Eurovision in Valoran

 DEMACIA: Extremely patriotic songs, usually about the glory of Demacia and its people. Always dedicated to the ruling family and the army. The tune’s almost always a military march, unless Sona Buvelle headlines. Her inclusion as a Demacian singer has led to protests from Ionia as well as petitions for her to not be allowed to use the etwahl as magical music supposedly gives her a unfair advantage.

NOXUS: Demacia sings about glory, Noxus sings about conquest. Their music is actually very similar to Demacia which has occasionally led to fist fights and accusations of plagiarism. Their stage shows usually feature fight-dancing, extremely bloody special effects (real blood was banned after Vladimir got carried away and drenched the judges) and have loud, metal-rock anthems.

BILGEWATER: They run the betting books on who’ll win Valoravision. They also always predictably perform rollicking drinking songs that get the audience singing along or boisterous piratical songs. Far too often, the performers show up already drunk and stumble through their dance routine but their enthusiasm is contagious and wins the audience over.

IONIA: Their songs have a verse in each dialect/language in Ionia and their dancers meld together different styles. Their music is usually very harmonious and smooth. Cherry blossoms and little candles are considered trademarks of the Ionian performances.

PILTOVER: They have incredibly flashy stage shows with lots of pyrotechnics and fireworks. They also have very stringent security because of how often Jinx tries to show up and crash the performances. The romantic ballad performed by the debonair trio of Vi, Ezreal and Jayce was one of Eurovision’s biggest hits ever.

ZAUN: Their stage shows are as flashy as Piltover’s but their music is far more futuristic and techno-styled. Their performers frequently show up wearing masks. They’re more likely to sing love songs to technological advances than each other and there’s been debate about whether augmented/enhanced singers should be allowed to perform.

FRELJORD: Freljord music is very loud, possibly because they all have to shout during practice to be heard over the howling winds. Their music emphasizes the use of horns. They also occasionally bring animals onto stage to perform with them.

SHURIMA: The one time that they did not have bellydancers in their act, there was nearly a riot. Everyone expects Shurima to have the best dancers and the most skin on display. They have been banned from lighting incense during shows, however, and nobody talks about why.  

VOID: The Void invented screamo. Or shrieko. Nobody has any idea if they’re singing or screaming and everyone claps when they’re done just because they don’t want to be eaten. They don’t so much dance as prowl around, stalking each other. It’s a very uncomfortable experience. 

SHADOW ISLES: Mordekaiser and Yorick can shred hard but the rest of the Shadow Isles inhabitants just wail as background music, barring a few that use music to lure their prey to them. Karthus is currently banned from competing until it’s determined whether or not his music leads to increased rates of suicide. 

BANDLE CITY: They might be a little high-pitched but they have the biggest singing groups and harmonize beautifully. Their songs all have cheerful, upbeat melodies and complex melodies that they frequently sing in rounds. They’re so popular with children that they usually go first so that the kids won’t have to stay up late to watch them.

Demacia never votes for Noxus, Noxus never votes for Demacia. Piltover and Ionia both always vote for Demacia and Noxus and Zaun vote for each other. 

It’s not a real Valoravision contest unless at least one judge gets killed.