. Slowly Steve says, “The base will be a risk. Word’s out that we’re part of a triad, but not many people know you on sight. It would honestly be better for you to stay here.”

    Clint continues, “It’ll cut down on the risk of a possible traitor seeing you, and even kidnapping attempts.”

    “And personally, I’d be able to focus better knowing you’re safe.”

    You don’t like the idea of being left behind. But you knew the time would come eventually. It’s part of the reason you’d sealed the bond. Looking back, you realize that the distance is now a minor reason, and in the weeks since you’d come to this little cabin these two men had become your world.

    You bite your lip to keep the tears from falling, and Steve wraps an arm around your shoulders while Clint lays his head in your lap. The three of you stay like that for a while, and when the tiredness washes over you, Steve picks you up and carries you to the bedroom. That night the three of you wrap yourselves around each other, and that’s how you fall asleep; protected and loved.

     It’s fingers running through your hair that wakes you up. Clint’s standing there, dressed in his mission uniform, with his quiver on his back. Steve stands behind him, dressed in his dark blue stealth suit. You sit up, and Clint kisses you, followed by Steve. That’s when the tears come, you do your best to hold them back, but a few slip out.

    Steven gently wipes them away, and kisses your hair, “It’s alright doll, let it out. The tears are healthy.”

    Clint kisses your forehead, “We’ll be back soon. We promise.”

    You nod, not trusting your voice. You follow them to the door, and watch them go. You stay outside until the Quinjet disappears, and an aching, lonely feeling settles over your soul.  

sterekdarkparadise  asked:

Hi, Stan, you look awesome! You are INCREDIBLE !!! How are you working your body? How is your exercise routine? The truth is that you have been a great inspiration for me and a role model, I hope you can share a little more than how your life goes in this aspect and do you have a goal? Excuse my bad english

STAN: Hey, that’s alright! And thanks!
STAN: I go weekly. Three times a week it’s some hard sets and circuit training, and Wednesdays are generally harder.
STAN: Tuesday and Thursday are light cardio- I just run around the block a few times. Pretty easy.
STAN: Weekends depend. If I’m with Kyle, I don’t do much that way. The whole time, though, I watch what I eat.
STAN: Portion control and what you’re getting is critical, especially if you work out really hard. Michael Phelps eats like, a billion calories a day, just because of how hard he works while he swims. Insane.
STAN: If you want to stay consistent, you have to take in as much as you put out.
STAN: But I cheat sometimes. Everyone does. You just have to compensate.
STAN: You can thank Wendy for all of this, by the way. She was a great help. Taught me everything I needed to know.


For the last two weeks, I have been drinking 2% milk in my coffee every single day. That’s two full weeks of two cups of coffee a day. It used to be one cup, but then, suddenly, the coffee started tasting so good, I added an afternoon jolt, and now I find out I’ve been consuming an extra billion calories a week. Now I have to burn off all these calories and I have to deal with 2%-fat-milk withdrawal..

anonymous asked:

OK SO. Zuko has feelings for Katara but he doesn't think she feels the same way and he wants to protect their friendship. So he decides to move far away from her to get rid of his feelings. And then she's like wtf excuse u, Zuko? So she goes after him and confronts his run away ass. Ps: if u could write this as an one shot that'll be fantastic. Do what you can. Pps: you're great. 👀🌚🌝


Zuko left.

It hurt too much - the beauty of her - so he left. He left her eyes, her smile, her laugh that lilted through the air like bird song captured on a breeze. He left her radiance, her warmth, her all encompassing peace that touched the world around her and tinted everything a calm, serene blue.  

He didn’t want to leave, not in the sense that most people would assume. No- what he wanted was behind him- probably standing on his porch now, knocking on his door with a brilliant smile and a knowing look in her eye.

But it hurt too much. So he left.

And now he was here- a hundred, two hundred, three hundred miles away. He counted them off on his fingers, holding up three in the air and then clutching them into a fist. He didn’t even know where here was. He just knew that is was far enough to forget… or try to forget.

At least here, the sky wouldn’t remind him of her bright irises. The trees wouldn’t taunt him with their swaying dance so similar to her walk. The wind… the wind wouldn’t carry her voice or her giggle or the heart stopping way she murmured his name… at least, that’s what he was telling himself.

He walked up to the door -a dirty, rusty looking thing- and shoved a gold key into the lock. It wasn’t much- just a one bedroom, one bathroom house- but it wasn’t there. It wasn’t near her. He stepped inside, dropping the one suitcase he’d brought on the hardwood floor, and tried to ignore how he’d never call this place home. Home was her. It was the way her lips lifted with a smile and her knuckles brushed his as they walked side by side.

Knuckles brushing… never touching. Fingers never grasping, hands never holding. All the times he’d touched her, but he’d never really touched her.

Not that he hadn’t wanted to. Oh, how desperately he wanted to. All the nights he’d laid awake, stretched out atop too-hot sheets and imagining how she’d look lying next to him. Imagining how her skin would feel beneath his fingers and how her lips would feel against his and how her body would feel moving with his.

He snorted aloud, shaking his head as he sank down along a barren wall.

Even if they never made it that far… just to know that she loved him, just to hear her say it… that would’ve been enough.

Any physical expression of his love for her could wait. Hell, he’d wait his entire life if he knew that she loved him back. As long as she loved him back. But she didn’t. She couldn’t. And maybe he should’ve asked, he should’ve been sure before he’d taken off, but somehow, he’d convinced himself that any attempt would be futile.

She didn’t love him. She couldn’t love him. She was happier without him.

That was his mantra.

He repeated it now, golden eyes sharp and careful as they scanned the empty living room. He pushed her aside, pushed the feelings down, planning a trip to downtown to buy a couch and mattress.

“Just the necessities. Just enough to get by,” he muttered to the stale air, tracing a shape into a dusty wall. Just enough to move on, to forget.

She didn’t love him. She couldn’t love him. She was happier without him. 

Katara rapped on the door -a red, fancy looking thing- and it rattled slightly in the door frame as it always did. She’d been here a thousand times, a thousand memories held together by the stained wood of the porch. In each grain, she could trace a new day, a new secret or side or smile to him that she hadn’t yet seen.

That lopsided grin of his- that was her favorite.

Her toe traced the whorl in the wood just to the left of her feet. The whorl she’d pointed out that day, saying it looked like a dog’s asshole… the whorl that made this silly, endearing smile spread across his face. His eyes had lit up, the gold so bright and happy, and they danced playfully above his full, pink lips.

It was an image she’d ingrained in her mind, saving it away for dreary, rainy days such as this.

She couldn’t quite place why it felt so dreary, though. The rain was something she loved. It brought new beginnings, she told him, a statement that wiped any smirk from his face. He would gripe, growl, grimace- anything to look as miserable as possible when she made him stand with her in it.

Just because you like the rain, doesn’t mean you have to get soaked.

She counted the number of times she’d heard that in the last month, holding up eight fingers before curling both hands into fists and pounding on his door again.

“Are you going to let me in or what?” she called, huffing loudly, “I will make you stand out on the lawn with me for this.”

No answer. She tried the knob.

The door opened easily, exposing a quiet living room full of what he called rugged furniture and decor. It was dark, as was the rest of the home, and she switched on lights, making her way back to the kitchen.

Another hundred memories had been made here- laughs and silly dances and a billion empty calories. Every moment spoke of their relationship- a deep, caring friendship that always felt like more. Lingering looks, shy glances, the way his hand would brush the small of her back…

It gave her goosebumps to remember those caresses now.

All the times she’d seen the words on the tip of his tongue -I love you- and all the times they’d never been uttered. It stung, for a moment, to think of the chances he’d never taken. It hurt all the worse to look about the kitchen and think of all the times she should’ve said something.

I love you, Zuko.

With a sigh, the thoughts evaporated, leaving her alone to peruse the counter tops. Her eyes, calm and watchful, spotted a thin slip of paper just beside the sink.

She imagined, surrounded by the joy and the happiness of this room -a room she loved as much as him- that such a carefully folded letter would contain similarly minded thoughts. Perhaps words that told of a quick trip to the grocery for her favorite tea or words that whispered of a quiet evening on the back patio, if she just slipped outside.

She never imagined how heartbreaking this letter could be, how black it would make the kitchen’s white walls seem.

I love you. I’m sorry.

All to quickly it hit her. He’d left her. And now she sank to the floor, inhaling deeply and then shattering when she realized his smell lingered about her. It clung to the curtains, the wallpaper, the university shirt draped over her shoulders. His shirt. She wanted to rip it from her skin now.

He left her. He didn’t want her. He was better off without her.

That was her mantra.

Her fingers crumpled the paper as the world itself seemed to fall down. Her breath ragged, her heart aching- he’d left her. All the days, all the minutes, all the seconds. They didn’t matter anymore. It didn’t matter that he made her happy or that she’d seen him smile like no one else. It didn’t matter that she was his best friend and he was her one and only.

All that mattered was that he’d left her. He didn’t want her. He was better of without her.

She glared at the letter, reading and rereading it as if that would change it’s verbiage or erase his script or erase him.

“Love,” she whispered, “It might as well be loved.”

Part two will be posted tomorrow.

Going through some images yesterday, I realized that we’d never put up the recipe for these on, even though we’d done the photography.

These are Buttery Rowies. (Also known as “butteries”, or “rowies”, depending on where you were raised in Aberdeenshire.) They are essentially a robust croissant made with bread flour and whipped lard. They contain about a billion calories each and you will not care once you start eating one.

Recipe follows later today.


I just wanted to post this to show that eating large amounts will not automatically make you gain 10 pounds or turn into a balloon-sized version of yourself.

This is what I had for dinner.
Not only did I have an enormous serving of pasta with prawns, but also the appetiser and two thick slices of white bread that came with it!

Want to know the nutritional info?
Calories: a billion
Carbs: like 2 kilos or something
Fat: infinite
Protein: okay, obviously I’m joking. My point is that the numbers and details of your food do.not.matter.

This meal will not make me fat.
This was not a “cheat meal”.
I was hungry, the food was delicious and eating it will in no way harm me. The only thing that can harm me is an unhealthy relationship to my body.
That relationship can become unhealthy if I tell my body it doesn’t “deserve” the food it is asking for.
Please look after yourself. Don’t ignore your own body’s needs.
You deserve to eat.

anonymous asked:



  • Gives nose/forehead kisses

Steve–he’s cute like that.

  • Gets jealous the most

Sam, but mostly because the concept of dating Captain America is so weird sometimes? He’s one of the most beloved and well-known figures of the 20th century, and Sam may or may not have seen a lot of Captain America pinups which are iconic pieces of gay art history, and there’s always this uncomfortable sense that Steve belongs to everyone, even if Steve is adamant that, no, he belongs with Sam.

  • Picks the other up from the bar when they’re too drunk to drive

Steve can’t even get drunk these days, which Sam always finds hilarious when Sam is drunk 

  • Takes care of on sick days

Steve can’t even get sick these days, which Sam always find offensive to his very core when Sam is sick 

  • Drags the other person out into the water on beach day

Sam drags out Steve so they can beat Bucky and Natasha at Chicken 

  • Gives unprompted massages

Steve because Sam’s wings are pretty heavy and put a lot of pressure on his shoulders, except they aren’t so much unprompted massages as Sam flopping onto the couch and saying loudly, “BOY IT SURE IS HARD OUT THERE FOR THOSE OF US WITHOUT SUPERPOWERS”

  • Drives/rides shotgun

Sam drives the cars. Steve drives the motorcycles. 

  • Brings the other lunch at work

Sam likes to drop a bag lunch on Steve’s head as he swoops down from above. Preferably while Steve is finishing a particularly dramatic speech. 

  • Has the better parental relationship

NO ONE loves their mom like Steve Rogers loved his mom, but Sam’s got a better relationship with his dad. 

  • Tries to start role-playing in bed

Steve. He always starts the new shit in bed–he’s very much into making up for lost time. Sam is less into role-playing just because one of his go to role-play fantasies when he was younger was him with Captain America (it was all those old gay pinups) so Sam’s living the dream. 

  • Embarrassingly drunk dancer

Sam’s an amazing drunk dancer. Steve’s an embarrassing sober dancer which doesn’t quite make sense since he’s in theory the most physically talented human being on Earth, and yet he dances like every white suburban dad at a wedding. 

  • Still cries watching Titanic

Okay, everyone cries at Titanic (is what Sam says when Steve notices Sam crying).  

  • Firmly believes in couples costumes

To be honest, neither one of them is sure how they decided to go to the Avengers Halloween party as USO Girl (Sam) and a sexy falcon (Steve, in wings and hot pants) but like all their best decisions, it’s probably both their fault. 

  • Breaks the expensive gift rule during Christmas

Steve who is VERY EXCITED to be able to buy expensive gifts. The Great Depression did some damage. 

  • Makes the other eat breakfast

Sam. Steve needs about two billion calories a day for that metabolism and Sam worries that Steve just forgets to take care of himself. (Hence the daily lunch bombs from above. I mean, Sam finds using multi-million dollar flight technology to drop two meatball subs on Steve’s head the most hilarious thing in the world, but it’s also the food concern. Mostly the food concern. But it’s also hilarious.) 

  • Remembers anniversaries

Dating Steve is a little like dating Leslie Knope, in that Steve sometimes goes, “Can you believe that it is the six month anniversary of the first time that we all went to the beach?” and Sam is like, “Haha no……..I can’t" while Natasha and Bucky are in the background scowling at the personalized plastic sandbuckets that Steve made for them that read “FIRST ANNUAL CHICKEN TOURNAMENT RUNNER-UPS” 

  • Brings up having kids

Steve who mentions in what’s probably supposed to be a nonchalant way that he and Peggy never really mentioned children. It was never part of the post-war fantasy, not really. And Sam, who has just had a very pleasant but very exhausting afternoon with Clint’s kids, is just like, “Yeah, I always just wanted to be the cool uncle. You can be the boring uncle who tells them to eat their vegetables and to vote.” And Steve’s like, “What, you wouldn’t tell your nieces and nephews to vote?“ And Sam is just like “oh my god” while Steve kisses his forehead and says, “Voting is cool, Sam,” and then they go make out on top of Clint’s tractor, which interestingly enough was one of Sam’s hyperspecific sex fantasies about Captain America that Sam had at age 20, and Sam Wilson is, as mentioned, living the dream.