bilgesnipes

Imagine finding a cute way to tell Loki your pregnant with his baby. You suspect your pregnant and get some blood work done on a Friday but have to wait till Monday for the results. Father’s Day falls that Sunday and you say nothing. Monday morning, you take a home pregnancy test and it comes out positive. Then that afternoon the lab calls to confirm your suspicions. You gift wrap the home test in a little box and after dinner that night, give it to him. “What’s this?” “Just a little something I wanted to give you.” He unwraps it and quickly glances back and forth between it and you. “Is this what I think it is?” “Yes. Sorry the Father’s Day fairies were late in delivering it but I had to wait on a definite confirmation” “So we’re having a baby?” “Nope, a bilgesnipe.” He then carries you upstairs and makes love to you so sweetly, you almost lose your mind.

Surprise

Requested By Anon

Pairings: Loki x f!Reader

Y/B/F - Your best friend


Loki has created a chatroom.

Loki has invited Y/N.

Loki: Greetings, my love. I have a surprise for you. I’m sure you’ll love it! Please wait in your room.

Y/N: Really?! Thank you! You shouldn’t have. What is it? Tell me please!

Loki: A surprise, love.

Y/N: Can’t I have a hint? Please, please, please!

Loki: Tony is going to have a fit when he sees it, that’s for sure. Ehehehehe!

Loki: I’m going to try and sneak it in. Give me 10 minutes.

Y/N: … You didn’t get me a bilgesnipe, right?

Loki: I considered it but we already have Thor, one is enough. It’s a midgardian animal however.

Y/N: DOG? CAT? BUNNY? PARROT? A STRAY CLINT?

Loki: No, my love.

Loki: At times I really do question your friendship with Barton…

Y/N: Speaking of which, he’s trying to enter the chat. What did you put the password as?

Loki: Don’t worry, he’ll never guess it.

Clint has joined the chat.

Loki: What sorcery….

Clint: Y/N WHY ARE YOU IGNORING MY TEXTS

Clint: I SENT YOU MEMES THAT I NEED YOUR APPROVAL ON

Clint: I FARMED THESE MEMES MYSELF

Clint: Get it? Because I have a farm.

Clint: You… are dating Loki?

Y/N: No! Who said that?

Loki: Er, why would you think that Y/N and I are courting?

Clint:

Clint: “My love.” A private chat. Surprises! I’m deaf not blind!

Y/N: … We’re really close friends?

Clint: YOU ONLY TALK TO Y/B/F LIKE THAT!

Loki: I’m one of Y/N’s best friends?

Clint: YOU SHUT YOUR LYING MOUTH!

Clint: I’M ONE OF Y/N’S BEST FRIENDS, YOU ARE CERTAINLY NOT ONE OF THEM

Clint: Also what kind of stupid password is “LokiLaufeysonIsTheFutureAndRightfulKingOfAsgardWithHisQueenY/N”?

Y/N: Really babe, really?!

Clint: Seriously judging you, Loki.

Y/N: Of all the possible passwords!

Clint: At least add numbers to make it more challenging!

Loki: It’s a good password! Thor would never guess it!

Clint: Wait, wait, wait. We’re moving off topic. Y/N, how could you not tell me you’re dating this ice sculpture?

Y/N: I was going to! I was just waiting for the right time. Please don’t tell anyone yet! They’re not going to take it well.

Clint: You’re dating a psychopath, of course they won’t!

Loki: I’m not a psychopath, I’m a highly functioning sociopath.

Clint: Don’t taint Sherlock!

Clint: So, I’m the only one who knows about this?

Loki: Yes, thank Odin.

Clint: It would be a shame

Clint: If the others found out

Y/N: DON’T YOU DARE!

Clint: If only there were donuts to keep my mouth shut

Clint: But there aren’t any…

Clint: Maybe I’ll add the team and ask them if they have any.

Y/N: How many do you want?

Clint: A DOZEN EVERY WEEK FOR THE NEXT 3 MONTHS!

Y/N: Deal.

Y/N: Loki, love. Get Clint some donuts, please?

Loki: … Fine.

Clint: And I want to go to Asgard.

Loki: I’ll see what I can do.

Clint: I want the fancy armor too!

Loki: Of course.

Clint: And your helmet.

Loki: Absolutely not!

Clint: Let’s ask the team how they’re doing, shall we?

Y/N: I hate you.

Clint: Love you too, Y/N.

Loki: The helmet is yours but nothing else! Do we have a deal?

Clint: Deal. Remember, hurt my lovely Y/N and you will regret it!

Thor has joined the chat.

Loki: NO!

Clint: I didn’t tell him.

Thor: Brother! You are courting Lady Y/N?!

Y/N: It’s a good password, you said. Thor would never guess it, you said.

Thor: How could you keep this from me! We are family!

Thor: Did you think I would not be happy for you?

Loki: Do you approve?!

Thor: Of course I do! Lady Y/N is a wonderful person, I could think of no one else better than her for you. Hearty congratulations brother!

Loki: I am surprised… Thank you… Brother.

Thor: But Lady Y/N, I must offer my most sincere and heartfelt apologies to you as my brother is far from wonderful.

Loki: Outrageous!

Y/N: Don’t worry, Thoreo! Loki has been a marvelous boyfriend.

Clint: So far… And when he messes up, I will be there to fight him.

Loki: Why do you have a cute nickname for Thor…?

Loki: And dammit, Barton! I love Y/N. I would NEVER hurt her.

Thor: We must celebrate! I shall ask Stark to take us to one of the finest dining places on Midgard.

Y/N: THOREO NO

Loki: YOU OAF, DON’T LET ANYONE ELSE KNOW!

Thor has added Tony.

Thor:

Thor: Better now than never!

Thor has left the chat.

Loki: FOOL!

Clint: I’m still getting my donuts despite Tony knowing, right?

Tony: what

Tony: is

Tony: THIS

Loki: … A chat?

Y/N: …. Surprise!

Tony: Did you cast a spell on Y/N? Is it blackmail? Y/N you can tell me!

Y/N: Tony. I know this must be hard to accept but… Loki and I are in love.

Tony: MY ARC REACTOR HURTS! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS

Y/N: He’s no longer the man who tried to take over New York and who threw you off a building. Give him a chance, please!

Loki: My love, I know that you are trying to resolve the situation, but perhaps try not to mention my past misdeeds?

Clint: Are we at the part where Tony shoots him with his little blasty things?

Tony has added Natasha, Steve, Bruce.

Clint: We’re all going to kick his ass? I’ll get my bow.

Loki: I thought you were on our side, Barton!

Clint: I still didn’t get my donuts.

Tony: Steve, do something!!

Natasha: I can’t believe I’m saying this but, I think their relationship is good.

Y/N: But Nat, you just found out?

Natasha: I’m a spy, remember?

Tony: Don’t… encourage them!

Natasha: Ever since they started dating, Loki has been nicer, more kind. Less creepy and evil. Which is really good for us.

Steve: Natasha has a point. I don’t think Loki would jeopardize his relationship with Y/N by trying to take over the world and he seems to love her a lot, I don’t think he’d do anything to hurt or upset her.

Tony: HAVE YOU PEOPLE GONE MAD?!

Clint: … Tony. I think we’ve entered an alternate dimension.

Y/N: Stevie, you’re taking this really well…

Loki: Stevie…?

Steve: Natasha told me about you and Loki as soon as you two started dating.

Clint: BUT NOT ME??????????

Y/N: Awwww you guys, you knew this whole time and didn’t make a big deal about it unlike a certain bird and billionaire here. Thank you Nat and Stevie <3

Steve: Oh I’m trying my best not to punch Loki.

Nat: Not a day goes by when I don’t want to shoot him.

Loki: I can’t blame them.

Steve: But he makes you happy.

Nat: And you make him a better person, so we grudgingly approve.

Loki: Banner, you’re more quiet than usual…

Bruce: I’m just thinking.

Loki: About?

Tony: He’s trying to think of ALL THE WAYS TO HURT YOU IF YOU HURT Y/N!

Bruce: Tony is right.

Loki: I will gladly accept becoming one with the floor if I dare hurt Y/N, which I would never.

Bruce: Excellent.

Y/N: Soooooooo, now that everyone knows, can you all leave?

Clint: NEVER!

Tony: WE WILL NEVER GIVE YOU TWO PRIVACY AFTER THIS!

Y/N: …

Y/N: Love, did you uh, manage to bring in my surprise?

Loki: Oh yes, ehehehehehehehehe.

Steve: When he laughs/types like that, it means he’s up to something bad.

Loki: I’m feeding it first and then I’ll bring it up to your room.

Tony: What surprise?

Tony: Feeding it?!

Tony: Look, we have enough strays. We took in Loki and Bucky, we can’t take in more.

Nat: What is it?

Bruce: I’m kinda curious too. Spill.

Scott has joined the chat.

Scott: WHY DOES LOKI HAVE A LEMUR

Scott: A LEMUR

Scott: LEMUR

Scott: WHY

Scott: Also, gross. Y/N, why him?

Y/N: OMG

Y/N: DARLING, YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE!

Y/N: NO SERIOUSLY, I’M QUITE CONFLICTED ABOUT THIS

Loki: I remembered how after watching that movie… Madagascar? You said you thought the lemur was cute. Do you not like it?

Clint: Can I pet it?!

Tony: NO WILD ANIMALS IN ME BASE

Tony: My*

Scott: THIS LEMUR DOES NOT LIKE ME

Scott: I swear it wants to start a fight

Scott:

Scott: DO YOU THINK I’M LYING

Scott: AIFPHWEH G GNLKREG

Scott has been disconnected.

Y/N: Is he okay?!

Loki: It attacked him.

Natasha: … I’m not breaking that fight up.

Clint: Who shall come out as the victor? Scott or King Julien II?

Bruce: Probably the lemur.

Tony: I guess we can keep the lemur? Just make sure to keep it out of the lab and my room.

Tony has left the chat.

Steve: I should help Scott…

Steve has left the chat.

Loki: What shall we name him, love?

Clint: I’VE ALREADY NAMED HIM

Y/N: Clint’s name is good.

Loki: Alright, we shall name him Clint.

Y/N: No, I meant King Julien II

Loki: Ehehehe Clint it is!

Clint: .. I’m kinda touched, not gonna lie. Clint Jr. So cute.

Loki: Oh.

Bruce: So now we have a lemur, a raccoon, a hawk, an ant, two spiders, a panther and a falcon.

Bruce: … Can we get a penguin next? 

Natasha: No.

Bruce: Please?

Natasha has left the chat.

Bruce has left the chat.

Clint: What a great day.

Clint has left the chat. 

Loki: Finally! I thought they’d never leave.

Y/N: If you’re done settling in Clint Jr. can you come to my room where I’ve been waiting for the past 20 minutes for you?

Loki: To thank me, I presume? ;)

Sam has joined the chat.

Sam: ewwwww.

Sam has added Bucky.

Bucky: ewwwwwww.

Loki: STOP IT, YOU IMBECILES!

Sam: OF ALL THE HUNKS ON THIS TEAM,

Bucky: YOU CHOOSE HIM?

Sam: I’m insulted, Y/N.

Bucky: If you ever break up with him Y/N, you know where to find me.

Sam: And me.

Sam has left the chat.

Bucky has left the chat.

Loki: Would you be upset if I set Clint Jr. upon them?

Y/N: Yes.

Loki: Consider it, please.

Loki: Clint Jr. has stopped his attack on the bug man. See you soon, love.

Y/N has left the chat.

Loki has left the chat.

Vision has joined the chat.

Vision:

Vision has left the chat.
Thor

Thor eating the Poptarts because he hasn’t been to this realm in a while and maybe this is a delicacy and they are honoring him, or maybe they are poor and this is all they have to share and he is, above all things, polite to his hosts.

Thor being much happier when he gets to the diner and gets scrambled eggs because protein and do you know how much protein it takes to support that much muscle mass?

Thor tinkering with Darcy’s tazer to increase the power output after watching Star Trek episodes with Steve because her tazer only has a stun option and he wants to make sure that, if necessary, it has a kill option as well. She has shown herself to be a worthy warrior and will not abuse this power.

Thor bringing Asgardian therapists skilled in advanced PTSD treatment to Avengers Tower and locking Clint and Bucky and Steve and Natasha and Sam and Tony and whoever else is in arms reach in sessions with them. He never does it to Pepper though until she asks if it would be all right if she talked to someone for a while, and he apologizes and says “Of course.”

Thor volunteering as a sparring partner for Steve because as useful as a punching bag is, sometimes you want to hit someone, and no one else can stand up to Steve at full strength.

Thor going with Steve to visit the graves of all the Howling Commandos because he knows what it is like to lose friends and feel like it is your fault you weren’t there to protect them.

Thor getting Jarvis to set up an appointment with Tony’s tailor for him and coming back with a whole new bespoke wardrobe of suits. Jaws drop when he walks in to the main tower and he nods. That is the appropriate reaction to a Prince of Asgard entering the room.

Thor going to department stores and asking the sales girls to help him pick out a casual wardrobe because he knows that girls like touching his chest and he needs some t-shirts and jeans for when Tony has found another weird restaurant that they all have to go try. He’s perfectly capable of finding the right size by himself, but this way he has brightened some strangers’ days. Sometimes he gets Steve and Clint to come along and they get the most impeccable customer service.

Thor always buying a new outfit for Dr. Banner on these trips because he refuses to come along because he doesn’t like being touched but regularly needs new clothes.

Thor doing every Vine trend that comes along. Thor creating a few Vine trends, including one known as “The Hammer” and another known as “bilgesniping.”

Thor doing advocacy work for organizations that provide support to adopted kids.

Thor talking to Lady Sif at Natasha’s request about going on a date with Steve. Lady Sif punches Thor. So does Steve.

Thor giving the specifications for advanced vaccines against common diseases to Pepper so she can have her scientists at Stark Enterprises “discover” them.

Thor.

Say It (Loki x Reader)

Rating: T

Summary: After overhearing some negative comments directed at you, Loki comforts you after having a breakdown.

Warnings: Body image insecurities


You shut the door to your apartment and fast-walk with your head down so as not to make eye contact with Loki and head directly to the bathroom. This, without realizing it, is a total self-destruction move because of the giant mirror that greets you upon entering. Pacing back and forth you breathe heavily, erratically. Your head is simultaneously running a mile a minute with negative thoughts and yet shutting down. And then- something in you snaps.

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In the Aftermath

TITLE: In the Aftermath

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 1/ ?

AUTHOR: SecurityBreach

ORIGINAL IMAGINE:

Loki gets complete amnesia, and the Avengers have to begrudgingly take him in. But to everyone’s surprise, he’s kind, sweet, soft-spoken, and basically just an absolute delight to be around.

Bonus:
He absolutely ADORES Thor now, he looks up to and admires him so much it’s adorable. Tony records ever second of it for blackmail at a later date.



RATING: General

NOTES/WARNINGS: frostiron (m/m, non graphic) for later chapters.

*****

Even though his attempt at conquering Earth had gone wildly wrong, Loki didn’t stop to be a problem for SHIELD. He had suffered multiple injuries when the Hulk smashed him into Tony Stark’s floor, but those were healing quickly due to his alien resilience.

Still, Loki seemed to have severe problems with his memory and didn’t have a clue to who or where he was. First everybody thought that he was faking it, because he was known as a trickster and the god of mischief. This could might as well be a strategy to avoid punishment for his crimes.

A couple of tests later, the doctors at the SHIELD-hospital confirmed that Loki had complete amnesia.

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Distractions + Bonus Chat

Pairing: T’Challa x F!Reader

Request:

T'challa x Reader where she wants to ask him out but the others find the most random things to ask to distract them     

A/N: The bonus chat is at the end of this. And Wade is in it, so as always, language.


Wanda has created a chatroom.

Wanda has added Y/N.

Wanda: So, how’d it go? Did you ask T'Challa yet?

Y/N: Something came up and he had to leave for Wakanda. It’s fine, I’ll ask him when he gets back.

Wanda: It could be months, Y/N. You shouldn’t wait. Ask him now.

Wanda: I know what you’re doing, and don’t you dare!

Y/N: Huh? I’m not doing… whatever it is that you presume I am.

Wanda: So you’re not searching for quotes on being patient as an excuse to not ask him now?

Y/N: Dammit, you know me too well!

Y/N: How would I ask him now, anyway?

Wanda: If only the Avengers had some secure, private means of communicating with each other…

Keep reading

A regular day out.

This one is for @bootymebetter​, kinda based on the idea you sent:

“I have an idea for fluff? Maybe you could like do something where all the avengers people and stuff have movie nights or are generally just good friends and mess each other around a lot. Like, you could even write something like a day in the life of a normal avenger xD or even write what they think or dream a normal day for them is like i.e. ice cream on the beach with their friends or out for schwarma and beer and jollyness xD “

I really liked the idea of the Avengers trying to have a regular day, and how their idea of regular might be a little different to everyone else’s. Thank you for such an awesome idea!


A regular day out. That’s the plan, just a normal day. No mission today, no training, no need to be superheroes. We’re going to be just regular guys ‘n’ gals, doing regular stuff, like regular people. Brunch, a trip out, a walk in the park. Regular.

So, we start the day off with brunch. That’s a thing now, apparently. Back in the ‘30s, if you got up late on a Sunday, you skipped breakfast and went straight to church to atone for your tardiness. Now, you get up late, they got a special meal just for you. Howard shoulda put that into his Expo!

So, it’s me, and Buck, Sam and Nat, we’re sitting in this café eating eggs and croissants and bacon, drinking coffee, talking. It’s nice. Regular. We’re talking about sports and weather and politics and movies. Sam’s laughing at how little me and Buck know, what with being 70 years out of time; Nat’s making the usual jokes about films we haven’t seen, then Sam’s explaining them, which makes Nat roll her eyes. It’s nice. I’m sitting by the window and the sun’s shining on me, got my legs stretched out, one arm across the back of Buck’s chair, the other’s holding a steaming cup of coffee. The sky’s blue, the birds are flying past, the people outside are… the people are running. And screaming.

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make it home

for the awesome @dresupi , because she’s awesome and amazing :)
(I know Quicktaser is your jam but I can’t do it so yeah, next best thing?)

Read here on AO3

“The girl isn’t sleeping.”

Darcy raised her head from the magazine she was reading and followed Dr Cho’s gaze.

Wanda Maximoff was in her brother’s room, and they were talking and chuckling quietly in a language she couldn’t understand. Sokovian was something she’d never studied, but she supposed she’d have to fix that; if Nat loved it when she understood and spoke Russian with her, it was only logical that they’d appreciate another conversation partner too (she didn’t count Clint, he spoke like fifty languages to her seven and took great pleasure in showing it off).

At first glance there was absolutely nothing wrong with Wanda; she was smiling softly and her brother was animated and laughing as much as he could while pinned to a bed (forced bed rest must be painful for a speedster), but then her eyes lingered on the lines of the other woman’s face. She had dark circles under her eyes that Darcy wouldn’t have otherwise noticed and her face pinched at the strangest of times.

Darcy looked back at the doctor.  “These are some dark circles, but Steve didn’t report anything about a slower performance than usual? I mean, wouldn’t they have noticed if she hadn’t slept in days?”

Her brother must had noticed for sure such a thing. Then again, they could have had the discussion already and he was letting it go, judging by the looks he shot her when she wasn’t looking.

Dr Cho pursed her lips. “Maybe, but she’s not getting enough sleep, that’s for sure.” She left soon after, back to her rounds.

Darcy went back to her magazine, but every now and then she’d raise her eyes and stare at the girl.

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Kid!Loki Headcanons

Happy Headcanons: 

  • Loki liked to play outside as a kid. He loved the nature and the adventures he found in it.
  • He liked to play with the children from the near villages because they were the most humble around the palace and they didn’t treat him like a prince when he had told them to stop calling him ‘prince Loki’. The noble children never stopped treating him like a prince. 
  • Sometimes Thor came along with Loki to play with the other children. They met Fandral and Volstagg there. 
  • Loki taught them to read and write because some of his friends could not go to school.
  • When Loki showed the first signs of being gifted with magic, Frigga was so blissful, she started teaching him. The bond between them got stronger. 
  • Odin was the one who comforted Loki when he felt different. 
  • When Loki had found out someone had specific talents he made sure they were not wasted.
  • If one of his friends was sad he showed them his magic tricks. Or made them come with him to either do mischief or to eat some stolen pastries from the kitchens.
  • Loki and Thor were insaparable. Sometimes when one of them was afraid, sad or felt unweel, they slept together in a bed. And Loki practiced his healing spells on him while Thor liked to tell dramatic tales about his ‘adventures’.
  • Thor -being the big brother- was always protective of Loki and was afraid that his little brother could hurt himself when he was being trained in combat. 
  • As a young teenager he had a crush on a girl from one of the poorer villages. She was his first kiss, and his mother Frigga approved of her. 
  • Odin gave Loki ‘The Talk’ (Thor talked with Loki about it years ago but Odin wanted to make sure Loki knew how babies were conceived). It was embarassing but Loki appreciated it. 


“Sad” Headcanons: 

  • Before Loki met his friends from the villages he had been a shy and lonely boy and didn’t want to play with the noble children because they were ‘no fun’. They did not like doing mischief. Not like him and occasionaly Thor. 
  • His mother forced him to read a book about Asgard’s organic farming after he tricked a guard, turning him into a furious bilgesnipe. 
  • The noble children teased/mocked him for being friends with commoners. 
  • One of his friends had died from illness. He didn’t leave his room for weeks because he mourned. Not even Thor was let into his chambers. Afterwards he wanted to know more about healing magic.
  • Heartbreak. When Loki had fallen in love and found out they didn’t like him back like that, he felt heartbroken. He was very sensitive on the inside.
  • The older Loki and his friends got the less time they spent in each other’s company because they had their own tasks and work to do. 
  • As a young adult he realised to not let people emotionally get to him. He isolated himself from the others and lost more friends. Even thought Thor, the Warrios Three and Lady Sif were there, he still felt lonely. 
  • Loki fell in love with Sif, but she did not feel the same. She had a crush on Thor. 
  • When Loki felt envious of Thor he manipulated his brother. Afterwards he felt guilty.
  • People started calling him silvertongue. On the outside he seemed proud of his reputation but on the inside he hated it. 
  • He had found out he’ll never be King of Asgard and later, when he was alone, he cried himself to sleep because he felt second best. 

“Snow King”

Asgard. One of the Nine Realms and your home for many a year. You had grown up as one of the local children until your parents died in an accident. Queen Frigga then adopted you as one of her own and, though you missed your parents dearly, you never looked back.

Friends for life were found in the sons of Odin - Thor and Loki - with whom you frequently enjoyed the company of. You and Thor could often be seen riding together and socialising alongside the Warriors Three. However when you wanted to be alone, you would retreat to the library. Loki would almost always join you and silently sit reading in the chair next to you just to make sure you always had company if you ever wanted it.

It was after one such day that you retired to your chambers and clambered into your bed. The covers were always so welcoming after a tiring day and though avoiding Fandral’s advances and gossiping with Sif had been fun, you just wanted some peace and quiet with your thoughts to yourself. As you lay in bed, your mind drifted to the earlier conversations…

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From Another Realm: Part 2

Pairing: Reader x Bucky
Word Count: 1.3K
Warnings: 

A/N:

Feedback is always appreciated. Let me know if you want to be added to the tags list.

Part 1

Sunlight is streaming in through the open plan living area windows as you pass Wanda eating breakfast,

“Good morning, Wanda,” you smile at her as you enter the kitchen to make yourself a coffee,

“Morning, Lady Y/N,” she greets you,

“Please, just call me Y/N,” you say as you take a seat opposite her at the dining table, a steaming mug of coffee grasped tightly in your hands,

“Oh okay,” she takes a bite of toast, looking as if she’s wanting to ask a question,

“Go ahead,” you nod at her,

“Oh,” she seems taken-aback that you sensed she was chewing over something more than her toast, but she quickly recovers, “It’s just, you seem so equipped to Earth and how we act?”

“I’ve spent time on Midgard before, so I’ve grown quite used to Midgardian customs,” you inform her matter-of-factly, “Thor had many questions for me after his first visit,”

She nods, smiling. Then your battle gear catches her eye, “Did you sleep in your armour?”

You instinctively look down, as if you’d forgotten you were wearing it, “Oh, yes. I didn’t bring any clothes with me from Asgard, so this is all I have,”

“You should have said something! You can borrow my clothes until you can buy some of your own,” she grins at you. You like Wanda. She’s different, and doesn’t seem intimidated or wary of you, like Steve or Natasha are.

“Hey, Bucky,” Wanda looks over your left shoulder. You turn around and see him walk into the living area. Bucky was something else, you couldn’t quite figure him out like you could the rest. He was harder to read, and he intrigued you.

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What You Watch on TV (Avengers Preference)

My first attempt at a Preference! Hope you guys like it!(:

~~~

Tony Stark: Keeping up with the Kardashians 

He would kill you if you ever told anyone but he never missed an episode. It had started out with you guys completely making fun of the show but by this point you were hooked and it was a problem.

Clint Barton: The Ranch 

Clint loves it because it reminds him of his farm and you love the small town setting that reminds you of home. Not to mention the humor is just you guys’ speed. And come on who doesn’t love Ashton Kutcher and Sam Elliot together?

Steve Rogers: M*A*S*H* 

The humor in this show is old fashioned but timeless just like Steve. You both love the sense of camaraderie and virtue found in the characters who remind you of your own little family. Plus Steve doesn’t have to understand too many pop culture references to understand the jokes.

Bucky Barnes: Fixer Upper 

The HGTV show is always a great way to unwind after a stressful day as you both relaxed and watched the cute couple conquer any challenge thrown their way. You loved the ideas the show gave you for around the tower and Bucky loved the way they were able to take old things no one seemed to want and make them useful and beautiful again.

Sam Wilson: The Walking Dead 

What can you say, You loved getting overly attached to characters and then watching them die. Every Sunday night is filled with screams of angst and shock as you and Sam argue about the truly best way to survive an uprising of the living dead.

Thor Odinson: FRIENDS

 The cliche friendships and classic sit com scenarios always manage to bring a smile to y'all’s faces. Though not fighting bilgesnipes Thor can’t help but think of his own friends back home when he sees how close the Midgardians on the TV show are.

Natasha Romanoff: How to Get Away with Murder

 Is there any explanation truly needed?

Wanda Maximoff: Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Both you and Wanda sometimes felt like fish out of water in the big city and Wanda definitely identified with Kimmy in the fact that she often felt like a huge chunk of her life had been taken from her. But the humor is great and y'all often find yourselves in tears after fits of laughter.

Pietro Maximoff: Masterchef 

He wouldn’t exactly brag about it to anyone but sitting on the couch with takeout while watching people make entire meals out of fresh ingredients was one of you and Pietro’s favorite activities. You would both claim that one day you’d cook something but let’s be real it was never going to happen. So for now you’re both content to watch Gordon Ramsey scream in people’s faces as you rooted for your favorite cooks to do their best.

Bruce Banner: The Weather Channel

 You and Bruce were both kind of insomniacs and whenever you would find yourselves up late at night you always wound up in front of the TV. Since there was nothing really on that late at night you and Bruce settled for the soothing music of the weather channel while you sat in comfortable silence sipping tea.

Vision: Brain Games. 

Even though Vision practically already knows everything he likes seeing the different ideas put to test in real life. On top of the interesting new facts you learn you also enjoy spending time with Vision outside of training and meetings.

~~~

Requests, ships, and preferences are all open!(:

Avengers Assemble (part 3/5)

A/N: Aaaand we’re halfway there!!! I’ll probably post the rest next week? Idk haha but anyways enjoy!!

Word Count: 2,373

Part one//Part two//Part three//Part four//Part five


“As soon as Loki took the Doctor we moved Jane Foster,” Coulson said showing Thor the screen of Jane on her whereabouts. You stood beside them, arms crossed over your chest as you peered at the screen. “We’ve got an excellent observatory in Tromso. She was asked to consult there very suddenly yesterday. Handsome fee, private plane, very remote. She’ll be safe.”

“Thank you.” Thor looked at the screen before looking at Coulson. “It’s no accident, Loki taking Erik Selvig. I dread what he plans for him once he’s done. Erik is a good man.”

You looked at Thor, seeing that he was genuinely worried for that Doctor.

“He talks about you a lot,” Coulson looked at Thor as he pushed himself up from the table, starting to walk. “You changed his life. You changed everything around here.”

You and Coulson walked on each side of Thor as he spoke, listening to him. “They were better as they were. We pretend on Asgard that we’re more advanced but we come here, battling like bilgesnipe.”

You stopped and looked at Coulson, both slightly confused as you stared at Thor, “like what?”

“Bilgesnipe,” He replied, looking down at you.

“You know, huge, scaly, big antlers,” Thor put both his hands up and placed them near the top of his head to mimic horns. “You don’t have those?”

Keep reading

Thor’s stolen Hammer (the good bits they missed out)

Author some very ancient person and extra bits by ladyoftheteaandblood

Comic (Ihope) one shot

The classic tale of how, Thor loses his hammer and he and Brother Loki have to dress up to get it back,

Please accept my apologies if you are well versed in Norse mythology, I may have taken one or two liberties with this.

“Little brother, I have need of your assistance” Thor’s yell could be heard all round Asgard’s palace as he searched for Loki.

“Ah there you are, your presents is required, there has been thieves afoot in Asgard” Thor roared at his brother who looked at him and sighed.

“Really Thor must you come barging into my rooms when you know I was…….busy”

“Ha! When you finally get a girl you can give your hand a rest. Now follow me” Loki growled but did as he was told,

“What exactly has happened that you need to go shouting round here like a bull on heat” he asked

“My hammer “The mighty Mjollnir” that only the worthy can hold, has been taken by ……?” Thor looked kind of sheepish

“So what you are saying is, you need my brain to solve your problem?” Loki grinned and realize for once things might be in his favour.

 If he, the lowly younger brother could solve this and helped the troglodyte (Thor) get back his second favourite toy. He could win some favour with Odin.

“Asgard is in peril all the while Mjollnir is not with me; I will be unable to protect this land and my father’s people” said Thor in his best pompous,  voice.

“So you need your little brother to help fill your “GLORIOUS PURPOSE” in life, to be a dick!” Loki smirked at him.

“At least I have one, you dear brother are just the spare and have no purpose at all”

“At another time, We shall test that theory Thor”

By this time they had made it to Thor’s room were, as he slept as soundly as a wart hog in mud, his favorite toy had  had been taken.

“It’s the giant Thrym” said Loki after looking at the scene of crime.

“And little brother you know this HOW?” Thor was more than a little pissed off, as it had taken Loki less than thirty seconds to come up with this.

“Oh I don’t know big brother. Maybe the fucking great footprint gave it away” came the reply from the smug face.

Thor hated to be made to look an Asgardian Dick! So to get his smart arse of a brother back, Thor  sent him to Thrym’s castle to find out the truth. Maybe the little runt would be stepped on.

Unfortunately for Thor Loki returned, and even more unfortunately the news was not good.

Thrym did indeed have the mighty Mjollnir and would not be giving it back anytime soon. He would only return the Hammer- that only the worthy could lift, yeah right! -If he got to marry Freyja.

Asgard was in shock, although some thought it was better than the Asgardian soap “Down Asgardian Way” and couldn’t wait for the news of what would happen next.

Heimdall came up with the idea so it’s said but many feel it may have been a bet by the warriors three, to see if they could get the  two brothers to do it.

Heimdall suggested that Thor dress as Freyja and be Thrym bride, and as backup he could take Loki as his hand maid. After much debating, mainly about what a hand maid normally did for Thor! the plan was agreed. Although not by Loki, who felt he had a much  better figure to play the bride.

The two mighty warriors went off with the lady Sif to be dressed for their adventure. The warriors three watched from peep holes into the room and tried not to laugh to hard, as the young men put on their wedding outfits.

“For Odin’s sake Thor, you cannot fart like Bilgesnipe dressed like that”

Loki said in despair,   

“Thrym maybe dim but even he knows of your windy record. And stop scratching your balls it’s unladylike”

“These undergarment that Sif gave me are lacy and itch” Thor complained loudly. Loki was pretty sure he heard a laugh nearby but let it pass.

“Why do you need those? He will only see the dress and veil, you sodding ass”

“Sif said it would make me walk as a girl should”

At which point he put on the high heels to go with the outfit, and stumbled round the room like a drunk Tina Turner.

“I think maybe she was having you on, and try to walk like this” Loki put his high heels on and moved round the room with an unnerving grace. Almost like he’d done this before.

“Are you sure you are not adopted little brother?”

Thor ignored his brothers advice went carried on plodding about the room like some uncoordinated Oxen. He passed a mirror and checked out his new look,

“Loki does my bum look big in this?”

“Your arse big brother, is just big. Don’t go blaming the pretty dress” Loki sashayed around the room, swishing his long black locks, and twirling the silk skirt a bit more, just to piss Thor off.

“Ha you look like a girl” he spat at him

“That’s the point you Hamster turd! I said it should be me that played the bride”

“Always the bridesmaid, never the bride! Hey little brother?”

Once Sif had, had her fun with makeup on Loki, who actually quite liked the look, she turned her attentions to Thor. He point blank refused to have his beard removed or even lipstick added. Loki called him a mewling quim, and he and Siff  hoped that veil would do the trick.

“When I get to Thryms castle, I will fill the gate of hell with the screams of my victims” Thor boomed

“Not in those heels you won't” snarked Loki.

 “The two went  off on their mighty quest. They where guarded on their journey by the warriors three, who laughed all the way there and made some very nasty Jokes about Thor’s wedding night!

Once at the Castle,  the giant Thrym told the three to piss off and took Thor and Loki into the great hall.

A great feast was held in honour of his bride to be, and Thor eat an entire ox, a net full of salmon and drank six barrels of mead by himself.

 Thrym was to say the least a little perplexed by his lady’s manners, till Loki informed him that his beautiful bride had starved herself for weeks in anticipation of her big day.

Then he shoved his brother in the ribs and told him, he’d never get him back into the bloody dress the following day if he didn’t stop filling his fat mouth!

Thrym spent some time watching his adorable bride dance in a rather butch manner,  went over to kiss her still thinking it was Freyja. He lifted the veil just a tiny bit and in the gloom of the hall found rather red eyes glaring at him. No one should disturb the great Thor when he was doing the Macorana.

He went and questioned the handmaiden (Loki) about the strange eyes of his full figured bride to be. Loki  at this point was chatting up one of the young servant boys and felt sure he’d pulled, so was a little put out to have to answer the question.

“Oh she just tired my lord, not been sleeping much due to excitement over her wedding night” Loki informed him.

Thrym egged on by these encouraging words felt he should wait no longer, and went and fetched Mjollnir.

He pulled Thor to his side, and went to hold the hammer above their heads to bless the union that night, so he could get the fair lady with the pleasing big butt in his bed.

“Boy is he in for a shock” thought Loki, trying hard not to laugh at the mental picture of his brother being shagged by the giant!

Thor decided enough was enough, kicked of the high heels that he’d kinda got used to, ripped of the bridal gown and grabbing the mighty Mjollnir, attacked the giants, killing all of them in his pretty lacy undies. A sight Loki will never forget or stop telling people about.

On the way home to Asgard, Mjollnir all safe and sound, Loki had some questions for Thor. How could Thrym pick up the Hammer if only the worthy could do so? 

And a much bigger question why had Thor kept the lacy undies??

@angryschnauzer @vampirewithbedsidemanners ‘mun

 @clojury @eve1978 @jdmookami @the-haven-of-fiction @ladywyldfire @peskipixi @snugglyhiddles @heathermc13 @tomforachange @ancientfinnishgoddess @damageditem @mrshiddelston @oeffsee @ourladybinxthings @writingsandramblingsworld @servent-alearika @itsnerdgirl6044 @booksandcatslover @fresh-hell-mel @anovinebo @quoting-shakespeare-to-ducks @antyc67 @aggro-femme @siyoteodiara @bendupeveryspirit @feelmyroarrrr @prplprincez @tinaferraldo @rebelanddreamer 

picture not mine i just played with it.

@lovehiddles4everme
List of Important Steve/Tony Moments in Avengers Assemble - S02

2x01 The Arsenal
Tony makes a robotic friend, a would-be present from Howard that ended up absorbing gamma radiation in some random town in Russia.
There’s a scene like the one in S1 opener of Tony observing his teammates on his screens.
Steve uses the Power Gem, it looks pretty cool. He screams a lot too (if you’re into that).

2x02 Thanos Rising
Contains the team’s first clash with Thanos. Arsenal gets destroyed.
Not much Steve/Tony though.

2x03 Vallhalla Can Wait
This one has the team on a late night talk show at the beginning of the episode. Both Steve and Tony are super cute in their segments.
But this is mostly a Loki vs. Thor episode. With a pretty cool bone monster on a rampage through NY, if you like those.

2x04 Ghosts of the Past
This one has Winter Soldier zapping everyone in the Tower.
Cap is angsty about taking on a young apprentice (Sam) because of what happened to the last one. Tony offers some helpful advice (like a good husband he is).
Cute Tony/Guacamole moments.

2x05 Beneath the Surface
This episode is beloved by Clintasha fans. It has them play a couple on a cruise, in normal clothing (I’d effing kill for a Stony episode like that! js).
Some footage of Tony in his lab, trying to revive Arsenal. Later they fight giant robots on a rampage through NY.
Cap looks great in his diving gear, that’s a plus.

2x06 Nighthawk
Nighthawk turns Tony’s arc reactor into an electromagnet strong enough to attract a table, could be useful for for h/c vids.
Steve gets trapped in a bubble.
A couple of moments where Steve and Tony act like team dads, this time for Sam.

2x07 The Age of Tony Stark
This one has Tony de-aging into a child and Steve staying behind to help (and not at all because in sickness and health does cover de-agings :P)
So many cute young!Tony scenes.
Some triceratops trample Cap, interesting visually.
End scene for young!Tony where he and Steve hug and Tony finally takes the Time Stone out of his arc reactor is one of the most beautiful precious Stony moments this show has blessed us with. It really has to be seen to be believed.
In the end Tony plays with Steve’s shield and they live happily ever after.

2x08 Head to Head
This one has a well known scene in which Steve carries Tony (in Iron Man suit!) on his shoulders, while running and throwing his shield about, and Tony exclaiming that it’s impressing even to him.
Cap gets to ride Tony’s body for a day. They all switch bodies. There’s a reason people think this show’s been taking their plot ideas from fanfic lol.

2x09 The Dark Avengers
This episode has the Avengers in a flipped reality, courtesy of Squadron Supreme (if you don’t know, in short, they’re Marvel’s evil Justice League)
Tony wears a black and gold armor and looks great in it
Cap’s new identity is The Captain
This episode is famous for the scene in which Tony catches Steve as he’s falling down a building (Hyperion’s doing) and it looks a bit… A LOT gay what with Iron Man’s hands around Cap’s torso and his crotch, well, let’s not go further.
Very important episode that shows Avengers as bad supervillains because of their internal moral compass that survives even a reality flip.

2x10 Back to the Learning Hall
This one has mostly Thor, Hulk and Hawkeye being bros and defeating Loki.
Tony has one great moment though, he straps Thor’s pet bilgesnipe Bilgy to Natasha’s flying car and makes it chase a Mjolnir hologram so they can get into Asgard. Someone watched way too many Christmas movies hahah.

2x11 Downgraded
It’s mostly about Hawkeye and Falcon who end up in Vanaheim and have to find their way back to Earth without electricity.
There’s one important Steve/Tony moment, the one where Steve gallops to Tony on a horse called Snowball that, by Steve’s own words is not a pony but a stallion. (There’s a joke in there somewhere, I’m sure of it!). It can be used for all sorts of vids imo.

2x12 Widow’s Run
This one is mostly about Widow trying to hide the Infinity Gems.
There’s one moment where Tony looks angry, at the beginning, because the Gems are affecting him, and there’s also a short animation of what he’d do if he used them, it looks cool.

2x13 Thanos Triumphant
This is a team episode, Avengers vs. Thanos. Has ageing up, everyone baiting Thanos, cool robo suits, but not much Steve/Tony one on one interaction.
Ultron returns in this episode.

2x14 Crack in the System
Ultron is back and his plan is to divide the Avengers, starting with Steve and Tony.
This one has Tony with a flower necklace thing. Super cute! And he offers Steve a double cheeseburger from his glass (idk either).
Steve leaves the Avengers at the end after some harsh words are exchanged between him and Tony.
Great visuals of Steve returning the Avengers card and walking away with his back straight, to the sound of mutual heartbreak (I’m mostly joking, but then again, I’m not).
In my opinion 2x14-2x18 should be watched and rewatched and studied because, in addition to showing why Avengers work best as a team, they reveal the limits of Steve/Tony relationship and how they mutually expand those limits because THEY LIKE EACH OTHER THAT MUCH!

2x15 Avengers Disassembled
This is the episode in which the team is further divided, with Widow, Falcon and Hulk choosing Cap dad and Hawkeye and Thor choosing Tony dad.
The upside of this drama is, Steve looks hot in his Commander uniform.
Also, this is the episode where Tony replaces Cap with Spider-man. His explanation for this is that Ultron-Adaptoid doesn’t know his attacks so he can’t adapt but I think it’s obvious he wants to piss Cap off.
The team splits in the end after Tony busts up all his suits as well as the Avengers Tower.

2x16 Small Time Heroes
Ant-Man becomes a Tonyvenger. This episode is a bit gross because it has Tony’s team enter MODOK’s ear cavity and then his brain.
It also has some cool scenes of Tony being a failboat.

2x17 Secret Avengers
This one has Capvengers go to Russia. No Steve/Tony interactions, can be skipped.
At the end of this episode though, Fury wants Capvengers to arrest Tonyvengers. There’s a moment where Cap looks at a picture of Iron Man that could be useful for vidding.

2x18 The Ultron Outbreak
This one is a M U S T! So much Steve/Tony it’s like Christmas!
They save one another. They chase after one another. They bicker like old couple who missed each other way more than they’d ever admit in public which means they must DO THE OPPOSITE AND BE SALTY! Until Tony is about to risk his life once more (this time by launching himself into Sun, gosh the drama in this relationship…) and till death do them part aspect becomes too real.
Seriously, this one has everything!

2x19 The New Guy
This one has a very important scene of Steve painting one of his husband’s near untimely demises (mentioned it in S1 list, the end scene from 1x01). In the background there are pics of other Avengers, but only Tony gets 2. And one of those has him smiling with a cup of coffee in his hand. If you read even 1 Stony fanfic in your life you know the special use for that painting. :PP
Other than that this is mostly a Hawkeye/Ant-Man budding bromance episode. But there’s a potentially useful tied-to-a-tree Cap moment in it too.

2x20 Terminal Velocity
This one has a few tiny blink and miss them moments (one of them is acting like dads at Hulk this time). It’s mostly a Hulk episode.

2x21 Spectrums
The Dr. Spectrum episode. It’s known for the scene in which Tony saves Cap in a very suggestive way, he grabs Steve’s torso from behind and has them landing on a road side to side and panting. It also has hand-holding/flying just before that.
Thor, Steve and Tony face their demons. Tony admits he too makes mistakes.

2x22 Midgard Crisis
This is mostly a Thor episode. He almost becomes buddies with Zarda (Squadron Supereme’s evil Wonder Woman) which hurts Hulk’s feelings a bit, especially when they start making waves while sparring because that’s THEIR thing and how dare Thor?
It has a cute scene with a bunny on Iron Man’s head. It can be incorporated into a fairy tale vid. Something I’d like to exist very much.

2x23 Avengers’ Last Stand
This one has Steve and Tony captured while on a diving expedition. Very few scenes but they do look cool, because they’re under the sea.

2x24 Avengers Underground
Squadron become global dictators. This episode has a cool scene of Steve using Dr Spectrum’s prism to change the color of sunlight. And even though it doesn’t have much Steve/Tony one on one interactions it should be watched because episodes like this one show why Avengers are best when together.

2x25 New Frontiers
This one is known for Steve and Tony in Space, admiring Earth and space respectively.
They end up on some random planet and fight Thanos and his goons.
There are small moments of Steve and Tony touching, Tony saving Steve from space vacuum, etc.

2x26 Avengers World
This one has the final scene that looked a lot like the infamous scene in the comics Avengers where Tony made this map of Avengers and called it Avengers World but later that turned out to be a lie of sorts… So people were like “Oh, no!” Luckily nothing came of it. No Incursions for AA!verse. Phew!
Tony uses a Jaeger-like mega robot to fight Thanos (and I can’t believe the writers couldn’t find an excuse to have both Steve and Tony pilot it! What a missed opportunity!). Looks very cool anyway.
There’s a scene in which Tony offers Steve some cake from his own plate which I loved so much I giffed it myself. It looks very good and could be used with other mentioned scenes where Steve and Tony stealthily (or not) try to feed each other.

Season One   Season Two   Season Three

As always, if you think moments got omitted, feel free to send a message or reply to this post.