bill and ted who

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12th: “How in the world have you two idiots not manage to screw up the past, present, and future?” 
Ted: “I don’t know old dude, we don’t really think, we just do.” 

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Requested by anon:

You were sitting outside, keeping to yourself waiting for your friends to come meet up with you as two boys came walking towards you. It was the infamous Bill and Ted duo, who were the biggest idiots in your school. Just as it looked like Bill was about to come and talk to you, he manged to trip over his own feet, falling face first onto the ground as you sat there and couldn’t help but laugh at the situation. 

“Nice going to Bill, you literally feel head over heels for Y/N. That’s the way to do it,” Ted remarked as Bill was still on the ground, looking rather pissed off at Ted. 

“Shut up Ted.” 

Ted: Check it out Bill. It’s Stardust. He is the most wanted criminal in the Galaxy.
Bill: I believe you mean Starburst, Ted. And he is not an outlaw anymore. He’s a Guardian of the Galaxy.
Ted: But Bill, why would he name himself after a most savory candy?
Quill: I’m sorry but my name is not Stardust or Starburst. It’s Star Lord.
Bill: who?
Quill: Star Lord.
Ted: Starbucks?
Quill: what?!

(I’m pretty sure no one has done this yet)

If I could have an convention....

We’d hold it on the moon, in the Crystal Palace with Queen Serenity overlooking the whole event. OBVIOUSLY The Doctor would be in attendance, seeing as he hasn’t visited Queen Serenity’s Queendom in quite some time. Luckily with him being there, he would have brought some of the greatest, and most well known people from across time and space. 

Bill S. Preston Esq. and Ted Theodore Logan, along with Rufus will have followed The Doctor through the Time Vortex. They are the musical guests for the Con, nothing is better than Wyld Stallyns playing in the background.

The Doctor nabs Dean, Sam, and Cas, trying to prove that aliens are in fact real, and Dean’s fight dissipates as he sees the Sailor Scouts….. Then Cas glares at him because Cas is the only one for Dean <3. 

Somehow The Doctor was able to jump dimensions! Bilbo Baggins, Thorin Oakenshield and the rag-tag group of dwarrows stumbles upon the event. (That is after being picked up in a blue box and confused out of your mind… Bilbo definitely doesn’t know if he likes this adventure thank you very much! And Thorin’s being Thorin and glaring at every person in the room, especially the Queen who he believes is an Elf.)

Then crossing through his own timeline The Doctor obtains every single companion he has had to date, including his own granddaughter.

Yet, I am not done. The crew of Serenity realize that something is not quite as quiet in this area and come to investigate. Kaylee and Sailor Jupiter become fast friends, while the others wander about. 

Kili and Fili end up running about with Bill and Ted, causing all sorts of trouble, and the citizens of the Crystal Millennium watch in awe as all of the newcomers astound and surprise them. 

This convention will go down in history as the most ridiculous, amazing thing to happen in the history of the Crystal Millennium. And during all of this, The Doctor sat back with Sarah Jane, Rose Tyler, Romana, and his many other companions catching up, and appreciating the greatness of the convention.

How I Got An Autographed Keanu Reeves Rookie Card

A few years ago I happened to walk into a book store (those things people used to own in romantic comedies) that sold packs of those old trading cards they used to put out along with movies and TV shows.

You know the ones!

I bought all kinds of cool trading card sets for all kind of cool old media like Alf, The Simpsons, American Gladiators and strangely the actual American Military Operation “Desert Storm” (the first of the pending Iraq War Trilogy.) 

Side Note —The Desert Storm set had a pristine card featuring then Secretary of Defense and future Vice President DICK CHENEY. 

If you’re asking yourself “wow, that must be worth a ton of money” — you’re right, if you consider $1.75 a ton of money.

As it happened I worked on a TV show at the time and Keanu Reeves was going to be the guest the next night. SO I decided to buy the last remaining pack of Bill and Ted trading cards to get him to sign one! 

Choosing a card for him to sign was a difficult task, as the bright paint pens we had around the office did not adhere to the surface of the cards so it HAD to be a sharpie, meaning I had to find a card the featured both Keanu’s character and enough light space for a sharpie signature. These details are boring, but then again, this is a story about Keanu Reeves.

I unfortunately had to pick a card from Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey, the inexplicably insane sequel to Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

For reference the plot featured Pokémon-like aliens Bill and Ted met in heaven who combine themselves into 1 alien, then with the help of Death himself build good robot versions of Bill and Ted from department store merchandise to fight off the evil robot versions of them who were sent from a gym teacher in the future to murder their medieval princess girlfriends and win the battle of the bands (yes that all actually happened.) It’s as if the drug cocaine decided it didn’t need humans anymore and just wrote a movie by itself. 

And here it is! 

For anyone wondering, yes Keanu Reeves still looks amazing, smells amazing, and sounds amazing — even when he’s politely asking you to stop sniffing him.

And to answer your other question, yes he thought it was weird AF but was nice enough to sign it anyway.

On another note, I think he wrote “Jesse” on it so I wouldn’t sell it on eBay but jokes on him, according to Facebook 15,000 people like Bill and Ted and of those at least one is named Jesse. Retirement money, here I come!  

Anyway, that’s my story, Happy Birthday Keanu! If anyone knows Alex Winters please tell him I want him to complete this treasure and maybe talk to me about Freaked for an hour or so. K bye. 

— Jesse

Jorge Guerra on Instagram: Time travelers reunion!! (Loved it, weekend made!!!)

“EXCELLENT!” It’s Bill and Ted with the Doctor! Or from left to right, Ted was Keanu Reeves and Bill was Alex Winter. If anyone lived in the 90′s and owned a Nintendo Entertainment System, they may have had the misfortune of playing “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventures.” XD Crazy, pain-in-the-ass game, but addictive too! Anyway, great photo op and wonderful cosplay!