bill-brasky

Top 10 Bill Brasky Facts

According to Comedy Time Warp Editor Kari.

If you’ve never heard of Bill Brasky, all you need to know is he’s a son of a bitch but he’s the best damn salesman in the office. Also: 

10. He orchestrated the merger between UNICEF and Smith & Wesson.

9. He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.

8. He once hosted the Grammy’s and gave every award to Corey Hart.

7. At his bachelor party, he ate the entire cake before he could be told there was a stripper in it.

6. He hunted down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalked and killed every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives except Fleegle.

5. The character Johnny Appleseed was based on him…except for the part about planting apple trees and not raping men.

4. He took a friend out to get a drink but they couldn’t find a bar. So he takes this friend into a vacant lot and says, “Here we are!”. They sat there for a year and a half until a bar was eventually constructed around them. On the day it opened, they ordered a shot, drank it, and burned the place to the ground. Brasky yelled over the roar of the flames, “Always leave things the way you found them!”   

3. All the Yes album covers are Brasky family photos.

2. He named the group Sha-Na-Na. They did not want to be called that.

1. It was the sight of his naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane.

To Bill Brasky
To Bill Brasky!
  • He’s a ten-foot tall beast man, who showers in vodka, and feeds his baby shrimp scampi.
  • He orchestrated the merger between UNICEF and Smith and Wesson.
  • Brasky went public with his own buttocks and made seven million.
  • Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky went hunting? Well anyway, Brasky decides he’s gonna hunt down all four members of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all beg for their lives, except Fleegle.
  • We once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake, before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
  • Brasky once hosted the Grammys and gave every award to Cory Hart.
  • He has a toenail on the end of his penis.
  • Brasky got his wife pregnant, and she gave birth to a delicious sixteen ounce steak. The afterbirth was sautéed mushrooms.
  • Brasky’s family crest is a picture of a barracuda, eating Neil Armstrong.
  • Brasky’s ranked eighteenth in the AP College Football Poll.
  • Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky was in a production of The King and I? Well anyway, before the show, Brasky chloroforms the entire cast, and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews.
  • He breast feeds John Madden.
  • Brasky named the group ShaNaNa. They did not want to be called that.
  • If you drop a phonograph needle on Brasky’s nipple, it plays the Beach Boys Pet Sounds.
  • They use Brasky’s foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee Stadium.
  • Brasky directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high heels.
  • He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
  • All the Yes album covers are Brasky family photos.
  • Darryl Dawkins has a summer home in Brasky’s groin.
  • Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky taught his son how to drive? Well anyway, Brasky taught his son how to drive by entering him into the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Brasky said, It would have happened sometime.
  • Brasky’s semen can form into a liquid human. Like that guy from Terminator 2.
  • Brasky still believes in Santa Claus, and he wants to put him in porno films.
  • He thinks the Iron Man is gay.
  • He framed Roger Rabbit.
  • Brasky used to ride upon a steed, perchance to spy a lady.
  • The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Brasky, except for the part about planting apple trees and not raping men.
  • He gave a handjob to a manta ray.
  • He cornered the market on booze.
  • Bill Brasky is a son of a bitch.
  • Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky forced me to wear a woman’s bikini? Well anyway, Brasky tears off my clothes and forces me to wear this skimpy bikini. For the next three months I had to conduct my business wearing only a woman’s bathing suit. I would cry from shame and question my manhood daily, but Ill be damned if at the end of the quarter my sales hadn’t tripled.
  • Hell eat a homeless person if you dare him.
  • One time I asked Brasky to dress up as Santa for a Christmas party I was having for my children. Anyway, Brasky shows up as Santa, says I’ve got goodies for you kids. He reaches into his bag and proceeds to hand out scrap metal and cigarettes to them. Then he takes off his beard and says There’s no Santa cause I ate him!
  • Brasky’s a son of a bitch.
  • You know he sheds his skin once a year.
  • I once saw him scissor kick Angela Lansbury.
  • Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky and I went horseback riding, but there weren’t any horses around? Anyway, Brasky throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well, wouldn’t ya know it, my stamina increased with each day, and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Brasky decides to enter me into the Breeders Cup under the name Turkish Delight. And Im running in second place, and I’m running, and I break my ankle. So anyway, they’re about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, “God bless him, Don’t shoot him, hes a human.”
  • Ya know, he jumped off the Empire State Building this one time and he only sprained his ankle.
  • Like an alligator he can fully digest a turtle shell.
  • His favorite TV movie is The Boy In The Plastic Bubble starring John Travolta.
  • Bill Brasky is a son of a bitch.
  • Bill Brasky is an eight foot two ton monster who can palm a medicine ball.
    So anyway, Brasky would put on a white tie and tails and walk his cobra through the park on a leash. He named the cobra Beverly, and he taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes, Brasky had to shoot the maid.
  • Brasky would use his own thigh as an anvil.
  • Ya know, it was the sight of Brasky’s naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane.
  • He showers in grain alcohol.
  • He uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel. 
  • He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.
  • He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
  • His first name is Bill… I’m drunk.
  • He makes every woman that sleeps with him refer to him as Bear Bryant.
  • He once ate the Bible while water skiing.
  • He once had sex with a cigarette machine.
  • Bill Brasky is the father of every kid in this town!
  • Bill Brasky once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!
  • One time I was with Brasky in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Brasky goes up to the deer and says, ‘I’m Bill Brasky! SAY IT!’ Then he manipulates the deer’s lips in such a way as to make it say, ‘Bill Brasky’ … It wasn’t exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!
  • His poop is used as currency in Argentina.
  • He sweats Gatorade.
  • He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health.
  • He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican! …….And he hated irony!
  • He makes brooms somewhere in Georgia.
  • He did 3 tours in ‘Nam…… I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it’s Ho Tran Brasky!
  • I once saw him eat a whole live chicken.
  • His favorite movie is ‘One on One’ with Robby Benson.
  • He sleeps eight hours a night! …….. well, he was pretty normal when it came to that.
  • Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can’t find one. Finally Brasky takes me to a vacant lot and says, “Here we are.” We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Brasky yelled over the roar of the flames, “Always leave things the way you found em!”
  • Bill Brasky had a four day heart attack…a day for each chamber. At the autopsy, they said his heart looked like a basketball filled with ricotta cheese.
  • He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road.
  • He taught me how to make love to a woman, and how to scold a child.
  • They found $60 in change in his stomach.
  • He did all the makeup on the ‘Planet of the Apes’ movie.
  • He grew a 3rd arm and kept it in a vault.
  • Brasky drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, ‘All in all, I prefer gin.’
  • They say Gene Roddenbery got the idea for Star Trek from listening to Brasky talk in his sleep.
  • He date raped David Bowie.
  • He once inhaled a seagull.
  • The Pope told him it was ok to have a mistress.
  • He sired a baseball team.. an orchestra if you count the bastards!
  • You know, he would shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe!
  • He has dandruff the size of mice!
  • He jogged with a fridge on his back!
  • Bill Brasky was a 10 foot monster who slept with all our wives! And punched us all in the face! And we loved him for it!
To Bill Brasky!
  • He’s a ten-foot tall beast man, who showers in vodka, and feeds his baby shrimp scampi.
  • He orchestrated the merger between UNICEF and Smith and Wesson.
  • Brasky went public with his own buttocks and made seven million.
  • Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky went hunting? Well anyway, Brasky decides he’s gonna hunt down all four members of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all beg for their lives, except Fleegle.
  • We once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake, before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
  • Brasky once hosted the Grammys and gave every award to Cory Hart.
  • He has a toenail on the end of his penis.
  • Brasky got his wife pregnant, and she gave birth to a delicious sixteen ounce steak. The afterbirth was sautéed mushrooms.
  • Brasky’s family crest is a picture of a barracuda, eating Neil Armstrong.
  • Brasky’s ranked eighteenth in the AP College Football Poll.
  • Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky was in a production of The King and I? Well anyway, before the show, Brasky chloroforms the entire cast, and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews.
  • He breast feeds John Madden.
  • Brasky named the group ShaNaNa. They did not want to be called that.
  • If you drop a phonograph needle on Brasky’s nipple, it plays the Beach Boys Pet Sounds.
  • They use Brasky’s foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee Stadium.
  • Brasky directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high heels.
  • He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
  • All the Yes album covers are Brasky family photos.
  • Darryl Dawkins has a summer home in Brasky’s groin.
  • Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky taught his son how to drive? Well anyway, Brasky taught his son how to drive by entering him into the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Brasky said, It would have happened sometime.
  • Brasky’s semen can form into a liquid human. Like that guy from Terminator 2.
  • Brasky still believes in Santa Claus, and he wants to put him in porno films.
  • He thinks the Iron Man is gay.
  • He framed Roger Rabbit.
  • Brasky used to ride upon a steed, perchance to spy a lady.
  • The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Brasky, except for the part about planting apple trees and not raping men.
  • He gave a handjob to a manta ray.
  • He cornered the market on booze.
  • Bill Brasky is a son of a bitch.
  • Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky forced me to wear a woman’s bikini? Well anyway, Brasky tears off my clothes and forces me to wear this skimpy bikini. For the next three months I had to conduct my business wearing only a woman’s bathing suit. I would cry from shame and question my manhood daily, but Ill be damned if at the end of the quarter my sales hadn’t tripled.
  • Hell eat a homeless person if you dare him.
  • One time I asked Brasky to dress up as Santa for a Christmas party I was having for my children. Anyway, Brasky shows up as Santa, says I’ve got goodies for you kids. He reaches into his bag and proceeds to hand out scrap metal and cigarettes to them. Then he takes off his beard and says There’s no Santa cause I ate him!
  • Brasky’s a son of a bitch.
  • You know he sheds his skin once a year.
  • I once saw him scissor kick Angela Lansbury.
  • Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky and I went horseback riding, but there weren’t any horses around? Anyway, Brasky throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well, wouldn’t ya know it, my stamina increased with each day, and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Brasky decides to enter me into the Breeders Cup under the name Turkish Delight. And Im running in second place, and I’m running, and I break my ankle. So anyway, they’re about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, “God bless him, Don’t shoot him, hes a human.”
  • Ya know, he jumped off the Empire State Building this one time and he only sprained his ankle.
  • Like an alligator he can fully digest a turtle shell.
  • His favorite TV movie is The Boy In The Plastic Bubble starring John Travolta.
  • Bill Brasky is a son of a bitch.
  • Bill Brasky is an eight foot two ton monster who can palm a medicine ball.
    So anyway, Brasky would put on a white tie and tails and walk his cobra through the park on a leash. He named the cobra Beverly, and he taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes, Brasky had to shoot the maid.
  • Brasky would use his own thigh as an anvil.
  • Ya know, it was the sight of Brasky’s naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane.
  • He showers in grain alcohol.
  • He uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel. 
  • He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.
  • He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
  • His first name is Bill… I’m drunk.
  • He makes every woman that sleeps with him refer to him as Bear Bryant.
  • He once ate the Bible while water skiing.
  • He once had sex with a cigarette machine.
  • Bill Brasky is the father of every kid in this town!
  • Bill Brasky once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!
  • One time I was with Brasky in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Brasky goes up to the deer and says, ‘I’m Bill Brasky! SAY IT!’ Then he manipulates the deer’s lips in such a way as to make it say, 'Bill Brasky’ … It wasn’t exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!
  • His poop is used as currency in Argentina.
  • He sweats Gatorade.
  • He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health.
  • He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican! …….And he hated irony!
  • He makes brooms somewhere in Georgia.
  • He did 3 tours in 'Nam…… I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it’s Ho Tran Brasky!
  • I once saw him eat a whole live chicken.
  • His favorite movie is 'One on One’ with Robby Benson.
  • He sleeps eight hours a night! …….. well, he was pretty normal when it came to that.
  • Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can’t find one. Finally Brasky takes me to a vacant lot and says, “Here we are.” We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Brasky yelled over the roar of the flames, “Always leave things the way you found em!”
  • Bill Brasky had a four day heart attack…a day for each chamber. At the autopsy, they said his heart looked like a basketball filled with ricotta cheese.
  • He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road.
  • He taught me how to make love to a woman, and how to scold a child.
  • They found $60 in change in his stomach.
  • He did all the makeup on the 'Planet of the Apes’ movie.
  • He grew a 3rd arm and kept it in a vault.
  • Brasky drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.’
  • They say Gene Roddenbery got the idea for Star Trek from listening to Brasky talk in his sleep.
  • He date raped David Bowie.
  • He once inhaled a seagull.
  • The Pope told him it was ok to have a mistress.
  • He sired a baseball team.. an orchestra if you count the bastards!
  • You know, he would shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe!
  • He has dandruff the size of mice!
  • He jogged with a fridge on his back!
  • Bill Brasky was a 10 foot monster who slept with all our wives! And punched us all in the face! And we loved him for it!
yahoo

Classic Saturday Night Live sketch with John Goodman– BILL BRASKY!

Watch on wreckitrise.tumblr.com

TO BILL BRASKY!!!!

Rap Game WWF.  It’s interesting to see actual “rappers” hitting Riff Raff up in an attempt to do collabs.  He doesn’t seem to pay them any mind at all, seeing as D-LO hit him with the old style, “Whats up wit bruh,” and Rap game Bon Jovi responded, “Droppin 34 points at half time."  If Riff Raff is truly parodying the entire rap game then D-LO reaching out is hilarious, he is precisely the type of rapper Riff would satirize.  If you just look through D-LO’s twitter page you’ll see he flaunts $1,200 dollars of show money, TV’s in his headrests, and spending "stacks of show money at the Gucci store,” (left wrist Jacob, right wrist Jacob?)  The last layer of humor is that Riff obviously hangs out with V-Nasty, Kreayshawn and that whole D-list Hollywood (or attempted Hollywood, so F list?) outcast turned rapper crew.  D-LO has exchanged words with the White Girl Mob over them saying he has “no hoes,” is he plotting some slow crawling retribution!?  Only time will tell.

As a rap fan there isn’t much more you can do than watch this video on repeat and sing along:

To Bill Brasky!

Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky and I went horseback riding, but there weren’t any horses around? Anyway, Brasky throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well, wouldn’t ya know it, my stamina increased with each day, and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Brasky decides to enter me into the Breeders Cup under the name Turkish Delight. And Im running in second place, and I’m running, and I break my ankle. So anyway, they’re about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, “God bless him, dont shoot him! He’s a human!”